Articles

These 21 American Forces Network commercials are entertaining for all the wrong reasons

The American Forces Network (AFN) is the brand name used by the U.S. Armed Forces Radio and Television Service (AFRTS). It's a worldwide network designed to be entertaining and informational for U.S. troops and their families while deployed or stationed overseas (aka OCONUS), or for Navy ships at sea. Broadcasting from Fort George G. Meade in Maryland, the network shows American programming from all major U.S. networks.


Since AFN is a nonprofit enterprise owned by the U.S. government, it does not and cannot air commercials during its programs, to avoid the image of endorsement by or sponsorship of the Department of Defense. In their place, AFN runs public service announcements from the Ad Council, charities, and — most interestingly — informational spots created by military members working in AFRTS. These spots can be "command information" or address a number of issues facing military members and their families. They vary in production value and efficacy and can be unintentionally ridiculous... few are as entertaining as AFN Afghanistan's Bagram Batman.

1. Recycle

Always be yourself, even on Okinawa.

2. Maintain Operations Security

"Cats cannot be trusted." - OPSEC Officer Squeakers

3. Don't be an a-hole in Europe

Because Europeans never talk smack about sporting events or play loud music.

4. Shop at the Commissary!

This is really an avant-garde art film.

5. Prevent theft by slapping your friends around

It's always a good idea to slap people at the base gym locker room.

6. Don't forget your CAC

...

7. Don't just give anyone general power of attorney

This entire PSA is an excuse for a pun.

8. Your new foreign-born wife will probably need a passport

Worst. Proposal. Ever.

8. What to know about legal residency, presented by Cowboys

No PSA is more memorable than one about legal residency.

9. Creepy strangers can overhear your travel plans

Cargo shorts, flip-flops, and wraparound sunglasses complete the creeper uniform.

10. The perfect neighbor doesn't exist

If you want the perfect neighbor, build one from leftover body parts.

11. Having a baby is the end of the world

"Who wants to pay child support in high school?" WHO WANTS TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT EVER?

12. Get to know your skin sores

Listening to this gave me ear cancer.

13. This guy needs a shower

No concern about the invisible voice in your bathroom?

14. Don't be an a-hole in Europe, part II

"You've brought great joy to this old Italian stereotype."

15. Don't be an a-hole in your dorm room

Who is the real a-hole in this PSA?

16. This guy needs a time management PSA

Maybe don't wait until right before formation to run by the post office.

17. An identity crisis can hit you at any time

Does Stars and Stripes have a self-help section?

18. Eating lunch alone leads to disaster

Where the hell is this lunchroom anyway?

19. "Something about jurisdiction"

Call those legal people at the legal place when you have a run-in with the police-y people while doing your boozy stuff.

20. Smokers are Blue Falcons

Maybe we should talk about the guy putting out cigarettes on his co-workers' faces?

21. Bird Flu is comical

Try sneezing in a Marine's face. Go on, I'll wait.

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