Articles

We made the best fictional infantry squad ever

Managing an infantry squad is similar to a sports coach shifting players around to positions that best fit their strengths and talents. Since Marines aren't created equal, capitalizing on those strengths and building up weakness is why the U.S. military is such a juggernaut today.


On special occasions, a Marine infantry squad patrol is comprised of a platoon leader (if he decides to go), a squad leader, three fire team leaders, three SAW gunners, and six riflemen.

This all, of course, depends on how your squad is made up — we're even going to throw in a Company Gunny for sh*ts and giggles.

Related: 6 newbie boots you wouldn't want in your infantry squad

So check out our list of who'd make up our infantry squad if we got to pick favorites.

Our Platoon Leader: Splinter

He's been there, done that, and he's missing half of an ear from fighting a fellow ninja.

(Source: Wikipedia Commons)

Our Company Gunny: Gunny Thomas Highway

He eats concertina wire and pisses napalm. What else do you look for in leadership?

(Source: WB/Screenshot)

Our Squad Leader: Sgt. Slaughter

He's a career Sergeant and loves his country. That is all.

(Source: Twitter @_SgtSlaughter)

Three Fire Team Leaders:

1. John McClane

He's a smart *ss and a pretty good detective, but can't ever seem to pick up E-5 because of bad luck. Everywhere he goes a terrorist attack breaks out, but he knows how to handle that sh*t.

(Source: IMDb)

2. Indiana Jones

He never quits, plus he's great at reading maps and studies the cultures of the countries he's about to help invade.

(Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

3. Neo

He is the "chosen one" and we're choosing him to be a fire team leader.

(Source: WB/Screenshot)

Saw Gunners

1. Animal Mother

He doesn't give a sh*t about anything but killing the bad guys which is totally bad ass.

(Source: WB/Screenshot)

2. Rambo

He can carry all the gear and shoot from the hip; no doubt he'll put accurate rounds down range.

(Source: TriStar/Screenshot)

3. Xander Cage

His hair is always in regs and he's an adrenaline junky — we like that.

(Source: Sony/Screenshot)

Riflemen

1. Luke Skywalker

I mean, obviously, right?

(Source: Buena Vista/Screenshot)

2. Sloth

He's strong as hell, but needs to be told what to do.

(Source: WB/Screenshot)

3. Deadpool

He's an outstanding shot, but he'll never get promoted to Corporal — not with that smart ass attitude.

(Source: Flickr)

4. Private Reiben

He's a hard charger and fights 'til the very end.

(Source: Dream Works/Screenshot)

5. Frank Drebin

He's comical as hell and Marines loved to be entertained while out in the sh*t. Plus he seems to always get the job done...somehow.

(Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

6. Wolverine

He's always down to fight and can heal himself up, making the Corpsman's life easier.

(Source: Fox/Screenshot)

The Comm Guy/ Radioman: Donatello

The one from the latest movies, not the cartoon version where he can't get sh*t to work properly. Plus he's a freakin' ninja.

(Source: Paramount/Pinterest)

Corpsman: Dr. Doug Ross

He's good looking and has good hair — so do all Corpsmen.

(Source: NBC/ The Ringer)

Bonus - The first infantrywoman: Imperator Furiosa

Just in case we get stuck in a firefight, she'd be good to have around.

(Source: WB/Screenshot)

Who would you put into your infantry squad? Comment below.

 

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