5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Hey, Marines!


It’s that time of year again to take your dress blues to the dry cleaners and get them ready for the Marine Corps ball. Considered the biggest night of the year, the ball is a rare opportunity to get dressed up and get completely sh*t faced with your chain of command.

It’s your time to celebrate because not many people get two legit b-days in one year.

Related: 39 awesome photos of life in the US Marine Corps infantry

But before you mount your medals, ask your date, or book your hotel room, check out our list of ways you can make this birthday the best one ever.

1. Get the hottest date you can muster

Marines are notorious for asking a celebrity to attend the Marine Corps Ball with them. Since it’s considered the biggest event in the Corps, don’t hesitate to jump on social media and ask your celebrity crush to go with you.

Here’s TMR to tell you a few steps how:


2. Challenge a superior to a dance-off

It’s not very often when a lower enlisted Marine can duke-it-out with a superior and get away with it. Think about working on your dance moves now — it’s an epic opportunity for bragging rights.

But if you sergeant major moves like this Marine, you’re probably f*cked!

Get some, Sergeant Major! (Image via Giphy)

3. Split an expensive hotel bill

Many devil dogs celebrate the Marine Corps birthday more than their own birthday. It can get pretty crazy. Since many units celebrate far away from the base, consider getting a few of your buddies to split the cost of a large hotel suite for an epic after party and dance well into the night.

Just remember to invite some girls. (Image via Giphy)

4. Study the “chest candy”

Before you pull on your dress blues, take a few extra minutes to study the Marine Corps’ ribbons and medals. It’s an interesting way of getting some background info on your superiors without asking them.

You can also feel smug if you have more combat decorations than they do…

Also Read: This is how ‘Ripley at the Bridge’ became a Marine Corps legend

5. Take photos/videos — drinking is temporary but random party pics are forever

You are most likely going to get wasted drunk either at the ball or in the hotel (not recommended — aim for that perfect buzz). Take tons of photos and video because chances are you’re not going to remember much the next day.

Having those epic memories of taking a celeb as your date, beating the sergeant major in a dance contest, and making fun of a POG staff sergeant behind their back will be well documented.

I don’t remember doing that. (Image via Giphy)WATM wishes every Marine a happy and safe birthday. SEMPER FI, MARINES!

Articles

The complete hater’s guide to the Warthog

So, we are back with another complete hater’s guide to one of the Air Force’s aircraft. Last time, we discussed the F-16 Fighting Falcon.


This time, we will go to the plane that everyone in the Air Force loves…and yet, it keeps ending up on the chopping block. That’s right, it’s time for us to discuss the Fairchild-Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
A U.S. Air Force A-10 Thunderbolt II attack aircraft assigned to the 25th Fighter Squadron out of Osan Air Base, Republic of Korea, takes off from Eielson Air Force Base, Alaska, Oct. 10, 2016, during the first combat training mission of RED FLAG-Alaska (RF-A) 17-1. (U.S. Air Force photo by Master Sgt. Karen J. Tomasik)

Why it is easy to make fun of the A-10

Let’s see, it’s slow. It doesn’t fly high, if anything, the plane is best flying very low.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
As any of its pilots will tell you, it’s ugly — but well hung. (U.S. Air Force photo)

It’s not going to win any airplane beauty pageants any time soon due to being quite aesthetically-challenged. Also, when it was first designed, it was a daylight-only plane with none of the sensors to drop precision-guided weapons.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Corey Hook

Why you should hate the A-10

Because it has this cult following that seems to think it can do just about anything and take out any one. Because its pilots think the GAU-8 cannon in the nose is all that — never mind that a number of other planes took bigger guns into the fight — including 75mm guns.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Because that low, slow, flight profile means it is a big target. Because you’d rather claim that a relative died in a motorcycle accident than admit they fly that ugly plane.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Retired Air Force Gen. Charles Horner had a major role in the air power strategy of the Gulf War of 1990-1991. (U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Andrew Lee)

Because that plane always seems to stick around when the Air Force wants to retire it. Because it is useless in a dogfight.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Representative Martha McSally, pictured in her office during her Air Force career, preparing to distribute BRRRRRT. Helps explain why the A-10 will be around indefinitely. (Photo credit unknown)

Why you should love the A-10

Because this plane can bring its pilot home when the bad guys hit it — just ask “Killer Chick.” Because it also has a proven combat record in Desert Storm, the Balkans, and the War on Terror.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Kim Campbell looks at her damaged hog, which she landed at her base after a mission over Baghdad in 2003. (Photo via National Air and Space Museum)

Because it not only has a powerful tank-killing gun, it can carry lots of bombs and missiles to put the hurt on the bad guys.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
An A-10A Thunderbolt II aircraft takes part in a mission during Operation Desert Storm. The aircraft is armed with AIM-9 Sidewinder missiles, AGM-65 Maverick missiles, and Mark 82 500-pound bombs. (Air Force Photo)

Because while it is designed for close-air support, it also proved to be very good at covering the combat search-and-rescue choppers.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
An A-10 Thunderbolt II, from Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Ariz., approaches the boom of a KC-135 Stratotanker from McConnell Air Force Base, Kan., for refueling Sept. 12, 2013, over southern Arizona. (U.S. Air Force photo/Airman 1st Class Colby L. Hardin)

Because, when it comes right down to it, the A-10, for all its faults, has saved a lot of grunts over the years.

Humor

Your top 13 favorite Mighty stories from 2017

The editorial staff of We Are The Mighty spends a lot of time thinking about you, readers. Probably more than your husbands and wives, likely less than your First Sergeants (our main audience skews younger) and doctors (our second largest audience skews much older).


5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Knowing what you like to read can tell you all a little something about yourselves, too. So, take a look at We Are The Mighty’s top stories of 2017 and then take a deep, reflective look at yourselves.

13. 5 key differences between Army medics and Navy corpsmen

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

It’s obviously going to be deeper than just Army vs. Navy.

12. These crusader knights answered the call to fight World War I

You guys liked this so much, we made a video about it:


11. The founder of Delta Force was almost impossible to kill

Obviously, he wasn’t totally impossible to kill, because he died eventually — but it wasn’t from a bullet.

(We Are The Mighty | YouTube)

10. Egypt pulls a perfect ‘MacGyver’ move to defend its ships from air attack

Or, “This is what happens when you park a SAM battery on an amphibious assault ship.”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

9. That time a Marine mechanic took a joyride in a stolen A4M Skyhawk


 

This is a great story because it has a happy ending. Also, this dude is a legend.

8. This is why some sailors wear gold stripes, and some wear red

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

A Navy Corpsman answers the question you never thought you wanted to know everything about — until you realized they have two colors of rank.

7. 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

This post was way more thoughtful than how actors hold weapons.

6. Watch a real US Army honor guard perform the ‘Razzle Dazzle’ from the movie ‘Stripes’

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

There’s nothing true-to-military-life about it, but this proves everyone loves Stripes.

5. Watch this guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns get stabbed and carry on

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

If you don’t love and/or respect the Old Guard, you are wrong.

4. This is what happens when the Army puts a laser on an Apache attack helicopter

When pew turns into zap.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

3. This awesome ‘trench broom’ terrified Germans in both World Wars

An American classic goes to war.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

2. Watch the F-22 take on 5 F-15s – and dominate

It’s okay, though… that’s how it’s supposed to go.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

1. That time Marines in a firefight called customer service for help with an M-107

Any excuse to put Shannon Corbeil back in front of a camera. #WhoToldItBetter

 

(We Are The Mighty | YouTube)
Humor

7 types of riflemen you’ll meet in your first platoon

Considered the backbone of the infantry, the Marine MOS of “0311” has been kicking in the enemy’s doors and striking fear into their hearts for decades.


Although the training required by the hardcore occupation is demanding, when you join your first platoon, you’ll encounter some of the world’s most interesting people.

Here are just a few types of Devil Dog you’ll meet.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

1. The one who has something to prove

This guy didn’t have the most comfortable time in high school. They probably weren’t the star football player or wrestler, but they’ve got an enormous heart. They joined the Corps to prove something to themselves and those around them.

Deep down, we’re all this person.

2. The Marine who wants to make the Corps a career

In the beginning, this Marine doesn’t see himself embarking on any other career path. They are hard chargers who believe in the Corps’ mission down to their very bones.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
This Marine rifleman conducts a training exercise prepping him for deployment.

3. The one who is “testing the waters”

This young stud isn’t sure what he or she wants out of life, they just know that they need to move out of their hometown and see what else is out there. The may find themselves during their service — or they may not.

4. The most in-shape Marine ever

This PT guru is always at the gym or running up 5th Marine Regiment’s First Sergeant’s Hill during their free time. However, they always invite their brothers to join in and continuously motivate everyone to press on.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
This Marine almost completes his rep during a single-arm preacher curl at one of the 56 fitness centers the Corps provides.

5. The one who dreams of going to Special Forces

An outstanding, motivated Marine always achieves their goals. Many Marines want to push themselves to find and test their limits. What better way to test your limits than by joining up with MARSOC?

6. The tech genius

This smarty-pants is the one who will surprise you with how intelligent they are outside of work. They might not be able to split an atom or some sh*t, but they might be able to re-hardwire your computer so you can download more porn.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
This Marine developed armor with a package of clottings agent and painkillers installed inside the protective shield.

Also Read: 8 things a boot lieutenant should never say

7. The one with the drunken split personality

This Marine is the most helpful guy in your platoon… when they’re sober. But, after a few 6-packs, they become the biggest pricks and damn near intolerable. A lot of these Marines end up getting choked out MCMAP-style just to shut them up.

Humor

15 Star Wars memes we can all relate to

Star Wars memes are classic. Military memes are hilarious. So we grabbed up some of our favorite Star Wars memes and gave them military tag lines.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

1. “Lance Corporal has too much…time…on his hands.”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

2. We never realized Imperial visibility was so bad until this happened.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

“What are you thinking about, Lieutenant?”

“Oh you know, Army stuff.”

3. What recruits hear when their drill instructors say, “We’re going to the rifle range.”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

 4. ISIS is no match for the Dark Side.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

 5. When it’s time to wake up the new fire watch.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

6. Every private ever getting his weapon for the first time.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

7. When Doc puts you on bedrest for two broken legs, four busted ribs, and a hernia, but your command is having none of this “broke” shit.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

8. Every Drill Sergeant ever.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

9. Why the Air Force doesn’t have an infantry.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

10. The range of expressions during LIBO brief when the Colonel just said for the tenth time, “And I’ll leave you with this…”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
source

11. When your platoon sergeant is two weeks away from his EAS.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

12. Walking away from the range safety brief like, “Was anyone even listening to what he said?”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

13. If Lance Corporals were in charge of recruiting posters.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

14. If pilots were in charge of recruiting posters.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

 15. When you suddenly realize after 7 months on a ship that this IS your Gunny’s happy face.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Articles

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

When things get squirrely, military vets have several advantages over career civilians. Vets, of course, have the benefit of combat and tactical training, but they’ve also learned to develop a formidable mental game.


Former Green Beret Mike Glover used this notion as inspiration and a jumping off point when he founded Fieldcraft Survival, his school for disaster preparedness.

With 18 years of deep operational experience, certifications out the wazoo (just check his founder’s bio), and a doomsday sense of humor that would make Mad Max proud, Glover is uniquely qualified to teach civilians to keep their heads and preserve their lives as the worst case scenario unfolds.

“At Fieldcraft, our whole basic motto is we’re teaching mindset over hard skills.”

Things, of course, got extra squirrely when Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis dropped in for a visit.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Glover hustled Curtis right into training, first in the classroom to reinforce the importance of developing a strong mental game and then in the field, where the two ran through the O.P.S. Course, which stands for Observe, Prepare, Survive.

And just as the word “challenge” was leaving Curtis’ mouth a distant cry of distress told our heroes it was time to oil up for action.

What happened next pretty much sums up the whole series.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
These are the faces of true bravery. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Watch as Glover teaches this wannabe Martin Riggs the real meaning of the word “squirrely”, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

This is why the future of motocross is female

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems

Articles

This is why officers should just stay in the office

Army Sgt. David Logan Nye just wanted to do his job during his first combat deployment.


But that’s not how the military works.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Who needs a metal detector when you have hopes and dreams? (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was Screenshot)

Also read: This is why the military shouldn’t completely outlaw hazing

In this episode of No Sh*t There I Was, Nye sets off on a fools-errand with a bunch of high brass and a very stressed out guy charged with detecting IEDs. When they hear a call on the radio that a potential insurgent is fleeing a checkpoint, they take off running to intercept — leaving the metal detector behind.

“Pass the guy protecting us from IEDs…because there are too many probable IEDs on the ground…?” Nye’s inner monologue reflects that of everyone who has ever had to deal with an overly-enthusiastic boss.

Luckily, the rag-tag group of heroes didn’t encounter any IEDs that day, but they did stumble upon something else much more…groovy? Check out the video at the top to see what it was.

Oh, and to my fellow officers out there, let’s try to get in the way of the experts a little less, shall we?

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

A Ranger describes what being a ‘towed jumper’ is actually like

Why you should never run through smoke you didn’t throw

Smooth talking your way through gear turn-in is a stinky proposition

Humor

8 reasons Marines hate on the Navy

The Navy and Marines spend a lot of time together for obvious reasons. Like anyone you spend too much time with, they start to get on each others’ nerves.


How, you might ask?

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

1. Discipline.

When it comes to discipline, Marines are top tier. The Navy can learn a lot from Marines and have plenty of opportunities to do so while on a ship. Unfortunately for sailors, the kind of discipline Marines have is learned during their boot camp, which is actually hard.

2. Navy “camouflage” uniforms.

We get it, you’re sailors. Your camouflage blends in with water – but that’s the problem. I’ve seen those coveralls you wear on a ship, so I understand you don’t wear the blue digitals when you’re underway, but those coveralls are blue, too. What are you going to do when someone falls off the ship at night?

Navy seamen in uniform
All Navy uniforms are arguably the best, much to the annoyance of Marines. 

3. Funding.

It’s no secret the Marines get the scraps from the Department of Navy’s funds (don’t get me started on that). The Navy likely needs it for those big-ass boats. But how many of those mugs in the wardroom were purchased with government money?

Come on, now.

4. Marines are a department of the Navy.

Yeah, I’m getting started on that. Everyone already knows we’re the men’s department. We use your boats to get around on deployments, but beyond that, our relationship isn’t all that special.

You’re like that weird relative that always brings up unnecessary politics at Thanksgiving dinner.

5. “Ship tax.”

We understand that everyone living on a ship is subject to the “ship tax.” For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s basically where everyone pays a toll to the captain. A sailor or Marine must perform a special duty on the ship.

This usually devolves into Marines working in the trash room with the Navy’s “special” sailors.

6. Ranks and rates.

When I first joined the Marine Corps, I thought I had a grasp of the Navy’s ranks. I knew it would hold some importance during my time, but I was sadly mistaken.

When I got to the Fleet Marine Force, I learned that the Navy also had rates which are specific to their job. Long story short, it’s just too confusing for Marines.

7. Navy deployments vs Marine deployments

Navy deployments are frequent — just like that annoying ex — and more frequent than Marine deployments. Sure, Marines have to do all that pre-deployment combat training, but this Infantry Marine would have enjoyed more deployments.

Spread the love, guys.

8. The Navy is our closest sibling

The relationship between the branches of the armed forces is unique, but the relationship between the Navy and Marine Corps is one of a kind.

As long as both have existed, they’ve been working symbiotically with each other. Marines are amphibious, so they need the Navy’s ships to get around. But at the end of the day, it’s a sibling rivalry.

Just like brothers, we give each other crap for everything.

Articles

6 reasons why veterans would gear up and head back to war

As veterans, we’ve all thought about signing back up at one time or another. But what would it take to truly get us back in uniform, to don all that heavy gear and take the fight to the enemy as we’ve always done?


Though we all have to take into consideration all the formations, bull-sh*t we receive from the chain of command — and let’s not forget all those wonderful uniform inspections. Everyone loves those.

With all the crap that comes with serving, many veterans still miss some aspects of military life.

Let’s gear up and go to war! (Images via Giphy)

Check out our reasons why we would gear back up to take on the bad guys.

1. If another major terrorist attack happens

The Sept. 11 attacks stirred up patriotism in millions of Americans, and some joined the military during that period just to get a little revenge.

I represent ‘Merica! (Image via Giphy)

2. For a huge bonus check

Everyone wants to line their pockets with extra beer money.

And a case of beer! (Image via Giphy)

3. If your military family went as well

The military brother and sisterhood have a very tight bond, you f*ck with one brother or sister — you f*ck with whole while family.

You said it girl. (Image via Giphy)

4. If you just couldn’t find a good enough job that suits you

Because office work just didn’t satisfy that inner combat operator in you.

These guys were all former snipers. True story. (Image via Giphy)

5. To feel that combat adrenaline rush again

Shooting and blowing up the bad guys makes an operator feel great about themselves. It’s a morale booster.

He nailed every shot too. He’s that good. (Image via Giphy)

6. To get some adventure

Post-military life is hard to adjust too. Sometimes you just want to leave the homeland and get back into the sh*t.

Can we go with you? (Images via Giphy)To all of our military family already forward deployed — we salute you.

Can you think of any more reasons to throw those cammies back on? Comment below.

Humor

10 MP memes that will make you laugh all day

These young men and women are the first troops you’ll see in the morning as you drive onto base and they’re the last people you’ll see as you exit at night. The military police protect us from the various threats trying to sneak onto secured territory and they carefully watch the convicted criminals that are locked up — and this thankless job isn’t freakin’ easy.

The brave souls who serve as military police also take a lot of sh*t from their brothers- and sisters-in-arms — but it’s all in good fun… just like these memes.


5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(The Salty Soldier)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Nov. 17

Justice League comes out this weekend but you don’t care because you’ve been waiting for your Real-Life Justice League enlistment to end for the last four years.


These memes are for those sick of saving the world.

1. With all the sex scandals happening, its good that we can still count on something. (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Oh baby yes.

2. Try putting a dominoes pizza hotkey on an AR-15 though.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Somewhat related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force 

3. Tonight: The story of literally every day in the military. (via Team Non-Rec)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Update: You’re not going home anytime soon.

4. Guess how I know it’s not Fort Bragg. (via US Army WTF Moments)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
A paratrooper would have done a parachute landing fall out the window.

5. There isn’t enough Motrin in the world to fix that foundation.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Also, it smells weird and no one wants to go there.

6. Because what we call a “deployment” is relative.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Bums.

Now: This is why Fallujah is one of the Marine Corps’ most legendary battles

7. “Follow me on my adventure through this office.”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Now back to the quiet safe room.

8. Call me when woobies become fashionable wear.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Urban Outfitters will never sell this color.

9. Welcome to BX barber shop.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Or the MPF. Definitely the MPF.

The guy who wrote this is cool: That time an entire battle stopped to watch two soldiers in a fistfight

10. Anything with snowflake, cuck, safe place, trigger warning.  (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

11. Congress is about to pass a new defense bill.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Those babies are illegal under the Geneva Convention.

12. This one’s for the good cops out there.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

13. Why the Coast Guard’s job is harder than you think.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

This post is so Fresh it moved to Bel-Air: Watch Gordon Ramsey live a day in the life of a Royal Marine

Humor

5 reasons MPs hate on firefighters

Many, many years ago, before social media, a quiet intra-branch war raged. Perhaps more fiercely fought than any of the sibling rivalries between branches, this war was once the ultimate pissing contest.


Respective chiefs would urge their troops to destroy their counterparts whenever possible. Fundraiser? If we didn’t beat anyone else, we had to beat them. Intramural sports? The same general rule applied: Beat Fire!

There is a friendly fight that has lasted generations, but many of its participants don’t know why. Here are 5 pretty good reasons why MPs hate on firefighters:

Related: 7 reasons the Air Force hates on the Army

1. Better toys

MP vehicles, when in service, typically run for the majority of the day. They’re handed over from one shift to the next, racking up the miles and the dings.

Also, it doesn’t help that many MP vehicles seem to mysteriously gather “unexplainable” tears and marks in the interior while aging in dog years on the exterior.

Conversely, firefighter vehicles typically look ready for a magazine shoot at all times.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Show-ready.

 

2. Better quality of life

Physical training is just a part of life for all military members. In that regard, MPs and firefighters are no different.

Actually, there is a relatively big difference: Firefighters get to enjoy a workout while on duty.

Many of their stations are equipped with actual gyms. They also get to play various sports while, technically, on duty. They also have a full kitchen, usually stocked with wonderfully delicious options, and they get to sleep… while on duty.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Pictured: Fire 1 preparing for lunch after a fun, full-body workout

3. More pay

Way back, in my earliest days in uniform, I recall having to eat at the base dining facility. It wasn’t bad food, per se, but it was hard to access given the long hours.

Often, we’d have to settle for a boxed lunch, aka box nasty, from the flight kitchen or spend out of pocket to get something else. None of this would have bothered me had it not been common knowledge that every firefighter gets a subsistence allowance.

My fellow young Airmen and I felt like unclaimed stepchildren. Do we not have comparable hours? Are we not also first responders, unable to regularly make it to the DFAC? Are we not equal? According to mama Air Force, f*ck no.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

 

4. Nobody else hates firefighters

Seriously. Have you ever heard anyone say, “f*ck firemen”?

Something about not having that same “untouchable” social status just makes it easy to hate them.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Why would anyone hate firefighters?

 

Also Read: 5 things we wish we knew before joining the Air Force

5. More camaraderie

There is a well-known stigma that MPs, Security Forces in particular, eat their own. It’s a tough environment to live and thrive in.

This isn’t to say that firefighters don’t have their own mess, but, from the outside, it seems that they cover for each other as much as possible.

That same camaraderie can be found in many corners of the MP life, but seemingly not on the same level as our firefighting brethren.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Brotherhood

Humor

7 ways to prove your spouse is a spy

If Hollywood thrillers have taught us anything about relationships it’s that your wife or husband could be a spy.


Countless dramatic storylines throughout cinematic history blast the prospect of living with the enemy and never knowing the truth until it’s too late.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Robert Hanssen, a former FBI agent, pleaded guilty to selling U.S. secrets to the Soviets and Russia in 2001. He’s currently serving 15 life consecutive sentences — his wife claims she knew nothing about it.

If you ever suspect your spouse could in fact be a spy, check out these tips on how to prove your theory.

1. Randomly toss vegetables in the air

Most spies are great with cutlery. In 1996, we were blessed with the film The Long Kiss Goodnight starring Gina Davis who plays Samantha Caine a.k.a. Charly Baltimore a woman who learns about her mysterious past immediately after a stabbing and pinning a defenseless tomato against a custom made cabinet door.

 2. Take them to a carnival

You’ve been happily married for years and you know for fact you’ve never seen your better half ever fire a pistol or a rifle, but lately you’ve been seeing a different side to them. Here’s your chance to get more evidence of her double life.

Make it a date night to the local carnival and challenge her to a shooting game.

A red flag?

3. Get them wasted

People talk more than usual after tossing back a few.

Take it from Harry Tasker played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in James Cameron‘s 1994 action comedy hit True Lies — he wasn’t drunk, but the bad guys gave him some pretty good sh*t to admit his secret to his wife, who apparently never went to work with him, or an office Christmas party.

A long time.

4. Install a secret home surveillance system

We do it to watch nannies take care of our kids. … Just something to think about.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

5. Learn to curse in a few different languages

Spies are known to be cultured in many global customs after having traveled the world on secret missions.

Knowing an extra language or two helps them blend into those dangerous environments.

So here’s the trick — when they least expect it, blurt out a curse word in a different language. Watch to see if your suspected spook changes his expression. If it doesn’t, try another. Your spouse will ever get the hint you’re catching on or think you’ve got Tourettes.

Nothing?

6. Wardrobe

Movie spies are known for having some pretty bad ass suits and sunglasses. When they’re off saving the world or reporting sensitive information to foreign governments, they’ve got to do it in style.

Take notice how they remove or put on their sunglasses. If it appears they do in a dramatic fashion every time — you probably married a spy.

You’ll look super cool. 

7. Go to work with them

Let’s face it, in real life — unless you know they own their business — faking a job one is the hardest things your spouse could pull off. Think about it: if they’re into espionage and all that, wouldn’t she have to take you to pick up a dead drop or recruit an agent?

Can you think of any other tells that your spouse is a spook? Comment below.

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