5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Hey, Marines!


It’s that time of year again to take your dress blues to the dry cleaners and get them ready for the Marine Corps ball. Considered the biggest night of the year, the ball is a rare opportunity to get dressed up and get completely sh*t faced with your chain of command.

It’s your time to celebrate because not many people get two legit b-days in one year.

Related: 39 awesome photos of life in the US Marine Corps infantry

But before you mount your medals, ask your date, or book your hotel room, check out our list of ways you can make this birthday the best one ever.

1. Get the hottest date you can muster

Marines are notorious for asking a celebrity to attend the Marine Corps Ball with them. Since it’s considered the biggest event in the Corps, don’t hesitate to jump on social media and ask your celebrity crush to go with you.

Here’s TMR to tell you a few steps how:


2. Challenge a superior to a dance-off

It’s not very often when a lower enlisted Marine can duke-it-out with a superior and get away with it. Think about working on your dance moves now — it’s an epic opportunity for bragging rights.

But if you sergeant major moves like this Marine, you’re probably f*cked!

Get some, Sergeant Major! (Image via Giphy)

3. Split an expensive hotel bill

Many devil dogs celebrate the Marine Corps birthday more than their own birthday. It can get pretty crazy. Since many units celebrate far away from the base, consider getting a few of your buddies to split the cost of a large hotel suite for an epic after party and dance well into the night.

Just remember to invite some girls. (Image via Giphy)

4. Study the “chest candy”

Before you pull on your dress blues, take a few extra minutes to study the Marine Corps’ ribbons and medals. It’s an interesting way of getting some background info on your superiors without asking them.

You can also feel smug if you have more combat decorations than they do…

Also Read: This is how ‘Ripley at the Bridge’ became a Marine Corps legend

5. Take photos/videos — drinking is temporary but random party pics are forever

You are most likely going to get wasted drunk either at the ball or in the hotel (not recommended — aim for that perfect buzz). Take tons of photos and video because chances are you’re not going to remember much the next day.

Having those epic memories of taking a celeb as your date, beating the sergeant major in a dance contest, and making fun of a POG staff sergeant behind their back will be well documented.

I don’t remember doing that. (Image via Giphy)WATM wishes every Marine a happy and safe birthday. SEMPER FI, MARINES!

Articles

6 myths civilians believe about Marines

Since Nov. 10th, 1775, the Marine Corps’ rich history of kicking ass and taking names has charmed Americans and earned their respect all across the United States. Because of that, civilians see Marines in a different perspective than the Navy, Air Force, or even Army.


Since every branch of the military has a particular image that the general population associates them with, we asked several civilians, “What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the Marines?”

Related: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

Here’s what they said:

1. They have to be super patriotic to join

Most of them are, but others just couldn’t see themselves serving in another branch.

Now I’m joining the Corps! (Images via Giphy)

2. All Marines have to go war and fight

Not true. The Marines Corps is made of several different elements other than the infantry, like aircraft maintenance, logistics, and duties that cause your Marine to sit in an office and analyze intel all day — so breathe easy, momma bear.

Dammit, Carl! (Images via Giphy)

3. They’re all excellent shots with a rifle

Most are, but a low number of recruits score just high enough to earn the “rifle marksman” medal, a.k.a. the “pizza box.” All Marines must rifle qual before they can graduate from basic training, but it takes extra training and skill to earn higher levels of marksmanship.

Ask a Marine to explain this joke. (Images via Giphy)

4. They’re buff and strong

Most are pretty jacked, but many are just normal size — they make it up by having tons of heart.

Oh, Master Sergeant! (Images via Giphy)

5. They are mean and scary as hell

Marines can get pretty intense, but that just shows their passion. While a Marine can get super scary (especially when they gain rank or come in contact with people they just don’t like), some get by with just a quiet intensity.

But most of the time they’re fun loving. (Images via Giphy)

6. They’re brainwashed in boot camp

Negative, Ghost Rider.

They are just influenced to love their country and branch of service at an exceptionally high level through various mental and physical activities.

They have to be, to carry out the missions they’re are asked to do.

Sometimes this involves screaming while brushing their teeth — which may happen. (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

This is what happens when you put a sailor in a stock car

U.S. Navy Surface Warfare officer, Jesse Iwuji, is a rising star in the NASCAR K&N Pro Series West. A veteran of two Arabian Gulf deployments, Jesse spends his time on land meticulously building each element of his pro racing career.


And of course, the bedrock of pro racing is the ability to move a ton of steel around a track at bone-rattling velocity.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
“Jesse, let me know when it’s safe to unpucker.” (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

As he related to Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis when they met up at the Meridian Speedway in Boise, Idaho, success in life is all about finding the thing you’re passionate about and then making a firm decision to go and get it.

In Iwuji’s experience, hot pursuit starts with putting one foot in front of the other. He finished the 2016 season ranked Top 10 overall in points and entered the 2017 season newly partnered with three time NFL Pro Bowler Shawne Merriman as his car owner for Patriot Motorsports Group.

Curtis, of course, couldn’t wait for his chance to get behind the wheel.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
“How about now?” “Just drive the car, man.” (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Watch as Iwuji pushes the K&N Pro Series stock car to it’s outer limits while Curtis makes the lamest joke in military history in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

This Army vet is crazy motivated

Watch this Vietnam War vet school a young soldier in stunt driving

Articles

4 night terrors America’s enemies have about Jim Mattis

Retired Marine Gen. and current Secretary of Defense James Mattis was recently asked what kept him up at night and he responded, “Nothing. I keep other people awake at night,” because Mattis is a stone-cold killer. And he’s right.


Here is how four enemies of America try, and fail, to get sleep:

1. Supreme Man-Child Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un ends every night surrounded by the young women of his personal harem, but even that isn’t enough to distract him from his one true fear, Jim Mattis. When Mattis ruled only the Marine Corps, the dreams were frightening enough. Marines assaulted North Korea’s miles of exposed coastline while Harriers roared over Pyongyang.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
(Image: YouTube/JoBlo TV Show Trailers)

But now, Mattis has a hold of the entire military, and the sick dictator tosses and turns in his bed with the images of stealth-enhanced Blackhawks swooping over his palace and depositing the elite operators of SEAL Team 6. Their attack dogs tear out the throats of his most loyal bodyguards as the SEALs sweep, slightly crouched and sighting down the barrel for new threats, through polished hallways.

In Kim’s mind, the SEALs stealthily stack on his bedroom. He looks across the massive bed at the slight gap beneath the door and searches for any change in the light, any flicker that may indicate that Mattis’s mad dogs are here at last.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
(Photo: Department of Defense)

Nothing. No shadows, no lights, and no quiet boot falls interrupt the night. But Kim knows he will go without sleep once again.

And Kim isn’t the only enemy of America who is more afraid of the dark than ever before. Here are three others who share in his terror-ridden insomnia:

2. ISIS’s top dude Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
(Photo: U.S. Army)

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi holds his final meeting each nightfall for as long as possible, offering pine nuts and Chai to his few remaining aides and field commanders until they beg for sleep. He reluctantly agrees, allowing them to file out of his chambers. But the moment the door closes on them, he can feel the dread closing around him.

He forces himself not to look over his shoulder as he has so many times before, but that doesn’t stop the thoughts. The wall suddenly explodes inward as charges create three openings for Delta Force to pour through. Their suppressed weapons chuckle in the dust clouds from the explosions. Amid the cracks of the rifles and guns, another sound is audible. It’s Jim Mattis, and he’s laughing in full kit.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Al-Baghdadi feels the first round pierce his lung as the second rips through his shoulder. He imagines himself slumped over, coughing, as the lights go out. He finally looks over his shoulder and prays the wall, and his crumbling “caliphate,” survives for just one more night.

3. Taliban’s current leader, Hibatullah Akhundzada

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Photo: US Air Force Staff Sgt. John Bainter

A former Taliban judge and professor, Hibatullah Akhundzada is a true believer of his perverse version of Islam. But he also believes in patterns, and his predecessor was killed in a drone strike just like many of his peers. He has to force his anxiety down every time he gets into a car or walks outside for too long. But by nightfall, he doesn’t have the energy to keep the phantoms at bay.

He can hear the soft buzz of the drone’s engines as it circles him in the sky. He knows the thermal sensors can see which room he’s in as even his breath is enough to heat the small room he hides in. He wonders what kind of weapon it will fire when it comes for him.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Predator firing Hellfire missile. (Photo: U.S. Air Force)

The Hellfire would approach with a roar as its engine propelled it through the night, but the Paveway would fall with a slight whistle.

He knows it’s wrong, but every time he thinks of the drone that will finally end the nightmare, he imagines it has a full cockpit with Mattis, grinning, at the controls. Mattis flips up his visor, takes a long pull from a beer bottle, and toasts the bomb as it lands.

4. Leader of al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahiri

Ayman al-Zawahiri has watched al-Qaeda go from the most infamous terror organization on Earth to a group of zealots barely visible in the shadow of ISIS. But he knows that some of his enemies will never forget which organization attacked on 9/11. Leaders like Mattis aren’t distracted black flags.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Photo: (U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Akeel Austin)

He knows it’s Mattis who will keep the analysts working daily to find him, to track his patterns. Is tonight the night? The night that Mattis passes hand signals down the line as the Osprey approaches the compound and transitions from forward to vertical flight.

The rotor wash beats against al-Zawahiri’s building as Mattis and the Marine Raiders fast rope onto the roof. The al-Qaeda fighters rush to their assigned defense posts, prepared to make the Marines bleed for every room. But Mattis expected this. A young Marine detonates a charge on the roof directly over al-Zawahiri.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Lance Cpl. Corey A. Ridgway fires the M27 Infantry Automatic Rifle. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Jorge A. Rosales)

When it explodes, the blast wave disorients everyone in the room with al-Zawahiri, and Mattis descends through the hole headfirst with an M27 in his hands. The 5.56mm rounds rip through the bodyguards and then al-Zawahiri himself.

Al-Zawahiri shakes himself and turns on his TV to spend another night watching the videos Osama Bin Laden sent him before his death.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of June 8th

Just when you thought things were getting nice and boring, a 1st Lt goes and steals an APC and drives it through Richmond. You know, deep down, the mechanic responsible for that vehicle is secretly proud that their M577 managed to keep up in a police pursuit.

The APC started up, managed to get off base and drive 60 miles to Richmond with the cops on his ass within 2 hours — all without breaking down. Sure, that lieutenant is going to be turning big rocks into smaller rocks for a while but, holy crap, someone give that motor sergeant a medal!


5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Valhalla Wear)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Says)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

“I went where you told me. I took a left on Victory Road and still didn’t see it.”

(It’s funny because every installation has at least two “Victory Road”s.)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

I swear that this is the last ACP Joyrider meme… this week…

(Meme via Artillery Moments)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via OAF Nation)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

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These 17 hilarious reviews of MREs from troops in the field will bring back memories

If there’s one thing the DoD can count on soldiers to be bluntly honest about, it’s the food. In 2005, 400 soldiers from Fort Greely, Alaska, were asked to taste test a new menu of Meals, Ready to Eat for anything that might stand out to them.


There were a lot of standouts.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Fort Greely is one of the coldest places in the U.S. military. This is how they warm up. Probably. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Daniel Love)

 

Fort Greely’s finest filled out the evaluation forms, which were then compiled and sent to the DoD office that manages the procurement of field rations. Grunts don’t pull punches. That’s kinda the whole point of their job.

The main result was that U.S. troops got new MREs. Luckily for us, the Smoking Gun got their hands on the actual reviews and some of the comments are gold.

1. Shakespeare:

“Cheese spread with bread is never a liked mix. Anger is usually the result.”

2. The prophet:

“I noticed this meal # was 666…I will probably die of a massive heart attack thank you for feeding me possessed food.”

3. The skeptic:

“This donut is just a brownie in a circle with crappy “frosting” what are you trying to pull?”

4. The poet:

“I believe it was the dinner meal that caused this (Chicken and Dumplings), but it sounded like a flatulence symphony in my tent all night.”

5. The biographer:

“I have disliked cabbage since childhood.”

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

6. The drama queen:

“Oh my god what were you thinking… don’t give cabbage to a soldier ever again even POWs deserve better.”

7. The fortune teller:

“The entree will only be eaten if you haven’t eaten all day.”

8. The PR Rep:

“Maybe change the name ‘Chicken Loaf,’ [it] scares me.”

9. PFC Gung Ho:

“Put Ranch Dressing on everything! Airborne!”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

10. The guy who’s wrong about everything:

“F*ck hot sauce [put] gummy bears inside.”

11. Sgt. WTF:

“Tabasco is good in your coffee.”

12. The Obvious Sapper:

“Change the Ranger bar name to ‘Sapper Bar'”

13. The Stream of Consciousness:

“5 Veg ravioli ‘friggin’ sucks. Spiced apple ‘friggin’ rock. Apple cinn. Pound cake taste like cheap perfume. (Friggin). Is chocoletto a foreign Name crap? Pizza anything friggin rocks! Gum is good.”

14. Staff Sgt. TMI:

“This new menu has me using the latrine 3x a day.”

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
The Post-MRE Experience we all know.

15. Sgt. Maj. No Chance:

“Please bring back cigarettes.”

16. Pvt. Ungrateful:

“Jerky is very, very good. How many years did it take to figure that out?”

17. Sgt. Missing the Point:

“The name should be fiesta breakfast party. That would be funny.”

“The vanilla pudding is so good I ripped it open, Licked the inside and rolled around on top of it like a dog. I prefer not to eat anything called loaf but in this case I made an exception… thank god I DID.”

Articles

9 things you should know before becoming a Marine infantry officer

We’ve all seen Marine officer recruiting videos either on TV, on our mobile devices, or posted on a billboard next to the highway. For many, the video’s imagery, music, and testimonials cause young minds to consider joining the Corps — for one reason or another.


The video states what you’re going to learn and what awesome prospects lay ahead. Those who attend and complete the training can move on and serve in the Marine Infantry if that’s the path the individual has set for himself.

But what the training book doesn’t teach you is the role outside of the technical. Life in the Marines as an officer is a proud one, but it’s also stressful.

We sat down with our resident Marine infantry officer Chase Millsap and discussed what you should know before taking on the vital leadership role.

1. Your primary weapon is the field radio

It’s your job as a leader to organize your Marines while taking contact. Knowing how to use your radio to instruct your Marines and coordinate supporting arms is paramount.

Not that type of radio Jean-Claude. (Image via Giphy)

2. You will always eat last

In the Marines, enlisted Leathernecks get to eat their chow before anyone else, which means officers are always at the end of the line.

It’s tradition. (Images via Giphy)

3. You will almost always be the least experienced person starting day one

Everyone has to start out somewhere (unless you’re prior enlisted). Listen and learn as quickly as you can.

No doubt you’ll be motivated the first day though. (Images via Giphy)

4. Physical fitness isn’t optional

The minimum PT score is 300 — just saying. And you’d better never, ever let that squad leader beat you on a unit run.

None of those count, sir. (Images via Giphy)

5. Pony up the big bucks to take care of your grunts

We’re not suggesting you buy everyone in your platoon houses — that’s crazy talk. We mean forking out cash for cigarettes, rip its and dip. It will boost your unit’s morale.

Goodbye hard earned cash. (Images via Giphy)

6. You don’t have to be nice.

But you do need to be fair.

That’s hilarious but it’s so mean. (Images via Giphy)

7. You better know why you’re giving those orders

Having the power to give a Marine an order is a big deal. So you need to be sure that it’s well thought out ahead of time.

Sounds serious. (Images via Giphy)

8. Read these three books

Attacks” by Erwin Rommel, “Fields of fire” by Jim Webb, and “One Bullet Away” by Nate Fick. That is all.

Highlight everything. (Images via Giphy)

9. Most importantly: it’s not about you

It’s about taking care of your Marines.

That look you give when you’re told something you don’t want to hear. (Images via Giphy)

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jan. 27

Remember, troops. Don’t beat anything, don’t drink and drive, and don’t end up on first sergeant’s carpet without an awesome story.


Get ready for the weekend! Here are a few awesome military memes to get you through to the safety brief:

1. If they actually wore these uniforms, at least it would be easier to spot them (via The Salty Soldier).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Probably wouldn’t help their ego problem, though.

2. That’s a good excuse right up until DFAS stops paying (via Shit my LPO says).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

ALSO SEE: That time a Marine mechanic took a joyride in a stolen A4M Skyhawk

3. Don’t care who you voted for, getting Mattis as SecDef is like learning that Capt. America is your new commander (via Pop smoke).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

4. It’s like the world’s worst Easter egg hunt!

(via Air Force Nation)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
May want to tighten up the line for night time FOD walks.

5. Don’t wanna lose your sea legs (via Coast Guard Memes).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Still gotta figure out how to replicate the swaying of the boat, though.

6. Let’s get it started in here:

(via Military Memes)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
It’s about to go down.

7. Not everyone has what it takes to be a fireman (via Air Force Memes Humor).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Mostly, a love of fire.

8. The most important gear an airman will ever hold (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

9. Man, it would’ve sucked to have been drafted onto the DD-214 (via Sh-t my LPO says).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

10. That moment the grizzled veteran has to salute the fresh-out-of-OCS lieutenant, then try to teach them how to Army (via Pop smoke)

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Good luck, Merlin. That job is never easy.

11. They have crayon chewers in every branch (via Coast Guard Memes).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Careful, Coastie. The Devil Dogs get fierce if you go after their chow.

12. It’s not like anyone in the squad is going to end up TOO strong (via Military Memes).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Just do your boat presses and remember to hate Pvt. Snuffy for doing this to you.

13. Forward was more fun (via Military Memes).

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Besides, the whole crew is getting an awesome profile pic out of this.

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This is the military branch R. Lee Ermey says Marines made fun of the most

Deep down, we all knew it was going to be the Coast Guard.


In 2015, a TMZ reporter stopped R. Lee Ermey at the airport and asked if he had to pick one branch to send into a fight, who would it be?

This is “The Gunny” we’re talking about. You’re damn right he trusts the Corps and every knuckle dragging Jarhead in it. Next were the Squids, because SEALS. Then soldiers, because Special Forces.

No love for the Chair Force.

But when the reporter asked Ermey “When you were in the Marines, which branch did you make fun of?” And with a grin on his face, The Gunny jokes “That would be Uncle Sam’s Canoe Club“.

But that had to have been from back in his active duty days. No one would ever make fun of the branch that’s closest to the TSA Agents staffing metal detectors in our nation’s air ports these days, right?

It’s all in good fun, guys. Only family can mock family. “You know, everyone bleeds the same color,” Ermey said.

Humor

6 disappointing things new recruits discover after basic training

Civilians have grandiose ideas about what happens in the military. Those fantasies drive eager, bright-eyed youngsters into recruiters’ offices who land in basic training thinking they’re going to be the most badass Green Beret sniper who’s ever lived.


Sadly, the actual number of badass Green Beret snipers out there is a tiny fraction of the people who think they can cut it. Keep that chin up, recruit. Ending up just another cog in the machine isn’t a bad thing.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

An entire unit sweeping the sidewalk? It’s more common than you think.

(Photo by Glenn Sircy)

A solid 95% of military service is about cleaning and bureaucracy

So, you’ve learned that “Green Beret sniper” isn’t something you can enlist into right away and you’ve picked a far more boring job. Well, if it makes you feel any better, you likely won’t be doing that job, either.

You’ll actually end up somewhere between janitor and secretary. This isn’t even a grunt vs POG thing — if anything, grunts will be doing far more cleaning than anyone else. Everyone scrubs floors until they make rank enough to do paperwork on the guy who didn’t want to scrub floors.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Or you’ll be using gear your NCO just picked up at Walmart

(Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Kyle Steckler)

You rarely do the things you learn in schools

Not only will you be spending god-knows-how-many weeks learning your less-fun profession, you can basically forget almost all of it because it’s either out of date, doesn’t apply to your unit, or your unit does things completely differently.

Take radios, for instance: New radios are fielded left and right. The last people to get the new stuff, however, are the schools. This means you’ll spend months trying to master a Vietnam-era radio system only to later be grilled at your unit for not knowing satellite communication.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

There will also be so much commotion going on that you’ll forget how to PLF and probably eat sh*t upon landing.

(Photo by Spc. Henry Villarama)

You’ll find out that the things you learn at the “fun” schools still suck

Nearly every school that troops try to get into is fully booked. Most of the time, you’ll attend the ones that occasionally help make you more valuable to your unit. But every now and then, you’ll be thrown a bone and wiggle your way into something awesome, like Airborne or Air Assault school.

Just how “awesome” are these schools, really? First, you’ll be required to learn all the technical specs of every aircraft you may, possibly, one day (maybe) jump out of. Then, when it’s time to actually jump, well, the military has ways of making that less fun, too. Airborne jumps usually involve 14 hours of waiting for two minutes of action that you barely have control over.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Don’t worry, shared pain will get you there.

(Photo by Sgt. William A. Tanner)

Camaraderie isn’t given to you — it’s earned

You’ll hear the phrase “one team, one fight” echoed by nearly every NCO to help motivate the formation. They’ll even assign you a battle buddy to help keep an eye on you. They’ll even toss you into the barracks where there’s basically a party every night.

But no one will automatically give a sh*t about you. You need to earn your right to make a brother for life.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

Even grenades become boring once you learn they don’t explode like in the movies.

(Photo by Lance Cpl. Christian J. Robertson)

You won’t be having much fun at the range

The most satisfying moment of any military career is range day — but don’t get your hopes up. The range safety NCO will rarely call weapons free. And when they do, don’t worry — the big green weenie knows how to suck the fun out of that, too.

Nearly every time you go to the range, it’s to qualify or to learn the fundamentals of marksmanship. There’s a lot of time, money, and effort that goes into setting up a range for a single unit.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever

On the bright side, you’ll laugh at people who think the wait at the DMV is bad…

(Photo by Jesse Weinstein)

Most of your career will be spent waiting.

The one skill learned by all troops of all ranks across all eras is how wait in one place for long periods of time, doing nothing but standing still in absolute silence. You’ll wait on formation. You’ll wait on Pvt. Snuffy to arrive with the arms room key. You’ll wait on mission SP, on guard duty, and on the tarmac to fly anywhere.

If you think the waiting ends when you get out of the service, think again. Let me welcome you to the biggest waiting room of them all: the VA healthcare system.

Humor

5 things we wish we knew before joining the Air Force

We’ve said our goodbyes, given out our hugs and kisses. We have left the comfort of home, often for the first time, to go serve in the world’s greatest military. In our minds, life was about just about to get real, and that is true…but some of those expectations were quickly tempered, especially joining the Air Force.


Here are 5 things we all wish we knew before joining.

Related: 6 signs that you might be a veteran

1. If you think you’ve avoided college…think again.

Many of us joined the service anxious to get out on our own and start making a living. We didn’t know what that looked like but we knew it wouldn’t involve dorm rooms and college, at least not right away.

What’s the first thing we get once we get to the operational Air Force? Dorm rooms and college courses, of course.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Week 1 of tech school.

 

2. You’re going to fight the war, just like in the movies.

Every job in the Air Force supports the fight. From Services and Security Forces, to Medical Administrators and Dental Techs, we all pitch in to help fight the good fight.

The problem is, supporting the fight could be anything from handing out towels at the gym to doing Hearts and Hands mission downrange. You just never know what you’re going to get.

It can be disappointing to not feel like you’re doing enough, but just remember that we’re all part of the military machine as a whole — supporting roles are important, too.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Vital mission support items.

3. You’re a grown-up now, right?

On the surface, yes. Every man and woman serving in the U.S. military is an adult, but slow your horses.

Just because you can fight for the country doesn’t mean you can indulge in all the adult activities you want (namely: drinking alcohol). Being an 18 year old service member does not privy you to alcoholic beverages.

If you’re like me, you probably didn’t even know underage drinking was a thing prior to being told that if you’re caught drinking or drunk you’ll be on the way back to mama’s house quick, fast, and in a hurry.

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Not so fast, little one. You have a lot of growing up to do.

 

4. You get to grow a big beard and wear shades all the time

Yeah, no.

Hollywood has lied to you. The small section of members that are allowed to rock those gnarly beards earn that right through training and perseverance.

Even those elite members are subject to some form of relaxed uniform standard.

The shades are cool though. Except when in formation.

And they can’t be reflective.

Or overly stylish.

Essentially they’ve got to be plain, conservative, and non-attention drawing.

Sorry.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Probably not going to be you, buddy.

 

Also Read: 5 of the top excuses MPs hear during traffic stops

5. You get a sports car when you sign up, right?

No, but you could go to the local dealership and get one with ease.

Sadly, that is because many of those dealerships are waiting to give you one on a shady loan with something like 20% interest attached to it. Be smart. Get a Prius.

 

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Not only will you save the environment, you’ll also build strength when you’re forced to defend your choice.

Articles

6 things corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

There aren’t many jobs in the military where your sea-duty station consists of serving with another branch. But for the Navy rate of an “HM,” or Hospital Corpsman, that’s exactly where you can expect to find yourself.


After you graduate Field Medical Training Battalion, expect to get orders to the Marine Corps side of the house or what we call, the “Greenside” — sooner rather than later.

We call it the greenside because you’re going to wear a sh*t ton of green for the next three years.

Related: 4 unusual tasks Corpsman do that their recruiters left out

5 tips to have the best Marine Corps birthday ever
Doc, meet the company first sergeant. (imgflip.com)

It can be pretty nerve-wracking for a Corpsman to cross over for the first time. But don’t worry, WATM has your back.

Check out what you should know about heading over to “Greenside.”

1. PT

You don’t have to be a marathon athlete, but don’t let your Marines ever see you fall out of a hike, a run, or get hurt — you’ll look like a p*ssy.

Be the exact opposite of this guy (giphy

2. Chugging a beer

Marines drink a lot of beer during barracks parties. So get your tolerance up and have a few I.Vs handy.

Finding new ways to drink is badass. Plus you’ll look cool. (giphy

3. Always be cool

Marines are trained to love their Doc — they’re also trained to kill. They’re going to look to you for advice from time-to-time. When your grunts do something right, congratulate them.

Great job, Lance Corporal! (giphy)

4. Know every line from “Full Metal Jacket”

Marines love that sh*t when you manage to work a line or two into a conversation. Oh, make sure you have a copy of the movie on your hard drive when you deploy; it’s the “unofficial” movie of the Marine Corps.

Any line will do, as long as it fits the conversation. (giphy)

5. Know your ranks

Marine ranks are different than Navy ones. A Marine Captain is an O-3, compared to a Navy Captain who is an O-6. Big difference.

“Do I look like I’m in the Navy to you!” (giphy)Learn to count chevrons. Senior NCOs’ collar devices can blend into their uniform, making it tough to make out their proper title. Find an alternate way to greet them properly, or you can just take the less populated walkways (aka the long way).

Also Read: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

6. Learn sick call

Face it, the Navy has only given you officially 12-16 weeks worth of medical training. No one is going to ask you to perform open-heart surgery on your first day.

Marines are going to get sick and injured, and that’s your time to shine. When you’re working in the B.A.S., or “battalion aid station,” you’re going to have to explain why your patient is in sick call to the Independent Duty Corpsman or the doctor on staff. Knowing the medical terminology will earn you respect from the Navy doctor to the point they aren’t going to waste their time doing the second examination.

Getting your Marine a day off work or light duty is key. Impress your Marine and your life, and your heavy pack will seem lighter on a hike — it’s a beautiful thing.

Can you think of any more? Comment below.
Articles

9 things that would be different if Chuck Norris led the Bin Laden raid

In the early hours of May 2nd, 2011, in Abbottabad, Pakistan, SEAL team 6 got the green light to execute a deadly mission to capture or kill the man responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks — Osama Bin Laden. After President Obama broke the news to the world that the notorious Al Qaeda leader had been taken out, American and its allies celebrated all across the world.


As additional information poured in, the mission was labeled a success — although it had its share of flaws.

But as WATM has a deep and abiding appreciation for 1980s action movies, we wondered how different it all might have gone down if Chuck Norris had planned and led the famous bin Laden raid. So check out our list.

Related: 9 examples of the military’s dark humor

The SEALs on Norris’ team would be issued dual Uzis — because firepower.

Chuck Norris shot a man to death with an unloaded nerf gun. (images via Giphy)

The SEAL team would have parachuted in instead of inserting on stealth helicopters.

Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open,so he took it back the next day for a refund (images via Giphy)

Once Chuck Norris and the SEALs land, awesome black tactical motorcycles would be patiently waiting for them.  Norris would shoot bin Laden’s compound wall so his SEALs could easily breach.

People sell their souls to the devil.The devil sells his soul to Chuck Norris.(images via Giphy)

After locating bin Laden, Chuck would have challenged him to a hand-to-hand showdown after removing his shirt and popping his knuckles.

Global warming will end as soon as Chuck Norrisputs his shirt back on. (images via Giphy)

Then, Chuck would deliver a series of right jabs to bin Laden’s face, breaking every bone in his body.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed. (images via Giphy)

After beating bin Laden senseless, he’d casually walk away like the fight was over, mount his tactical motorcycle and blow the al Qaeda leader up with a missile like it wasn’t sh*t.

Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”. (image via Giphy)

Since Chuck usually orders his men to fall back early (for some reason) he now has to make his escape just as Pakistani police show up.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a ramp because he’s f*cking Chuck Norris. (images via Giphy)

Because Chuck is such a lone wolf, the only plane leaving the terrorist-infested nation is about to take off without him — but that won’t stop him from boarding.

Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper. (images via Giphy)

Related: Here’s how US Marines brought karate back home after World War II

After the mission was labeled a success by the president, Chuck wouldn’t verbally congratulate his team — he’d just give thumbs up.

Chuck Norris never fails, he tells success to come backwhen it’s ready for him. (image via Giphy

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