Do you even internet, bro? Awhile back, the South Carolina National Guard put out a request for folks to come up with the command’s new motto (because apparently “Trusted at home, proven abroad” is no good). Here were the guidelines:
Other organizations have attempted to involve their communities in similar fashion over the last few years, most notably Britain’s Natural Environmental Research Council that wound up with “Boaty McBoatface” as the winner of a “name this ship” contest back in April.
And the Air Force did the same thing with this tweet:
Coming up with a training exercise that is engaging is required of every junior NCO on a weekly basis. If a leader trusts their Joes, this should be a time to reward his or her troops with something that is less useful and more enjoyable.
You can cut your troops some slack and tell the higher-ups that you’re focusing on team building and squad integrity through less intensive tasks if you re-title the exercises carefully. Hell, if it works for NCOER bullets, why can’t it work for training?
If all goes according to plan, the Joes should be out of there faster than first sergeant can say, “zonk.”
Translation: “Send them back to the barracks and have them clean until whenever.”
(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Jason E. Epperson)
Proper cleaning of living spaces
“Hygiene is important to the health and wellbeing of the soldiers. They are tasked with ensuring their personal living accommodations are kept in good order to mitigate the risk of illness. They will continue until satisfactory.”
Translation: “Let them play video games.”
(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Randall Pike)
Cost-effective combat simulations
“Combat readiness is a must. In the interim between field exercises and live-fire ranges, we must also test troops’ skills in a simulated battle zone. To do this, we will forgo any expenses from the unit’s budget and rely on the tools available.”
Translation: “Send them on a PX run.”
(Photo by Spc. Taryn Hagerman)
Procuring supplies in an urban environment
“Soldiers must always know how to gather necessary supplies in any location. This includes securing means of hydration, food, and whatever else may be mission-critical. An ability to come by these in a densely populated region is as vital as any other.”
Translation: “Have them just go on a computer and hope they do their SSD1.”
(Photo by Staff Sgt. James Kennedy Benjamin)
Discovering knowledge of the world around them
“We live in an ever-changing and interconnected world. To keep troops informed, each troop has their own means of communication. They are also encouraged to conduct correspondence courses while there.”
Translation: “Grab a bite to eat with your troops.”
(Photo by Maj. Ramona Bellard)
Proper dieting practices
“A sign of a true leader is knowing how their troops eat when not in the field. Keeping troops at peak performance is mission-critical and great dieting practices are a force multiplier.”
Translation: “Just send them home and hope they don’t do anything stupid along the way.”
(Photo by Staff Sgt. Mark Burrell)
Land navigation in a familiar setting
“Given two points that a troop is very familiar with, plot a point and execute a maneuver between the company area and the location of their barracks. Given that most transportation in-country is done via vehicles, it would behoove them to get to their destination with whatever vehicle necessary. Expedience is key.”
For most parents, one of the first indications that the “most wonderful time of year” has arrived is digging through the Christmas bins in the garage to find “The Elf on a Shelf.”
This pesky toy elf has become a holiday tradition over the last several years and pictures of the elf in playful and sometime inappropriate settings have probably filled your social media pages. As the story goes, the elf reports to Santa Claus each night when the house is asleep to let him know who has been naughty or nice. Children eagerly wake up excited each morning to find the elf in a different location and situation from the day before.
In actuality, it’s the parents who are waiting for their kids to fell asleep so they move the toy elf to a new location every night until Christmas morning. Of course, remembering to move the elf every night can be a challenge, especially after a long day of work.
Military families have exercised their creativity to come up with some clever, military-themed Elf-on-a-Shelf ideas to honor the military lifestyle in the spirit of the season. After searching several sites and forums, we’ve put together 5 cool military inspired Elf-on-the-Shelf ideas you can use this holiday season:
1. Elf zip lining.
Get your Elf ready for Ranger School by having him zip line down the tree.
Make your Elf the All-American patriot by saluting our nation’s colors under the tree.
3. On Guard.
Get all the military toys in your child’s toy box and have your Elf on a Shelf perform guard duty at a combat post.
4. PT, Elf-on-a-Shelf-style.
Put your Elf in the front leaning rest and have him do some push-ups. It’s good for him.
5. Band of Brothers.
Place your Elf on a Shelf among some other military theme figures for the ultimate band of brothers. What’s not to love about this theme?!
Have any other military-themed Elf-on-a-Shelf ideas? Let us know in the comments.
The idea of a “Space Shuttle Door Gunner” has always been a joke around the military. It’s so outlandishly silly that no one would dare think it’s real.
With last year’s proposed Space Corps, the expansion of civilian space programs, and a growing need for a military presence in space to protect American assets, President Trump gave his nod to the idea of a “Space Force.” This joke may soon be reality. But there are still many roadblocks in the way – like physics, for instance.
For obvious reasons, the door would have to be closed during takeoff and landing, otherwise, friction alone would tear the shuttle apart. Tragic examples of what foam shedding and a faulty O-ring can cause means that any fighting a door gunner would see would have to occur beyond a distance from Earth to allow for EVA (extravehicular activity).
Now that the door gunner is properly outside of Earth’s atmosphere, they could begin their watch. A properly tethered door gunner could hold their post for a while. The current record for longest EVA, also known as a “spacewalk,” is held by Cosmonauts Fyodor Yurchikhin and Alexander Misurkin at 7 hours and 29 minutes. They walked outside of the International Space Station to install power and data cables — but a door gunner could hold that post for longer.
Finally, the nitty-gritty of space combat. A door gunner could easily bring modern weapons into space and, surprisingly, only have a few problems firing it. This is because modern ammunition has its own oxidizer, so no atmospheric oxygen is required. There wouldn’t be any sound (since audible sound doesn’t travel in a vacuum) and the recoil wouldn’t matter in low-Earth orbit because the shuttle would be moving at around 4 miles a second.
Tests on Earth have proven bullets fire in a vacuum. (via GIPHY)
The downsides would be that, without friction to slow down the bullet, it would travel until it hit something — the enemy, Earth, or some distant object forever away. Also, without gravity and oxygen to dissipate the gunpowder smoke, a large cloud would expand from the barrel.
So, yes, being a Space Shuttle Door Gunner is physically possible and may be needed one day.
America is full of some amazing, patriotic people who have gone to great lengths to serve their country. That said, there’s a countless number of people who didn’t serve who enjoy dressing the part for their personal entertainment.
And, frankly, there’s nothing wrong with that — as long as they don’t claim to be a veteran.
1. They use military terminology because they think it’s cool
“Let’s go Oscar Mike back to the COP before 1300 to get some chow and hit the head.”
Translation: Let’s go home before 1 o’clock to get some food and use the restroom. Oscar Mike means, “leaving.” COP stands for “Combat Outpost.”
Why can’t these people just talk normally? We know, it’s a damn shame.
2. They wear military-print everything
It’s no secret that camo print is a go-to style for many civilians. Sure, we get that. But it’s another thing when people wear camo day-in and day-out. Even if they never served, they want to look like they have.
3. They wear overpriced Spec Ops gear
Airsoft and paintball are pretty fun. Sometimes, however, the players buy over-the-top, faux-spec ops gear to immerse themselves in the military mindset.
4. They wear their “serious faces” in group photos at the range
It’s hard to fully understand the struggle of grabbing a sushi lunch just an hour before charging the tree house guarded by the blue team. Make sure to take a photo to show how tough you are.
5. They bring up excuses as to why they didn’t serve — unprovoked
Not everyone was meant to join the military. Hell, even some people who join the military weren’t meant to be a part of the team. However, civilians frequently volunteer reasons as to why they didn’t join — often without prompt.
6. They think they’re an operator for conducting airsoft and paintball missions
Veterans across the globe reenact historic battles to preserve the memories of the men that served. However, if you civilians dressing up like a SEAL team and recreating the Osama bin Laden raid, that’s the ultimate red flag of the veteran wannabe.
If you somehow are on the internet and haven’t seen the viral BBC interview of an expert on South Korea being interrupted during a BBC interview by his children, then you can see it here.
The dad is impressively collected as his wife rushes in to grab the children and pull them out, but the internet had a field day with the interview.
Now, a U.S. Air Force crew has created a spoof video where a pilot is attempting to read her takeoff clearance back when the crew starts stumbling in. Another airman, probably the chief, has to rush in and grab the other crewmen out of the cabin.
The results are pretty great. You can check the video out below:
Live-action roleplaying is popular among nerds the world over. But what they don’t realize is that the military hosts their own LARPing events to prepare for war.
While training for real-life combat, it’s important that the military runs simulations that get as close to the real thing as possible. But, when you start to really break it down, it becomes clear that the government is spending tons of money on opportunities for advanced LARPing — as they should be.
Here, we have a group of infantry LARPers attacking an enemy town.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Pfc. Rachel K. Porter)
You’re just pretending you’re at war
Make no mistake, there’s plenty of purpose behind it but, at the end of the day, your life is in very little real danger. A lot of times, you’re shooting pretend bullets at pretend targets in a pretend country.
Even when you get real bullets, you’re still fighting a made-up military in a made-up country.
Here, we have a berserker class clearing the way for the warriors.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Pfc. Rachel K. Porter)
You dress up as your selected class
Whether you chose to be a berserker (machine gunner), a warrior (rifleman), or a mage (mortarman), you get to dress up as your character and carry real equipment.
The bonus here is that the government spends tons of money training you in your selected class.
You get to fire real rockets!
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Aaron Henson)
You use real weapons
This is actually pretty cool considering that most LARPers don’t get to use real weapons. The government will spend lots of money for you to get a real weapon to use in your roleplay events, like Integrated Training Exercise (ITX). Meanwhile, not every LARPer is into live steel.
They’re there to create the most authentic of experiences.
(U.S. Army photo by Spc. Hubert D. Delany III)
You get to ride in helicopters to make the scenarios even more realistic. Sometimes, you’ll even get support from jets and tanks to truly sell an authentic experience.
Okay, so these props might be a tad cooler than getting to drink your own, real-life “health potion” that is probably just Sprite and grenadine…
They’re out there to help you… or hurt you.
(U.S Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Juan A. Soto-Delgado)
Other roleplayers are involved
When you go to ITX, they’ll bring in a bunch of people to act as townspeople and enemies. This makes the experience a lot more authentic, which makes it a lot more interesting and fun.
You can talk with these NPCs for extra experience.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Alexis C. Schneider, 2d MARDIV Combat Camera)
There are non-player characters
The roleplayers that get brought in for the purpose of acting as the townspeople are very interactive NPCs. You’ll go on a patrol through the town and they’ll offer information or things to buy. Be careful, though, some might be working with the enemy!
The Coyotes even wear special items to specify they’re game masters.
(Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Levi Schultz)
There’s usually a game master
In a lot of cases, there will be someone acting as the GM, there to make sure people aren’t cheating and everyone dies when they’re supposed to. They might come in the form of your company Gunny (or a Coyote in the case of ITX). They keep things fair and they’ll evaluate your performance after the event is over.
Here, we have two LARPers from different countries interacting in a dialogue.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Tiffany Edwards)
You get to roleplay with other countries
On a peacetime deployment, you basically go to other countries to train with their military if your unit is trustworthy enough for that responsibility. This means that you travel and meet with other LARPers as you share an event together.
Personnel other than grunts, or POGs, are an essential part of the fight. POGs make up the majority of the military and they perform every job that is not specifically reserved for infantry.
Any non-03 or 11B (Marine and Army infantry MOSs) that gets butthurt when someone reminds them that they do not hold a very specific MOS may need to look in the mirror and do some soul-searching. The offended are, essentially, upset that someone said they aren’t a security guard.
Infantry soldiers and Marines enjoy ribbing non-infantry personnel with the term, but when examined further, there is really nothing condescending about it.
Talk to any motor transport operator serving in Iraq between 2003 and 2008 and they will tell you that there is no guarantee of safety provided by your occupational specialty.
2. Infantry is ineffective without them.
This one might cause some friction, but any unit that thinks they can sustain themselves without food, water, supplies, and munitions is kidding themselves.
There are zero infantry leaders that aren’t appreciative of their logistician peers.
3. It’s a fact, not a state of being.
Whether you hold an administrative position behind a desk at the headquarters building on mainside or you’re an explosives ordinance disposal specialist clearing enemy IEDs, you are a POG. The only people who are not have an 03 or an 11B on their occupational specialty.
4. POGs learn useful skills for future employment.
Unless you want to be a security guard or security contractor, the skills mastered by infantry are not very relevant on the outside.
Of course, leadership and ability to operate under extreme pressure are handy, but these skills are not exclusive to the infantry.
Whenever a military film comes on and the fictional non-commissioned officer gets heated, it’s always the same routine. “Drop and give me twenty.”
The truth is, that exact phrase isn’t actually used much in the military. Not because push-ups aren’t a thing in the military — they are — but NCOs tend to have more unique and clever punishments in mind — especially if you’ve really pissed them off.
Here are a few examples of “character development” that have been used on us:
#1. Flip the rocks ‘so they can get a sun tan.’
The pain of one Joe who messed up royally can sting far after they ETS.
In front of some company, battalion, or brigade headquarters are a bunch of rocks. Each is painted with a color on one side, and another color on the other. Whoever gets the unfortunate task of painting the rocks gives future disobedient soldiers a lighter punishment: to flip the rocks from one color to the other. The next guy who acts up flips ’em back.
Sound boring and tedious? That’s because it is.
#2. Mop the rain off the motorpool.
The idea behind creative corrective actions is to be give them a nearly impossible task to emphasize how badly they screwed up with a dash of hilarity to maximize the point.
Both can be achieved by making their dumb ass mop up the rain or sweep the grass.
#3. Carry around an oversized version of what they lost.
Whenever you see some poor schmuck toting a giant pice of cardboard drawn to look like a CAC, you know they left their ID card one day.
Why stop there?
If they lose their weapon, make them carry a stupidly large cardboard “rifle” that they must refer to as their “wife-le”. They lost track of time? Give them one of Flava Flav’s old clocks. The sky is the limit!
#4. Carry around a potted plant ‘to replace the oxygen they’re wasting.’
Do you have one of those “just can’t get anything right” soldiers? Are they a waste of space and oxygen?
Make them replace all of that beautiful oxygen they’re hogging with their very own plant to put something back in the air.
#5. Making the troop on a ‘dead-man’s profile’ blink in cadence.
There’s always that one cocky junior guy that is quick to pull out the “Nuh-uh Sergent! You can’t make me do sh*t!”
Get ’em. Anything done a thousand times in cadence can become a living hell.
#6. Fill sandbags with nothing but a white towel that you expect to come back clean.
This one always catches the smart asses if you leave them unsupervised. Take the typical deployment punishment to the next level by giving them only a white towel to clean off the sandbags when they finish. The bags must stay at one point and the dirt is a yard or so away.
A good Joe will fill the sandbags by hand and save the towel for the end and leave just trace amount of dirt on them. The smart ass will get lazy and use the towel to carry more sand into the bag and try to finish earlier. If they towel is dirty or if the task is done too soon. You caught them.
#7. Cutting Sgt. Major’s grass with sewing-kit scissors.
An oldie, but a goodie.
There’s a perfectly good sidewalk to use. There’s no need to step on the Sgt. Major’s grass. Give them the most useless tool at AAFES to do the most tedious task for the most amount of time.
The grass will grow back to what it was by the time they finish the field.
#8. Greeting of the day is repeating whatever they screwed up on to everyone.
Make them the example to remind others not to follow.
“Good morning, Sergeant. Be sure not to leave your helmet at the range!” over and over again should hopefully embarrass them enough to never do that again.
Extra points if it’s for a dirty barracks room and you have them use their dirty socks as sock puppets. “Good afternoon, specialist… Be sure to clean your barracks room…”