6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry - We Are The Mighty
Humor

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Serving in the infantry means long work days and carrying a lot of crap on our backs. So, how do we manage to continue?


Easy, we try and make the best out of every shitty situation that that presents itself — using humor.

If you can’t learn to crack a joke or laugh at yourself, your time with the grunts is going to be difficult.

Related: 7 things you should know before joining the infantry

So check out these six reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

1. You have to find a way to laugh off the rough times.

Being deployed to a combat zone means you’re more than likely going to live through and see some crazy shit. After surviving a close call, it’s natural for troops to crack a dark joke or two in order to mentally settle themselves after a serious situation. Laughter is the best medicine.

It may not look healthy at first, but it works. 

2. Dark humor is therapeutic.

Combat zones can be intense and traumatic. Humor makes everything better!

Sometimes just being immature takes some of the pressure off. When you’re stationed out in the middle of nowhere, you don’t have much except the comedy that you come up with in your head. Fart and d*ck jokes are a great go-to comedy tools.

I just recorded the battalion commander peeing. 

3. We prank each other to help pass the time.

Grunts usually have a crap ton of downtime if they aren’t patrolling or manning a post. This allows us to come up with plenty of ways to prank another troop with what we have on hand — which isn’t much.

It takes awhile to come up with the pranks, but some troops are better than others.

Some troops just have it.

4. We play “grab ass” all the time.

After living, training, and being deployed for months on end, troops develop a bond that earns us the right to “ball tap” or play “grab ass” without much legal consequence. But if you play “grab ass” with another troop, you better sleep with one eye open as playful revenge is coming.

Someone is going to get themselves some payback later. 

This game is typically controlled under false pretenses as getting your mark into proper position can be challenging.

5. It boosts everyone’s morale.

When you’re deployed, the days tend to blend. Fridays feel like Mondays because no one is keeping track — we have the same routine every single day. Like we said before, laughter is the best medicine so if you can’t learn to laugh — it sucks to be you.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Humor especially shows up in the battlefield

Also Read: 9 things you should know before becoming a Marine infantry officer

6. We constantly give each other shit because it’s our way of bonding.

Grunts don’t typically volunteer to talk about their hopes and dreams that often. Instead, we tell stories of being back home and the people we slept with (not sparing any details), as well as, how much beer we’re going to drink when we get home.

Joking and shit talking builds us pretty tight bonds. So if you can’t do that, once again, that sucks for you.

Humor

6 reasons why golfing should actually be the lower-enlisted sport

Golfing is nearly revered among officers. Almost every military installation has a golf course and, if you look, you’ll definitely find officers who set their meetings at the driving range. But the reason why all officers love golfing is exactly the same reason why lower enlisted should be fans, too: It’s the most sham sport you can think of.


Pretty much everything about golf is perfectly geared toward pretending like you’re working hard while actually just having fun — which is, essentially, the mantra of the E-4 Mafia and LCpl Underground.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

What other way can you drink while everyone else is working?

(Photo by 1st Lt. Kenya Saenz)

You can drink while you play

This is almost reason enough for lower enlisted to love golf. Why spend your day cleaning out the connexes for the seventh time this month when you could be drinking a beer with the colonel?

Most sports discourage you from getting plastered in the middle of the game. Golfing, conversely, encourages you to be slightly inebriated.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Even when they set up driving ranges on deployments, no one really cares how good you are.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

Your skill — and effort — doesn’t really matter

You can be tipsy and play golf because no one really cares if you’re good or not. Okay, fellow golfers might start to give a damn if you’re just so bad that people are lining up at the tee.

The good news is that if you’re really that bad (or that drunk), you can just go to the driving range and swing. Other golfers won’t judge you — because they’re probably drunk, too.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Don’t even worry about getting the ball, that’s someone else’s responsibility. The E-4 mentality at work.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

You’re just hitting things without consequence

If you’re very serious about golfing, you’re going to try your hardest. But everyone else on a military golf course is just trying to get out of work.

This point rings especially true on the driving range, where you don’t need to even worry about aiming. Most people use the driving range to improve their stance and swing, but if you just want to let off steam, just tee up, give it a nice, angry whack, grab another, and go again.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

It’s kind of a gray area, though…

(Photo by Capt. Stephen Von Jett)

You can just drive the cart all day if you want

Golf courses are huge and it’s kind of expected that golfers aren’t going to ruck their clubs around the course. Instead, they’ll just take a golf cart. If swinging your arms seems like too much effort, you can volunteer to just drive the golf cart.

Extra points here if you can get away with just driving around the course and never stopping at any holes. Just don’t be that idiot who does doughnuts on the green while drunk. Legally, you can still get a DUI while driving a golf cart.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

What other opportunity will you get to openly mock someone who outranks the f*ck out of you?

(Photo by Airman 1st Class Christian Conrad)

You spend more time joking than actually playing

Just as with everything else that the lower enlisted do, in golf, you spend thirty seconds doing the task (hitting the ball) and about five minutes joking around (waiting for the other golfers).

Your entire day is spent barely doing anything. You’re just drinking with the guys and cracking jokes at each other. Then, when you finally come back, you can tell everyone that you’ve had a long day.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Just another day in the military, am I right?

(Photo by Sgt. Diandra J. Harrell)

You look professional as f*ck, but you’re really not

With all of this in mind, you’re not actually doing jack sh*t but having fun. Yet, for some reason, everyone thinks you’re this squared-away individual who’s been doing things officers do.

Officers (who are also wiggling their way out of command and staff meetings) know full well that you’re trying to skate — so are they. But they’ll still think highly of you.

Humor

9 memes to get you hyped for the Space Corps

Every branch of the U.S. Armed Forces has built up a solid supply of memes. Eventually, the Space Corps will become the sixth branch. So, why not help the Space Corps get started with a few memes of their own? After all, the branch itself has become one giant meme…


Related video:

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

…come on, “Space Force?”

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

You know they’ll be salty all over when the Space Corps gets in, too.

(via Claw of Knowledge)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

The desire to know more intensifies…

(via Reddit)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

I don’t even want to imagine the hell that will be zero-gravity latrine cleaning…

(via Ranger Up)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

(via meme.cloud)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Soon, it’ll be stolen valor.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Space Corps. Space Corps. Space Corps!

(Via Decelerate Your Life)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Pro tip: You can’t.

Humor

This famous bridge adds an Army LMTV to its list of kills

Right off North Carolina Highway 147 in Durham sits a relic of older railroad overpass regulations. The 78-year old bridge that runs along South Gregson Street has a clearance of only 11 feet 8 inches. It has become known across the internet as “The Can-Opener Bridge” because of the astounding number of overconfident truck drivers who think they can squeeze their vehicle under it. Recently, the bridge claimed its 130th victim: an Army LMTV.


Local truck drivers know to avoid the overpass, so nearly every vehicle that gets clipped is either a rental or from out-of-state. The costs of raising the railroad tracks would be astronomical and the city’s main sewer line runs underneath, meaning lowering the road is impossible.

Thankfully, to date, there have been no fatalities and only three minor injuries. The city of Durham is content to plaster the area with a ridiculous amount of warnings to drivers, including a traffic light and gigantic, flashing sign that triggers if a height sensor is tripped. But all of these cautions don’t deter idiots drivers who aren’t willing to take a short detour.

To be completely honest, I don’t think they even want to fix it because it’s too funny.

 

So, what’s a city to do that has a hilarious problem that only affects morons who obviously don’t know their vehicle and fail to acknowledge the many signals? Put up a 24/7 webcam and create an internet attraction, obviously!

The most recent addition to the bridge’s long list of victims is a U.S. Army LMTV from an undisclosed unit. Many sites have erroneously claimed that the truck was carrying some “top secret device that needed to be covered” when it hit the bridge. In actuality, it was just a regular ol’ weapon mount that’s kept covered as not to freak out civilians. The driver of the vehicle has also not been named, but the Private (or soon-to-be-Private) is definitely never going to live this one down.

 

 
popular

8 times ‘Jarhead 2’ made you grit your teeth

Hollywood loves to make sequels even from semi-successful films. Maybe that’s the reason why “Jarhead 2” was made or just because the world needs more movies about Jarheads — but who knows.


Released in 2014, the film follows a squad of supply Marines who get attacked by enemy forces and must fight their way to safety. Some other stuff happens along the way and spoiler alert — most of them eventually make it back safely.

There, we just saved you two hours.

This film is one of many that makes Marines grit their teeth and have to look away — that’s difficult to pull off.

So check out our list of moments that made us grit our teeth.

1. Priority during a firefight

In the opening scene of the film, the Marines at Patrol Base Cobra are under heavy attack from enemy forces. But this Marine is ordered to finish unloading supplies from a truck rather than firing his weapon to defend the area.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

We guess hydrating is more important than laying down a base of fire. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

2. Jarhead shows biggest bullseye ever

Corpsmen and medics haven’t carried medical bags with the Red Cross stamped on it in decades — just saying. That’s a huge a** red cross to add insult to injury.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
We wouldn’t want to stand next to this fictional Corpsman anywhere in country carrying that. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

3. Camp Leatherwhat?

They could have done a better job rendering what Camp Leatherneck looked like a few years ago. That’s why we have Google images.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Not even close. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

The tent city of the real Camp Leatherneck. Much different, right?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
The Marine Corps’ base camp in Afghanistan. (Source: Pinterest)

4. Sleeves up and wearing the wrong undershirt

A senior officer would know better than to put on the wrong color undershirt, wear gunny sleeves and sport a cover that looks like a blooming onion. Plus he’s wearing a guard duty belt for some reason.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

You could afford a talented actor like Stephen Lang, but researching Marine Corps uniforms wasn’t in the budget? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

5. At the rifle range without any protective gear

The Range Safety Officer would lose his qualification in a heartbeat if a superior saw this crap.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Safety isn’t a real issue. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

6. Jarhead 2 could have at least got collar device placement right

Oh, come on! Really?

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Countless numbers of teeth have just broken after spotting this captain’s rank insignia placement. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

7. Worst secured perimeter ever

If you wanted to attack these fictional Marines, you could just walk right up from behind and they would never f*cking notice.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

WTF? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

8. Jarhead 2 features a scope mounted on the carrying handle

Nope. This film takes place in 2013, meaning RCOs were used and mounted in lieu of a carrying handle. No offense, but supply Marines do not rate those types of scopes.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

For the love of God, do some research people. (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 27

It’s nearly Halloween. You know what that means…


Just a few more weeks until the Veteran’s Day free food extravaganza.

Until then, tide yourself over with the best military memes your veteran buddies could muster.

1. American and British vets went to Meme War this week. (via Fill Your Boots)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Sick burn. No, really…

2. Maybe red uniforms weren’t the best idea. (via The Salty Soldier).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
When you plow the fields by 6 but have a battle for independence at 8.

3. We were Facebook once… and young. (via Pop Smoke)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I don’t like to talk about my time on MySpace.

4. How long can sick call put a superhero on quarters?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Is that curl in regs?

5. To be fair, Amazonians get better training. (via Decelerate Your Life)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Americans don’t join the IDF because they’re Jewish.

6. I’d like to see blueberries fool Snoop.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I’m shook.

7. Marry that girl. (via Disgruntled Decks)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
#relationshipgoals.

8. The military, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter. (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

9. But I’m not bitter. (via Pop Smoke)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I might be a little bitter.

10. Time is a flat circle.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I’d rather deploy to Mars than go back to Iraq.

11. Why would you buy a can of Army?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Shoulda bought a bottle of Air Force.

12. Always ready… for your deployment.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Low blow, Coastie.

13. Come at me, fam. (via Disgruntled Decks)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Except the Coast Guard. That meme was savage.

popular

This is why World War I-era British spies used semen as invisible ink

The first head of Britain’s secret service — which would one day be called MI6 — carried a swordstick, drove a personal tank, and would sometimes stab his wooden leg with a pen just to see how people reacted.


If that wasn’t enough to make him eccentric, his department also discovered that semen makes an excellent invisible ink.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
It’s probably best not to ask why. Or how.

 

No one actually knows which British agent was the one who came up with the idea, but the book “Six: The Real James Bonds 1909-1939” notes that his fellow spies made so much fun of him that he had to be transferred to another office.

His name was — no joke — Captain Sir Mansfield Cumming and his agents lived by the motto, “Every man his own stylo.”

The truth was, British spies were searching for the perfect invisible ink during World War I and thought natural fluids were the ideal. The major issue with using semen to write letters? The smell eventually becomes very distinctive.

Cumming ruled that agents abroad using this method of secret messaging ensure their ink was fresh for every letter.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Gloves, fellas?

 

The book details an agent in Copenhagen, a Maj. Richard Holme, who apparently kept a ready supply on hand.

“…his letters stank to high heaven and we had to tell him that a fresh operation was necessary for each letter.”

In “Prisoners, Lovers, and Spies: The Story of Invisible Ink,” Kristie Macrakis writes that Cumming began inquiring about the use of bodily fluids as invisible ink as early as 1915 and told Walter Kirke, Deputy Head of Military Intelligence that he thought the best invisible ink was indeed semen.

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
A sex joke that was a little too on the nose even for the Bond series, apparently (MGM)

 

Semen does not react to the iodine vapor test, a method that then turned all known invisible inks brown. This was particularly attractive to the spy agency, but unfortunately (for spies — not for those concerned with hotel cleanliness) heat develops semen ink and it appears in ultraviolet light.

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 17

We know that most of you are just here to steal memes for your arsenal. That’s fine. We’re doing the same thing when we go to the pages linked in blue above each meme.


If you don’t already, though, click on the links and show those page admins some love. They and their audiences are the hard workers who keep the meme currency flowing.

1. You could just get a job backpacking (via Pop Smoke).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
You’ll get to travel in all sorts of exotic locales and meet lots of interesting people.

2. Energy drinks win wars. That’s a fact (via Air Force Nation).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
DFAC: Get on this. The caffeine situation is unacceptable.

SEE ALSO: This Coastie crossed the English Channel 10 times on D-Day

3. “But, first sergeant said we should personalize our desks.”

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

4. When you get the counseling statement that you’re falling a little short in some areas:

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

5. 10 bucks says people were finding excuses to go into the room (via Pop Smoke).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

6. “And now we’re headed to berthing where we’ll be conducting nap time.”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

7. Actual image shared on an Air Force Facebook page (via We Are The Mighty).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Maybe the F-35 is so expensive because it’s secretly an X-wing.

8. Remember to paint your face, Homer. Your jaundice makes you easy to pick out (via The Salty Soldier).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Homer Simpson really is the shammer/skater spirit animal.

9. Combat outposts don’t have regs or Charms candies (via Military Memes).

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
You will need helmets, though.

10. “Don’t know why we need some fancy, new-fangled CD players in the Navy.”

(via Military Memes)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

11. George Washinton was so cool, he wore aviators before aviation was a thing (via Grunt Style)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Pretty sure he was rocking a 50-star flag before there were even thirteen states, too.

12. “Sry, chief. Still waiting. The dentists are moving super slow.”

(via Coast Guard Memes)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

13. Of course, if it has no ammo, it’s probably not the last one you’ll ever see (via Military Nations)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Maybe there are a few rounds left in the gun.

Humor

8 Pvt. Karl hijinks that will get you killed

There’s news out of Russia that two were people tragically were killed and another injured after a Russian S-200 anti-aircraft missile accidentally exploded at a recycling center that was sold there, almost certainly after being stolen.


And while we can’t prove this whole ridiculous and tragic event was thanks to Pvt. Karl of the Russian Federation, I mean, come on, it obviously was.

Alongside “selling armed missiles to civilian scrapyards,” here are eight other deadly shenanigans Karl will try to get his comrades wrapped up in as well as how any rational person should respond:

1. Setting up an illegal gambling ring with the Russian mafia

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: PIRO4D, Creative Commons CC0)

Sure, games of chance are always rigged in the house’s favor, but setting up an underground franchise purchased from the Russian Mafia is a really good way of ending up underground, courtesy of the Russian Mafia, KARL!

2. Taunting paratroopers on their holiday

The Soviet airborne corps had an official holiday on August 2 every year, and the Russian Federation has seen fit to unofficially continue the tradition. But engaging with drunken paratroopers celebrating their own importance is a good way to get turned into a lawn dart, KARL! (As a TV reporter learned in 2017.)

3. Trying to distill liquor in a lead-lined still

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
No, Karl, I don’t think we should buyout this moonshine operation. I actually don’t think we should touch anything here, and I think we should wash our hands. (Photo: An-d, CC BY-SA 3.0)

Yup, bootlegging is a profitable business. But since no one here has metallurgy or distillery experience, and since lead poisoning will make you go blind, maybe we should stick to just buying vodka, KARL!

4. Selling your winter uniforms every summer

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: Office of the President of Russia)

Winter coats are valuable and selling them is an easy way to get some quick cash. But since we’re enlisted soldiers in a country that stretches into the Arctic Circle, maybe we should hold onto them, KARL!

5. Selling weapons and food that “fell off the books” to preppers

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

So many people are preparing for the apocalypse, and old Soviet stockpiles are popular with them. The modern Russian stuff has to be even better, right? Sure, but getting into the international arms black market probably has some downsides, KARL!

6. Modifying your issued weapons for “enhanced lethality”

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

Maybe, maybe, maybe if anyone around here had armorer experience, this could be a good idea. But since you can’t even open a soda without cutting your hand open, packing more powder into the ammo casings or adjusting the mechanism for faster full-auto capability sounds like a good way for our boom sticks to actually go boom, KARL!

7. Going in halvsies for a Soviet-made car (only 25% interest!)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: Erdenebayar, Creative Commons CC0)

 

Seriously, Karl. This would be a bad deal for a decent, almost new, imported-from-Germany car. And since you can barely drive for more than five minutes after a bar or footlocker of liquor is opened, we could get the same result faster if we just doused you in gasoline and gave you a lighter, KARL!.

8. Hitting on the wife of that pro-military Russian oligarch who came on a morale tour

 

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

Yeah, she’s at least a 10. And yes, she’s way closer to our ages than she is to her husband’s. But that does not make this a good idea. She made her choice, and she chose a man who could kill the both of us in a courthouse while surrounded by police and never get arrested, KARL!

Humor

6 things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand

No matter what branch you serve in, there will always be a solid line between enlisted personnel and officers — they rarely understand each other.


Enlisted troops do some crazy sh*t, which causes officers to get in a bad mood — and vice versa.

Most officers want their troops to abide by all the rules and regulations while the members of the E-4 mafia just want to get through their day and go home.

Related: 5 reasons why military personnel give civilians a hard time

So, check out six things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand:

6. Taking orders from an officer we don’t trust

Yes, we understand we swore an oath to obey the orders of those appointed over us — but holy sh*t have we taken some lousy orders from officers.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I don’t. I don’t trust you at all.

5. Officer-led PT

It’s no secret that when a commanding officer wants to lead morning PT, morale lowers until the session is over. In a grunt platoon, we like to sh*t talk one another as motivation to gain that extra push-up or pull-up.

But, once the “brass” is on deck, the verbiage changes and the enlisted just want to finish up the mandatory run so they can go eat chow and play Call of Duty in their barracks.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

4. When a boot officer wants to be included in every single detail

Newbie officers typically want to learn every aspect of their job — which is a good thing. But, something this means they want to be involved in every meeting and a double check everyone’s work.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

3. Army-Navy games

Active duty enlisted troops don’t truly want to cheer for a cadet or a midshipman who they could have to potentially have to answer to one day.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
You know at least one of them expects you to call the room… (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Chad Runge/Released)

2. Having their sh*t pre-staged for them

At times, enlisted troops become personnel assistants even though it’s not in their job description. When grunts head out to the field, some officers require their tents and other amenities be set up prior to their arrival — and guess who is called upon to set that sh*t up?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Taking bets on who built this gym in Afghanistan.

Also Read: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

1. Working parties

Typically, officers aren’t the ones cleaning the grounds or the office spaces. Luckily, that’s why the U.S. government pays janitorial personnel.

Just when enlisted personnel think it’s going to be an easy day — think again — because there’s always something that needs to be cleaned and a “party” of troops will need to do it. For some reason.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
We know there are officers who truly believe this.

Humor

4 types of recruiters you’ll meet at the mall

Recruiters are well-practiced in convincing young adults that military service is the best option to propel them into a happy, successful future. We’ve all seen the recruiting posters that show off a mighty lookin’ Marine or a tough soldier and we’ve all seen the highly polished ads on TV, but nothing beats the personal touch of a skilled recruiter.

Some recruiters will travel miles to find young prospects and get them interested in military service. However, there’s one place where you’ll find almost always youngsters in nearly any town — the freakin’ mall.

Shopping malls are the ultimate grounds for recruiters to swoop in and scoop up their next contract. Every recruiter is different, but we’re willing to bet that if you enlisted at a mall, you ran into one of these four archetypes:


6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

That’s right, you better stand at modified parade rest.

(Photo by Andrea Stone)

The one who expects you to have some military bearing

Some recruiters are laid back, but others take a more aggressive approach and instruct potential recruits on the proper way to speak as an active service member.

You might think that being stern and strict would turn the younger crowd away, but, to our surprise, that rigid military bearing is exactly what some want.

He’s good at his

The one who is good with parents

Joining the military is a big decision. The fact is that many youngsters aren’t accustomed to making such important choices.

A smart recruiter knows that nothing is more reassuring than a parent’s good word. So, you’ll likely find a recruiter whose best work is done schmoozing with mom and dad.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

If you join today, you might get to drive a government car, just like me.

The parking lot patroller

Mall recruiters aren’t just on the hunt for window shoppers. Nope! They’re out searching for you before you even step foot inside the shopping center. They pretend like they’ve met you before to strike up a conversation. It’s all a tactic to get you into their office.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Sure you could join the Air Force, but you won’t look as cool in their uniform.

The reverse psychologist

Recruiters are up against monthly quotas. In order to make their numbers, they need to use every tool in their kit. This means finding a way to beat out the other branches in the event that two are scoping the same potential recruit. Some recruiters will use reverse psychology on you, making sly like, “you probably couldn’t handle the Marines anyway.”

Some will see right through it, but others feel compelled to prove people wrong.

MIGHTY TRENDING

7 hilarious but accurate descriptions of military hardware

When it comes time to write up the technical pamphlets for the next generation of military gear, the manufacturers … probably won’t call us.


Here are seven perfectly accurate descriptions of military hardware that no self-respecting manufacturer would ever publish:

1. The Apache is the world’s most advanced digital camera

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
It’s a lot of money for relatively poor image quality, but the zoom is fantastic.

The AH-64 just has so many features that Canon and Nikon would never dream of putting on a camera: multiple rotor blades, a hydraulics systems, missiles, rockets, and a cannon. It’s almost hard to spot the camera sensors in the ball at the front.

2. The M1A2 Abrams tank provides very effective body armor for troops

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Does your armor deploy its own smoke grenades? And depleted uranium shells?

Because the armor is on motorized tracks, you can barely even feel the 60 tons of protection. It even has seats, a feature most body armor lacks.

3. The A-10 is a great way to get a look at the battlefield

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

It gets you high enough to see over the terrain while keeping you low enough to see all your enemies. If only there was something we could do about them from up here?

4. Navy aircraft carriers are cruise ships with (slightly) less sex and much more (hidden) booze

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

You can move a LOT of people with one of these ships. Over 6,000 with the old Nimitz-class. The newer Ford ships hold less people, normally about 4,000, but have sweet magnets that could hold literally anything to a fridge. In a pinch, there’s even a way to move people from shore directly to the ship without it docking. But be warned that the cruise directors are pretty uptight and the upper decks are noisy.

5. TOW missiles are a much faster delivery method than carrier pigeons

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
But, you know, they’re still faster than pigeons.

While carrier pigeons top out at around 90 mph in a sprint, TOW missiles fly at an astounding 715 mph. There’s almost nothing that can get your message across a battlefield faster, and the control cables let the recipient know just where the message came from.

Just a quick note, when sending messages to friends you should be sure to remove the original payload.

6. Rifles can punch holes through hella paper at once

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
(via Military Memes)

Don’t use boring three-hole punches that can only handle a few sheets when these rifles can create either 5.56mm or 7.62mm openings in dozens of sheets of paper at once.

7. CS gas is a quick and effective decongestant

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Neti pots are weird and pouring liquids through your sinus cavities can lead to brain parasites. 2-chlorobenzalmalononitrile has neither drawback and is extremely effective at helping you breathe free clearing your sinuses.

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Dec. 22

America has a new tax code, no one at the UN cares what Nikki Haley thinks about Jerusalem, and this week, the President presented his plan to keep us all safe.


Those are just a few of the more political stories we didn’t cover because we don’t really do politics.

I present you the gift of memes. These memes. Merry Christmakkah.

1. When the father of our country wants to stab people, you let him.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Father knows best.

2. It only took 3 uniform changes over 10 years, but…

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
And Navy still comes in with ridiculous blue uniforms. They never learn.

3. Turns out ‘Groundhog Day’ was the story of one man’s enlistment. (via Marine Corps Memes)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

Also read: 6 crazy things actually found in amnesty boxes

4. Does it count if a recording answers the phone?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Or any millennial.

5. Who calculated this?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
And where are they stationed?

6. “And you better dress for it.”

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Also, any pills you take will end your career.

Now read: This is why the U.S.military uses 5.56mm ammo instead of 7.62mm

7. Oh look, the Empire has a National Guard.

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?

8. But… Pew. Pew?

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
The learning curve in Vietnam was a b*tch.

8. “Honk if parts fall off.”

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
There’s no in-between.

9. Now show me Petty Officer 1st Class Keef before his promotion. (via Pop Smoke)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
I don’t want to be in that safety briefing.

Classic: That time CBS captured an intense firefight in Vietnam

10. “This song’s about me!”

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

11. That’s the Christmas spirit. (via Decelerate Your Life)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
Be not led into temptation.

12. Somebody call the medic, we have a sick burn. (via the Salty Soldier)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
When a recruiter is on an all-salt diet.

13. This is only the half-truth. (via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
We wouldn’t eat that garbage cut. Filet or nothing.

Now Check Out: 9 reasons you should have joined the Army instead

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