The best submarine movies of all time - We Are The Mighty
Lists

The best submarine movies of all time

This is a list about the best submarine movies. Who doesn’t love a good submarine film? Be honest. You know that whenever you see a trailer for a new submarine movie or hear about a great submarine movie you’ve never seen before that you get super excited and you feel like your head is about to implode… from the pressure. That’s a submarine joke. Water. …Depth.


From some of the top submarine movies like The Hunt For Red October, and Crimson Tide, to all-time great submarine movies like Das Boot, this list has everything you’ll need to satisfy your insatiable need for input on the most famous submarine movies.

The amount of times the word “submarine” appears in this list description is not an accident. Submarines are awesome (they go underwater, and there are people in them, and they are basically magic, and they shoot rockets and win wars!) and they deserve to be talked about more.

Thankfully, Hollywood agrees. Please enjoy this list of the best submarine movies of all time.

Vote for your favorite submarine films now!

The Best Submarine Movies Of All Time

More from Ranker:

This article originally appeared at Ranker. Copyright 2015. Like Ranker on Facebook.

Lists

The 18 times America did crazy combat jumps

A combat jump and the gold star on your wings is the desire of all airborne personnel. During World War II, the U.S. Army fielded five airborne divisions, four of which saw combat, as well as numerous independent regimental combat teams and parachute infantry battalions. Today, the U.S. military fields one airborne division, two airborne brigade combat teams, and a number of special operations forces, all airborne qualified. Throughout the history of these forces, they conducted all manner of combat operations and tactical insertions. Here are the eighteen times, in chronological order, that the U.S. military conducted large-scale combat operations with airborne forces.


1. Operation Torch

The best submarine movies of all time

The first large-scale deployment of American paratroopers took place on 8 November 1942 as part of Operation Torch, the invasion of North Africa. The men of the 509th Parachute Infantry Battalion (at the time designated 2nd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment) were tasked with securing airfields ahead of the seaborne force landings. To accomplish this, they conducted the longest flight of airborne forces, originating from airfields in England. However, the jump was unsuccessful with troops widely scattered and ten planes having to land in a dry lake bed to disembark their troops due to a lack of fuel. A week later, three hundred men of the battalion conducted a successful combat jump on Youks-les-Bains Airfield in Algeria.

2. Operation Husky

The best submarine movies of all time
Paratroopers board a Douglas C-47 Skytrain for Operation Husky (U.S. Army photo)

America’s second attempt at a combat jump was during the invasion of Sicily in July 1943. On the night of 9 July, the 505th PIR reinforced by 3/504 PIR and with attached artillery and engineers spearheaded Operation Husky. Two nights later on 11 July, the remainder of the 504th parachuted into Sicily to block routes toward the beachhead. However, due to numerous Axis air attacks and confusion within the invasion fleet, the troop carrier aircraft were mistaken for German bombers and fired on. This resulted in twenty three planes being shot down and the loss of eighty one paratroopers with many more wounded.

3. Landing at Nadzab (Operation Alamo)

The best submarine movies of all time
Paratroopers landing at Nadzab

The first airborne operation in the Pacific Theatre was carried out by the 503rd Parachute Infantry Regiment in the Markham Valley of New Guinea as part of Operation Alamo on 5 September 1943. The 503rd seized an airfield that allowed follow-on Australian infantry forces to conduct an airlanding as part of the greater New Guinea campaign and were successful in driving out Japanese forces from the area.

4. Operation Avalanche

The best submarine movies of all time

With the success of the invasion of the Italian mainland hanging in the balance, on 13 September 1943 the paratroopers of the 504th donned parachutes and quickly boarded planes before jumping into American lines to shore up the perimeter around the Salerno beachhead. The drop zone was lit by flaming barrels of gas-soaked sand arranged in a T-shape. The next night, the 505th followed the 504th and continued to continue to reinforce the American lines.  A few nights later, the 509th Parachute Infantry Battalion was dropped in the vicinity of Avellino in an attempt to disrupt activity behind German lines but was widely dispersed and failed.

5. Operation Overlord

The best submarine movies of all time

This is the airborne operation that all other airborne operations are measured against. In two separate missions, code named operations Albany and Boston, the paratroopers of both the 101st and 82nd Airborne Divisions jumped behind enemy lines as part of the invasion of Normandy and the cracking of Hitler’s Fortress Europe. Though the paratroopers were widely scattered over the French countryside due to misdrops, the havoc and confusion they created behind German lines was crucial to the success of the landings on the beaches.

6. Operation Table Tennis

The best submarine movies of all time
Paratroopers of the US Airborne establish a stronghold on the Japanese-built Kamiri Airfield on Noemfoor Island. (U.S. Army photo)

As part of the greater battle of Noemfoor in Dutch New Guinea on the 3rd and 4th of July 1944, the 1st and 3rd Battalions of the 503rd PIR conducted a combat jump to reinforce American positions and to secure the Kamiri airfield. Due to poor jump conditions that led to excessive casualties, the drop of the 2nd battalion was scratched and they were landed by sea instead.

7. Operation Dragoon

The best submarine movies of all time
Paratroopers dropping into Operation Dragoon (U.S. Army photo)

As part of the 1st Airborne Task Force the 517th Parachute Regimental Combat Team, the 509th and 551st Parachute Infantry Battalions, 463rd Parachute Field Artillery Battalion and numerous glider and parachute units in support, performed a combat jump into Southern France as the spearhead of Operation Dragoon on 15 August 1944. Due to poor visibility, most of the pathfinders and therefore most of the follow-on forces missed their drop zones and were widely scattered. Despite this, as had happened in Normandy two months prior, many of the men were able to regroup and secure their objectives.

8. Operation Market-Garden

The best submarine movies of all time

During the infamous “a bridge too far” operation, American airborne units, the 82nd and 101st Airborne Divisions, jumped into Nazi occupied Holland during the daylight hours of 17 September 1944. Operation Market, the airborne component of Market-Garden, was the largest airborne operation ever undertaken, though due to a number of circumstances, it would ultimately be a failure and ended the Allies’ hopes of finishing the war by Christmas.

9. Battle of Luzon

The best submarine movies of all time
11th Airborne Division Landing Near Aparri Luzon Philippine Islands (U.S. Army photo)

As part of the battle for the island of Luzon in the Philippines and the drive by the U.S. Sixth Army to take Manila, the 511th PIR and 457th PFAB, part of the 11th Airborne Division, dropped onto Tagatay Ridge south of Manila on 3 February 1945. The jumped linked up the 511th and 457th with the 187th and 188th Glider Infantry Regiments and the rest of the 11th Airborne Division for the drive to Manila.

10. Operation Topside

The best submarine movies of all time

On 16 February 1945, the 503rd PRCT performed the combat jump that would give it the enduring nickname “The Rock” onto the fortress island of Corregidor. The 503rd dropped right on top of Japanese positions and, in conjunction with the 34th Infantry Regiment, fought viciously to recapture Corregidor, which had been the last bastion of American resistance in the Philippines some three years earlier.

11. Operation Varsity

The best submarine movies of all time

American Paratroopers in Operation Varsity

The largest single-day airborne operation in history was carried out by the American 17th Airborne Division alongside the British 6th Airborne in an airborne assault crossing of the Rhine River on 24 March 1945. The entire operation was carried and dropped by a single lift and was conducted in broad daylight. The daylight drop and the fact that it was on German soil led to intense fighting with the 17th Airborne Division, gaining two Medals of Honor during their initial assaults. The operation was intended to be even larger but due to a lack of aircraft, the American 13th Airborne Division was unable to participate.

12. Task Force Gypsy

The best submarine movies of all time
Gliders on Aparri Field, Luzon (U.S. Army photo)

On 23 June 1945 Task Force Gypsy, consisting of 1st Battalion 511th PIR, Companies G I of the 2nd Battalion, a battery from the 457th PFAB, engineers, and glider troops from the 187th Glider Infantry Regiment conducted the final airborne operation of World War II, by jumping onto an airfield in northern Luzon to cutoff the retreating Japanese and linkup with the 37th Infantry Division as it drove north. Strong winds and treacherous terrain on the drop zone led to two fatalities and at least seventy injuries during the drop. This was the only time gliders were used in combat in the Pacific.

13. Battle of Yongju

The best submarine movies of all time

Spearheading the UN Forces drive north the 187th Airborne RCT conducted a combat jump north of Pyongyang in an attempt to cutoff North Korean forces retreating from the capital. The paratroopers captured their objectives with only light North Korean resistance. In the following days, they would work with British and Australian forces to destroy the North Korean 239th Regiment.

14. Operation Tomahawk

The best submarine movies of all time

As the airborne component of Operation Courageous on 23 March 1951, the 187th ARCT, this time complimented by the 2nd and 4th Ranger Companies, once again conducted a combat jump against Communist forces in the Korean War. Though there was confusion and misdrops, the Regimental Combat Team captured its objectives quickly and allowed UN Forces to regain the 38th parallel in that sector.

15. Operation Junction City

The best submarine movies of all time
Air drop of supplies in Operation Junction City (U.S. Army photo)

As part of the larger Operation Junction City, the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team, centered on the 503rd PIR, made the only large-scale combat jump of the Vietnam War on 22 February 1967. The plan was to create a hammer and anvil scenario with the 173rd along with other units forming the anvil while other forces, the hammer, would flush out and drive Viet Cong forces into the waiting trap. Though there were numerous clashes with Viet Cong forces, a decisive victory was not obtained by the American operation.

16. Operation Urgent Fury

The best submarine movies of all time
82nd Airborne in Grenada, wearing the PASGT protective vest. (U.S. Army photo)

On 25 October 1983, Rangers from the 1st and 2nd Ranger Battalions along with Delta Force operators, Navy SEALs and Air Force Combat Controllers descended on the southern portion of the island of Grenada and captured the unfinished airfield at Point Salines. This opened the way for follow-on forces from the 82nd Airborne Division. By 3 November, hostilities were declared to be at an end with all American objectives met.

17. Operation Just Cause

The best submarine movies of all time
S Soldiers of 1st Battalion, 508th Infantry, parachute from a C-130E Hercules aircraft into a drop zone outside the city to conduct operations in support of Operation Just Cause. (U.S. Air Force photo by Master Sgt. Ken Hammond)

In the early morning hours of 20 December 1989, the entire 75th Ranger Regiment, followed by the reinforced Division Ready Brigade of the 82nd (consisting of 1st and 2nd Battalions 504th PIR, 4/325th AIR, 3/319th AFAR, and Company C 3/73rd Armor), conducted combat jumps to secure the Rio Hato and Torrijos-Tecumen airports in Panama. In the following days the Rangers and paratroopers continued combat operations in conjunction with other forces of Task Force Pacific. This marked the first and only combat parachute deployment of armored vehicles, the M551 Sheridan.

18. Operation Northern Delay

After Turkey denied access for American forces to attack Iraq from the north through Turkish territory, the 173rd ABCT was alerted for a combat jump into northern Iraq. On 26 March 2003, the unit, along with members of the U.S. Air Force 786th Security Forces Squadron conducted an airborne insertion onto Bashur Airfield to establish an airhead and allow for a buildup of armored forces in the north. This effort held numerous Iraqi divisions in the north rather than allowing them to be diverted south to oppose the main effort. The jump by the 786th marked the first and only combat jump by conventional USAF personnel and was the only large-scale airborne operation conducted as part of the War on Terror.

Lists

5 leadership skills all service members should learn

From a troop’s first day in the military to their last, they’ll pick up various leadership traits that will (hopefully) propel them into a positive, productive future. Although most of us won’t ever know what it’s like to lead a whole platoon or battalion, we’re often thrown into temporary leadership roles as we take boots under our wings, showing them how sh*t gets done while fostering a level of respect.

Leadership can be taught during training, but it’s not truly understood until you’re in the field. The following skills are the cornerstones of leadership.


[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2FPar5Lr4amEIgg.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=926&h=c39e63a21dc093cebc37bbd17c5b46ac3eed47beae8a5a54e4521f057e4b2093&size=980x&c=3177281335 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252FPar5Lr4amEIgg.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D926%26h%3Dc39e63a21dc093cebc37bbd17c5b46ac3eed47beae8a5a54e4521f057e4b2093%26size%3D980x%26c%3D3177281335%22%7D” expand=1]

Refrain from micro-managing

We’ve all experienced first-hand how infuriating it is when someone constantly feels the need to put in their two cents — just because they can. Many young leaders, eager to meaningfully contribute, will feel compelled to change something to their liking, even if it won’t help better complete the mission at hand.

It’s an important to know when you should back away.

Show one, do one, teach one

It’s up to the military’s leaders to impart their knowledge onto junior troops. As essential part of the military is training troops to win battles. When a troop doesn’t know how to pass a certain test, it’s up to their leader to teach them.

The winning strategy here is, “show one, do one, teach one.” The leader will first show a troop how to do something, that troop will then do it for themselves, and then, finally, that troop will go teach another how to complete the task.

They say that teaching is the best way to learn — this method benefits both a leader and his troops.

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2FgwfatPkyl6WnC.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=847&h=2c0d69aa5e4b78242d5363467731f874946c7d2af4627734cc654973001ced85&size=980x&c=1284528669 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252FgwfatPkyl6WnC.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D847%26h%3D2c0d69aa5e4b78242d5363467731f874946c7d2af4627734cc654973001ced85%26size%3D980x%26c%3D1284528669%22%7D” expand=1]

Lead from the front

All too often, we see orders get passed down by people who wouldn’t dare complete the task themselves. These so-called leaders tell you, “good luck,” and then show up in the end to take all the credit.

Don’t do this. Instead, lead from the front. Help with the dangerous missions you helped plan.

Know your team’s strength and weakness

When you walk onto the battlefield, either literally or metaphorically, it’s important to know what each individual in the team is best at in the event something pops off. We’ve encountered leaders who don’t know elbows from as*holes when it comes to their squad.

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2Fl3fzDhFAuyfjSr9cc.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=769&h=e842afa949af72af8337ce145b9425e484f75dd05595125031c5f26457bf4819&size=980x&c=2746118331 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252Fl3fzDhFAuyfjSr9cc.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D769%26h%3De842afa949af72af8337ce145b9425e484f75dd05595125031c5f26457bf4819%26size%3D980x%26c%3D2746118331%22%7D” expand=1]

Individual success is a team accomplishment

We’d all like to be appreciated for our hard work, but victories are rarely due to a single act. Recognize that the military is a team environment. Each member plays an important role in achieving victory. Taking all the credit for a group’s hard work only makes you look dumb.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of March 17

Funny military memes are like little morale pellets to keep everyone going throughout the year. And if your week was anything like ours, you could probably use some quick morale.


So here are 13 funny military memes to make your barracks and field exercises survivable for another week:

1. That fire team is definitely going to have some AAR notes (via The Salty Soldier).

The best submarine movies of all time

2. Don’t make fun of your Uber driver if he’s the only one in town (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The best submarine movies of all time

3. Fort Drum is like Narnia under the White Witch. Always winter, never Christmas (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

The best submarine movies of all time

ALSO SEE: That time pirates mistook a Navy warship for a target

4. “I just want to address the speeding off base that’s been happening the last few weeks.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

The best submarine movies of all time

5. Marines really are the sum of their stereotypes (via Decelerate Your Life).

The best submarine movies of all time
It’s awkward when you’re standing in a Hobby Lobby with them, pretty great when you’re on the beach.

6. Yeah, it’s basically balmy out here, chief (via Coast Guard Memes).

The best submarine movies of all time
I’m gonna go cool off with a .50-cal popsicle.

7. When the recruiting ads and the service reality collide (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

The best submarine movies of all time

8. Seaman Corgi is going to have a bad, bad day (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The best submarine movies of all time
Maybe should’ve skipped a couple of those shots last night, little guy.

9. Why have scouts go ahead of the vehicle if you’re not going to listen to their reports?

(via Pop smoke)

The best submarine movies of all time

10. This is me talking to my younger self (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

The best submarine movies of all time
Could really use a deployment right about now. Are the Kurds still looking for volunteers?

11. “Let me just say, I wasn’t at that bar. I wasn’t with those guys. And I didn’t do any of those things.”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

The best submarine movies of all time

12. Marines double-tap and double-wrap (via Pop smoke).

The best submarine movies of all time
Depending on what base this is, that Marine may need to go to MOPP 4.

13. Get Out!

(via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

The best submarine movies of all time
This is the real #GETOUT challenge.

Lists

The 8 most famous US military recruiting posters of World War II

On May 8, 1945, the Allies accepted Germany’s unconditional surrender, putting an end to six years of war in Europe. Known as V-E Day, or Victory in Europe, the date was celebrated throughout the world. (V-J Day wouldn’t come until Sep. 2) Now 70 years later, we still remember and celebrate the incredible bravery, sacrifice, and resolve of the Allied forces. But we should also remember what persuaded many of those soldiers to enlist in the first place: recruiting posters.


Posters were ubiquitous during the era, whether they were asking men and women to join the Army, buy war bonds, or to be careful about talking about troop movements. We rounded up some of the most famous recruiting posters here.

1. Perhaps the most famous poster ever was of “Uncle Sam” and while it was used extensively during World War II, it actually first came out in 1917.

 

The best submarine movies of all time

 

2. But Sam showed up in World War II-specific recruiting efforts as well, like this one below from 1944. And the original poster can still often be seen at modern recruitment offices.

 

The best submarine movies of all time

3. In the wake of Japan’s surprise attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, many answered the call to “Avenge Pearl Harbor.”

The best submarine movies of all time

4. While the era’s posters were not very politically correct, they were effective. It’s worth noting however, that many soldiers were drafted.

The best submarine movies of all time

5. This poster recruited men to join the “Flying Leathernecks.”

The best submarine movies of all time

6. While this one pushed for Navy enlistments. The war in the Pacific during World War II was the largest naval conflict in history, according to CombinedFleet.com.

The best submarine movies of all time

7. This popular poster of a U.S. Marine “ready” from 1942 was so iconic, an updated version of a Marine with the tagline of “still ready” was made in the Post-9/11 era.

The best submarine movies of all time

 

8. And for those on the home front, the “Rosie the Riveter” poster became well-known for motivating women to take over factory jobs men had left behind to fight in the war.

 

The best submarine movies of all time

Lists

The 12 best quotes from ‘Apocalypse Now’

We’ve picked out the best military movie quotes of all time, singled out the greatest lines from “Full Metal Jacket” specifically, and now it’s time to turn our attention to “Apocalypse Now.”


The Vietnam-war classic from Francis Ford Coppola yields a number of classic lines that fans can quote at will, from Kilgore’s comments about napalm to an intelligence officer’s use of the phrase “with extreme prejudice.”

 

These are WATM’s picks for the top 12 quotes from the 1979 film.

1. Col. Kilgore: “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn’t find one of ’em, not one stinkin’ dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like … victory.”

 

2. Capt. Willard: “Saigon… sh-t. I’m still only in Saigon.”

3. Col. Kilgore: “Someday this war’s gonna end.”

4. Capt. Willard: “Terminate the Colonel?”

Civilian intelligence official: ” … Terminate with extreme prejudice.”

5. Capt. Willard: “Oh man… the bullsh-t piled up so fast in Vietnam, you needed wings to stay above it.”

6. Capt. Willard: “Charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out speeding tickets in the Indy 500.”

7. Capt. Willard: “‘Never get out of the boat.’ Absolutely goddamn right! Unless you were goin’ all the way… Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole f–kin’ program.”

8. Col. Kilgore: “If I say its safe to surf this beach, Captain, then its safe to surf this beach!”

The best submarine movies of all time

9. Chef: “I just wanted to learn to f–kin’ cook, man!”

10. Capt. Willard: “Who’s the commanding officer here?”

Soldier: “Ain’t you?”

11. Col. Kilgore: “Charlie don’t surf!”

12. Col. Kurtz: “The horror … the horror.”

The best submarine movies of all time

NOW: This video shows how ‘Full Metal Jacket’ was made

Lists

7 things NCOs have done but will never admit

We all secretly know that non-commissioned officer, AKA NCOs, are the ones who really run the military and command the grunt work.


The military has its fair share of good NCOs and bad ones, but you don’t have to be a bad one to occasionally bend the rules to your benefit.

Although NCOs have a lot of power — sometimes like to brag about it — there are a few things most will never admit to.

Related: 22 things every boot has done but will never, ever admit

So, check out these seven things that NCOs have done but will never admit:

1. Leading from the rear

The truth is, many NCOs have no idea how to get a group of people to work together or follow their lead — but they pretend they do.

The best submarine movies of all time

2. Showing off in front of their spouses

Everyone wants to look important and if that means telling a boot worthless information to look cool, then so be it.

3.  Gundecking important paperwork

Gundecking is mainly a Navy term which means, “reporting fraudulent information for personal gain, satisfaction, or to cut corners.”

The best submarine movies of all time

4. Renting out government space or equipment to make extra cash

If you have the keys to a large, party-friendly space or have access to a cool satellite system to watch football, what better way to make extra cash than to rent that sucker out?

5. Singling out troops that don’t like to stand duty

Some service members think standing duty is more of a punishment than it is their duty. We hear you — it can totally feel like a punishment.

6. Keeping their troops late even when they don’t need to

Some NCOs just want to feel powerful after their higher-ups belittle them, so they take it out on their troops.

Also Read: 6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

7. Getting a boot to snitch on another boot

Some call it good leadership while others calling it just plain old snitching. Most NCOs are not on the side of their junior enlisted troops.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Feb. 24

There’s an internet full of military memes, and we’ve proudly sorted through it to find you the best and funniest out there.


1. Timmy, sometimes you have to bring cigarettes for others (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The best submarine movies of all time
Otherwise, dudes get merked.

2. To everyone who married a service member, thank you. Really, truly (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The best submarine movies of all time
But please remember that being in the service and serving are two different things. Like, Melania seems like a great lady but she’s not the one signing executive orders.

ALSO SEE: Boeing unveils commercial for Eagle 2040C

3. Watching everyone else go through the obstacle course feels a little like CoD (via Military World).

The best submarine movies of all time
Going through it yourself feels like cold mud seeping through your uniform.

4. Marines do a lot of “impossible” things. Being miserable while hiking just comes naturally to them.

The best submarine movies of all time
Something about the choking dust, sore muscles, and drinking from a Camelbak makes it easy.

5. Pretty much any quarterly or annual training feels this way (via Coast Guard Memes).

The best submarine movies of all time

6. Well, this time you’ll just have to do it right (via The Salty Soldier).

The best submarine movies of all time

7. Freedom!

(via Team Non-Rec)

The best submarine movies of all time
Not sure how people resist drawing smiley faces next to the annotation in the book when their relief arrived.

8. Everywhere we go-oooo, there’s a nosy sergeant there (via U.S Army W.T.F! moments).

The best submarine movies of all time
Also, $10 says this photo was taken on a cell phone.

9. Worst part about complaining in the Army? People interrupting your complaints (via The Salty Soldier).

The best submarine movies of all time

10. “Are we going to have a good weekend, or not?”

(via Team Non-Rec)

The best submarine movies of all time
But really, be careful out there. MOPP level 4.

11. “Thank you for thanking me?”

(via The Salty Soldier)

The best submarine movies of all time
We appreciate your support, but just send care packages and pay your taxes.

12. D-mn boots. So embarrassing (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The best submarine movies of all time
But where did you get your onesie? I have a very patriotic girlfriend.

13. It’s always a dumb idea (via Coast Guard Memes).

The best submarine movies of all time
What’s really funny is to watch a young career counselor who just re-enlisted indefinite.

Articles

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

By now, we should all understand the life of Ian Fleming’s signature British spy is nothing like the real world of clandestine international espionage agents. The Silver Screen Bond is less clandestine, more clandestish. Even so, there are probably a million reasons any guy would want to be James Bond, and most of those reasons are why he’s a terrible spy.


1. He uses his real name

Secrecy is the most necessary element in the world of spies, so it’s a bad idea to use a real name. Even if James Bond is a cover name, he still uses the same cover name every time. Which is pretty much the same thing and seems like terrible espionage. Knowing how great Bond is with disguises, if he had to make up his own cover name every time, it would probably be just as useless.

The best submarine movies of all time
Bond is supposed to be Japanese here. No that’s not a joke.

He’s much better at thinking of bad puns after killing people. No wonder he needs so much help on every mission. Helping Bond can be hazardous to your health. For instance, a guy named Quarrel helps Bond throughout Dr. No and 007 lets Quarrel get torched by an armored flamethrower. Valentin Zukovsy saves Bond, his missions, and the world banking system in two films and Bond lets him get shot to death. And then, like a uniquely British STD, there’s the slew of women who die after a night with him.

2. He cares more about bedding women than any mission

That 007 cares more about sleeping with women than completing (or starting) a mission comes up more than once. In fact, in the first few movies, he doesn’t start his super-important missions until after sleeping with some woman he just met.

That those women usually don’t make it to the end credits is more evidence that James Bond should not be the clandestine agent Great Britain depends on for its security. It’s almost as if these women had to sleep with James Bond.

The best submarine movies of all time
That’s the actual line from the movie.

If Bond cared about them, they would probably have a higher survival rate. The only woman Bond ever saved without banging was M, and he couldn’t get away fast enough. It literally took 5 seconds. This also probably why she survives to be in other movies.

If Bond doesn’t care about them, he sure takes it personally every time one of them dies or betrays him — another terrible trait for a spy. Natalya Simonova was one the best Bond girls, but driving a tank around St. Petersberg trying to save her is a great way to blow your cover. Speaking of which…

3. He blows his cover on every mission

In Dr. No, Bond spends half the movie trying to convince an islander to help him infiltrate Dr. No’s radioactive island. He finally does and they sneak on in the middle of the night, only for Bond to give them away first thing the next morning when he sees a woman in a bikini.

The best submarine movies of all time

In Goldfinger, he’s supposed to monitor Goldfinger, but instead of that, he immediately breaks into Goldfinger’s suite, introduces himself to Goldfinger’s employee, taunts him via radio, forces him to lose thousands of dollars, then bangs his employee! Is anyone surprised when Goldfinger knocks Bond out in his own kitchen? In my opinion, Jill got dipped in gold paint because she makes poor life choices.

The best submarine movies of all time
At least she’s wearing clean underwear.

That was Goldfinger’s employee. In Thunderball, 007 sleeps with his mark’s girlfriend.

4. He drinks like it’s his job

The drinking. All the drinking. The guy is clearly an alcoholic. In the U.S., you can’t even get a top secret security clearance with that much alcohol use, let alone be the top field agent. How does Bond not die in alcohol-related incidents? Or of cirrhosis?

The best submarine movies of all time
One thing at a time, man!

He needs booze to do anything. Sure, we can give him a pass for having a drink while gambling. That helps maintain an effective cover. But how many does he need for that purpose? This is the guy who keeps a bottle of chilled champagne in his tricked-out Aston-Martin just in case he has a lady in need of an emergency picnic. And he pops the compartment open in a move that would make Glenn Quagmire proud.

The best submarine movies of all time

With the exception of Timothy Dalton’s chronically misdressed Bond (he wears a shabby wool suit to work and a tuxedo to the carnival), 007 always looks impeccable. How does Bond always manage to look so suave and clean? With as much as he drinks and spends all night every night shagging some new girl, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be tired, unshaven, and smelling like liquor.

The best submarine movies of all time
ARCHER IS A DOCUMENTARY

 5. He gets captured all the time

Dr. No captures Bond and serves him breakfast. Bond immediately allows himself to be drugged by drinking the coffee like it was life-giving vodka. When he’s trying to turn a Russian general’s girlfriend in The Living Daylights, he CHUGS the martini she gives him. Drugged again. It’s a miracle he ever escapes anything alive. Poisoned vodka should have been enough to kill 007 in 1965 but then again, alcohol poisoning should have done him in a dozen times.

The best submarine movies of all time
This should have been the end of every movie.

Alec Trevelyan captures him twice. In Afghanistan, he escapes capture from the Soviets, only to be immediately captured by the Muhajeddin. Elecktra King doesn’t have any special powers or weapons and she captures 007 AND M. Goldfinger captured 007 and carted him around the world for at least a week. James Bond drove up to Harlem in the 1970s, tailing a gangster, then walked right into his nightclub. He was captured and held at gunpoint in about thirty seconds. Later in the same movie (Live and Let Die) he does it again.

6. He never notices the mole in MI6

Every time he travels, every where he goes, the enemy always knows his exact schedule. It doesn’t matter if it’s Eastern Europe, Turkey, or Jamaica, enemy agents always know when his flight arrives and what the world’s top secret superspy looks like. It also doesn’t matter who the enemy is, SPECTRE, Russia, or Dr. No.  Ignoring M16’s mole entirely, Bond spends a lot of tim in Dr. No trying to interrogate his people. When he finally subdues a geology professor who tires to kill him, 007 just shoots him instead of asking him anything.

The best submarine movies of all time

In Casino Royale, he doesn’t even bother to check what bank account Vesper Lynd transfers the money to. That could have been a great clue into what was really going on.

7. He rarely searches his hotel rooms for thugs, bugs, or anything

In Goldfinger, Bond blows up a drug lab and then walk right to the bar (surprise) to bang a dancer (big surprise). He walks into her room and starts undressing, missing the thug waiting to kill him. He only notices in the reflection on her eyeball. As the attacker drops the blow, he spins around and lets the lady take it.

In From Russia With Love, after not being in his hotel for two days, he just waltzes in, disrobes and orders breakfast. He doesn’t search for bugs or bombs or anything. THERE’S SOMEONE IN HIS BED and he doesn’t even notice. When he finds out its a woman, He even allows himself to be filmed having sex with her, his Russian informant, who is double crossing him.

It’s a good thing SPECTRE is as incompetent as he is. Even Blofeld, the most epic of all his nemeses, met an ignominious end when Bond dropped his WHEELCHAIR down a smokestack.

8. He hangs out with the supervillains he’s supposed to take out

In Live and Let Die, 007 disarms and captures a woman by burning the assailant’s drawn gun hand with a cigar while breaking into his hotel room. She says she’s CIA… and that’s good enough for James Bond, even though she can’t do any actual spy stuff or shoot a weapon. He sleeps with her anyway, then spends the next day fishing with her.

The best submarine movies of all time
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but fishing maybe?

Bond spends DAYS with Pussy Galore and Goldfinger without trying to escape even once. He drinks with Emilio Largo, vacations with Electra King, and bangs media baron Elliot Carver’s wife while staying at his house in Hamburg.

9. He’s a huge drain on the taxpayer

And doesn’t James Bond live a really lavish lifestyle for spy? Tuxedos, Aston-Martins, Gambling in the Riviera, not to mention all these other exotic locales? Why doesn’t SPECTRE set up shop in places that are little more out of reach for the West, like Sudan or North Korea? The Bahamas seems like a terrible place to start an evil plan or terrorist group. Bond’s life is one of tuxedos, luxury cars, and champagne.

The best submarine movies of all time

Cost Benefit analysis: how much does it cost for James Bond to stop these villains vs. What the villains actually want. How much was that invisible car? How many people died to get Bond in Space? At some point we have to wonder if it wouldn’t be cheaper just to let the bad guys win one. But be advised: When he doesn’t get his way, he rebels and becomes an enemy of the state.

10. He destroys everything

He destroys national monuments, kills local cops, and troops who are only doing their job, even when Russia isn’t the bad guy. It’s not like the cops know who he is, they’re just trying to protect the innocent. Someone let James Bond know Blue Lives Matter. And he can’t just kill someone. It takes four cars, two helicopters, and a train to get to the bad guy. Even when he’s assigned to get one guy, 007 blows up half an african embassy to do it (and gets caught on camera in the process).

The best submarine movies of all time
Even if Bond is a cover name used by many agents, he just blew his cover (see reason #3).

On that note, who is the bad guy here? Isn’t M16 supposed to be supporting justice and peace? Instead their main guy is blowing up dams and trashing cities. He drove a tank through an apartment in St. Petersburg.

The best submarine movies of all time
Because f*ck you and everything you love.

If he pulled this stuff in the U.S. it would be on Fox News in heartbeat, and there goes his cover. He ruins weddings, birthdays, and lives.

The best submarine movies of all time
And especially vacations. Rue Brittania.

BONUS: Q Branch isn’t that great either.

Pen grenade? Awesome. Magnet and/or laser watch? Perfect. Crocodile suit? Are you kidding me, Q?

The best submarine movies of all time

 

Lists

7 real excuses troops use that no NCO ever believes

No one likes being stuck on a pointless detail. Whether it’s a legitimate task that needs to be done or it’s just a way to stall for time until close-out formation, everyone would much rather be doing nothing. Some troops will try to talk their way out of work — but NCOs have been in long enough to hear each and every excuse troops can imagine. Plus,chances are they tried to use the exact same ones back in the day.

Yes, there are valid excuses out there, but an NCO who’s been around for a while will side-eye even the most honest troop because of the onslaught of lame excuses, like these:


[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2FgBW8Qgfaa2ije.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=429&h=02aa884b075c1e402ff3f094ca6074ba009fc78ed9a0cd675ff90c9d378733f6&size=980x&c=1484226771 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252FgBW8Qgfaa2ije.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D429%26h%3D02aa884b075c1e402ff3f094ca6074ba009fc78ed9a0cd675ff90c9d378733f6%26size%3D980x%26c%3D1484226771%22%7D” expand=1]

Your NCO might set you up with a more effective alarm clock.

“I didn’t set my alarm clock…”

Military life is nothing if not consistent. You know that each and every morning you’re going to be at PT at a specific time.

The only way that someone could not set their alarm clock is if they undid it for whatever reason.

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2F3PXg93igwUni8.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=763&h=a50095f161d9beb4eff23333a1b883fd5b5f8c9ee71d94b33add80d31fb23c2a&size=980x&c=2163244913 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252F3PXg93igwUni8.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D763%26h%3Da50095f161d9beb4eff23333a1b883fd5b5f8c9ee71d94b33add80d31fb23c2a%26size%3D980x%26c%3D2163244913%22%7D” expand=1]

They’ll know if you come back without your face being numb.

Giphy

“I’ve got an appointment…”

Appointments are known well in advance, so it’s kind of hard to get caught off guard. You can’t miss a dental appointment or else the chain of command will get hammered for it. So, most NCOs won’t interrogate a troop if they say they’ve got to see the dentist, but it just so happens to be time for a huge detail and someone just so happens to have a surprise appointment, they might check their slip.

The best submarine movies of all time

Don’t worry. Motrin fixes everything.

“I’m not feeling too well…”

Getting seen by the medics/Corpsmen is a necessary headache in the military and coming down with some kind of sickness isn’t unheard of among grunts who live in some rough conditions.

Still, there’s a proper channel for these sorts of things. The military isn’t like some civilian job where you can just “call in sick” whenever you feel like it. The only alibi that might work is to blame MREs for some god-awful movements in your bowels.

Even if it doesn’t work, you’ll be ridiculed to the point that you might as well see the medics for burn treatment.

The best submarine movies of all time

So many people are getting away with driving without a PT belt. I’m disappointed.

(Meme via USAWTFM)

“I didn’t know that…”

Citing your own ignorance is the fastest way to infuriate an NCO. Essentially, the subordinate is trying to forgive their own wrongdoings by hot-potatoing the blame directly onto a superior.

If what you didn’t know actually was niche information, like the location of connex keys, you might catch some slack, but don’t ever think of saying something like, “but I didn’t know that I couldn’t walk on Sergeant Major’s grass!”

The best submarine movies of all time

Everyone gets creative with the crap in supply.

(Meme via Navy Memes)

“I can’t because we’re all out of…”

This is a catch-all excuse for anything that shifts the blame onto supply, but it’s almost always used in regards to cleaning supplies.

Sure, the cleaning closet may look bone dry, but your average supply room has more bottles of PineSol than they know what to do with. They’d be more than happy to clear some space in their lockers for actual military stuff. Just ask them.

The best submarine movies of all time

If you’re driving one of these around, we may believe you… but don’t expect sympathy.

“I can’t come in because my car…”

If you’re coming from off-post and your car breaks down, that sucks. Let your superiors know what’s going on. If you report the issue two minutes before formation, you’re in the barracks a few blocks over, and you didn’t ask anyone else for a ride, then good luck keeping your rank.

The best submarine movies of all time

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

“But Sgt. Smith told me…”

Don’t ever play the “mommy vs daddy” game between NCOs — you’ll always lose. They won’t just take you at your word. They’ll argue and you’ll be brought in as a witness. If it turns out that you were just saying that to try and weasel your way out of something, well, try not to cry when you get ninja-punched.

Articles

The 7 weirdest nuclear weapons ever developed

Nuclear weapons are in their own class, completely separate from every other kind of weapon in the arsenal. But, not all nuclear weapons are created equal. Here are the weirdest ones that saw service in the U.S. military.


1. Jeep-mounted recoilless rifle: the Davy-Crockett (1956)

The Davy Crockett had a 10 or 20-ton yield, depending on the type. There were two launchers for the Crockett, one of which would be mounted on Jeeps. Crocketts would be deployed with mortar platoons who would aim the weapons into Soviet troop and tank concentrations, poisoning the Russians with extreme levels of radiation within a quarter-mile radius of the point of impact.

2. Air-to-Air Missiles: AIR-2 Genie (1957) and AIM-26 Falcon (1961)

Before effective surface-to-air missiles or guided air-to-air missiles, America was looking for a way to shoot down large formations of enemy planes.

One idea was to fire an unguided air-to-air nuclear missile. Enter the AIR-2 Genie. Fielded in 1957, it was capable of being fired from an American fighter and the 1.5-kiloton blast was lethal to 300 meters. To prove to the American public that the missile could be safely detonated over American cities, a single Genie missile was detonated as five Air Force officers stood below it.

Four years later, a guided missile entered service. The AIM-26 was capable of a 250-ton nuclear explosion and chased its target using semi-active radar.

3. Nuclear torpedo: Mark 45 anti-submarine torpedo (1963)

The best submarine movies of all time
Photo: Cliff, Wikimedia Commons

Designed to kill enemy subs, the Mark 45 was guided by wire. Triggering the 11-kiloton detonation required a command from the firing sub. The nearly 19-foot torpedo had a range of 5 to 8 miles.

4. Rockets: UUM-44 SUBROC (1963)

The best submarine movies of all time
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

The UUM-44 was a submarine-launched rocket that would exit a sub, ignite its rocket engine, leave the water and fly to a predetermined point. There, the rocket would separate and the warhead would fall into the water as a depth charge, detonating at a programmed depth and killing enemy subs. With its 5-kiloton nuclear warhead, the SUBROC wasn’t really worried with direct hits.

5. Land mine: atomic demolition munitions (1964)

The best submarine movies of all time
Photo: DoD

Though commonly referred to as nuclear land mines, ADMs were really designed as area denial weapons where the bombs would be detonated ahead of advancing troops, triggering rockslides and poisoning the environment. Special versions could also be dropped behind enemy lines with two-man teams who would use the bombs to destroy ports, power plants, or communications hubs. Since they could be remotely detonated, the ADMs could be used as mines as long as a human stayed within the remote’s range and waited for the advancing enemy. They had a nuclear yield between .5 and 15 kilotons.

6. Artillery: M65 Atomic Cannon (1953) and M198 (1963)

There were a variety of nuclear artillery shells in the U.S. arsenal (China, India, and Pakistan still have them), most of them arrived in the field between 1953 and 1963. Initial models were like the M65 in the video, large-caliber rounds with large warheads delivering 15-20 kilotons of boom. The nuclear punch got smaller as smaller rounds were developed, ending with a 155mm round that delivered 72-ton yield.

7. Cryogenically-cooled bombs: Mark 16 (1954)

The best submarine movies of all time
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

The Mark 16 only served in an emergency capacity from January 1954 to April 1954. Based on the designs of the first thermonuclear bomb ever fired, the Ivy Mike, the bombs contained deuterium that had to be constantly cooled to below -238 Fahrenheit. They delivered 6-8 megatons (a megaton is 1,000 kilotons) of destruction, but were rendered obsolete by the successful testing of solid fuel thermonuclear bombs that didn’t require cooling.

NOW: 16 celebs who grew up as military brats

OR: The 12 most iconic military recruiting spots of all time

Lists

5 reasons why military personnel give civilians a hard time

Every single one of us was a civilian before we shipped off to boot camp and had our way of thinking altered to the military mindset that gets hardwired to our brains.


Good work ethic, teamwork, and honor are just a few traits we organically picked up throughout our training.

Even if we get out, that military mindset never really goes away, and as a result, we see civilians in a different light moving forward.

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

So check out five reasons why military personnel hate on civilians (we still love you guys, though):

5. They don’t get our humor

We have dark freakin’ humor, and we can’t hide it — nor do we want to. We go through some rough experiences and manage to joke about them as a coping mechanism.

What we think is funny, most civilians consider f*cked up absurd, but we’re not going to change, so get used to it!

This guy gets it. (Image via GIPHY)

4. Most civilians lolly gaggle and fiddle f*ck around

The military teaches us to get sh*t done — oftentimes under great stress or over long hours. Sure, everyone has to sleep at the end of the day, but breaks aren’t guaranteed, there’s no overtime, and we don’t get reimbursed for weekend duty. We can spend all day at work and not see an extra dime.

3. We do more before 0500 than they will do all day

Our command can tell us to be ready for work whenever they want us to without advanced notice. Typically we PT hardcore first thing in the morning or draw weapons before hiking miles out to the field — then eat a cold breakfast.

Why are we awake if there’s no sun? (Image via GIPHY)

2. Most civies don’t know the meaning of a “hard days work.”

Many military jobs require the service member to be in constant danger, and we rarely hear them complain about it — since they did volunteer, afterall. Nowadays, we hear people say how stressful their office job is even though they have breezy air conditioning and hot chow when they want it.

Also Read: 6 reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry

1. They get paid more for the same job.

Many contractors get paid way more than we do for the exact same job, and then drive off in an E-Class Mercedes at the end of the day while we march back to our barracks room.

It’s not the civilians’ fault, but we need someone to blame.

They got so much money, they don’t know what to do with it. (Image via GIPHY)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 awesome weapon arsenals in the movies

No action movie is complete without having big explosions and high-powered automatic weapons that help the good guys save the day.


Now, not every story needs to have an epic scene where the heroes gear up just to show off their weapon inventory. But when they do, the nostalgia of seeing them enter into a weapons vault sends chills down the audience’s spine.

Related: This is why silencers actually make your infantry weapon better

So check out our list of awesome weapon arsenals we’ve seen in the movies:

1. The Matrix

Although this takes place in the digital world, its endless variety of weapons will get any firearm collector’s mouth watering.

Damn, kid! (Images via Giphy)

2. The Boondock Saints

When you’re fighting crime in Boston, you need to have a weapon arsenal that can handle the load. They seem to have it.

Gun, guns, and more guns. (Image via Giphy)

3. Hot Fuzz

After a motivated cop relocates to a dull town where a murder hasn’t been committed in over 20-years, he’s bound to uncover something. But when he stumbles upon the town’s dark secret, he uses some big guns from the fully stocked arsenal to save the day.

A jaw dropping weapon arsenal. (Image via Giphy)

4. G.I. Joe: Retaliation

When the G.I. Joes take the fight to their arch nemesis known as Cobra, small pistols just aren’t sufficient enough to win the battle. They turn to General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) for his expertise and his brilliant combative setup.

I hope he lives alone. (Image via Giphy)

5. Mr. Smith’s

When the worlds greatest male assassin finds out his wife is the world’s greatest female assassin it’s time to break out the big guns — and kill her.

Over kill? (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 female TV detectives who’d make badass drill instructors

6. Mrs. Smith’s

When the worlds greatest female assassin finds out her husband is the world’s greatest male assassin it’s time to break out the big guns — and kill him.

Not the best place to hide an arsenal, but it’s still badass. (Image via Giphy)We’re starting to think they might not be the best assassins after all.

7. Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Taking down a huge corporation like Skynet while fighting an indestructible T-1000 is not easy. Luckily the good guys found a weapons vault in the middle of the desert.

Oh, yeah! (Image via Giphy)

Bonus: Tremors

Fighting off big a** worms requires some pretty large caliber weapons and tons of bad acting.

How do movies like this get the greenlight? (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Do Not Sell My Personal Information