MIGHTY CULTURE

6 things your drill sergeant can do that are worse than getting punched

There's probably a part of us that is worried about our drill sergeant, drill instructor, training instructor, and RDCs are going to lose their cool and just pummel us into basic trainee mush. If you've ever seen their faces close enough to smell what they had for breakfast, they were probably really ripping into you, and that's enough to make anyone wonder: Am I in danger?

In reality, that's probably the least of your worries.


1. Give you a nickname for the rest of your life.

Quick! Give him a nickname! I'm going with "The Drew Carey Show."

There's a good chance you're going to tech school, AIT, or whatever your branch of service calls career training with some of the guys or gals from your basic training unit. While many of us can safely walk away from basic training saying to ourselves, "Well, at least no one saw that," gaining a funny nickname from your training instructors is the kind of thing that could follow you your whole career – and it's not cool unless it's a call sign.

Nothing would be worse than retiring after 20 years and everyone calling you Chief "Chunkin.'"

2. Make you chug your entire canteen.

The opposite of water discipline.

It's not easy to chug that much water in one breath, especially without getting it all over yourself, but sometimes, when a grown man is yelling at you, demanding you do it that way, that's what you have to do. This is the most military punishment since push-ups were created, except this one is dumb. Watching a recruit open their throat and try to take a whole canteen like it's a beer shotgun is the like watching someone stand to be waterboarded. It did not look fun.

Then, of course, 15 minutes later, you have to ask that same drill sergeant to use the latrine.

3. Force you to use your mattress as a scrub brush.

But with a mattress.

The first thing training instructors are is funny. Then, when the bizarre punishments happen to you, those same people become awful and absurd. There are few greater absurd punishments than watching a platoon scrub a floor with a wet mattress on a Sunday.

God help you if that's your mattress.

4. Smoke you all day.

PT, literally all day. The only time you get to stop is to eat. Until those times, you will run in circles around your platoon or flight as it marches, you will do push-ups until you have to roll your body over and can only get up with assistance, and you will do so many mountain climbers, it creates a defensive fire position for every single person in your unit, so they don't have to dig.

And you'll still do PT the next day.

5. Recycle you.

If you read the previous four entries on this list, imagine having a few more weeks of opportunity to experience them all again. For the civilians of the world out there, recycling means moving a basic trainee into a previous week of training, forcing the recruit to go back and re-do the weeks of training he or she already did, and extending basic training by that long.

No one wants to be in basic training for longer than necessary. It's summer camp for the power bottom crowd.

6. Just stare.

A stare as old as time.

The icy, cold stare that informs you:

  1. 1. You messed up.
  2. 2. Bad.
  3. 3. But you don't know how bad.
  4. 4. And you probably don't know what it was.
  5. 5. You want to be anywhere else.