Some things that come down the chain of command will hurt your very soul when you, the lowest “link,” hear about them. Of course, “deployment extended” and “Dear John” have firmly secured their place on the podium of most-hated phrases, but these ones burn the ears, regardless of circumstance.
Nothing good ever comes from these seven phrases.
1. “Make it happen.”
Every now and then, an impossible task becomes an imperative in someone’s eyes. This leads to the phrase that shuts down all conversation.
Doesn’t matter. You’ll have to beg, borrow, or steal whatever you need to, well, “make it happen.”
2. “We’re expecting little-to-no resistance.”
While you’re deployed, this one sentence seems to jinx everything.
The platoon could just be out doing ‘atmosphericals’ (basically, you roll around an area of operations and just poke around to see if anyone wants to come play) for months, and nothing will happen. The moment your platoon leader says this phrase, every enemy decides to make an appearance.
3. “Why didn’t you square away your battle buddy?”
This is usually uttered when a squadmate does something stupid, unsafe, criminal, or a combination of the three.
And yet, blame gets shifted from the one who’s actually at fault or the NCO in charge of the one who’s actually at fault onto the battle buddy or shipmate who was probably in their own barracks playing video games.
4. “It’s time to embrace the suck.”
Things are about to get real, and the sh*t is about to hit the fan.
Oddly enough, and not to pass judgment or anything, but the staff officer who jokes about the imminent sh*tstorm usually seems to make it out squeaky clean.
5. “This shouldn’t take that long.”
This has two different meanings depending on when it’s said.
If it’s used when you’re told to go empty a shipping container (also known as a conex), that means they don’t understand shipping containers. If it’s while you’re sweating your ass off while emptying that conex and they come out of nowhere to say it, they’re as**oles.
6. “Weapons draw at zero too-f*cking early hundred.”
This always comes down to the moment before the range, field op, or something similar.
Sure, weapons draw may be at 0400, but the armorer won’t show until 0635, you won’t get to the Motor Pool until 0830, and, just to put a bit more salt on that wound, the command team already planned on SPing out at 1030. All the while, you probably didn’t roll into bed around midnight and didn’t get a lick of sleep.
7. Anything involving “100% accountability” when off-duty.
This means that something terrible has happened or that someone has done something terribly stupid.
It comes in all shapes and sizes — “Ladi dadi, everybody” and “All-hands on deck.” This always sucks because your leadership probably isn’t heartless machines. They also enjoy weekends and time off. Which is probably why the blame gets shifted to a battle buddy.
