5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth - We Are The Mighty
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5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

It’s now official: Marines will put some F-35Bs on HMS Queen Elizabeth for the British carrier’s first deployment in 2021.


That said, the Brits will find that the U.S. Marines will do things a bit differently than Her Majesty’s lads. Here are a few things the Brits will need to do to make life “Oorah!” for American Leathernecks.

1. Schedule regular beer runs

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Photo Credit: Streetwear Deals

The Brits may need to borrow a Supply-class replenishment ship just to have enough beer on hand for the Marines. You see, no thanks to Josephus Daniels the U.S. Navy doesn’t allow alcohol on board its vessels.

Royal Navy ships, on the other hand, are “wet,” and with the heat on carrier decks, Marines will get thirsty. The Brits will need sufficient supplies of Coors Lite to keep the Marines happy.

Oh, yeah, and when it comes to the harder stuff – figure that it might not hurt to have extras on stock. But they can leave the brandy and sherry ashore.

2. Ditch the tea and pile up the energy drinks

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
An aluminum recycling bin is filled with empty energy drink cans in this 2009 photo. That year, 1,000 cans of energy drinks were sold each week at just ONE exchange in Germany. (Photo by Pfc. Jennifer Kennemer, 16th Mobile Public Affairs Detachment)

Earl Gray is not what most Marines will drink around 5:00pm. Forget even offering it.

Energy drinks on the other hand, are popular amongst all American service members. To fully understand how popular they are, keep in mind that according to a 2016 DOD release, Monster was the most popular cold beverage sold in the exchanges. In 2009, one exchange store reported selling 1,000 cans a week, according to an Army release.

Come to think of it… you may need a second replenishment ship for all the Monster that will be consumed. We’re sure Military Sealift Command will give a discount for leasing two Supply-class ships.

3. Stock coffee … and lots of it

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Marines make Coffee on Iwo Jima

While we’re talking about pick-me-ups, it may not be a bad idea to remember that the Marines will also drink coffee — and lots of it.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs from “NCIS” is not an aberration. The grouchiness if he doesn’t have his coffee – that’s not an aberration, either.

And the Marines have to have it.

That photo above was taken during the Battle of Iwo Jima. Trust me, if Leathernecks had their coffee during Iwo Jima — and did what they did there — you don’t want to see what Marines do without their coffee.

That might take a third Supply-class replenishment ship, by the way. MSC has to have a discount for leasing three, wethinks.

4. Add a rifle range

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
An M9 service pistol’s magazine rests on the firing line next to a scoring sheet during a pistol qualification course aboard Camp Lejeune, N.C., April 7, 2015. (U.S. Marine Corps photo taken by Cpl. Alexander Mitchell/released)

The Marines’ motto is, “Every Marine a Rifleman.” Even the jet jockeys.

So, you’re gonna need a range so the Marines can qualify on the M16A4 rifle and the M9 pistol. That means you’ll need a good backstop, plenty of ammo, and plenty of spare magazines for both (luckily the British L85 rifle uses the same magazines as the M16).

5. Brush up on what real football is

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
U.S. Naval Academy quarterback Kriss Proctor runs the ball during the 112th Army-Navy Football game at FEDEX Field in Landover, Md. The Midshipmen have won the previous nine meetings. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Chad Runge/Released)

Also, depending on the time of year, you will be in football season.

No, we’re not talking the game with the black-and-white round ball. That’s soccer.

We’re talking real football. Eleven on a team, yes, but beyond that, the Brits will need to know the intricacies of the 46 defense, what “Cover 2” means, and just who Tom Brady, DeMarcus Ware, and Ezekiel Elliot are — among others.

Also, don’t even think of mentioning Manchester United in the same breath as the Chicago Bears. Just don’t.

They aren’t even in the same league as Da Bears.

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This is why going mudding in a World War I era tank is a bad idea

The front line of WWI was a dangerous place. From bullets to bombs to poison gas, the death that could be dealt on the battlefield came from many directions.


Mother nature included.

Excessive rains made mobility difficult as troops were forced to navigate through the mud-choked battlefields, making resupply and transport nearly impossible. With both sides bogged down, tanks were thought to enable a breakthrough, but they too soon succumbed to the clutches of mud.

Known as “Mark 1,” the first tank was constructed with 105hp Daimler engine and carried two Hotchkiss six-pound (57mm) guns. The crew consisted four gunners and three drivers, and the tank maneuvered on caterpillar tracks with separate gearboxes.

Soldiers had to endure intense heat in the crew compartment, extreme noise and would sometimes be trapped for days if the tank got stuck.

After multiple design failures, the British considered canceling their tank program, but supporters kept them in the Empire’s arsenal.

Related: Why WWII soldiers nicknamed the Sherman tank ‘death trap’

New tactics breathed new life into the lumbering beasts, focusing them into mass attacks that took advantage of proper terrain.

Check out the History Channel‘s video below to see how these first tanks made an impact on the battlefields of the War To End All Wars.

(History Channel, YouTube) 
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New Navy secretary welcomes ‘any patriot that wants to serve’

Navy Secretary Richard V. Spencer visited Naval Station Norfolk for the first time August 10, where he pledged that America would defend itself and its allies against aggression from North Korea.


Tensions between the US and North Korea have escalated amid threats from Kim Jong Un to lob missiles near the American territory of Guam, which is home to naval and Air Force bases. President Donald Trump ramped up warnings of “fire and fury” should the dictator put his plan into action.

Spencer, who was sworn in as the Navy’s 76th secretary August 3, declined to comment on the Navy’s preparations in the Pacific.

“We just hope that Korea stops acting the way it does,” Spencer said. “We’re going to defend ourselves; we are going to defend our allies. They should know that, and we hope that we can have conversations and de-escalate.”

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
US Marine Corps Sgt. Maj. Rafael Rodriguez (right), command sergeant major of Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island and Eastern Recruiting Regions, greets Secretary of the Navy Richard V. Spencer. Photo by Lance Cpl. Erin Ramsay.

Spencer’s comments came after he toured the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford and Virginia-class submarine USS John Warner and named people, capabilities, and process as priorities for his new role.

Spencer joined the Marine Corps in 1976 after graduating from Rollins College with a bachelor’s degree in economics and flew the service’s H-46 helicopter. He attained the rank of captain before leaving in 1981 for a career in finance, according to a Navy biography. He most recently served as managing director of Wyoming-based Fall Creek Management, LLC.

Spencer follows Ray Mabus, whose nearly eight years as Navy secretary — the longest since World War I — was marked with criticism for decisions to name some ships after civil and human rights leaders and for dropping a more than two-century-old naval tradition of referring to sailors by their rate, or job title, in favor of rank. That decision was reversed after a storm of fierce opposition.

During his July 11 confirmation hearing, Spencer told members of the Senate Armed Services Committee that he supports the use of alternative energy sources, growing the capacity and capabilities of the fleet, and protecting Navy bases against sea-level rise.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Richard V. Spencer is sworn in as the 76th Secretary of the Navy by William O’Donnell, Department of the Navy administrative assistant. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Jonathan B. Trejo.

Spencer also said he opposed the use of the services as “a petri dish for social experiments,” instead saying it should be left to the Pentagon to develop policy. A little more than two weeks later and in a series of tweets, Trump said he was banning transgender military personnel from service, stunning an unprepared Pentagon.

Marine Corps Gen. Joseph Dunford, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has reaffirmed current policies until additional guidance is given by Defense Secretary Jim Mattis.

Spencer said August 10 he would follow policies developed by the Pentagon at the direction of the White House, adding context to his “petri dish” statement to mean that no service secretary “should go off and do experiments on their own.” But Spencer did not directly say whether the thousands of transgender service members on active duty and in the reserves should be kicked out.

“As I’ve said before, any patriot that wants to serve and meets all the requirements should be able to serve in our military,” Spencer said.

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This is the ‘Super Bowl’ for special ops commandos

Every year, Jordan’s King Abdullah II Special Operations Training Center hosts the Warrior Competition. Operators from a number of nations battle to be named the top warriors in the world. This year, the competition began on April 19 between 43 teams representing 19 countries. The competition continues until April 25.


Competition events change from year to year. For 2015, the KASOTC is planning 10 events, with competitors only learning what an event is when they receive orders 24 hours prior to the event start. In previous years, teams have navigated obstacle courses with 180-pound dummies, forced entry onto buses and into buildings, and conducted hostage rescue among other trials.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Photo: youtube.com

Top units from around the world compete. The U.S. has historically refused to send special operations personnel to the competition, citing operational requirements and operational security. This year though, the 2nd Marine Special Operations Battalion is sending a team. Until now, America has primarily been represented by police units and teams made up of standard Army and Marine infantry.

China, which sends its top police units, has done very well in recent years. Its Snow Leopard Commando Unit won in 2013 and 2014, but will be absent this year. Instead, China will be represented by two other elite police units. Other countries sending teams include Russia, Canada, and Greece, as well as many Middle Eastern countries.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Photo: youtube.com

While training at the facility can cost $250,000, the competition is free for participants. Sponsors in the defense industry pay in and the KASOTC covers the rest of the bill. Both the sponsors and the center pitch products and services to the teams between events. Sponsors generally provide free trials of weapons and gear, allowing participants to try out explosive charges, automatic weapons, armor, and medical equipment.

KASOTC hopes competitors will return home and convince their commands to return to the center for training. Videos advertising the center’s capabilities are impressive. In addition to standard ranges, training areas, and amenities, KASOTC features a mock city, a large ship, and even a plane that units can train on, all of which could appear in the competition.

KASOTC is sharing updates from the competition on their Facebook page.

NOW: 11 incredible videos of weapons firing in slow motion 

OR: 5 Gutsy Replies To Enemy Demands For Surrender 

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This VA doctor pioneered modern heart surgery

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth


Dr. Michael E. DeBakey was one of the most influential and innovative heart doctors in the United States. The man whom the Journal of the American Medical Association once called “the greatest surgeon ever” lived to be 99 years old. In that time, he served his country, saved tens of thousands of lives (including his own), and completely revolutionized the way surgeons work on the human heart.

While a surgeon in World War II, he urged that doctors be moved from hospitals to the front, where medics were usually the only aid available. He created what would become known in the Korean War as the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (or “MASH”) unit. The Army awarded him the Legion of Merit for this innovation.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

DeBakey developed medical programs to care for returning veterans. President Truman asked him to transfer the Houston Navy Hospital to the VA. That hospital, still named after DeBakey, was Baylor University’s first affiliate and first surgical residency program.

The doctor invented many heart-related surgical devices, including the roller pump, which he invented while still in medical school. That pump became the centerpiece of the heart-lung machine, which takes over the functions of the heart and lungs during surgery by supplying oxygenated blood to the brain. Dr. DeBakey’s other surgical innovations, like grafting, bypasses, and the use of mechanical assistance devices are now common practice.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
The Original Operator.

He also was the first to make the link between smoking cigarettes and lung cancer. The idea that inhaling smoke may hurt one’s lungs may seem like an obvious one to us today, when DeBakey and Dr. Alton Ochsner made the connection in 1939, their work was ridiculed by the medical community. The Surgeon General officially documented it in 1964.

Conventional practitioners also ridiculed DeBakey’s idea about using Dacron (polyester) grafts to repair damaged arteries, a procedure that was used to save his life in 2006 when he had a torn aorta.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

In 1969, President Johnson awarded Dr. DeBakey the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor given a United States citizen. In 1987, President Ronald Reagan awarded him the National Medal of Science. In 2008, he received the Congressional Gold Medal, Congress’s highest civilian honor, in a ceremony attended by President Bush. He died in 2008 and was granted ground burial in Arlington National Cemetery by the Secretary of the Army.

Dr. Michael E. DeBakey was the heart surgeon for the last Shah of Iran, of King Edward VIII of England, Marlene Dietrich, Joe Louis, and Presidents Johnson and Nixon. More than that, he was the surgeon who cared about saving the lives of regular troops. In combat he reformed the way the Army manages casualty care, and as a civilian he reformed the way America takes care of its veterans.

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5 things recruits screw up the most in boot camp

The majority of recruits who ship out to boot camp are just a few months removed from graduating high school. They are, for the most part, still pretty wet behind the ears and haven’t had experience with the amount of structure they’re about to be exposed to.


We get it — recruits are flustered upon entering the intense world of boot camp. Don’t feel too bad; many newbies these make simple mistakes during their initial training.

Related: 5 ways troops always screw up a simple formation

1. Forgetting their lefts and rights

It’s a simple mistake, but in boot camp, any time is a crappy time to have a brain fart.

 

2. Not shaving properly

The military instills the value of paying close attention to detail. Leaving one, single hair uncut before a boot camp inspection is, in fact, a big deal. However, it’s not unheard of for the military to teach classes for those newbies who have never been clean-shaven before.

3. Not hydrating enough

Drinking water is one of the most important elements to staying healthy. Unfortunately, many recruits are so used to pounding sodas and energy drinks that they tend to forego water and end up falling out of simple hikes.

It’s probably because they don’t like the taste of high-quality H2O.

Also Read: 6 dumb things veterans lie about on the internet

4. Calling their drill sergeant “sir”

Unless you’re in Marine boot camp, where the first and last thing out of your mouth must be “sir,” you should always address your training instructors by their rank or proper title.

In the event you call one of them “sir,” you’re probably going to get the same response:

“Don’t call me, ‘sir.’ I work for a living.”

5. Taking a dump during morning clean up

Recruits are responsible for cleaning their squad bays and restrooms every day.  There’s always one person who has to use the “head” during cleanup or right afterward.

Nobody will like that recruit — at least not for the rest of the day.

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That time a Marine had a live RPG stuck in his leg

Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Winder Perez was fighting in Afghanistan in January 2012 when he was shot with a rocket-propelled grenade that pierced his leg and remained stuck there without detonating.


A medical evacuation crew ignored regulations against moving unexploded ordnance, picked him up, and flew him to medical care where an explosives technician removed the RPG so a Navy medical officer could operate on him.

Specialist Mark Edens was the first member of the MEDEVAC crew to see the Marine. The flight had originally been briefed that they were receiving an injured little girl as a patient, but they arrived to find the lance corporal with a large wound and an approximately 2-foot long rocket protruding from his leg.

When Army pilot Capt. Kevin Doo was told about the embedded RPG, he asked his entire crew to vote on whether to evacuate the patient. They unanimously voted yes despite the dangers.

“There was no doubt to anyone that we were going to take this Marine and get him the medical attention needed to save his life,” Doo told Army journalists. “When dealing with this — not knowing that any moment could be your last — 18 inches from the patient’s legs was about 360 gallons of aviation fuel.”

“After Lance Cpl. Perez was loaded on the Black Hawk, it was a total of 11.2 minutes of flight time where every minute felt like an hour,” Doo added. “During that time, we were on the radio coordinating with our escorts, the Explosive Ordnance Disposal team, and medical personnel who were going to treat Perez.”

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Army Staff Sgt. Ben Summerfield attempts to remove a rocket-propelled grenade from Lance Cpl. Winder Perez as Navy Lt. Cmdr. James Gennari keeps Perez’s airway stable. (Photo: US Navy)

When the helicopter landed, Perez was met by Navy Lt. Cmdr. James Gennari, the head of the surgical company at Forward Operating Base Edinburgh, and Army EOD Staff Sgt. Ben Summerfield. Summerfield quickly tugged the RPG free of Perez and Gennari worked to stabilize the patient.

Gennari later said that the Perez’s wounds were so severe that he would’ve died without the quick MEDEVAC. Edens, Doo, and the rest of the Army MEDEVAC team then transported Perez to Camp Bastion where he began the long road to recovery.

(H/t to the 25th Combat Aviation Brigade Public Affairs who wrote about this incident in May 2012.)

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One of the last remaining Navajo Code Talkers just died at age 95

More than 400 Navajo Americans joined the military during World War II to transmit coded messages in their native language. The Japanese, even if they could break American codes, couldn’t decipher the Navajo tongue.


They were called Navajo Code Talkers, and one of the last few remaining code talkers – Joe Hosteen Kellwood – died Aug. 5. He was 95.

Kellwood joined the Marine Corps at 21 after he learned about their exploits during the Battle of Guadalcanal. He was sent to the 1st Marine Division as a Code Talker. But like most other servicemembers at the time, didn’t even know the program existed – it was still Top Secret.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Kellwood leads a group in the Pledge of Allegiance at a veteran’s ceremony at the Heard Museum in 2014.

In a 1999 interview with the Arizona Republic’s Betty Reid, he said he told his sister “Da’ahijigaagoo deya,” or, “I’m going to war.” He was one of 540 Navajo men that would become Marines during the war and one of around 400 that would become Code Talkers. Kellwood saw combat on Cape Gloucester, Peleliu, and Okinawa.

The Native American Marines were trained to transmit messages on the battlefields of the Pacific using Morse Code, radios, and Navajo codes. What’s unique about the Navajo language is that it uses syntax and tonal qualities that are nearly impossible for a non-Navajo to learn. The language also had no written form, and many of its letters and sounds did not have equivalents in other languages.

The Code Talkers created messages by first translating Navajo words into English, then using the first letter of each English word to decipher the meaning.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
A Navajo Code Talker relays a message on a field radio. (Marine Corps photo)

The security the Navajo provided U.S. communications was later acknowledged as being critical to winning the war. But often Native American servicemembers like Kellwood were discriminated against at home and discouraged from speaking Navajo.

“I was never scared during battles because I told Mama Water to take care of me,” Kellwood told the Arizona Republic. “We had to feel like we were bigger than the enemy in battle.”

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Joe Kellwood rides in the 2014 Phoenix Veterans Day Parade. (Photo by Lucas Carter)

The Japanese never broke the code, but the program was never officially acknowledged until 1968, when the U.S. government declassified the program. Their unique service to the war effort was first recognized by President Ronald Reagan in 1982.

According to his obituary, Kellwood’s awards include the Congressional Silver Medal; a Presidential Unit Citation; Combat Action Ribbon; a Naval Unit Commendation; Good Conduct; the American Campaign Medal; the Asiatic-Pacific Campaign Medal and (of course) the WWII Victory Medal.

There are now fewer than 20 Navajo Code Talkers left.

President Reagan declared Navajo Code Talkers’ Day to be August 14th, which coincides with V-J Day, 1945 – the day Japan surrendered to the Allies and World War II officially ended.

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How the US military adopted the legendary .45 ACP cartridge

“Military grade” doesn’t necessarily mean that a product is the best available. Moreover, a product isn’t necessarily a good one just because the military uses it.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
Teddy Roosevelt’s M1892 revolver (FBI)

In 1892, the U.S. Navy and Army adopted the Colt M1892 chambered in the .38 Long Colt cartridge. The sidearm was the first general issue double-action revolver with a swing out cylinder to be used by the U.S. military. On the cutting edge of technology, the M1892 was considered to be a good choice for a military sidearm at the time. In fact, Teddy Roosevelt famously carried one at San Juan Hill. However, the battlefield proved to be a rude wake-up call for the new revolver.

In 1899, reports started to come back from troops complaining about the M1892. These complaints came from the Philippines campaign where U.S. troops were battling a local insurrection. The Moro people in the southern islands of the former Spanish colony resisted American colonization as they had the Spanish. This conflict came to be known as the Moro Rebellion or the Philippine-American War.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
The Moros had great physical endurance and savage fighting ability (U.S. Army Center of Military History)

The Muslim Moros practiced a culture of jihad against U.S. troops. Their fanatical and suicidal battlefield tactics made them dangerous enemies. Against this level of commitment, the M1892 was found to be lacking in stopping power, even at close range. One example in 1905 was recounted by Col. Louis A. LaGarde:

“Antonio Caspi, a prisoner on the island of Samar, P.I. attempted escape on Oct. 26, 1905. He was shot four times at close range in a hand-to-hand encounter by a .38 Colt’s revolver loaded with U.S. Army regulation ammunition,” Col. LaGarde wrote. “He was finally stunned by a blow on the forehead from the butt end of a Springfield carbine.”

Col. LaGarde went on to note that the shot placement on Caspi was actually quite good. Three rounds struck his chest and perforated his lungs. Of these three, one exited his body, another lodged near the back and the third lodged in subcutaneous tissue. The fourth round went through his right hand and exited his right forearm. Instances like these led to the conclusion that the .38 Long Colt simply didn’t have the power to effectively stop a threat. The Army needed something stronger.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
A young soldier trains on the new .45 ACP M1911 (National Archives and Records Administration)

As an emergency response, the Army began re-issuing the M1873 Colt Single Action Army revolvers chambered in .45 Colt. Still, a modern solution was needed. Luckily, the U.S. Cavalry had already been searching for a replacement for the Colt SAA and John Moses Browning already had the answer.

In 1904, Browning designed the .45 Automatic Colt Pistol Cartridge for his prototype Colt semi-automatic pistol. The cartridge featured increased stopping power over both the .45 Colt and .38 LC and successfully passed the Cavalry and big Army trials. As a result, the .45 ACP became the standard pistol cartridge for the U.S. Army and the required caliber for its next standard-issue sidearm, the M1911. As fate would have it, Browning would also provide the Army with the pistol to match his cartridge with the Colt 1911.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
A Lt. carries an M1911 during WWII (National Archives and Records Administration)

Today, the .45 ACP and the 1911 are seen as All-American, back-to-back World War-winning classics. Although firearms technology has advanced to propagate the popularity of the smaller 9x19mm cartridge, the .45 ACP remains popular with civilians, law enforcement and military units. Companies like Colt and Kimber continue to manufacture 1911 pistols chambered in .45 ACP for competition shooters, SWAT units and even special forces.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
A Marine fires the M45A1 pistol, a modern 1911 variant still chambered in .45 ACP (U.S. Navy)

Feature image: U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Anna Albrecht/Released

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Mushroom sports drinks and 5 more most glorious revolutionary people’s North Korean inventions

Did you know the Glorious Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has invented many revolutionary technological and cultural wonders? With guidance from the Eternal Great Leader Kim Il-Sung, his son Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il, and the many followers of the Great Marshal Kim Jong-Un, the magnificent Juche ideology has led to the creation of many things the evil imperialists and their southern puppets claim to be their own.


5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

These five wonders of the modern world are undisputedly from the one true Korea, however – and the lying imperialist media even admits to the greatness and vision of these amazing North Korean inventions.

1. The Cure for AIDS, Cancer, and Ebola – in one drug

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

When the gangster regime of Obama tried to rid the world of the oppressed Africans by spreading Ebola, our most humble Marshal Kim Jong-Un and his scientists triumphed where the Western American lapdogs would not. By infusing rare earth elements into superior Korean ginseng, the glorious Marshal discovered Kumdang-2, which was found to cure 56 percent of AIDS patients, a number of cancers, Ebola, addiction, impotence, and many more vicious maladies, probably a creation of American capitalist biological weapons manufacturers!

2. Hamburgers

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

In 2004, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il graced the Korean people with his invention of a brand new sandwich called Double Bread with Meat. The decadent Western imperialist media derided the invention and stole it as they have tried to steal the pride of the Korean people, claiming it as their own. Comrade Kim Jong-Il honors us with his protection and guidance in immediately setting up a factory to produce his new sandwich. Large-nosed American capitalists swill their sandwiches with the brown cesspool sugar water swill they call “Coke” while the people of Korea patriotically drink water to be prepared for reunification of the peninsula at any moment!

3. The invisible phone

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

North Koreans are guided by the advice from our most divine, usually when the Supreme Leader is visiting. But when our Dear Leader (may his soul be ever ascendant with the stars in heaven), Kim Jong-Il needed to guide the glorious People’s soccer matches during the decadent World Cup games, he needed a technology that would allow him to give coaches the knowledge they needed to win the games. The guiding light from heaven invented a mobile phone that could not be seen with the naked eye. The dog of a coach did not listen to all the Dear Leader’s advice and our comrades on the field fell to the malignant Brazilian dogs, 2-1.

4. Waterproof Liquid

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

This most glorious invention is revolutionizing the housing boom in the glorious capital city of Pyongyang. As hapless America begins to crumble under the weight of its own ignorance, the Juche idea and its ant-colonialist construction forces use this to seal floors and keep the flowing waters of the mighty Taedonggang River out of the homes of loyal patriot Koreans.

5. Unicorns

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

Though Unicorns are not so much an invention as they are a discovery, the fact that a unicorn lair was uncovered the lair of unicorns ridden by King Tonngmyong, the ancient ancestor of our Eternal President and Great Leader, the wise and mighty Kim Il-Sung. The King founded his empire in the Juche Year -4912 on the backs of these mighty beasts which would surely have trodden upon the criminal regime in Seoul, puppets of the colonialist American mongrels.

6. Mushroom Sports Drinks

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

Decadent capitalist American athletes drink their salty poisonous trash water, Gatorade. The pure North Korean people’s athletes represent their country by the overwhelming virtuousness with a natural beverage that enhances the physical ability of sportspersons. This all-natural drink is made from Juche idealist mushrooms which will surely cause a worldwide demand for the mushroom, which we will use to tirelessly crush the treacherous southern hyenas.

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This Afghan warlord gave up the fight in exchange for amnesty

Notorious former Afghan warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar has held talks with government representatives in eastern Afghanistan after years outside the country, his first public meetings with officials from the Western-backed government since the U.S.-led invasion in 2001.


The meetings on April 28 came after Hekmatyar’s Hezb-e Islami militant group signed a peace agreement with President Ashraf Ghani’s government in September. Under the deal, he was granted amnesty for past offenses in exchange for ending his violent 15-year insurgency against the government.

The controversial peace deal has been criticized by many Afghans and by Western rights groups, which accuse Hekmatyar’s forces of gross human rights violations during Afghanistan’s civil war in the 1990s and cite their deadly attacks on U.S. and Afghan forces since 2001.

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth
The war in Afghanistan began in 2001 with the aim of removing the Taliban from power.  (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Dexter S. Saulisbury/Released)

Hekmatyar met on April 28 with Laghman Province Governor Abdul Jabar Naimi and Ghani’s security adviser, Juma Khan Hamdard.

He arrived two days earlier in the province, which lies between Kabul and the border with Pakistan, where he is believed to have been in hiding.

Naimi said Hekmatyar had “promised full cooperation” with the government and added that he hoped the peace deal would “revive hopes for enduring peace in Afghanistan,” according to a statement.

Hekmatyar had been expected to make a public appearance in Laghman on April 28, marked in Afghanistan as the 25th anniversary of the defeat in 1992 of the formerly Soviet-backed government by armed insurgents known as the mujahedin.

But the event was canceled without explanation.

A Hezb-e Islami spokesman told RFE/RL that Hekmatyar’s appearance had been rescheduled for April 29.

Hekmatyar’s supporters have erected large billboards across Kabul in anticipation of his first public appearance.

Hekmatyar founded Hezb-e Islami in the mid-1970s. The group became one of the main mujahedin factions fighting against Soviet forces following their invasion in 1979, and then one of the most prominent groups in the bloody civil war for control of Kabul after the Soviet withdrawal in 1989.

Hekmatyar, a former prime minister under the mujahedin government, was one of the chief protagonists of the internecine 1992-96 war. Rights groups accuse Hekmatyar of responsibility for the shelling of residential areas of Kabul in the 1990s, as well as forced disappearances and covert jails where torture was commonplace.

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He was designated as a terrorist by the U.S. State Department in 2003.

Under the peace agreement, Hekmatyar will be granted amnesty for past offenses and certain Hezb-e Islami prisoners will be released by the government. The deal also includes provisions for his security at government expense.

In February, the UN Security Council lifted sanctions on Hekmatyar, paving his way to return to Afghanistan.

The controversial peace deal was a breakthrough for Ghani, who so far has had little to show for his efforts at ending the country’s 16-year war.

While the military wing of the Hezb-e Islami led by Hekmatyar has been a largely dormant force in recent years and has little political relevance in Afghanistan, the deal with the government could be a template for any future deal with fundamentalist Taliban militants who have also fought Kabul’s authority.

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Mattis had a simple request for the new defense budget

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis personally intervened in Trump’s budget request to get more bombs to drop on ISIS, Defense News reports.


Mattis requested about $3.5 billion more in “preferred munitions” for the 2018 Pentagon budget, John Roth, acting undersecretary of defense and chief financial officer, told Defense News.

“As we closed out this budget, over the last two or three weeks in particular, a great deal of concern was being raised with current inventory levels, particularly given some of the expenditures in the CENTCOM area of operations,” Roth said. “So the secretary mandated and insisted we fully fund, to the maximum extent possible, the full production capacities for certain selected preferred munitions.”

The extra bombs and ammo Mattis asked for were (per Defense News):

  • 7,664 Hellfire missiles, worth $713.9 million for Lockheed Martin
  • 34,529 Joint Direct Attack Munitions (JDAM), worth $874.3 million for Boeing
  • 6,000 Guided Multiple Launch Rocket Systems (GMLRS), worth $889.5 million for Lockheed Martin
  • 7,312 Small Diameter Bombs (SDB), worth $504.1 million to Boeing and Raytheon
  • 100 Tomahawk Missiles, worth $381.6 million for Raytheon
  • An unlisted number of Advanced Precision Kill Weapon Systems (APKWS), worth $200 million

All in all, the Pentagon is asking for about $16.4 billion in missiles and munitions in the 2018 fiscal year budget.

The DoD said it has spent about $2.8 billion on munitions since the August 2014 start of the campaign against ISIS up to the end of March 2017. And Air Force Maj. Gen. James Martin Jr. said on Tuesday that munitions reserves are “challenged” by the current operations.

In February, Trump requested an extra $54 billion in defense spending for 2018. The request has been criticized by lawmakers on both sides of the aisle as being too little, or cutting too much from domestic spending and foreign aid.

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Affidavit claims VA nurse was drunk during surgery

The Washington Post reports a nurse at the VA Medical Center in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania was allegedly intoxicated during a late-night emergency appendectomy.


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Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

A probable cause affidavit filed in the local court says Richard Pieri was drunk on call after a night at the nearby Mohegan Sun Casino. Pieri is charged with reckless endangerment, driving under the influence, and public drunkenness.

“Pieri admitted that he knew he was not supposed to be a part of a surgery while he was intoxicated,” the affidavit says. But he “claimed he had forgotten he was on call and did not want to have someone else come in.” The nurse carried his on-call pager to the casino, and whatdaya know, he got the call around 11:30 PM, after he consumed what he claimed were “four or five beers.”

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The hospital’s security camera footage shows the nurse stumbling through the parking lot, almost falling at one point. Once in surgery, he had trouble logging into his computer. A physician’s assistant told investigators Pieri smelled like alcohol. He struggled through his duties and then assisted with the surgery.

Medical staff at the hospital allowed that “taking part in a surgery with impaired cognitive ability can create a substantial risk to the safety of the patient.” The surgery went well, but the unnamed patient in question later returned to the hospital with stomach issues.

Pieri still has a job at the Wilkes-Barre VA but has been relieved of his direct patient care duties.

 

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