Now you can audition for America’s Got Talent, Season 16, right from the comfort of your own home. Auditions are going virtual this year, so this will be a brand-new experience for everyone, and for the first time ever, everyone’s favorite talent show is in collaboration with WATM readers. That’s right, casting producers will be taking a special look at your submission, submitted through a custom-built platform specifically for the military community, here.
We know that the military community has lots of talent and now is the time to showcase it. This unique opportunity means that for the first time ever, it doesn’t matter where in the world you call home – as long as you’re a U.S. citizen, you’re able to audition for America’s Got Talent. Find the complete eligibility requirements here.
Here’s how to get started.
If you’ve already registered for AGT, then click the sign-in option and select a Virtual Open Call Date on your Performer Profile Page. If you’re not registered, follow this custom link to sign up.
If you’re part of a group, make sure to follow safety guidelines first! We strongly encourage groups to submit an existing video instead of gathering in-person to create a new audition video. Uploading pre-existing recordings is easy. All you need to do is follow the ”Submit a Video Online option.”
Keep in mind if you already had an account with AGT from a previous session, your credentials have expired, so you’ll need to create a new Season 16 account.
After you’ve registered for an audition date and time, your spot is confirmed. You can double-check your details by signing into your Performer Profile page. Make sure to add email@example.com to your address book to prevent essential emails from going to your spam folder.
Auditions are free – all you need is an internet connection and a device with a camera and a microphone capable of running Zoom.
You’ll be given up to 90 seconds to audition, so make sure you come prepared and ready to wow the producers and judges!
You have the option to select a time for your appointment when you register. But that’s not your specific time — auditions happen on a first-come, first seen basis. It’s a good idea to come around the time that you select to help keep the process moving.
If you register for an audition date but can no longer make it, you can submit an online audition that will be reviewed by a producer or you can choose to audition on a different date.
After you perform, you might be asked some follow up questions by the AGT producers. Acts that are selected to move forward in the competition will be notified by the end of March.
“War for the Planet of the Apes” — the sequel to the sequel to the second remake of the Charlton Heston sci-fi classic — picks up the saga of ape freedom fighter Caesar (Andy Serkis), as he and his army of super-smart, genetically-modified apes seek to turn what’s left of the United States into their own banana republic.
As in 2014’s “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” humanity is on the retreat as the ape army gains ground, and the last armed resistance against the simian conquerors appears to be in the hands of a ruthless — and mostly shirtless — Colonel (Woody Harrelson).
While Caesar’s voiceover in the trailer makes it clear that the apes never wanted war, they’re determined to defend themselves at all cost. Even if it means armageddon.
‘War for the Planet of the Apes’ swings into theaters everywhere on July 14, 2017.
The Emmy nominated Amazon series ‘Jack Ryan’ returns August 31 with season two and the official teaser trailer is here to get you amped.
“After tracking a potentially suspicious shipment of illegal arms in the Venezuelan jungle, CIA Officer Jack Ryan heads down to South America to investigate. As Jack’s investigation threatens to uncover a far-reaching conspiracy, the President of Venezuela launches a counter-attack that hits home for Jack, leading him and his fellow operatives on a global mission spanning the United States, UK, Russia, and Venezuela to unravel the President’s nefarious plot and bring stability to a country on the brink of chaos.”
The stakes and stunts look much higher for Ryan, with roof jumps, IEDs, hand-to-hand combat, and of course, an enemy to outsmart.
Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan Season 2 – Official Teaser | Prime Video
Creators Carlton Cuse (Lost, Bates Motel) and Graham Roland (also a writer and Marine) came up with their own story for this version of the ‘Jack Ryan’ story, keeping it modern just as Tom Clancy, the author of the books upon which the show is created, is celebrated for.
“They were geopolitical thrillers of the moment,” Cuse told IndieWire. “When we started writing [our own story], we felt like telling a terrorist story was the right thing to do. There was probably no great existential crisis that the world was facing out there than terrorism, at that moment in time.”
[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxz85ZlHEeT/ expand=1]John Krasinski on Instagram: “TheMurphChallenge.com Memorial Day is coming up. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, please take a moment out of your day Monday…”
John Krasinski, who plays the titular lead, is by now no stranger to military and law enforcement roles. His portrayal of ‘Jack Silva’ in 13 Hours elevated him out of The Office and into a uniform. His respect for the military has extended beyond the roles he plays.
The movie “12 Strong” arrives in theaters this Friday, and tells the harrowing story of the first U.S. special forces mission in Afghanistan following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. The following is the second part of an Army.mil exclusive three-part feature recounts the events of the Green Berets’ first mission in Afghanistan, as they sought to destroy the Taliban regime and deny Al-Qaida sanctuary in that country.
ON THE GROUND
Special operations forces have a famously tight bond. As the Green Berets stepped off the SOAR’s highly modified MH-47 Chinooks into Afghanistan, they stepped back in time, to a time of dirt roads and horses. They stepped into another world, one of arid deserts and towering peaks, of “rugged, isolated, beautiful, different colored stones and geographical formations, different shades of red in the morning as the sun came up,” said Maj. Mark Nutsch, then the commander of ODA 595, one of the first two 12-man teams to arrive in Afghanistan. The world was one of all-but-impassable trails, of “a canyon with very dominating, several-hundred-feet cliffs.” It was a world of freezing nights, where intelligence was slim, women were invisible, and friend and foe looked the same.
They arrived in the middle of the night, of course, to the sort of pitch blackness that can only be found miles from electricity and civilization, at the mercy of the men waiting for them. “We weren’t sure how friendly the link up was going to be,” said Nutsch. “We were prepared for a possible hot insertion. … We were surrounded by — on the LZ there were armed militia factions. … We had just set a helicopter down in that. … It was tense, but … the link up went smoothly.”
The various special forces teams that were in Afghanistan split into smaller three-man and six-man cells to cover more ground. Some of them quickly found themselves on borrowed horses, in saddles meant for Afghans who were much lighter and shorter than American Green Berets. Most of the Soldiers had never ridden before, and they learned by immediately riding for hours, forced to keep up with skilled Afghan horsemen, on steeds that constantly wanted to fight each other.
But that’s what Green Berets do: they adapt and overcome. “The guys did a phenomenal job learning how to ride that rugged terrain,” said Nutsch, who worked on a cattle ranch and participated in rodeos in college. Even so, riding requires muscles most Americans don’t use every day, and after a long day in the saddle, the Soldiers were in excruciating pain, especially as the stirrups were far too short. They had to start jerry-rigging the stirrups with parachute cord.
“Initially you had a different horse for every move … and you’d have a different one, different gait or just willingness to follow the commands of the rider,” Nutsch remembered. “A lot of them didn’t have a bit or it was a very crude bit. The guys had to work through all of that and use less than optimal gear. … Eventually we got the same pool of horses we were using regularly.”
Nutsch had always been a history buff, and he had carefully studied Civil War cavalry charges and tactics, but he had never expected to ride horses into battle. In fact, it was the first time American Soldiers rode to war on horseback since World War II, and this ancient form of warfare was now considered unconventional.
“We’re blending, basically, 19th-century tactics with 20th-century weapons and 21st-century technology in the form of GPS, satellite communications, American air power,” Nutsch pointed out.
And there were military tactics involved. Even the timing of the attacks was crucial. Nutsch remembers wondering why the Northern Alliance wanted to go after the Taliban midafternoon instead of in the morning, but it accounted for their slower speed on horseback, while still leaving time to consolidate any gains before darkness fell. (They didn’t have night vision goggles.)
Supported by the Green Berets, Northern Alliance fighters directly confronted the Taliban over and over again. Some factions, like Nutsch’s, relied on horses for that first month. Others had pickup trucks or other vehicles, but they usually charged into battle armed with little more than AK-47s, machine guns, grenades and a few handfuls of ammunition. Meanwhile, the Taliban had tanks and armored personnel carriers and antiaircraft guns they used as cannons, all left behind by the Soviets when they evacuated Afghanistan in the 1980s.
It took a lot of heart, a lot of courage. “We heard a loud roar coming from the west,” said Master Sgt. Keith Gamble, then a weapons sergeant on ODA 585, as he remembered one firefight. “We had no clue what it was until we saw about 500 to 1,000 NA soldiers charging up the ridge line. I called it a ‘Brave Heart’ charge. What the NA didn’t realize was that the route leading up the ridgeline was heavily mined. The NA did not fare too well, as they received numerous injuries and had to retreat. We continued to pound the ridge line with bombs until the NA took it that evening.”
“They weren’t suicidal,” Nutsch, who worked with different ethnic groups, agreed, “but they did have the courage to get up and quickly close that distance on those vehicles so they could eliminate that vehicle or that crew. We witnessed their bravery on several occasions where they charged down our flank (to attack) these armored vehicles or these air defense guns that are being used in a direct fire role, and kill the crew and capture that gun for our own use.”
When We Are The Mighty sat down with Sylvester Stallone, Sly revealed some truly astonishing things about one of action movie history’s most beloved characters: John Rambo. Most of us blacked out when Stallone revealed that Rambo didn’t originally join the Army but came to in time to learn a few great things that make the character much deeper than we ever imagined.
That was just info from Stallone. It turns out there’s much more, so we dove a little deeper.
Somehow, the character of John Rambo has entered the folklore of the Kamula people on the island nation of Papua New Guinea, despite limited access to film and television. The Rambo of folklore is said to be a gunrunner who fought in the 10-year civil war in nearby Bougainville, and will come back to defend Papua New Guinea in case of World War III. In Kamula culture, along with other tribes, Rambo is said to symbolize peak masculinity.
Rambo’s trademark knife wasn’t supposed to exist
In the book First Blood, on which the movie and character John Rambo is based, Rambo never had a survival knife of any kind, let alone a giant one to use to bring down the entire police force of Hope, Wash. Stallone added the knife for effect, hoping to make the weapon a character all on its own.
Rambo wasn’t a killer – originally.
John Rambo never actually kills anyone in First Blood. There is only one death in the entire movie, and that happened as an accident when an overzealous cop falls from a helicopter while shooting at Rambo. In subsequent movies, that all changes of course. Rambo’s body count is 76 in First Blood: Part II, and 132 in Rambo III. In Rambo, he appears to kill the entire Burmese Army with one .50-cal.
Stallone hated the first cut of First Blood.
The first time Stallone saw the edit for First Blood, he hated it. It was three and a half hours long, and Rambo’s dialogue was terrible. At first, Stallone wanted to buy the film so he could burn it. Instead of that, he re-cut the film to 93 minutes with most of his dialogue removed, which is what you see when you watch it today.
Without ‘Rambo’ there would be no ‘Predator’
When Rocky Balboa took on Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, no one in Hollywood was quite sure who Rocky’s next opponent could possibly be. The joke was made that Rocky would have to fight some kind of Alien in Rocky V. After a while, Screenwriters Jim and John Thomas began to take the idea seriously and wrote a Rocky-Rambo Hybrid movie that we call Predator.
In Rocky V, Rocky fought a former student named Tommy Gunn. In the street. Outside a bar. In case you were wondering.
John Rambo was almost played by John Travolta
Imagine how different action movie lore would be today if Sylvester Stallone hadn’t been in the writing and casting process. John Travolta was considered for the role of the former Green Beret and one-man wrecking crew before Stallone stepped in and nixed the idea.
Travolta also almost became Forrest Gump and Pete “Maverick” Mitchell of Top Gun fame.
Arthur John Rambo of Lincoln County, Mont. gave his life to save his fellow soldiers in Tay Ninh, Vietnam.
There actually is a John Rambo on “The Wall.”
Arthur John Rambo was an artilleryman with the 11th Armored Cavalry in Vietnam. He was mortally wounded by multiple hits from rocket-propelled grenades on Nov. 26, 1969. As he and his fellow artillerymen came under heavy mortar fire, a nearby self-propelled howitzer took an RPG hit and caught fire. Rambo cleared his fellow soldiers out of the way and attempted to drive the vehicle, still burning, away from the area where it wouldn’t be a threat. He did so successfully, but the vehicle took two more RPGs. The last, killing Rambo in action. Arthur John Rambo was posthumously awarded the Silver Star.
“Nothing is over!” Damn right.
Rambo commits suicide. In the book.
… and in the original cut of the movie. Remember when Sylvester Stallone re-edited the entire movie? Rambo killing himself didn’t make the final cut, even though that’s what happens in the book. Instead, Stallone asked a few Vietnam vets what troubles they face, and Stallone wrote a speech at the end of the movie to let the world know.
That original movie sounds awful. Thank god for Sylvester Stallone.
Movies about sick cars doing impossible things was arguably perfected by the James Bond film franchise way before Paul Walker and Vin Diesel decided car chase movies were also about “family.” And the latest news from the set of the next 007 flick (and last Daniel Craig Bond) confirms a certain old-school iconic sports car is back. But, it’s not exactly the one you might guess.
On June 30, 2019, EON productions and the James Bond Twitter and YouTube pages released images and footage of Daniel Craig filming the as-yet-untitled “Bond 25” movie. And the car is driving is a throwback to 1987, specifically the movie The Living Daylights. (That’s the one where Bond dates a cello player and a-Ha does the theme song.)
The car is an ’87 V8 Aston Martin, which, in The Living Daylights sported lasers, a turbo-boost, and special retractable skis for, you know, snow driving. Though not as famous as Bond’s Aston Martin DB5 from the sixties movies like Goldfinger and Thunderball, the Aston Martin is, in some ways, probably closer to what a Bond car should be like in the cultural imagination; assuming, of course, the lasers and rocket-boost still comes standard on this particular car.
The Aston Martin V8 was driven by James Bond when Timothy Dalton played the role in his debut film. For Bond fans of a certain age, it’s very possible Timothy Dalton was the incumbent Bond when you were a little kid. (I know that was true for me!) Dalton only did two Bond movies; The Living Daylights and License To Kill, before a long Bond hiatus that resumed with Pierce Brosnan picking up the part in Goldeneye.
In Skyfall, Bond drives an Aston Martin DB5 that is exactly like the one Sean Connery drove in the sixties and jokes with M (Judi Dench) about an ejector’s seat. So, could the V8 Astin Martin Bond has in the new film also have all the old Timothy Dalton gadgets? Here’s hoping!
So many NFL players love the military and honor military service. Many players have gone overseas on tours with the USO to visit deployed troops and many more come from military families. They go the extra yard for those who served whenever possible.
During Super Bowl Weekend, the NFL hosts a “Super Bowl Experience,” a sort of pop-up, interactive theme park where fans and their families can view the Lombardi Trophy, see what it’s like to run the NFL combine, and so much more.
Military members, current and prior, get an enhanced experience at the Super Bowl, however, courtesy of USAA, one of the U.S. military’s favorite financial services companies. USAA sponsors the Salute to Service Military Appreciation Lounge within the Super Bowl Experience.
It’s a place exclusive to service members, veterans, and their families (who don’t need to be a USAA member). It’s where a series of NFL players with deep ties and affinities for the military and military service give families a more personal experience.
USAA’s Salute to Service Lounge was the only stop of its kind during the entire Super Bowl weekend. Veterans and families meet some of their favorite NFL personalities, get signed memorabilia, and listen to NFL stars talk about their experiences in football and with the military.
(We Are The Mighty | YouTube)The NFL’s annual Salute to Service Award recognizes exceptional efforts by members of the NFL in supporting U.S. service members, veterans, and their families. Former Minnesota Viking and Carolina Panthers Defensive End Jared Allen, who stopped by this year’s Salute to Service Lounge, is a recipient of this award.
Even though these NFL legends, past and present, have busy schedules during Super Bowl weekend, not one rushed or hurried military veterans through the autograph lines. They shared stories, hugs, and selfies with any veteran who came by.
Professional pain-factory John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is back for a sequel, and once again, there’s a whole cadre of well-dressed people who want him dead.
But if this trailer is any indication, they don’t stand a chance.
The star made waves online earlier this year when a video was released showing Reeves practicing his three-gun skills with tactical shooting master Taran Butler. The hard work appears to have paid off, as the trailer shows Wick aerating assailants in a variety of creative styles.
Reeves’ is joined by fellow Matrix star Laurence Fishburne, as well as Common, Bridget Moynahan, John Leguizamo, and Ian McShane.
‘John Wick: Chapter 2’ hits theaters everywhere on February 10th, 2017.
The ‘Rambo’ series didn’t start off with John Rambo as a one-man Army, hell-bent on killing anyone who stood between him and his mission. But that’s what it turned out to be. And now few action movie images are more iconic than Rambo tightening up his trademark red headband.
You know the one.
The series began as a very poignant, yet action-packed treatise on the treatment of Vietnam veterans in the years following the end of their war. In First Blood, there’s only one onscreen kill, a guy who falls out of a helicopter for trying to kill Rambo. Rambo isn’t purposely involved in his death. If you want to know the whole point of the first Rambo movie, you can just watch John Rambo’s speech at the end of the movie.
By First Blood: Part II, the idea that John Rambo was just a simple guy with extraordinary training in extraordinary situations, was long gone. In the second Rambo movie, John Rambo is the perfect man to lead a mission back to Vietnam to rescue POWs still held there. Rambo is twice as ripped and definitely kills people in this movie. By Rambo III, he just lays waste to an entire army.
If you don’t remember any of that, Sylvester Stallone posted a helpful reminder to his Instagram account.
From G.I. Joe-level animation for First Blood, the VCR-level graphics in between the “trailers,” the backyard, action figure quality of the trailer for First Blood: Part II, to the 8-bit Nintendo-style graphics for the Rambo III trailer, everything about this rundown of John Rambo’s life is perfect. And perfectly chock-full of late 1980s to early 1990s nostalgia. Whoever came up with this idea – and it very well could have been Stallone himself – needs an award of some kind. A webby, a grammy, a Pulitzer. Something.
The fun doesn’t stop at the original three Rambo movies. The “trailer” for the fourth installment is a nod to a hilarious “Reading Rambo” meme. This comes in the form of a Rambo IV children’s book, narrated by Sly, describing the most epic and violent Rambo scene in the series’ history.
You know the one.
If you’re interested in watching the entire Rambo series recap, check it out on Stallone’s official Instagram feed. If you’re interested in recapping the entire series in its non-cartoon entirety, you can join me on my couch on Thursday as I attempt to contain my overwhelming excitement for the best action movie series since … ever.
Hollywood is infamous for f*cking up just about everything when it comes to the military, but one thing that especially grinds grunts’ gears is how they portray the use of grenades.
Grenades are extremely deadly tools of destruction that, honestly, are a lot of fun to throw — but they are too often misused in fiction. They’re easily one of the most tactically crucial weapons used in combat, but if you were operating exclusively on movie knowledge, you’d be in terrible shape (or shapes).
Here’s what Hollywood consistently gets wrong:
Underwhelming, isn’t it?
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Dengrier Baez)
In general, movies would have you believe that grenades are just a step beneath MOABs. The reality of grenades is much like the reality of that online date you’re about to go on. When you first see it in real life, your first thought is probably going to be, “that’s it?”
It’s not some huge, f*ck-off fireball, it’s just a poof of smoke and shrapnel.
You should probably still stay away from it, though — both the date and the grenade.
Notice the lack of rocket propulsion…
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Jose D. Lujano)
Projectile grenades are NOT rockets or missiles
When you see some badass in a military movie shoot a grenade launcher, it looks a lot someone shooting a rocket or a missile, but that’s not the case. Grenade launchers are indirect fire weapons. They operate on the same principle as a mortar or artillery gun — there’s an arc.
This is the right way.
(Army National Guard photo by Spc. Chelsea Baker)
Pulling the pin with your teeth
Pulling the pin on a grenade is easy, but it’s not that easy. If you plan to pull the pin with your teeth, set up a dental appointment because you’re going to rip at least three pearly whites from your mouth.
Just slow down and pull it with your hand, Rambo.
This is “frag out!”
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Ricky S. Gomez)
We’ve seen way too many characters in movies yell, “grenade!” when lobbing one out. That is not what you want to communicate down the line when you are the one throwing it. Yelling, “grenade” is reserved for alerting the rest of your unit that an explodey-boy has landed in your position — and anyone near you should get the f*ck out of the way.
The term you’re looking for is, “frag out!” Yelling anything else puts your boys at risk.
These window marks are from grenade shrapnel.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sarah Wolff-Diaz)
One movie trope you may shake your head and cluck your tongue at is when a character jumps just outside of the explosion radius of a grenade and emerges unscathed. The fact is, even if you escape the explosion, your ass is going to be pumped full of metal. In real life, that bad boy has a casualty radius, which means you can still get wounded when you’re well beyond the explosion.
The kill radius of your typical fragmentation grenade is 5 meters, the casualty radius is 15 meters, but shrapnel can travel as far as 230 meters.
A disgruntled group of Marvel fans is planning a protest at Sony headquarters after Sony Pictures, which owns the rights to Spider-Man, and Disney, which owns Marvel Studios, failed to reach a deal to keep the superhero in the MCU.
In a tactic that feels borrowed from Area 51 truthers with a gripe similar to Game of Thrones‘ final season haters, three Spidey fans created a Facebook event to organize simultaneous protests at both Sony Pictures in Culver City, California, and Sony Corporate Offices in New York on Oct.19, 2019.
“We storm Sony Pictures in solidarity dressed in Spider-Man costumes and bring our boy home! This is a peaceful demonstration and violence will not be tolerated.” the description reads, without any self-awareness at how ridiculous it sounds.
Thus far, the event has attracted over 7,000 “Yes” RSVP’s and plenty of mediocre memes.
The entire endeavor is misguided. Sony and Disney are two of the dwindling number of massive corporations that control the entertainment industry. They exist to make money for their shareholders. The only way fans could potentially make the powers that be change their mind is with a credible threat that their anger might hurt the bottom line.
It’s safe to say that’s unlikely in this case.
Even if every fan who signed up for the protest boycotted Sony forever it would be less than a drop in the ocean for the company. And the more likely scenario is that any fan who loves Spider-Man enough to wear a costume that they own to a protest would not be able to resist consuming new Spider-Man content despite their anger.
Mass protest can work, of course, but only when aimed at democratic institutions that have real reasons not to piss too many people off. And with no shortage of awful things to protest, it would be nice if this energy was redirected into something worthwhile like, say, beefing up antitrust law to prevent conglomerates from taking over the entertainment industry.
This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.
A lot of time and effort is put into every single advertisement that the U.S. military uses to leave a good, lasting impression on the minds of potential recruits. The best ads evoke emotion, tell the viewer what they stand to gain from service, and inform them that they’ll be a welcome addition to the team.
The following ads exhibit none of those qualities.
Remember, someone in the recruiting command for each branch decided that these videos were the best way to bring those numbers up. And don’t worry, we’re not leaving anybody out — every branch managed to push out a laughably bad commercial.
U.S. Air Force — “We’ve been waiting for you”
Hey, kid! You ever just sit and stare at an incoming tornado like an idiot when someone’s yelling at you to find shelter? Well, then you’re perfect astronaut material!
I’m not saying that every advertisement needs to be upbeat and cheery (you’ll see that those fill out the rest of this list), but this commercial is basically nightmare fuel set to a depressing piano score. Also, it’s cool and all to be fascinated by extreme weather, but if you’re the type of person that walks toward the huge freakin’ tornado in your backyard… you probably won’t score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force — let alone space command.
U.S. Army — “Sucked in”
It’s been beaten to death already — we all know how terrible of a campaign “An Army of One” was. That slogan completely dispels the notion that you’re becoming a part of something bigger than yourself and promotes Blue Falconry. This ad actually predates that monstrosity.
This ad is what you’d get if someone was sucked into the TV Poltergeist-style, but instead of being pulled into some ghostly dimension, they were instead transferred to the realm of sh*tty detail. Someone thought that layering on an upbeat song was all it’d take to make us how objectively creepy it is — they were wrong.
U.S. Navy — “It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure”
When you release a commercial, you typically want to make it abundantly clear what you’re actually pushing. In this video, a bunch of sailors get their port of call in the Caribbean and enjoy themselves, doing all the fun shore-leave stuff that any ol’ tourist would do — which is a far cry from actual service.
It also doesn’t help that this ad was mocked viciously on Saturday Night Live back in 1979, where they showed sailors on a working party to the tagline of, “It’s not just a job, it’s .78 a week!”
U.S. Marine Corps — “Chess”
Oh man, speaking of misleading advertising… At least the Navy’s laughably bad ad featured some sailors. It takes a full 54 seconds of watching this commercial before you realize that it’s trying to sell you on the Marine Corps.
It’s like someone who didn’t even understand the rules of chess decided that it deserved a dark, gritty reboot. First of all, that’s not how the knight piece moves at all. It starts out fine when he moves across the board to take out the lightsaber wielding bishop but, after that, he just does what he pleases.
To be fair, that’s how most Marines would react given a chess board…
U.S. Coast Guard — “Be part of the action”
Did you know that the Coast Guard actually runs commercials every now and then? And I’ll be honest, this commercial is actually the best of the worst on this list. It takes a fair and balanced understanding of what the Coast Guard does and gives it a Miami Vice tone.
The reason that this one stands out as being the worst of the Coast Guard ads is that it finishes with the dumbest criminals in history being stopped by the dorkiest dudes to ever sign up. On the bright side, having Academy Award winning actor Louis Gossett Jr. put on a Coastie Cap at the end earns them at least a couple cool points.
The Disneyland iteration of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge is finally open. Early reviews — from those who were able to navigate a less-than-stellar ticket reservation system — are positive. An especially bright spot: the souvenir lightsabers available exclusively at the park.
As we’ve reported before, the lightsabers are customizable — guests choose their components and assemble their saber themselves — and pricey. The total price with tax comes to $215.49, exactly $215.49 more than a souvenir coaster from Olga’s Cantina. Still, the sabers themselves and the experience of designing your own are getting rave reviews from the lucky fans who’ve already had the chance to get theirs.
The Los Angeles Times has a good rundown of what the experience is like, and it seems that, in true Disney fashion, narrative is front and center. The story created around Savi’s Workshop, the exclusive home of the customizable lightsaber, is that it has to masquerade as a simple scrap metal shop.
Light-up blades come in red, blue, green, and Mace Windu purple.
The employees who work there play along, reminding visitors who say the l-word that they don’t want any trouble from the First Order.
They will help you pick out the pieces of “salvaged” scrap metal you’ll need to build your lightsaber, with drawers full of hilts of four different themes. Pick your hilt and you’ll get a corresponding pin when you set up an appointment to build your saber as part of a group with 13 other “Builders.”
After some practice assembling lightsabers outside — which may be interrupted if Stormtroopers happen to walk by — you’re ushered inside to a room dominated by a large table. You’ll hear a spiel about Jedi history and the power of the Force before guiding you through the process of choosing the remaining parts and assembling your lightsaber.
Once assembled, everyone inserts their assembled blade into a pod for a final ceremony that ends with everyone igniting their lightsabers.
Whether or not that experience and the saber itself are worth the steep cost depends on your budget and how much time you’re willing to spend at Savi’s (line are, predictably, quite long). But if your trip won’t feel complete without bringing a lightsaber home, it looks like Disney has created an attraction that goes beyond a simple gift shop to create an immersive, narrative experience.
This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.