Ah, Valentine's Day! Love is in the air! Cupid is on the march!
And you have duty. Or are deployed. Or stuck in the barracks. ... Whatever.
We all know what that means. While you're busy mopping floors and standing at parade rest, Joe D./Jodie/Jody is on the prowl, looking for heartsick girlfriends and boyfriends stuck all alone at home. Here's the date he's probably suggesting to your significant other right now:
1. He'll probably give her some nice flowers.
RIP Mary Tyler Moore. You were the real MVP. (GIF: Giphy/hulu.com)
Most likely roses, but it could be something creative like daisies or tulips.
2. Take a ride in your Cadillac.
"Cadillac" (GIF: giphy.com/gifbin.com)
The wax still looks pretty good, and the shine on the tires hasn't lost any of the luster. Sorry, man. "Ain't no use in looking back, Jodie's got your Cadillac."
3. Dinner ...
Soft light from candles glints off of some fancy silverware as it cuts through delicious Italian food. Filling, but not too heavy.
4. ... and a movie.
They're gonna finish up just in time to catch a movie at the theater. Something funny, and not too racey for a girlfriend hanging out with a guy just as friends. It's not "50 Shades Darker." It's "The Lego Batman Movie."
5. Take a long walk in the park, on the beach, through the woods, or out behind the barn where no one can see them.
It was an early movie, so the night is still pretty young. And the clear stars make a walk this time of evening just perfect. Of course, she might have to borrow his jacket, to keep the February chill at bay.
6. Play some nice, soft music.
(GIF: youtube.com/Topshelf Records)
What? Lots of guys keep smooth jazz on their phone. And Jodie just likes to hear this kind of music.
In the dark. In a secluded area. On a walk. With a service member's significant other.
7. Let's be honest, Jodie/Jody/Joe D. isn't doing anything with anyone. But your girlfriend/guyfriend/general's daughter-friend could use a good Valentine's Day.
Your significant other is probably sitting at home, still in love with you. But don't take that for granted. It's Valentine's Day for crying out loud.
If you're stateside and can surprise them, just do everything from this list that Jodie might have done. If you're deployed, send some nice flowers and a sweet video message.
Both of these things work even if you have to do it on the 13th or 15th.
Come on, give your loved ones some credit. The ladies know better than to give into Jodie's nonsense. Now, the boys and Jane, on the other hand....