10 memes that describe life as a military spouse - We Are The Mighty
Humor

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

Military spouses are just as resilient (and sometimes just as crazy) as their uniformed husbands and wives. They are the backbone of our military families, and while you’ll never hear (or read) me saying that the job of being a military spouse is the toughest job in the [insert branch here] (because I’ve both worn the uniform AND been up at 3:00 AM ironing HIS), you will hear (or read) me acknowledge that- without the support of our spouses- our service member’s jobs would be hella harder than they already are.


That’s why former President Ronald Reagan declared the Friday before Mother’s Day as Military Spouse Appreciation Day on May 23rd, 1984. Every year since, it is typical for the President of the United States to issue a similar declaration.

Here at We Are the Mighty, we decided to celebrate Military Spouse Appreciation Day the best way we knew how: by laughing at our life.

After-all, its like my crusty old Marine of a dad used to tell me “If you don’t laugh at yourself, Kate, I will. And I’m sure there’s others happy to join in.”

So in no particular order (because I can shine boots and clean a rifle, and you could cut yourself on the 45 degree angled crease of the nurse’s fold on my bed, but heck if I’m not the most disorganized wife on the block), here’s a bunch of memes that pretty much exactly describe life as a military spouse:

1. This one time, we got orders…

…And then we got different orders. And then, they came and packed the house up and took all of our sh*t and sent it to California, and THEN I said “hey remember that you just got promoted? Could that impact your orders?”

It could.

It did.

And the Marine Corps forgot to tell us.

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
There is a plan, and it’s a good one. Or two. Or three. Source

2. Wedding vows are horribly unrealistic…

…And comedienne Mollie Gross might’ve said it best when she relayed how her husband convinced her to marry him. “Babe, you can have as many babies as you want, ’cause it’s free!”

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

To have and to hold, in richer and in poorer, in deployments and in field ops and in career changes and in… source

3. Civilians TOTALLY understand…

I mean, obviously they get it. I have this friend, we’ll call her Not-Amy-From-College to protect her identity. Not-Amy-From-College used to tell me ALL. THE. TIME. how she totally understood what I was going through when my husband was in Sangin with 3/5 because one time, when they’d been married for about 7 months, her husband had to take the train up from D.C. to NYC and he didn’t even come back until the next day. The. Horror.

Yes, your husband going out of town for work for an entire day is EXACTLY like my husband deploying… could you hold this bag for a moment so I can knife hand you? K, thanks. source

4. What do you mean I’m only allowed to have an MLM job or run a daycare in my house?

*BIG DISCLAIMER: there isn’t anything wrong with running your own multi-level-marketing (MLM) business or running a daycare in your home.*

The military spouse community boasts a pretty healthy number of lawyers (check out MSJDN), behavioral and mental health professionals (check out MSBHC), entrepreneurs (check out the MilSpoProject), teachers, politicians, business consultants, authors, actors — basically if it’s a grown up job, military spouses either have it or have had it.

We have professional hopes and dreams just like every other adult who doesn’t live off of Daddy’s money (here’s looking at you, Not-Amy-From-College-Who’s-Identity-We’re-Quasi-Protecting).

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
The audacity! A grown adult actually having plans of his or her own for his or her own career… wha? source

 

5. Drama… drama everywhere…

I’m only partially joking with this one. We’ve lived in some excellent housing communities where, seriously, our neighbors were the bees knees. And then? We’ve lived in communities that made Degrassi look like a family TV show that came on between “Boy Meets World” and “Step-By-Step.”

I think most military spouses can appreciate this one if they’ve lived at multiple installations.

6. Finally found my daughter’s kindergarten graduation cap that accidentally got packed a month before graduation…

And it was only eight years after her kindergarten graduation.

Other things we thought were lost in a decade and a half of PCSing:

  • A Dell computer
  • An elephant tusk carved out of fish bone that looks suspiciously like an adult toy that caused my husband a rather embarrassing stop and search in a Japanese airport but that I am still laughing about 13 years later
  • A Japanese vase
  • My DD214 and military medical records
  • Wedding band (I’m still holding out hope that that one is in a box and really didn’t get vacuumed up like my daughter insisted)
  • A metal canister of Maxwell House coffee

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
You know those military spouses that get everything unpacked and put away within a week of moving into their new house. We hate them. source

7. No one cares what you think, Judy Judgy McJudgy-Pants

This one is so true it needs two memes to make sure the point is made. People are judgy and rude.

When people judge military members, they get labeled as unpatriotic and it’s done. When they judge military spouses, they get laughs, some cheers from a select few military members who lack integrity and good character, and maybe a few frowns from everyone else.

But military spouses are used to it. And that’s just a sh*tty deal all around.

To be honest, we’re just people who are married. Being military spouses doesn’t make us any more or any less likely to be a) a mess, b) unfaithful, c) fat, d) Wonder Woman or e) all of the above

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Everyone is a critic. source

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
There’s a pretty good chance one of these is totally accurate. source

 

8. From military spouses everywhere…Dear deployment: you suck…

Deployments make warriors out of princesses, men out of boys, and they separate the strong from the weak.

But even the strongest feel exceptionally weak sometimes, and we hate that.

This is, of course, when we put our big kid pants and our gangter rap on, and we handle it.

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Deployments are stupid, and yes we do hate them. But we’re proud of our service member for them. source

9. Operational Security pisses us off…

But it must be done.

That doesn’t mean we want to deal with the OPSEC police. You know the ones: Becky just posted “Missing my soldier today on his 21st birthday!” And Bernice, who’s husband is a fearsome E4, busts into the convo with “OPSEC ladies! You don’t want the enemy knowing when his birthday is if he gets captured!”

Hey Bernice, if he’s captured, he gives his name, rank, service number and date of birth. Go haze yourself.

But seriously, we do take OPSEC and PERSEC (personal security) seriously.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Don’t you dare accidentally have a number in your status during a deployment. The OPSEC police will be all over you. source

10. Someone must have a death wish

So… you decided to go to the commissary on pay day. That is either the bravest or stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

Jury is still out.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Commissary on payday? Newbie. source

Humor

4 ways to actually impress Secretary Mattis

On a recent trip to Indonesia, Secretary of Defense James Mattis was treated to a display of intensity by the Indonesian Special Forces. They broke flaming bricks with their heads, rolled in broken glass, and even went as far as drinking the blood of snakes — all to impress the Warrior Monk. While Indonesian Special Forces’ demonstration definitely shows a willingness to fight, it might be a bit too much.


It’s actually not that hard to decipher ways to really impress Secretary Mattis. He basically tells everyone how to be a warrior and everyone misinterprets his advice as yet another ‘Mattisism.’ It’s simple. Just don’t call him “Mad Dog” and be a competent fighter and you’ll be on his good side. Here are some other quick, simple ways to impress the Secretary of Defense.

4. Don’t use PowerPoint

One of the most simple (and true) Mattisisms is, “PowerPoint makes us stupid” — and damn near everyone in the military agrees. Sure, it may be an easy and useful way to bullet point out some notes, but the point of “easy and useful” is lost when PowerPoint Rangers spend their entire careers creating them instead of, you know, leading their troops.

I hate to break it to every staff officer out there stuck deciding on a font, but you’re wasting your time. Your troops are waiting for you.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
War may be this complicated on Gen. McCrystal’s level, but the average trigger-puller doesn’t care. (Image via Army)

3. Shoot the assholes who need to be shot

Every troop, from the knuckle-dragging grunt to the PowerPoint Ranger, joined the military for one reason: to help fight America’s wars. Many infantrymen kick in doors daily and many POGs may never come within a grid-square of danger. This shouldn’t matter: When the time comes, you should be willing to fight and end the enemy before they end you.

Whether they know it or not, the reason Secretary Mattis was impressed with Indonesian Special Forces was their willingness to prove they have what it takes to be a warfighter.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Having a solid door-kick doesn’t hurt either. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Tierney Curry)

2. Be polite, be professional…

And, of course, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. This doesn’t mean that you should constantly live your life like you’re playing Grand Theft Auto V. It means that you should always stay vigilant.

Treat everyone as if they’re your friend, but have a backup plan in case they don’t feel the same way about you.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Never take your head off a swivel. Ever. (U.S. Army photo by Cpl. George Huley)

1. Actually read the books on his reading list

Show of hands: Who’s actually read through every single book that Secretary Mattis has recommended throughout his lengthy military career? Much respect if you have, and no judgment if you haven’t.

While everyone will eat up his Mattisisms about being the meanest, roughest, most savage son of a b*tch on the battlefield, he actually talks more about being smart. “Engage your brain before your weapon.”

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Learn everything you can – except how to spell ‘dafeet.’ (DoD photo by Army Sgt. Amber I. Smith)

Humor

5 awful hand salutes that don’t even come close

From greeting a superior officer, showing homage to the American flag, or paying respect to a fallen comrade — saluting is a powerful non-verbal communication gesture for showing proper respect.


With no real written record of how or where the tradition began, the salute dates back far in history when troops would raise their right hand (or their weapon hand) as a signal of friendship.

Back in the days, the subordinate person hand-gestured first in the presence of a superior who would then respond accordingly, which is the same practice used today — lower-ranking personnel salute higher ranking first.

Recruits learn how to hand salute in boot camp and demonstrate it hundreds of times before heading out to active duty. The gesture becomes instant as muscle memory takes over.

But many civilians nowadays salute as a form of celebration — and they get it so so wrong.

Related: 35 technical errors in ‘Rules of Engagement’

So check out our list of awful hand salutes that weren’t even close.

(Seriously — where are the military consultants?)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

The over-the-top salute. (Image via Giphy)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

He needs lessons…badly. (Image via Giphy)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

Chris Evans (some talk show)

Also Read: 5 epic military movie mistakes

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

He made this list freakin’ twice. (Image via Giphy)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

You know we couldn’t leave this one out. (Source: WB/ YouTube/ Screenshot)

Steven Seagal (Under Siege)

Can you think of any others?

Humor

10 MP memes that will make you laugh all day

These young men and women are the first troops you’ll see in the morning as you drive onto base and they’re the last people you’ll see as you exit at night. The military police protect us from the various threats trying to sneak onto secured territory and they carefully watch the convicted criminals that are locked up — and this thankless job isn’t freakin’ easy.

The brave souls who serve as military police also take a lot of sh*t from their brothers- and sisters-in-arms — but it’s all in good fun… just like these memes.


10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

(The Salty Soldier)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Humor

11 military memes that will wow you

Service members from all ranks experience some crazy things during their time in uniform. From taking on the bad guys in a firefight to surviving some crazy accidents that most civilians couldn’t stomach — it’s all just part of the job.

We embrace the suck and, in the process, develop a unique sense of humor that’s not for everyone. For us, laughing at the crazy events of our daily life in service makes us stronger and helps us to push through the next dangerous mission with smiles on our faces.

When we tell people the true stories of what we’ve seen and done, the average man or woman lets out an exasperated “wow.”

These memes have the same effect:


10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

Via popsmoke

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Humor

6 ways troops act American AF while stationed overseas

One of the highlights of any military career is getting sent overseas to a new duty station. It’s a fantastic way for troops to engage a foreign culture, take in the sights, and work one-on-one with our great nation’s allies.


The thing is, no matter how many AFN commercials tell us to blend in with the host nation, Americans will always be Americans. There isn’t a damn thing wrong with that — but, sometimes, we overdo it.

1. Dressing casually

Troops will always dress like they did when they were back home. Even if a cloudy day on some tropical paradise is a bit too chilly for the locals, American troops from the northern states will still be out there drinking in jeans and a t-shirt.

American brand-name clothes are pricey overseas. So, if you see a local wearing blue jeans, they’re probably knock-offs. The nice pair of Levi’s troops picked up at Wal-Mart would cost an arm and a leg in Europe or Asia.

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
You can try to fit in all you like, but your buzz cut or high-fade will give you away. (Photo by Pfc. Levi Schultz)

 

2. Speaking English overseas… loudly

Americans have a leg up on much of the world since, in many countries, it’s customary to learn English as a second language. This is especially true for the younger generations. Because of this, there’s much less of a drive to learn a local language fluently; troops usually just hope the locals speak English.

If someone takes the time to learn the local language outside of a handful of useful sayings, kudos. A large majority of troops don’t bother.

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

3. Driving instead of taking public transportation

American public transportation isn’t the best in the world. So, many of us rely on driving everywhere we need to go. When Americans are stationed overseas, they often take their car with them instead of relying on local railways or bus systems.

It’s a convenience most Americans grew accustomed to that they’re not willing to give up, even if most things are within walking distance. A troop will either bring their own vehicle or buy one off of a service member rotating back to the States.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
And there are always vehicles in the resale lot. They’re pieces of junk…but they’re there. (Photo by Airman 1st Class Larissa Greatwood)

4. Flirting with confidence

American troops often talk to locals in nightclubs like they’re expecting a response of, “oh, you’re an American? How exotic!

Maybe the person they’re interested in likes the cocky American persona. Maybe they’re into shy bookworms they meet at coffee shops. Whatever the case, American troops will always confidently try to figure it out.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

5. Only taking in American pop culture

Every country around the world has their own distinct, modern pop culture — their own music, their own cinema, their own arts, etc. They also have American pop culture, which might outshine their own.

You can usually count on locals having seen the latest Marvel movie, heard the Billboard Top 40, and binge-watched everything on Netflix. American troops will probably skip local pop culture. Mostly because it’s probably not in English and subtitles aren’t for everyone.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Expect them to know what Star Wars is. Everyone has seen Star Wars. (Photo by Senior Airman Christopher Muncy)

 

6. Drinking towns overseas dry

There has been only one time in recorded history that a major city has had all of their alcohol stores run completely dry because of everyone drinking (it was Moscow after WWII). But goddamn do troops come close every first and the fifteenth.

Every nation likes to pretend they hold the title of the “world’s heaviest drinkers.” They obviously haven’t seen what it’s like when an entire unit comes back from Iraq or Afghanistan.

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
We can clear out an entire bar and still make it to PT the next morning. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Jason Hull)

Humor

5 ways your infantry training can help get you a date

As another Valentine’s Day rolls around the corner, a countless number of very single infantrymen are fully stocked in the barracks of your local military base. The ground pounders are well-groomed, employed, and are trained to kill everything they see, even in the pitch-black of night in awful terrain.


Now, who doesn’t want to date someone with those skills?

For all of our single infantrymen out there, don’t worry. If you’re looking for a date, we’ve got your six.

Related: 5 things you should know before diving into a ‘contract marriage’

Check out five ways your infantry training can help you score a date.

5. Let them know about B.A.H.

Dating leads to marriage and that leads to collecting a Basic Allowance for Housing. Potential spouses love that fact that they won’t ever become homeless. So, casually drop the idea of B.A.H. when the time is right.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
It’s true love now!

4. Choose a concealed vantage point to discreetly check them out.

You don’t want to look like a complete stalker by “popping your peepers” at someone you’re attracted to. That’s just creepy. Choose an area from which you have to look in their direction naturally and try and get a read on their personality. That way, you can devise a “way in” and cooly approach them.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

3. Show off those infantry muscles, but don’t be a douche.

You spent all day lugging around that heavy machine gun, so we’re sure you’ve built up some major muscles. Members of the opposite sex tend to like it when their potential mate looks like they can take care of themselves in sticky situations.

Wear a tight shirt, sure, but please don’t flex in the middle of the bar.

2. If you’ve deployed a lot, use the term “cultured” to earn those digits.

Many youngsters haven’t been away from home for extended periods of time. But a 21-year-old grunt probably already has one or two deployments under their belt. Remember and use the phrase, “I remember when I was in…” Simply add the country and recall that story in detail.

The more expertly you employ your bedtime voice here, the better your odds become.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
But maybe you should avoid using this story…

Also Related: 9 important things you realize when dating a veteran

1. Use the space or the lack of space at the bar to your advantage.

Grunts are trained to locate, close with, and destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver. In the dating world, the idea is sort of the same — minus the “destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver” part.

Instead, locate, close with, and engage them by using confidence and your ability to maneuver on the dance floor. Girls love when a guy can dance like a motherf*cker. Trust us; we’ve been divorced several times.

Humor

8 Pvt. Karl hijinks that will get you killed

There’s news out of Russia that two were people tragically were killed and another injured after a Russian S-200 anti-aircraft missile accidentally exploded at a recycling center that was sold there, almost certainly after being stolen.


And while we can’t prove this whole ridiculous and tragic event was thanks to Pvt. Karl of the Russian Federation, I mean, come on, it obviously was.

Alongside “selling armed missiles to civilian scrapyards,” here are eight other deadly shenanigans Karl will try to get his comrades wrapped up in as well as how any rational person should respond:

1. Setting up an illegal gambling ring with the Russian mafia

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: PIRO4D, Creative Commons CC0)

Sure, games of chance are always rigged in the house’s favor, but setting up an underground franchise purchased from the Russian Mafia is a really good way of ending up underground, courtesy of the Russian Mafia, KARL!

2. Taunting paratroopers on their holiday

The Soviet airborne corps had an official holiday on August 2 every year, and the Russian Federation has seen fit to unofficially continue the tradition. But engaging with drunken paratroopers celebrating their own importance is a good way to get turned into a lawn dart, KARL! (As a TV reporter learned in 2017.)

3. Trying to distill liquor in a lead-lined still

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
No, Karl, I don’t think we should buyout this moonshine operation. I actually don’t think we should touch anything here, and I think we should wash our hands. (Photo: An-d, CC BY-SA 3.0)

Yup, bootlegging is a profitable business. But since no one here has metallurgy or distillery experience, and since lead poisoning will make you go blind, maybe we should stick to just buying vodka, KARL!

4. Selling your winter uniforms every summer

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: Office of the President of Russia)

Winter coats are valuable and selling them is an easy way to get some quick cash. But since we’re enlisted soldiers in a country that stretches into the Arctic Circle, maybe we should hold onto them, KARL!

5. Selling weapons and food that “fell off the books” to preppers

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

So many people are preparing for the apocalypse, and old Soviet stockpiles are popular with them. The modern Russian stuff has to be even better, right? Sure, but getting into the international arms black market probably has some downsides, KARL!

6. Modifying your issued weapons for “enhanced lethality”

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

Maybe, maybe, maybe if anyone around here had armorer experience, this could be a good idea. But since you can’t even open a soda without cutting your hand open, packing more powder into the ammo casings or adjusting the mechanism for faster full-auto capability sounds like a good way for our boom sticks to actually go boom, KARL!

7. Going in halvsies for a Soviet-made car (only 25% interest!)

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: Erdenebayar, Creative Commons CC0)

 

Seriously, Karl. This would be a bad deal for a decent, almost new, imported-from-Germany car. And since you can barely drive for more than five minutes after a bar or footlocker of liquor is opened, we could get the same result faster if we just doused you in gasoline and gave you a lighter, KARL!.

8. Hitting on the wife of that pro-military Russian oligarch who came on a morale tour

 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
(Photo: Russian Ministry of Defence)

Yeah, she’s at least a 10. And yes, she’s way closer to our ages than she is to her husband’s. But that does not make this a good idea. She made her choice, and she chose a man who could kill the both of us in a courthouse while surrounded by police and never get arrested, KARL!

Humor

How Duffel Blog’s new war game can be yours

Duffel Blog, the wildly popular military satire site everybody knows and your Uncle Thomas doesn’t entirely understand, is launching a hilarious new card game designed for veterans.


“WTF, Over?” is a prompt-and-response, “Cards Against Humanity”-style card game that uses Duffel Blog’s unique, often risqué voice and style to create group fun or unit cohesion, appropriate for any barracks party or contact marriage reception. 

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

“We’re confident we’ve put together an awesome and hilarious game that Duffel Blog fans and even civilians will love,” says Duffel Blog founder and editor-in-chief Paul Szoldra. “This is the type of product that I hope will be packed in a soldier’s ruck or placed into a Marine’s wall locker at the barracks for a guaranteed fun time among service members and veterans alike.”

Here are just a few of the prompts and responses:

• “ISIS just claimed responsibility for _____,”

• “Hillary Clinton’s missing emails.” 

• “banning chairs in the Air Force.”

• “James Mattis, praise be unto his name.”

• “deploying just to get away from the kids for a minute.” 

• “downgrading the Pentagon to a square.”

Since Duffel Blog doesn’t have a rich uncle and their collective VA disability rating doesn’t allow the Duffel Team to finance this all themselves, they’re launching a Kickstarter to raise the money to get the boxes to their fans.

If you’re interested in backing “WTF, Over?” while picking up a box (or three) of your own, you can donate anywhere from $5.00 to $150.00. Other prizes for backing the Duffel Box Kickstarter can get you t-shirts, a cameo in a Duffel Blog article, and more.

The new game comes in a partnership with War Games, LLC, which features a couple of Duffel Blog writers on staff. The two groups scoured Duffel Blog headlines and jokes, compiling the best of their work since the beginning.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

So if you’ve been a fan of Duffel Blog for a long time, you’re sure to relive some of your favorite jokes and one-liners from the best the publication has to offer. If you’re somehow new to Duffel Blog, you’re going to find more of the humor that caught your eye in the first place.

Duffel Blog and War Games, LLC are both veteran owned and operated. Your support for the “WTF, Over?” Duffel Box card game keeps America’s funniest veterans in a job for that much longer.

Head on over to their Kickstarter.

Humor

11 hilarious Marine memes that are freaking spot on

Marine humor is super dark and most people outside of our community will never understand it.


But it’s all good — so long as we’ve got these memes, we know we’re not alone.

Related: 9 military photos that will make you do a double take

1. Maybe this is why Marines are so obsessed with pull-ups (via Marine Corps Memes).

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
And faster than a speeding bullet.

2. They must have been a 0311 Marine. But still saltier than a staff sergeant…

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
And still gets more respect than any POG… ever.

3. When you’re so excited that you forget how to speak proper English.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Yeah, what he said.

4. The main difference between a Marine and an Airman (via Pop Smoke).

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Killers vs. paper pushers.

Don’t Forget About: 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

5. I can no longer see these rhyming pairs without hearing Taylor Swift… (via Military Memes).

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
It’s all fun and games until gunny finds you skating this hard.

6. It’s the one injury prevention tip that isn’t endorsed by the safety NCO (via Military Memes).

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
But hey, as long as that PFC lifts with his legs, he’ll probably be fine.

7. Becoming a Marine means you change forever.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
F*ck yeah, the change is forever! Semper Fi!

8. The Marine Corps Fashion show is very hit or miss.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
But you know you still want to bang one of them.

Also Read: 12 intense photos of the Army’s grueling sniper school

9. Don’t complain, boot.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
It’s better than using your toothbrush.

10. The legend has finally been proven.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
We never doubted it. We swear we didn’t.

11. Sgt. Pennywise was just named recruiter of the year. True story.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Even his nameplate says Pennywise. That’s freakin’ classic!

Humor

6 different types of machine-gunners you’ll meet in the infantry

After spending two to three months in boot camp, young troops who are looking to serve in the infantry must move onto additional grunt training at other various grounds.


Once they graduate from that, some head off to their first units, where they’ll encounter some interesting personalities.

Some of these exciting personalities exist in the diverse troops who carry the “big guns” — aka, the machine-gunners.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

1. The “Marksman”

An infantryman works and trains hard to one day deploy their weapon system and score an accurate kill shot. For machine-gunners, scoring a precise kill from a distance is highly unlikely.

This isn’t because the shooter is incapable; that weapon system wasn’t designed to nail an enemy combatant square between the eyes but, rather, to take their head clean off.

However, some gunners still strive to make that perfect shot with their heavy-ass weapon.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Lance Cpl. Eric Lewis (left) shouts out commands to machine gunners during a platoon-size live fire range as part of Exercise Desert Scimitar 2014 aboard Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Luis A. Vega)

2. The “Napoleon”

This one refers to the French military leader, Napoleon Bonaparte, because of his height. This gunner gets looked at differently because of the contrast between their smaller body and the massive size of the M240 they’re holding.

However, they always manage to carry it and fire the weapon like a seasoned pro.

3. The “Screamer”

Machine-gunners are trained to whisper the words “die motherf*cker, die” while firing their weapon. In the time it takes to finish saying the words to themselves, they’ve shot roughly between four to six rounds. The “screamer” chooses to shout that sh*t out loud.

This repeated mantra is designed to prevent the gunner from overheating their barrel and causes them regularly adjust their fire for more accuracy.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
U.S. Marine machine gunners provide cover during a live-fire and maneuver exercise as part of sustainment training at D’Arta Plage, Djibouti. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Gunnery Sgt. Rome M. Lazarus)

4. The “Barrel-burner”

As previously stated, machine-gunners are trained to only discharge four to six rounds at a time to avoid overheating their barrels. The “barrel-burner” tends to forget the shooting cycle and fires more than intended — which can cause the barrel to warp.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
Army infantrymen change barrels on an M240 Bravo machine gun during a live-fire exercise at Fort Stewart, Ga. (U.S. Army photo by Pfc. Jordan Anderson)

5. The “Freeloader”

This gunner tends to ask other members of his squad to carry his extra ammo so that they can haul more Rip-Its. What’s hilarious about this type of gunner is the nice way they go about asking you.

It makes you feel good about yourself for helping out a brother.

Also Read: 5 of the sneakiest ways people try to fool the front gate MPs

6.  The “Animal Mother”

If you’ve ever served in the infantry, you probably had one or two “Animal Mothers” in your company. Just like in the movie, Full Metal Jacket, he’s the trigger-happy badass who is more than thrilled to shoot into an enemy compound and then ask questions later.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

Articles

5 things every boot should know before dating a local

All motivated newbie boots — fresh out of months of rigorous training — have one agenda: excel at work, drink some beer, and find a local.


Since most lower enlisted troops lack transportation, straying too far away from base isn’t ideal — taxis and Ubers can get expensive.

So showing up at the closest watering hole from your barracks room is probably going to be your best bet.

Related: 7 tips for getting away with fraternization

Once you step off base and meet that potentially special someone, here’s a few pointers before you go full steam ahead:

1. Wrap it up

You may have built up pounds and pounds of muscle these last few months in training, but it only takes a microscopic bacterium to bring all that strength crashing down.

Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. (Image via Giphy)If you do hook up with someone soon after meeting them, don’t expect to be their first (even if that’s what they told you).

2. Cultural

As a newbie, you might get stationed overseas in a foreign country where the lifestyles and customs can be very different. Make sure you do a little reconnaissance on the do’s and don’t’s or you might send the wrong message at the dinner table.

We told you so. (Images via Giphy)

3. Background check

We’re not suggesting you conduct a full scale credit and background check on your date, but it couldn’t hurt.

We’re saying to casually ask what mommy and daddy do for a living because many young guys and gals who you’ll meet near the base have parents who served.

You don’t want to hit on someone and find out later you broke the heart of the general’s son or daughter.

Congrats, you’re going to be an E-3 for the rest of your career. (Images via Giphy)

4. Putting ring on it

No offense to all the average looking service members out there, but if you are stationed in a foreign country and you hook up with a “10,” they might be trying to find a way to the states and gain citizenship.

Let’s face it, life would be pretty sweet…until she swears in then takes off. (Images via Giphy)

5. Financial security

Dating and then marrying a service member has some pretty good financial benefits; be careful of who you let into that world.

It happens more than you think. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 5 things you should know before diving into a ‘contract marriage’

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 worst times to have a negligent discharge

Service members do their jobs in some pretty stressful environments. From patrolling in a deadly combat zone to saying your final good-byes at a military funeral — it can be intense.


At most military functions, there will most likely be someone present who is carrying a loaded weapon, whether it’s blanks or live ammunition.

With stress levels reaching a high peak, the last thing people want to hear is the negligent discharge  — or ND — of a firearm.

Related: 17 images that perfectly show the misery of returning your gear

Check out our list of the worst times to have a negligent discharge:

7. At a funeral detail

Many military funerals have a 21-gun salute waiting fire at a specific time during the ceremony. Interrupting the service by having one of the riflemen accidentally discharge their weapon before they’re supposed to would be less than ideal, to say the least.

Everyone tends to jump a little even when the rifles are fired at the correct time.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse

6. During a foreign military weapons inspection

We advise and work alongside many foreign countries’ militaries throughout the world. When you’re trying to build and/or maintain relationships, there’s nothing more cancerous than having an ND occur to set everyone on edge.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG. *Laughs in German* (Source: DoD)

5. Right before stepping out on a stressful foot patrol

The primary mission of allied foot patrol is to make contact with the opposition. When a trooper accidentally taps the trigger of a weapon that’s no longer on “safe,” some very crappy things can follow.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG. *Angry Looks*  (Source: Army.mil)

4. While handling business in a porta-sh*tter

Many troops are required to carry loaded sidearms on their hip. Having a negligent discharge while you’re taking care of business can lead to a messy result.

Oh, and you can shoot yourself.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG. Just Bang. Any other sounds effects would be disgust– *gag*

3. Inside an up-armored vehicle

Armored vehicles are designed to keep the bad guys’ bullets from entering the cabin. That’s pretty obvious, right?

Having an ND go off inside the vehicle is really bad as the bullet will ricochet until it loses speed. Hopefully, it doesn’t land inside of one your buddies.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG PING PING PING PING PING PING PING PING

2. In the “CoC”

The “Center of Communication” is the artery for directing the troops on the ground. If an ND were to occur inside, that live round could kill a troop or damage some important computerized gear.

On second thought, just clear all your weapon systems before entering.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG. *Crickets*

Also Read: 33 images that perfectly portray your first 96-hour liberty

1. In a crowded Afghan Bazaar

Afganistan is considered one of the most dangerous battlegrounds in the world. The already intense energy in the area can quickly become deadly in a blink of an eye. A negligent discharge could launch an entire battle — or worse.

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
BANG… rattattatbangbangbangbangbanghissssssssBOOOOOOOOOOM

Bonus: During Bowe Bergdahl’s trial

Do we really need to explain why this is a super bad time for an ND?

10 memes that describe life as a military spouse
No bang. Just don’t.

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