6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked - We Are The Mighty
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6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Army recruiters love to talk a good game to get young adults to sign military contracts, but some people need more than just a couple motivating words to get them to join.


For the young prospects out there that need a visual, the Army filmed inspiring, yet powerful commercials to better entice you.

We’ve all seen the posters of soldiers standing tall and, yes, the idea of becoming a Green Beret is pretty badass, but it’s the epic commercials that often put the final touches on someone’s ultimate decision to make the commitment.

Related: 6 ‘Toys for Tots’ commercials we swear didn’t make us cry

So, check out six of the best Army recruiting commercials, ranked based on how freaking motivating they are.

6. “They lead.”

From our nation’s founding fathers to the heroes that lead the way in World Wars, the U.S. Army takes absolute pride in the amazing officers that have taken the title of “soldier” to another level.

(USArmyMediaCenter | YouTube)

5. “Amphibious assault”

When we think about modern amphibious warfare, we tend to think about Navy SEALs, but the Army wants you to know that they can land on a beachhead just as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHndb4Wss54
(GoArmy.com | YouTube)

4. “I became a soldier.”

Every person who joins the Army does so for their own reasons. We do it to serve and be a part of an elite team that will go above and beyond to fulfill the mission.

(USA Military Archives | YouTube)

3. “I will never.”

As Americans, we pride ourselves on our ability to work through near-impossible tasks and come out on top. As a soldier, you’ll learn about your inner-strength in ways you never knew existed.

(USArmyMediaCenter | YouTube)

2. “The narrative.”

Our nation’s foundation wouldn’t have been possible without the outstanding men and women that make up the U.S. Army.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovYhA26jK4Q
(GoArmy.com | YouTube)

Also Read: 8 of the top federal agencies ranked by Americans

1. Special Forces recruitment video

Are you ready to be on the ultimate team? Earning the title of Green Beret comes with massive a sense of pride, responsibilities, and the ideology that quitting is never an option.

(MH6M | YouTube)

Bonus: Family Guy’s version

Experiences may vary. Enjoy!

(Anthony Elliott | YouTube)
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7 common mistakes Americans make in their diets

Americans have a generous plethora of options when it comes to picking their favorite foods and restaurants. After all, if we only stuck to the traditionally patriotic hot dogs and apple pie, dinner would get pretty boring.


This is a philosophy that many Americans would be best served to translate not only into what they eat, but also how they eat. We’ve developed some cultural habits and norms that, in the end, might not actually be what’s best for our bodies.

These seven solutions to common American dietary mistakes come from as far and wide as Mexico to Japan. Here’s what they think we’re doing wrong.

1. Oftentimes, Americans don’t focus on portion size.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(NBC Universal Television’s The Office)

By now, you’ve probably seen or at least heard of the 2004 documentary, Super Size Me. It’s common for Americans to focus on larger portions, picking the large or “supersized” options as they go out to eat.

Foreign visitors often notice the shocking differences between portion sizes at meals and it’s been said that an American small translates to a medium or large in other countries. Even the sizes of drinks from McDonald’s, the subject of the aforementioned documentary, vary greatly from country to country, with America’s drinks falling in a supersized category.

Remember: you don’t have to eat everything in front of you. According to WebMD, it’s best if you just stick to keeping leftovers, listening to your body, and focus on greater portions of healthy items as opposed to piling up a plate with processed, sugar-filled, or fatty snacks.

2. Americans eat solely for the sake of maintaining or losing weight.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Paramount Pictures’ Mean Girls)

Food doesn’t need to be the enemy. An estimated 45 million Americans go on diets each year, but food is beneficial for the body beyond being a source of energy or a way to lose weight. Food can make a difference in your lifestyle in many unexpected ways.

In India, for example, curry is a dietary staple and not just because it’s tasty and low-calorie. Many believe that it can also be great for the liver, can prevent Alzheimer’s, and relieve pain and inflammation. There are several small studies that seem to back this up, but more research is needed.

Also read: Coast Guard food specialists will make you want to switch branches

Food doesn’t just need to be about how our bodies look or our shape, it can also serve to improve how our body functions.

Also, food can be fun. In France, one of the greatest traditions is the idea of eating for pleasure. Food is delicious, so they enjoy it and appreciate it. That doesn’t mean it has to be eaten in large or heavy amounts, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a negative.

“It’s true that the French eat for pleasure, but they enjoy cream, cheese, and wine in moderation,” says Mary Brighton, RD, a health and food blogger who lives in Pau, France, told FitnessMagazine.com.

3. Americans make a habit of skipping breakfast and lunch and focusing on dinner.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Photo by Brandon Martin-Anderson)

It’s a common scenario. Busy day at work with hardly any time to think, let alone grab lunch, enjoy the food, and take a second out of the day for yourself. There’s always dinner, right?

The saying doesn’t state that dinner is the most important meal of the day. In Mexican culture, almuerzo, which translates to ‘lunch,’ is a staple, and this is supported by research that states weight gain could be attributed to heavier meals in the evening or later at night.

In fact, in Korea, breakfast looks a whole lot like what we might think is actually dinner, which gets the day off to a full start.

4. Americans keep meals monochromatic.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Photo by Luigi Chiesa)

As mouth-watering as bread, pasta, and potatoes are, there’s one problem: your plate shouldn’t be 50 shades of beige. Often, fruits and veggies — aka the healthy stuff — varies in color.

Related: How military chefs will make you consider re-enlisting just for the food

In comparison, Japanese meals tend to look like a rainbow of different foods and Japanese dining culture emphasizes food’s appearance, according to Shape. Try incorporating color-rich, healthy seafood, which is packed with omega-3s, and fresh, vibrant vegetables into a meal, taking a plate from plain to pizzazz.

5. Americans consume tons of coffee without exploring other options.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Coffee has become a part of our daily routine and it’s how many people function in the morning. Eighty-three percent of American adults drink coffee, according to USA Today, but it doesn’t always have to be that way.

Coffee has its risks and rewards, but if you’re hoping for an alternative to a morning cup of joe, it might be worth checking out South Africa’s favorite tea: Rooibos. Many claim that Rooibos has several benefits, including being good for the skin and a preventer of kidney stones. Of course, more research is needed to prove these claims.

6. Americans tend to go out to eat for many meals.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Universal Pictures’ Bridesmaids)

As much fun as it is to go out to eat with friends or to grab a tasty meal from a new restaurant, going out to eat can be just as bad as grabbing fast food, according to Men’s Fitness. Not only are you likely to be unaware of how the food is prepared or which ingredients are left unspecified, it can also add up and be a budget-breaker.

More: Why the food in Guam is as funky and awesome as anywhere on the mainland

According to The Daily Meal, only 5% of the average Polish family’s budget is spent on going out to eat, unlike Americans, who spend an average of over $3,000 a year at restaurants. Not only is this good for your wallet, it also allows you to have direct insight into the cooking process. It can be just as fun to cook for yourself or friends, so maybe going out to eat can become a rare treat.

7. Americans often skip spice.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Photo by Hans Splinter)

Everyone’s definition of “spicy” differs, but there are some impressive pros to at least adding a little bit of zing and heat to a meal.

According to Health, traditional Thai food is not only abundant in spice, it’s also got some benefits: spicy food can help slow down the eating process, causing you to eat more slowly and feel fuller more quickly.

“Americans eat too fast,” Dr. James Hill, the past president of the American Society for Nutrition, told Health. “By the time your body signals that it’s full, you’ve overeaten. Eating slower is a good weight-loss strategy, and making food spicier is an easy way to do it.”

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7 times the US almost stumbled into war with Russia

In light of current events in places like the Ukraine and Syria, the risk of America and Russia fighting a proxy war or even a real war is growing. Here are seven other times when U.S. troops lined up opposite Russian troops:


1. Russian and Americans shot each other in Korea

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: National Museum of the US Air Force

In the Korean War, U.S. pilots were officially flying against Chinese and Korean pilots, but they knew Soviets were in the mix. In 1952, the number of Soviet personnel in Korea had climbed to 26,000 counting both pilots and air defense soldiers.

Both sides hid the fact that the Soviets were involved so that neither country was forced into a larger war. American forces didn’t report hearing Russian voices on signal intercepts between Soviet fighters while the Russians put Chinese markings and uniforms on all of their forces.

2. Russian anti-aircraft experts shot down U.S. planes in Vietnam

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Like in North Korea, Russia wanted to affect the outcome of a war America was in but they didn’t want to accidentally create a new world war. So, they originally claimed that no Soviet troops were present, then said some military experts were sent, and after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 they finally admitted they had deployed 3,000 troops to stop American air raids. 13 Russian soldiers were killed by American bombers.

3. The Cuban missile crisis almost went hot multiple times

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Navy

During the Cuban missile crisis, both sides had generals looking for an excuse to wage a conventional or nuclear war. The 12th day of the crisis was probably the worst, with four separate incidents nearly providing the spark. On Oct. 27, 1962, a low-level reconnaissance flight was fired upon by Cuban forces. Later that same day, a U-2 pilot taking high-altitude radiation samples near the Arctic accidentally wandered into Russian airspace and was nearly shot down. A Russian sub was struck with depth charges by the Navy destroyer USS Beale. Then, U-2 pilot Maj. Rudolf Anderson Jr. was shot down and killed over Cuba.

Rudolf’s death may have been what ended the conflict. With the situation clearly deteriorating, both Kennedy and Khrushchev voiced concern that war was becoming unavoidable. Robert Kennedy was sent to the Soviet embassy to speak with the ambassador and they brokered the deal that ended the conflict.

4. Tanks faced off in Berlin

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army

After East German officials tried to block Western diplomats’ access to East Berlin multiple times, Gen. Lucius Clay dispatched 10 tanks and three armored vehicles to the main crossing point for U.S. diplomats, Checkpoint Charlie. The Soviets responded by sending their armored forces to the checkpoint and the tanks stared each other down for 16 hours. Neither side was willing to fight a full-scale war for Berlin, so Moscow and Washington opened backdoor channels to end the standoff.

5. Nuclear false alarms nearly caused real war four times

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Bryan Niegel

In four separate incidents in the Cold War, nuclear war almost began due to technical glitches and false alarms. First in 1979 and then in 1980, U.S. computers showed a Soviet missile attack due to technical glitches. The third incident was in Sep. 1983 when a Soviet satellite read sunlight reflected off clouds as American missile launches. The fourth incident took place in 1995 when a Norwegian scientific rocket launch appeared similar to a nuclear missile on Russian radar.

6. A NATO war game nearly turned into the real thing

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army

Able Archer 83 was a NATO exercise in Nov. 1983 to train for a conventional war and nuclear with the Soviet Union. With 19,000 U.S. troops participating, the exercise was so large that the Soviet Union was worried that it was a cover for a real attack. They were especially sensitive since it came on the heels of the Sep. 1983 false alarm from above. The Soviet Union put its own troops on high alert, kept jets ready to take off, and readied their nuclear arsenal. Luckily, there were no incidents during the exercise and it ended peacefully Nov. 11.

7. The Soviet Navy rammed U.S. ships in the Black Sea

In 1988, two U.S. Navy ships tested the Soviet Union’s territorial waters by sailing into contested territory. The Soviet Union claimed 12 miles from their coast while the U.S. only recognized 3 miles. Two Soviet Navy vessels responded by ramming the U.S. ships. To prevent American helicopters from lifting off, two Soviet helicopters hovered over them during the incident. All four ships were damaged and the U.S. ships departed the area after an hour.

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6 of the best ways to set up a challenging urban defense as OPFOR

When a commander designates you and your squad to be OPFOR (Opposing Force), what they’re doing is giving you an opportunity at the most fun you can have in training — playing bad guy.


This is a way for you to use all the knowledge and dirty tricks you’ve ever learned to put other troops in your unit through the ringer.

The purpose of this is to give realistic training to test the unit’s knowledge and metal so your commanders can figure out where the faults are and how to fix them. While being OPFOR is still training to a degree, it’s a great way to skate in the field and get the hell away from your platoon for a couple hours.

Related: How unconventional tactics won the battle for Ramadi

1. Be aggressive

Your goal as OPFOR is to ultimately “die.” The unit you’re fighting against will have a mission and a plan, which typically end in their victory. Don’t let that get you down — you still need to put up a good fight. Don’t just hand them an easy victory. The point is to give them some good training; so put them through hell so they can learn something.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Match their aggression. (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Sam Weaver)

2. Be deceptive

Deception is key in any form of a defense. Your goal is to fake out the enemy to make it easier for you to wipe them out. If you’re unpredictable, the enemy’s life will be much harder when they come after you. In the case of OPFOR, you’ll already know what you’re defending so make sure to lead your “enemy” through a big maze.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Use cardboard cut-outs and robots! (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Ashlee Conover)

3. Use their tactics against them

They’re your unit, so you understand their tactics and standard operating procedures, which gives you an edge that a real enemy won’t have. You know what they’re going to do in any given situation so you can provide a perfect countermeasure. When evaluating your unit’s SOPs, be sadistic in your planning to give the ultimate defense.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
If you know they’re going to climb over walls, booby trap the walls. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Eric Tso)

4. Use your environment

Urban areas are filled with tons and tons of props. Training sites will likely imitate this and place old furniture all over the place, and if you’re training in an abandoned housing area, the chances of this will be much higher. If there are doors around, set up barriers or obstacles. Make your enemy work for their victory.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
See that car? There’s a lot for you to do with that. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Sarah N. Petrock, 2d MARDIV Combat Camera)

5.  Use every weapon or tool you have

If you’ve got para-cord/550 cord with you, use it. Set-up as many booby traps and trip-wires as you possibly can to increase the level of difficulty for the guys trying to get to their objectives and accomplish their mission. If you have smoke grenades, oil, and/or trip flares, use those to the most frustrating extent possible.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Don’t be afraid to use one of these bad boys if you got one. (United States Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl Samuel Brusseau.)

Also read: 4 interesting things a rifleman can get away with

6. Employ unconventional tactics

The use of unconventional tactics dominates on the modern battlefield; when you’re OPFOR, it’s a great opportunity to toss out the rule book and mix your conventional knowledge with unconventional tactics to kick some serious ass.

Fight aggressive, fight dirty, and be deceptive. Fight to win and give the guys in your unit a real challenge to test their steel. If you manage to beat the hell out of them, it only increases the amount of fun you’re already bound to have playing bad guy.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
A well-planned, well-executed ambush will inflict devastating casualties. (U.S. Army photo by Lt. Benjamin Haulenbeek)

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These are the 9 general officers who have earned five stars

Even though the five-star general rank essentially died in 1981 with Omar Bradley, the idea of a five-star general rising above all others to command so much of the American and allied militaries is remarkably heroic.


The five-star general officer was born in WWII because American generals and admirals were often placed above allied officers of a higher rank. Someone elevated to that position could never retire and was considered an active-duty officer for the rest of their life.

That’s a lot of trust. The list of the 9 officers we deemed worthy of the honor rightly reads like a “who’s who” of U.S. military history.

1. Fleet Admiral William D. Leahy

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
How many WWII-era Admirals were issued that hat?

Leahy was the first officer to make the rank. He was the senior officer in the U.S. Navy and the senior-most officer in the U.S. military. He retired in 1939 but was recalled to active duty as the Chief of Staff to President Roosevelt and then Truman until 1949. During the latter years of his career, he reported only to the President.

2. General of the Army George Marshall

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Gen. Marshall looks like he’s already sick of your shit.

George Marshall was a major planner of the U.S. Army’s training for World War I and one of Gen. John J. Pershing’s aides-de-camp. He would need those planning skills when World War II broke out, as he oversaw the expansion of the U.S. Armed Forces and the coordination of U.S. efforts in the European Theater. After the war it was Marshall who helped rebuild Western Europe with an economic plan that came to be named after the man himself.

3. Fleet Admiral Ernest King

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

King was the Commander in Chief of U.S. Naval Forces (the U.S. now only uses the term “Commander-In-Chief” to refer to the President) and the Chief of Naval Operations. Though he never commanded a ship or fleet during a war, as the Navy representative of the Joint Chiefs, he helped plan and coordinate Naval Operations during WWII.

4. General of the Army Douglas MacArthur

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

MacArthur graduated from West Point in 1903, fought in the occupation of Veracruz, World War I, and resisted the Japanese invasion of the Philippines for six months during WWII. MacArthur, despite having to retreat to Australia, oversaw the defeat of the Japanese in the Pacific and accepted their surrender less than four years later.

He would also orchestrate the occupation and rehabilitation of Japan, and the American counterattack during the early months of the Korean War.

5. Fleet Admiral Chester Nimitz

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Even though he looks sad, Chester Nimitz will f***ing kill you.

Nimitz was the Navy’s leading authority on submarine warfare at the outbreak of World War II.  He would rise to be Commander-in-Chief of the Navy’s Pacific Fleet and eventually take control of all U.S. forces in the Pacific Theater. He served the Navy on Active Duty in an unofficial capacity until his death in 1966.

6. General of the Army Dwight D. Eisenhower

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
“Hitler! Macho Man Dwight Eisenhower coming for youuuuuu OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH.”

Ike never saw combat as a soldier, but his planning skills were essential as Supreme Allied Commander of all allied expeditionary forces in Europe during World War II. He planned and executed the invasion of North Africa in 1943, and of course the D-Day invasion of France in 1944. After the war, Eisenhower was the first Supreme Allied Commander of NATO and was elected President in 1952.

7. General of the Army and Air Force Henry H. Arnold

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

“Hap” Arnold is the only officer ever to hold two five-star ranks in multiple branches and is the only person to ever to be General of the Air Force.

Before WWII, Arnold was the Chief of the Air Corps and became commander of the U.S. Army Air Forces when war broke out. He was one of the first military pilots ever, being trained by the freaking Wright Brothers themselves.

If Billy Mitchell is the Father of the Air Force, Hap Arnold helped raise it — he took a small organization and turned it into the world’s largest and most powerful air force during the WWII years.

8. Fleet Admiral William Halsey, Jr.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
That is one salty sailor.

“Bull” Halsey started World War II harassing Japanese fleet movements in the Pacific in his flagship, the Enterprise. He was later made commander of all U.S. forces in the South Pacific and commander of the Navy’s third fleet. Halsey earned his status after the war ended but took the Navy on a goodwill cruise of friendly countries

9. General of the Army Omar Bradley

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

As mentioned, Omar Bradley was the last surviving five-star general, dying in 1981. He fought alongside the U.S. Army’s greatest all under the command of Dwight Eisenhower. He excelled during the D-Day landings and subsequent European campaigns. He eventually commanded 1.3 million fighting men as they invaded fortress Europe — the largest assembly of U.S. troops under a single commander.

* General of the Armies of the United States John J. Pershing

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Pershing was promoted to this rank and title in 1919, though no official rank insignia existed at the time. It was made by Congress to recognize his role in the American entry into World War I in Europe.

* Admiral of the Navy George Dewey

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Dewey received the title “Admiral of the Navy” by act of Congress in 1903. Admiral Dewey’s service during the Spanish-American War made him a national hero and celebrity.

* General of the Armies of the United States George Washington

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

President Gerald Ford promoted Washington to this rank and title — essentially a six-star general — in 1976 to always ensure Washington would be the senior-most officer of any group.

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6 weird laws unique to the US military

U.S. troops obey a set of legal guidelines called the Uniform Code of Military Justice. While the UCMJ mirrors civilian law in many ways, there are some laws on the military books that are unique and somewhat bizarre.


Here’s a sampling of six of them:

1. Dueling

 

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

 

Sorry, all you potential Aaron Burrs. Dueling isn’t allowed in the U.S. military. You cannot pull out your sword, pistol, or even your fists and challenge someone who has wronged you to a duel. According to the manual, “Any person subject to this chapter who fights or promotes, or is concerned in or connives at fighting a duel, or who, having knowledge of a challenge sent or about to be sent, fails to report the fact promptly to the proper authority, shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”

Maximum punishment: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

2. Drinking liquor with prisoners

 

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

If you’re standing post and guarding a prisoner, you aren’t supposed to give him or her booze. We thought this one was pretty weird, but the existence of such a law makes us think that someone, somewhere, must have actually done this one. But, umm, why?

Maximum punishment: Confinement for 3 months and forfeiture of two-thirds pay per month for 3 months.

3. Indecent language

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Profanity and dirty jokes are a crime, at least in the U.S. military. We’ve all heard the phrase “cuss like a sailor,” but that sailor can actually be busted for having a potty mouth. According to the manual, “‘Indecent’ language is that which is grossly offensive to modesty, decency, or propriety, or shocks the moral sense, because of its vulgar, filthy, or disgusting nature, or its tendency to incite lustful thought.”

This one probably isn’t enforced all that often, but it does carry some stiff punishments when it is.

Maximum punishment: Communicated to any child under the age of 16 years: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 2 years. Other cases: Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.

4. Jumping from vessel into the water

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

If you accidentally fall off a ship, you won’t get in trouble. But if you take a plunge intentionally, there can be some consequences. If you plan on taking a dip, make sure your commander says it’s ok first.

Maximum punishment: Bad-conduct discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 6 months.

5. Adultery

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

 

Cheating on your spouse can get you kicked out of the military altogether, among other possible punishments. While not a unique law to the military — 21 states have anti-adultery laws on the books that are rarely enforced — commanders do sometimes charge service members with this crime.

Still, adultery charges are a bit hard to stick, since they can be difficult to prove, according to About.com.

Maximum punishment: Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

6. Straggling

 

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Troops who fall behind or lose their way on marches or runs can find themselves in legal trouble. While a straggler on a hike is often just told to “hurry up” and motivated to continue by their non-commissioned officers, this offense is punishable under the UCMJ. “‘Straggle’ means to wander away, to stray, to become separated from, or to lag or linger behind,” the manual states.

Maximum punishment: Confinement for 3 months and forfeiture of two-thirds pay per month for 3 months.

Articles

6 tips we learned from ‘Ferris Bueller’ on how to ‘skate’ in the military

Ferris Bueller is the ultimate skater.


Skating is an art form which most people will never fully learn — until now. In 1986, Paramount pictures released “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” which taught countless teens how to play sick and get out of school.

Written and directed by the legendary John Hughes, the film focuses on a teenager who embarks on an incredible journey throughout Chicago while being unknowingly stalked by his high school principal.

While taking the day off, Bueller and his two friends learn more about themselves in a day than they would ever expect.

Related: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

So check out our list of how Bueller taught us the art of the skate.

1. Be convincing

First, come up with an epic excuse why you’re unable to partake in a military activity (like going to work), and make sure you sell that sh*t like Bueller sold being sick to his parents.

Getting a “Sick in Quarters” slip is the goal if you’re in the military.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
I hope I look sick enough. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

2. Use your assets properly

Unfortunately, Bueller doesn’t have a car to drive himself around. So once he officially earns his day off via his parents, it’s time to get on the phone and find someone to pick you up.

Skating should be a team effort, but make sure you repay the favor and help someone else skate on another day.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Come over to the barracks and pick me up. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

3. Know the loopholes

Here, Bueller hacks the school’s computer absence program and changes how many days he has been absent. You probably won’t have this ability unless you have a special security clearance, but the moral of this story is to understand your limits.

For instance, if your boss isn’t going to be around — you’re not going to be around. Get it? Good.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Knowing the loopholes will get you far in life. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

4. Have an epic backstory

During roll call, Bueller’s name is called out several times before this hot girl (Kristy Swanson) gives the teacher a bullsh*t reason why he isn’t in school. It works well during military roll call when the service member calling out names just wants to get on with the day and not hear any excuses — another loophole.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
How could you not trust this face? (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

5. Play the role

In the event you get an unknown phone call or run into someone outside your skating circle, divert into the sick mode ASAP.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Remember act sick. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Also Read: 11 hiding spots for an E-4 to sham

6. Make it a team effort

Ferris uses his best buddy Cameron to impersonate his girlfriend’s dad to get her out of school. Now, you probably won’t have to do all that, but it’s awesome to have military friends who are willing to skate alongside you that you trust.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Our favorite hypochondriac, Cameron Frye. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Lists

7 first-world problems only sailors will understand

Living in American can be tough when you have to deal with problems most people in other countries can’t even imagine, such as having so much food in the fridge that there’s no room for leftovers. Yes, the struggle is real.


Being a sailor in the U.S. Navy brings its own set of unique hardships, which service members of other branches and sailors from other nations just wouldn’t understand. Here are seven first-world problems that sailors can relate to.

1. “I have so much cash in my wallet during port visits, it hurts my butt when I sit.”

Yes, this is a thing. You can’t always rely on vendors to accept your credit card, but cash is internationally accepted.

2. “The steak and lobster we have every Friday is just terrible.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Wikimedia Commons

MRE, what’s an MRE? Sailors eat warm meals, silly grunts.

3. “We have to buy small souvenirs during port visits because we don’t have anywhere to put them.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Seaman Daniel Schumacher/US Navy

Instead, they have to settle for small things like jewelry, video games, and DVDs.

4. “Amazon always gets the ‘expected delivery date’ to my FPO AP address wrong.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Benjamin Crossley/US Navy

Amazon forgets the part about packages being delivered to ships. What’s up with that Amazon?

5. “They called ‘general quarters’ so I have to be in my rack, but I’m not really tired.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Aaron Ansarov/US Navy

The ship’s personnel hate it when people get in the way of their drills, so they make airedales and Marines jump in their racks.

6. “My fat uniform is now my uniform.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Lobster and steak can take its toll on a sailor’s uniform allowance. Hopefully by that time, you’re ready to become chief.

7. “It’s so hard to choose between Master and Commander, Top Gun, and The Hunt For Red October when the ship plays them at the same time.”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

It’s rare, but it happens, sometimes the ship’s movie programmers schedule these Navy staples on different channels at the same time.

Can you think of more first-world sailor problems? We’d like to know, leave them in the comments area below.

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The 13 funniest military memes of the week

You made it through another week, but no one is giving you medals and ribbons for that. You’ll have to settle for these memes instead.


1. Seriously, car dealers may be the most powerful entities in the military community(via Devil Dog Nation).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
They get you with those pay allotments.

2. Help people get to heaven. Make martyrs.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Air Force does charitable service in the community, the Army does it on the battlefield.

SEE ALSO: The 8 steps of counting down to deployment

3. Airmen are immune to your mockery (via Air Force Nation).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Of course, the A-10 is the one Air Force asset that never gets made fun of.

4. Navy likes to play Army for PT (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Maybe they’re practicing to be combat engineers?

5. It’ll probably work, especially against the Navy.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Hopefully these don’t get deployed alongside beautiful women. America would fall immediately.

6. When you try to advance in life …

(via Military Memes)

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
… and end up right back where you started.

7. Be careful, they hunt in packs.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
The lance corporal underground can protect you.

8. There’s a reason pilots have checklists.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Pretty sure that’s not the third step. Probably more like step 1.

9. Doesn’t have a concealed carry permit (via Marine Corps Memes).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Better not put his hands in his pockets.

10. Remember that they’re games and not simulators (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

11. Pretty sure there’s a “D-mnit Carl!” coming.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
If he loses any, first sergeant’s gonna be pissed.

 12. When Sauron is sent for KP duty (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Can’t be certain, but it looks like you might have overcooked it.

13. Target identification is hard.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
But hey, knowing is half the battle. Unfortunately, blowing up is the other half.

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6 ways the Army was the perfect primer for ‘Batman’

The whole world mourned June 9 at the news that Adam West, the Army veteran and actor who brought “Batman” to the silver screen, had died at the age of 88 after a battle with cancer.


Adam West was born, and drafted into the Army, as William West. In the military, he was in charge of standing up TV stations at San Luis Obispo, California, and Fort Monmouth, New Jersey. But if it seems odd that the star of a farcical show like the 1966 version of “Batman” got his start in the Army, it was actually the perfect way to prepare for such a ridiculous show.

Here are six reasons why:

1. Renaming everything to some arbitrary standard like “bat cuffs,” “bat time,” and “bat channel,” makes sense for anyone who has had to relearn names for Velcro, Duck Tape, and zipper

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Batman and Robin stand with their utility belts. (Photo: Greenway Productions, Public Domain)

Batman wore a bat belt that contained bat pills and bat cuffs which came in handy for the show that played twice a week at the same bat time, same bat channel. While all of that seems like nonsense to civilians, soldiers are used to fastening “hook and loop fasteners,” taping items down with “100 mph tape,” and securing their blouses with “slide fasteners and tab thongs.”

Those are ridiculous ways of referring to Velcro, Duck Tape, and zippers, which are all brand names that the Army can’t use in official doctrine. So young Billy West would have gotten used to using the Army names. It was probably easy to start calling everything “bat” later in life.

2. Dealing with a group of ne’er-do-wells like the “Batman” villains is old hat for anyone who has dealt with an Army squad

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
The villains of the 1966 Batman film. From left to right, the Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman, and Joker. (Photo: Greenway Production, Public Domain)

Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman, Archer, and other crazy villains were always hatching insane schemes in the Batman TV show. But, once again, the Army would’ve prepared the future Bruce Wayne for this.

Soldiers decide to get high with spice and bath salts? Yup, sounds about right. Troops smuggling liquor overseas by pouring it into Listerine bottles and mixing in food coloring? Seen it. Enlisted hijinks are basically Silver Age Batman ridiculous, just without the fancy gadgets and costumes.

3. Having to mentor a grown adult while treating them like a child is how all specialists deal with new privates

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(Photo: flickr/BATMAN)

One of the more awkward truths about the Batman is that Robin, the Boy Wonder, was actually a 21-year-old man when the show began. The grown adult Adam West had to act like mentoring another grown man while treating him like a child wasn’t sort of weird.

But again, the Army is perfect preparation for this. After all, most specialists have only been in the military for a few years and they can be assigned responsibility of a private first class who has been in the Army a couple of years. So, 24-year-old  supervising 20-year-olds.

4. Spending all of your time with an attractive lady without giving in is easy for any NCO who had to ignore their co-ed lieutenant’s good looks

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Adam West’s Batman and Catwoman almost kiss. (Photo: YouTube/InnuMaccaband)

One of Batman’s greatest villains was Catwoman, who definitely had a thing going on with Batman. But Batman refused to give in to it (though he almost kissed her once, and a later incarnation of Batman ran off to Europe with her).

But any specialist or sergeant who has pulled overnight duty with an even moderately attractive officer knows what it’s like to weigh the consequences of “fraternization” over and over. Chances are, young and attractive Billy West had to say no to a few female sergeants and officers, or at least find the right place to give in without getting caught.

5. Only in the military and “Batman” can the little stuff be crucial during an emergency

This is a small one, but most organizations will let little things go during an emergency. But Batman doesn’t accept any of that crap from Robin. Proper grammar is important, and Batman corrects Robin even as Catwoman tries to get away on a rocket.

You know, just like a sergeant major yelling about gloves during a firefight or reflective belts during literally anything.

6. Working within made-up rules is easy for anyone who has dealt with UCMJ and Rules of Engagement

Batman runs into some pretty stupid bureaucratic problems during the show, like that time the Riddler sues Batman (while using riddles to explain his scheme, because of course he did) for false imprisonment and assault.

While the details of the case seem insane, Billy West probably sat through the Uniform Code of Military Justice briefing where soldiers are told they technically can’t engage in anything other than “missionary”-style sex because of Article 125.

Really think anyone who was briefed on Article 125 will be thrown for a loop by Gotham’s insane judges?

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The US military’s 2017 New Years Resolutions

We all have a few things we need to work on. The U.S. military is no different. A new year is a new beginning, especially with a new Commander-in-Chief in control. It’s time to finally get around to doing all those things we said we were gonna do.


If sequestration is the household equivalent of cleaning out the garage, those old paint cans aren’t gonna move themselves. Here are some more of the military’s 2017 New Years resolutions.

1. Get in shape.

Ah fitness…the eternal struggle…as many of us veterans (whose old uniforms don’t fit as well as they used to) know.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
(20th Century Fox)

In 2016, an Associated Press piece asked if U.S. troops were “too fat to fight,” thanks to a study by the Army research center. The VA is addressing the issue with a standardized weight management program going into place at VA centers across America.

The Army is instituting a Combat Arms fitness test, as well as a fitness test for those changing their MOS. The Marines can now retake PFTs as much as they want while the Air Force re-measured their running tracks.

The bottom line is the military asks a lot of its troops, and physical fitness is a huge factor in readiness. Time to get get them gains..

2. Get our financial situation together.

There’s a new sheriff in town. And he’s not paying for a new Air Force One.

First Boeing, then Lockheed received the brunt of the Donald’s ire. Someone apparently told him about the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter’s price tag, because that was his next defense contractor target on Twitter.

The military is going to have to play with the toys they have or hope the military-industrial complex bows to the incoming President’s demands.

3. Work on our relationships.

Let’s be honest. In the last few years, we have not been as good to our allies as we could have.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
She’s not celebrating her shoulder rub.

Nor have we been all that upfront with our competition.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Watch the world’s two most powerful men chat like they’re waiting for the bus. (Kremlin photo)

We can do better. We just have to be ourselves — the shining example to the rest of the world that we know we can be. That doesn’t mean we have to wear our heart on our sleeve. We’re the United States. Our military wears their heart on our sleeve.

From the very top of the chain of command to the very bottom, we need to be more upfront and less touchy-feely.

4. Finally finish our education.

We have one more history class before we can finally finish up that degree. Now…time to learn about this “graveyard of empires” we heard so much about…

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
A 120 mm mortar round flies out of the tube as U.S. Army soldiers take cover at Observation Post Mustang in eastern Afghanistan’s Kunar province on Jan. 26, 2016. (U.S. Army photo)

It doesn’t need to be a literal graveyard, after all.

5. Spend more time with family.

Because together everyone achieves more!

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Members of 3rd Platoon, Alpha Battery, 1st Battalion, 77th Field Artillery Regiment, 172nd Infantry Brigade, work at dislodging their M-777 155mm howitzer from the three-foot deep hole it dug its spades into after firing several rocket-assisted projectiles. The huge weapon weighs 9,000 pounds and can launch projectiles over 30 kilometers. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Ken Scar)

Heavy deployment tempos, long tours, short tours, or just intense work schedules (especially at a less-than-ideal assignment) places a heavy burden on service members and their loved ones. Let’s focus on that in 2017 and keep in touch, even if it’s just via Skype.

Also, there are just some things your military buddies will do that your civilian BFFs won’t. It’s important to maintain those relationships.

6. Drink less.

Let’s be honest, unless we’re talking about Rip-Its, cutting down on booze is probably the first resolution out the window, but after alcohol related events (like that time Japan imposed prohibition on all U.S. sailors), it might be time to consider looking at our drinking habits.

Then again, Rip-Its are the unofficial fuel of the U.S. military, so that’s probably out too.

 

Long live Rip-Its.

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5 secrets of Marine Corps knife-fighting

The U.S. Marine Corps takes their close quarters fighting seriously, even to the point of practicing with real bayonets and knives.


 

As the only branch of the military that trains all of its members with knives, the Marines have some tips for cutting your enemies to shreds.

Note: Don’t practice knife-fighting without a qualified trainer and only use training knives, never real blades. Seriously. Knives kill people, especially when used as described below.

1. Keep the knife “in the box.”

 

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Youtube

 

The box is shoulder-width from neck level down to belt level on the fighter’s own body. Keeping the knife in this “box” prevents the fighter from swinging too wide and giving his opponent the chance to block the attack. The knife should be kept forward and pointed at the aggressor.

2. Target vital areas that are unprotected.

 

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Youtube.com

 

When the opponent is in body armor, exposed vital areas include the carotid arteries in the neck, the lower abdomen and the groin. When the opponent has no armor, the aorta in the chest and abdomen can also be a good target. If none of these are available, the fighter should target key places on the extremities. These include the femoral arteries in the thighs, the brachial arteries on the insides of the arms, and the radial and ulnar nerves in the arms and wrists.

3. Move to the sides

Don’t stay head on with your enemy if you don’t have to. Move at a 45-degree angle to either side of the aggressor to avoid their strike and increase the chances of your strike landing.

4. Knife placement and grip

The knife should be worn on the fighter’s hip on the weak side with the blade down and facing forward. It should be worn far enough back that an enemy could not easily grab it but not so far back the fighter cannot reach it. When pulled for a fight, the knife should be gripped naturally. If the knife is properly placed, reaching across and grabbing it with a natural grip will result in the fighter holding the weapon in their strong hand with the knife pointed forward.

5. Stance

Marines knife-fight from the Basic Warrior Stance. They hold their left hand vertically as a shield to protect their ribs, head, and neck. With their right hand, they point their weapon towards the aggressor while holding it close to the body to prevent the enemy from stealing it.

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9 steps to getting a soldier into (and out of) a war zone

The Army has a few ways it breaks down deployments, chief among them is the “Army Force Generation Cycle.” But that looks at how Big Army assigns different units to different missions. Here’s how deployment cycles actually work for soldiers.


1. It starts by getting sweet new uniforms.

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Sgt. Cooper T. Cash

For soldiers, pre-deployment is a special time when one can shed the Universal Camouflage Pattern and put on a camouflage that actually works. Also that switch and the IR flags lets everyone know that a soldier is about to go to combat, allowing them to feel really special at the PX and commissaries.

2. Packing, repacking, then packing other stuff

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
The Army is just one long series of packing lists.

Those new uniforms will get sweaty quickly as the unit packs, repacks, and stows gear for the deployment. Connexes and vehicles traveling by ship go first, then everything moving by plane, and then personal gear has to get packed away. All of it will have to be unpacked for inspection at least once during the process, and probably twenty times.

3. Being jammed like sardines into a flying can

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Capt. Henry Chan

Finally, the soldiers get to actually deploy. To do this, they get on a plane with limited access to hygiene facilities and then jam themselves in so tight that they can barely breath without inhaling each other’s sweat. Ladies, tell us again how you like a man in uniform, but go ahead and cover your nose while you do it.

4. “OMG, this place is so hot/cold/wet/dry!”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Cpl. Trisha Betz

Coming off the plane is always punctuated with a lot of curses for the local weather. This is kind of dumb since complaining won’t help and the weather isn’t going to change. But in troops’ defense, it really is stupid hot, cold, wet, and/or dry, and sometimes all four at once somehow.

5. No sleep till fully mission capable

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Sgt. Jason Nolte

Arrival in country kicks off a long series of briefings, gear checks, travel, acclimation, orientation, set-up, and more. Sleep is hard to come by until all of this is done. Sometimes, troops get lucky and are replacing a unit that streamlined the process. More often, the sergeant major decides the previous unit built the base wrong and orders it redone from scratch.

6. “Groundhog’s Day”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: Sgt Harold Flynn

Once taking over the area, Army units find themselves in a “Groundhog’s Day” situation where they just experience the same things over and over again for months. The places may change a little bit, like going to a school in the morning instead of the district center, but that’s about it.

6. “Groundhog’s Day”

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Air Force Tech. Sgt. Jeremy T. Lock

Once taking over the area, Army units find themselves in a “Groundhog’s Day” situation where they just experience the same things over and over again for months. The places may change a little bit, like going to a battalion base in the morning instead of the shura, but that’s about it.

7. Short-timer

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Staff Sgt. Jennifer Bunn

Oddly, getting down to the last 100 days of a deployment is generally considered a bad thing. This is because troops can get cocky or lazy as they dream of heading home. First sergeants have to walk around saying, “Complacency kills,” and “It’s just as easy to die on the last day as it was on the first.”

8. Social media offensive

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Staff Sgt. Mike Pryor

As the time dwindles down, troops will start spending more time on Facebook, Tinder, and anywhere else they can find people who might want to party once they land. They have to create a long list of potential “Welcome Home!” partygoers, since only about 10 percent will show up and at least half of those will leave once the first staff duty runner is tossed over a barracks railing.

9. Packing, flying, and partying

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked
Photo: US Army Capt. William Carraway

Getting to that “Welcome Home!” banner is basically repeating steps two and three. Pack, pack, pack, get onto a crammed plane, build up a thick layer of funk, and then march into a hangar to hug family members and friends. Then, party.

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