Ladies and gentlemen, for years, we’ve noticed an ongoing problem that occurs when certain people at the gym are looking for a little extra attention. After completing just a few repetitions of a weighted exercise, gym-goers develop horrible douchebag diseases that, over time, become harder to reverse.
If you know anyone who suffers from these or similar ailments, please contact a gym professional for immediate treatment.
ILS, or Invisible Lat Syndrome
This severe ailment is considered by many to be one of the worst physical deformities of all time. If you’ve ever seen an average guy walk around the gym looking like he’s got invisible braces holding up his arms, then you’re probably witnessing a terrible case of “invisible lat syndrome.”
Don’t despair. Due to recent scientific breakthroughs, there is a cure. It takes several back workouts and lots of clean protein to treat this heartbreaking disease.
You know those people who grunt and scream thinking that it’ll make them stronger? Well, it’s not their fault. They could have contracted “loud gruntilitis” without knowing it.
Unfortunately, the only way to combat this illness is by not being a complete douche and seeking attention, according to gym scientists.
When people go to the gym, they typically want to mind their own business, get a solid workout, and move on with their day. However, it’s possible that other gym-goers have a secondary agenda, and that’s to sell you a product without the gym’s permission.
These awful salesmen will bother the hell out you and, over time, they’ll constantly check in to see if you’ve changed your mind about purchasing their “great-tasting supplements.” It’s a horrible affliction.
Non-wipeth the benchitis
Those who suffer from “non-wipeth the benchitis” fail to clean their sweat from benches after they’ve used them. These nasty beasts want to spread their bodily fluids all over the place, especially on the gym equipment once they’re finished with a machine.
If you’ve got this disease, you’re in luck, because we’ve embedded the cure. Below is a simple video tutorial on how to clean machines after you’ve completed your workout.
Dropeth-the-loadeth, aka Egoitis
Now, frequent gym-goers respect the other patrons who don’t treat the gym like an imaginary weightlifting competition. However, some people still try to show off with the weights by dropping them on the floor after a rep, causing a loud bang.
Those who do this have contracted “dropeth-the-loadeth,” also known as Egoitis. It’s caused by a lifetime of trying to hide some kind of inadequacy and might lead to injury down the line.