6 tips to solo parenting success - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

6 tips to solo parenting success

Whether your partner was already in the military when you met or just finished basic training yesterday, raising kids with a parent in the armed forces is a daunting task. You can have the best partner in the world and still feel like you’re going it alone. There are bound to be plenty of challenges along the way, but that’s what you sign up for when you become a parent- military spouse or not. Here’s how to navigate the military parenting world and come out unscathed. (Well, mostly!)


6 tips to solo parenting success

Come to peace with semi-solo parenting

The tricky truth of being a military spouse is that most of the parenting will fall to you. You might have to celebrate birthdays and holidays alone. Make big decisions alone. Take care of a houseful of kids with the flu alone. In some cases, you might even have to give birth alone! While you have the financial support of a partner, you’ll also have to deal with the loneliness of a partner who you love and respect, but isn’t physically there.

Once you embrace that reality, come up with a system that works. While your partner is home, prepare for as many future milestones as possible. Are you going to work or stay home with the kids? Where will they go to preschool? What traditions can you create to ensure Mom or Dad is still a central part of the family unit? By planning ahead, you can avoid future conflict and show your kids that you parent together- even when you’re apart!

…and putting a career on hold

The biggest obstacle to having a career as a military spouse isn’t raising kids while holding down a job. It’s navigating long-distance moves while trying to settle into a new job. You might just get that big promotion you wanted, only to get uprooted again. If you work from home, that’s one thing. If your career requires making a long-term commitment to stay in one place, it might have to wait. See if you can find ways to gain experience in the meantime. Then, you’ll be ready to climb the ladder when time is right.

Help kids cope with frequent moves

Moving isn’t any easier for kids than it is for adults. To help them adjust, do your best to establish constants. Having weekly routines, including quality family time, nightly dinners, a consistent bedtime routine and special days out together can make all the difference.

6 tips to solo parenting success

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Enjoy the perks

Being a solo parent has a few benefits. While you’ll still try to get your partner’s input on the important stuff, you don’t have to agree on every little thing. You’ll develop your own routine, get the kids to bed without someone igniting a 9 p.m. wrestling match, and won’t have to argue about whose turn it is to take the trash out. You’re doing a lot of the work yourself, but in some ways, it’s easier than trying to get someone else to pitch in!

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During deployment, reach out for help

Fewer fights are great, but sometimes you’ll want nothing more than to have your partner home safe. Deployment is scary, and it will never stop being scary. When your partner is in potential danger, the added stress makes it harder to handle the rigors of life on the homefront. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Have a friend, family member, or close neighbor keep an eye on the kids while you take some time for yourself. Have a girls night in. Hire a sitter to handle after school pick-up, or a housekeeper to lighten your load. Being strong for your family doesn’t mean you don’t need to take care of yourself, too.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Find your village

If you’re far from family, have few friends, or just moved, finding a network of people who get it makes a huge difference. The best place to find that sense of camaraderie is with other military families. They’ve been through the same struggles, and many of them are more than happy to go the extra mile to make a new family feel at home. Military families are some of the warmest you’ll meet, so don’t be a stranger! When your partner finally comes home, he or she will get to be a part of a close-knit community, too.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

5 things that surprised me when my husband retired from the military

So, everyone thinks they want to retire, right?  And, eventually, we all have to, but there’s a bunch of stuff TAPS and all those other “courses” just don’t prepare you for.  Life changes in some pretty big ways that have absolutely nothing to do with pay and benefits.


We are required to attend the out-briefing classes:  the financial preparedness (yawn) death-by-lectures, differences between all the different Tricare options (pick Prime), how your BAH stops (Wait. What?), and the drop-dead date you have to go get your new, shiny retirement ID.

Which is no joke, because I totally ignored it.  Then a month later, I couldn’t get on base because that new little scanner gizmo the gate guards all now use said, *BEEP!* Intruder alert! This lady needs a retired ID.  She’s being an active duty poser.”

I was rebuffed.  Shocked.  Pissed off just a bit.  But, then I got my stupid retired ID like they told us to.  (Not without rolling my eyes, though.)

Here are the main things I wish they had told me:

1. For the first year, there was a part of my husband that just wanted to go back on active duty

Maybe it was the familiarity, or the “dudes,” or the routine lunches at McAlister’s Sandwich Shop, but he honestly missed the Navy.  It wasn’t until we got over the first year that who he is as a retired Navy pilot began to form and shape who he is now.   It was hard to watch him navigate his life without the true north being the US Navy.  (Note:  that goes away eventually, by the way.  Then, you’ll wonder why the hell you didn’t retire sooner.)

2. While I missed him when he was deployed, him being around all the time has its downsides

While I, honestly and for true, really, really did miss him when he was deployed, I had also gotten used to not having him around all the time.  So, the first month of him being retired was a huge adjustment.  I actually had to cook every morning, noon and night.  And, I had to adjust to him just being there all the time.  All. The. Time.  “What’s for lunch?” (Me: looking around thinking ‘who is this guy wanting food in the middle of the day?’)  Trust me.  We were all safer removing all weapons and dulling down any sharp objects that first month or six months or year.

3. It might sound weird, but I miss the smell of the military

6 tips to solo parenting success

I miss the smell of the Navy. I know, it’s weird.  But, it’s also true.  Smell is the strongest sensory trigger for memory.   There was something in the clothes (JP5?), or in the air, (also JP5) or something (it’s totally JP5) … whatever it was, the allure of Au De Navy was and is sorely missed.  Our house just smells so civilian now.

4. At the moment your husband retires, your former shipmates will consider you struck stupid on military topics

All your knowledge and infinite wisdom somehow evaporated, or was some way captured in the picture they used for that retired ID I mentioned above.  Whatever the phenomenon, it’s a real thing.  Within the first 48 hours, I heard, “How would you know?  Your husband is REEE-TIIIIRREEDD” at least twice.

5. He’s going to grow a beard. So, suck it up and deal

Post-military beards are a right of passage. Embrace them, and hope they end up this full.

Now, me personally, I love beards.  It was not some sort of hardship on me.   Quite the contrary.  But, give it a rest and let him do it.  Don’t bitch.  Just let him grow the damn beard and be grateful he isn’t a man-baby with no whiskers.  He’ll have to shave it (probably) eventually, but this is his last stand.  Let him have this moment.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

VA police officers prevent tragedy

Two ladies are alive today thanks to the quick action of five police officers from the Columbia VA Health Care System.

On Oct. 5, Columbia VA Police officers Major Calvin Rascoe and officers Colt Clark, Ronald Turner, Robert Evans and Shawn Bethea were returning to the Columbia VA from training. Rascoe observed fire and smoke coming from a vehicle traveling north on Interstate-77. The driver and passenger were unaware of the fire coming from the undercarriage of their car.


Rascoe activated his vehicle’s blue lights and siren to get the driver’s attention to pull over. The police officers quickly jumped into action to save the two ladies in the car.

Clark and Turner led the ladies to a safe area away from the car. Turner called 911 to request fire and emergency rescue and Bethea took care of traffic control.

Took three extinguishers to put out the fire

With the ladies safely rescued from the car, Rascoe and Evans attempted to put out the fire. Rascoe emptied a five-pound fire extinguisher on the engine and undercarriage and Evans emptied a second 2.5-pound extinguisher to battle the fire on the engine.

With flames still blazing from the undercarriage, Rascoe grabbed a third fire extinguisher and finally extinguished the fire just as the Lexington Fire Department and local Emergency Management Service arrived on the scene.

Pictured above are VA Police officers (l-r) Major Calvin Rascoe and officers Colt Clark, Shawn Bethea, Ronald Turner and Robert Evans.

Followed their training

“Our focus was to save the two ladies in that burning car,” Rascoe said. “I appreciate these guys 100 percent. They did an impeccable job. They reacted and did what they are trained to do to make sure people are safe. I believe if God had not placed us there at that particular moment, the outcome would have been tragic.”

David Omura, Columbia VA Health Care System director, said “The heroic work our great police service does inspires me. I hope that if I am ever driving down the road and I have an emergency, like my car being unexpectedly on fire, the VA Police are there to save the day.”

This article originally appeared on VAntage Point. Follow @DeptVetAffairs on Twitter.

MIGHTY CULTURE

Adam Driver’s TED Talk voices regret of any vet without a combat deployment

Before he was wielding lightsabers in Star Wars or blowing up Twitter with Marriage Story, Adam Driver was a Marine with 1/1 Weapons Company, 81’s platoon, out in Camp Pendleton, California.

“I joined a few months after September 11, feeling like I think most people in the country did at the time, filled with a sense of patriotism and retribution and the desire to do something,” he stated in his opening remarks.

He joined the Marines and found that he loved it.

“Firing weapons was cool, driving and detonating expensive things was great. But I found I loved the Marine Corps the most for the thing I was looking for the least when I joined, which was the people: these weird dudes — a motley crew of characters from a cross section of the United States — that on the surface I had nothing in common with. And over time, all the political and personal bravado that led me to the military dissolved, and for me, the Marine Corps became synonymous with my friends,” he shared, voicing the brotherhood that many veterans feel while in service.

Then, months before deploying to Iraq, he dislocated his sternum in a mountain-biking accident and was medically separated.


My journey from Marine to actor | Adam Driver

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My journey from Marine to actor | Adam Driver

“Those never in the military may find this hard to understand, but being told I wasn’t getting deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan was very devastating for me,” he confessed.

Those of us who wore the uniform but never deployed know exactly what he means.

It’s a different type of survivor’s guilt, a common response to surviving a life-threatening situation. In this case, it’s about not even going into that situation. In the eighteen years since the 9/11 attacks, our military has kept a high deployment tempo. Many of our friends never returned.

And for those of us left behind — whether because our mission was elsewhere in the world or, like Driver, we were medically ineligible for combat — well, it’s a shitty feeling.

“I have a very clear image of leaving the base hospital on a stretcher and my entire platoon is waiting outside to see if I was OK. And then, suddenly, I was a civilian again,” blinked Driver.

6 tips to solo parenting success

“It’s a powerful thing, getting in a room with complete strangers and reminding ourselves of our humanity, and that self-expression is just as valuable a tool as a rifle on your shoulder.” Or a lightsaber at your hip?

“I was surprised by how complex the transition was from military to civilian. And I was relatively healthy; I can’t imagine going through that process on top of a mental or physical injury. But regardless, it was difficult,” he shared, voicing what many veterans have felt after their service.

Also read: 10 awesome celebrities who served in the military

He struggled with finding a job. “I was an Infantry Marine, where you’re shooting machine guns and firing mortars. There’s not a lot of places you can put those skills in the civilian world,” he joked.

He also struggled with finding meaning in acting school while his friends were serving without him overseas.

“Emotionally, I struggled to find meaning. In the military, everything has meaning. Everything you do is either steeped in tradition or has a practical purpose. You can’t smoke in the field because you don’t want to give away your position. You don’t touch your face — you have to maintain a personal level of health and hygiene. You face this way when “Colors” plays, out of respect for people who went before you. Walk this way, talk this way because of this. Your uniform is maintained to the inch. How diligently you followed those rules spoke volumes about the kind of Marine you were. Your rank said something about your history and the respect you had earned.”

Find out more about how he went from Marine to actor in the video above — and how he has found peace in service after service — in the video above.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

Badges and Beards: The Air Force wants your ideas for future uniform updates

Airmen can now tell the Air Force their ideas on where they’d like to see improvements for uniforms, appearance standards, badges and patches and even jewelry, the service announced Thursday.

Starting now, airmen and civilians can submit their recommendations through the Air Force’s website “Airman Powered by Innovation” via a Common Access Card.


“If we want an environment in which Airmen feel valued, we need to create transformative opportunities to foster a culture of innovation and then listen to their ideas,” Lisa Truesdale, Air Force military force policy deputy director, said in a release. “Additionally, wearing the uniform and having pride in your personal appearance enhances esprit de corps.”

Personnel can make recommendations in the following categories, according to the release:

  • Grooming and appearance: such as hairstyles, beards, shaving, etc.
  • Dress uniforms: service dress, mess dress and accessories (e.g. hat, shoes, shirt, belt, tie, ribbons, medals, insignia, etc.)
  • Utility uniform: Operational Camouflage Pattern Uniform associated accessories (e.g. hat, boots, belt, t-shirt, insignia, etc.)
  • Accessories: jewelry, earrings, rings, purses, backpacks, gym bags, phone, headphones, etc.
  • Outer garments: pullover sweater, cardigan sweater, lightweight blue jacket, fleece, etc.
  • Physical Training gear: shorts, pants, jacket, shoes, socks, shirt, etc.
  • Flight Duty uniforms: Two-piece Flight Duty Uniform, Flight Duty Uniform, Desert Flight Duty Uniform and associated accessories (e.g. hat, boots, t-shirt, patches, insignia, etc.)
  • Badges and specialty insignia: organization badges, unit patches, duty identification patches, tabs, etc.
  • Maternity uniforms: service dress, utility, accessories, etc.

A uniform board will review submissions before presenting them to Chief of Staff Gen. Charles “CQ” Brown, who will then move to revise the Air Force Instruction 36-2903, Dress and Personal Appearance Policy. The service will notify those airmen whose ideas were rejected.

The Air Force did not provide a timeline to roll out uniform changes, but said the move is in line with an effort to create a more inclusive culture among the ranks. Criticisms have been recently raised within multiple military services that some uniform and grooming standards, such as hair length and style regulations, unfairly tax or inconvenience non-white troops.

“We want our dress and appearance guidance to be inclusive,” Truesdale said. “We are committed to considering the views of all members. Individuals contribute their highest levels of creativity when they are cared for and feel a sense of belonging.”

The service recently announced it was considering allowing additional hairstyles for women in the service.

During a QA segment during the Air Force Sergeants’ virtual symposium last week, Brown teased the possibility of allowing women to wear ponytails in uniform.

“I just got a package [proposal] yesterday about ponytails for women,” Brown said Aug. 26. “So we’re looking at a number of different things that we’ve got to work through, [where there are] second-order impacts associated,” he said.

That review is part of an ongoing effort to “improve dress and appearance policies,” where applicable, Capt. Leah Brading, a service spokeswoman, told Military.com. “We are looking at hairstyle and grooming policies, including the possibility of various new options for women,” Brading said in an email.

It was not immediately clear if the IdeaScale crowdsourcing project will overshadow the ongoing hairstyle review. The Air Force could not provide additional details by press time.

This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @militarydotcom on Twitter.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

5 places to look for local military spouse events

When moving to a new location, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with the amount of information you don’t have on hand. A lack of people and support system, not knowing what the local events are all about, or even when they exist, not having the low-down on stores and restaurants, like which McDonald’s is “the good one” and so on.

All of the above and more comes with each PCS. There’s a nuance to each new base, and knowing or not knowing what to expect is part of the gig.


However, by searching out what your new stop has in store, you can more readily get acquainted with the locals. You can attend events, get immersed in the culture, and gain a better understanding of what your new base has to offer.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Facebook

This household name is great for checking out local events. With their new(ish) feature, users can search upcoming parades, meetings, town happenings, and more by location. Get the details, save to get reminders, and even notify Facebook friends that you’re interested in each item. When starting out, Facebook is a great place to find what’s new and how you can get involved … or just how you can keep yourself busy!

MeetUp

Another free resource can be found online. While users creating events might pay, for searchers, the info is completely free. What sets this platform apart is the ability to search far and wide and by interest. Seek out what you enjoy and see what’s available surrounding your new duty station.

6 tips to solo parenting success

MWR … or your branch’s equivalent

Short for Morale, Welfare, and Recreation, each military branch (and each base) will have its own MWR office that hosts events. Follow them online and sign up for email notifications, or stop by in person for a list of what’s ahead and how you can get involved. MWR is known for rec centers, recreational rentals, kids’ sports leagues, movie showings, parties, and more.

Word of mouth

As you meet new folks, make a point to have real conversations. Tell them what you like and what you’re looking to do at your new base. You never know who knows what … or who might be willing to try something new. But you can’t get access to their wealth of information unless you make it a point to be friendly and say hello.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Out and about

Running errands just got more interesting! As you head to new spots in town, look for posters or bulletin boards that list upcoming dates. The grocery store, gas stations, the library — all of your regular errand stops, plus a few recreational, will inform you about upcoming activities. Make a point to seek out flyers or public boards and simply take note of what’s ahead.

Don’t sit in the dark when at a new duty station. Look for lists of what’s ahead for an easier way to transition and immerse yourself into the local culture. Military and civilian alike!

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

Volunteers return safely to national cemeteries during COVID-19

Volunteers are returning to national cemeteries under certain circumstances, following strict COVID-19 guidance.

More than 40 volunteers displayed the new policies during an event Sept. 19 at Culpeper National Cemetery in Virginia. A group from a local Latter-day Saints church cleaned headstones while wearing masks and practicing social distancing.

“The reason we wanted to do this is every year we look for service to do in our community,” said Tyler Herring, who organized the volunteers. “It’s an honor to be able to come out to do this every year.”


Volunteers return safely to national cemeteries during COVID-19

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Justice Cruzan, a Culpeper County High School student, said she volunteered because she had family members who served. She added cleaning the headstones is a way of repaying the fallen.

“Keeping their headstones clean is honoring them,” Cruzan said.

The cemetery director said groups spending time volunteering during a pandemic is inspiring.

“Witnessing these volunteers dedicate their time and energy on this beautiful autumn day always renews my commitment to NCA’s mission of honoring Veterans and their eligible family members with a final resting place in national shrines and with lasting tributes that commemorate their service and sacrifice to our Nation,” said Matthew Priest, cemetery director. “Even in the middle of this pandemic, Americans are going to safely gather to help us honor our servicemembers who have come before us and stood for something greater than themselves.”

Herring said the event was different from previous years with COVID-19 restrictions. He said that didn’t stop the group from coming out.

“We’re still able to social distance,” Herring said. “We’re still able to follow all the mandates we need to, but we’re still able to serve.”

National cemetery directors may allow volunteers to return to the cemetery on a limited basis. The decision to bring back volunteers will be a local cemetery decision based upon current cemetery conditions. Cemeteries use federal, state and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) guidance. Any volunteers who are considered at risk due to COVID-19 are strongly encouraged to wait until conditions improve prior to resuming any volunteer activities.

Volunteers are essential

Priest said volunteers are an essential part of national cemeteries honoring Veterans and ensuring no Veteran ever dies.

“This is the second year that Tyler contacted me about how his team can help memorialize the men and women interred at Culpeper National Cemetery,” Priest said. “I am always amazed when I see so many patriots volunteer their time to help remember those who stood their final formation for us. Service and commitment are two words that are etched in the core of all Americans. That is evident today.”

More information

To find local cemeteries to see if they offer volunteer opportunities, visit https://www.cem.va.gov/cems/listcem.asp.

This article originally appeared on VAntage Point. Follow @DeptVetAffairs on Twitter.

MIGHTY CULTURE

6 misconceptions boots have about an upcoming deployment

Any troop in today’s military will eventually, inevitably be deployed. Even before the announcement of the new, “deploy or get out” policy, you’d be hard-pressed to find an E-6 or above who doesn’t have a bit of time in the desert under their belt.

Everyone else is simply waiting for their time to come — and those in wait always have a few questions about their upcoming deployment. Unfortunately, it’s kind of hard to describe. You could be a commo guy in a signal unit, constantly dealing with threats up at your retrans site. Conversely, you could be an infantryman who spent years at the rifle range only to stay at a major base and train local forces on how to use their weapons. The fact is, you never know what it’ll actually be like until you’re there — and this is true regardless of rank, position, branch, or unit.

That being said, there are a few universal truths that stretch the spectrum of military service, for POGs, grunts, and special operators alike — and those truths are in direct conflict with what boots have on their mind.


6 tips to solo parenting success

On the bright side, that usually means PT is on your own schedule — but that doesn’t mean you can slack off. You’re probably still going to have to take regular PT tests.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Ed Galo)

“I’ll have plenty of downtime”

Deployments seem like the perfect time to try and knock out some online college courses so you can get a leg up on your peers and have an easier time finding a job after your service — oh man, you are mistaken.

Your work schedule will shift from the standard of PT in the morning, work call during the day, and time off at night to something that looks more like work 24/7 with maybe a single day off. Sure, you’ll have a few hours here and there between missions, but those will usually get eaten up by catching up on sleep or relaxing with the squad.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Just imagine all the dumb crap that would fill these tents if people had access to wasting their money while deployed.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Marie Cassetty)

“I’ll have so much money when I get back”

On paper, a deployment seems like the perfect way to get out of debt. You’re gone for somewhere between nine to eighteen months, you’ll have nothing to blow your money on, and you’ll get better pay — tax free. This could be just what you need to crawl out of debt. The operative words here are “could be.”

If you’ve got a family back home, that money is being spent on responsibilities. If you’ve got preexisting debt, that money you’re accumulating is going toward paying people back. You’ll be making more than you’re used to back stateside and you’re less likely to waste it on stupid crap, — that is if you can avoid blowing it all in one reckless weekend like so many have before you.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Also, with deployments shrinking down to nine months, units aren’t going to be required to give their troops RR, so… there’s that…

(U.S. Air Force)

“I’ll get R&R when I want to”

All the calculating in the world can’t help you outrun the reach of the Big Green Weenie. There’s no scheduled block leave when it comes to RR. If your deployment is around twelve months, you’re lucky if you’re able to take it somewhere near the mid-point.

Your unit must remain operational, however, and it can’t do that if everyone is gone — so they’re not sending everyone home at the half-way point. Your leave is more than likely going to fall somewhere between three and nine months in. Troops who are expecting the birth of kids get top priority, but it’s a free-for-all after that.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Do not get this twisted. Troops are still in harm’s way every day. The likelihood of an outright firefight, however, has dropped.

(U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Sean A. Foley)

“I’ll get that Combat Action Badge (or equivalent) soon”

If there’s one prized medal within the military, it’s the one that comes after a troop has experienced combat first-hand. There’s an undeniable badassery that comes with the badge, ribbon, medal, etc., but they aren’t just handed out like candy anymore.

These days, fewer and fewer troops are seeing direct combat as America’s responsibilities in the War on Terror shift to more advisory roles with local militaries. Armed conflicts still occur in the Middle East, definitely, but the numbers are shrinking with each passing year. Even if your unit is one of the few that goes outside the FOB, you’ll likely not see combat right away.

Which leads us directly into the next myth about deployments…

6 tips to solo parenting success

The “hearts and minds” part of counter-insurgency truly is a better strategy for the overall well-being of the region. The sooner you adapt, the better time you’ll have outside the wire.

(DoD photo by 1st Lt. Becky Bort)

“My sole mission is to fight the bad guy”

From the moment you enter basic training, you’re fed one purpose. You’re being groomed to become the biggest, baddest motherf*cker Uncle Sam has ever seen. You will shoot, move, and communicate better than anyone else ever has. For the most part, however, that’s just not going to be the case.

If you do manage to get into a unit that will send you outside the wire, 98 percent of what you do are called “atmosphericals.” Basically, this means your unit rides through an area of operations, watching to see if anything goes down, being a show of force to both the civilians who need American aid and any potential threats watching from afar.

6 tips to solo parenting success

Case in point: There is a very specific reason I personally stopped mocking the French forces…

(ISAF photo by MC1 Michael E. Wagoner)

“My foreign counterparts are held to the same standards as me”

American troops are given very strict instruction on how to be professional and courteous while turning an area of operations “less hostile.” Our foreign counterparts do not have the same level of regimented training. Other NATO nations could be treating war like it’s a nine-to-five while the local military’s training curriculum probably doesn’t even cover “minor” things, like properly using a weapon.

But this misconception swings both ways. You might also be surprised to learn that certain allies don’t mess around — and train their “standard” infantry more like special operations.

MIGHTY CULTURE

5 reasons military entrepreneurs make the best friends

Those who know the power of “who you know” are all in on the best-kept friendship secret- networking is everything. Connections are opportunities, and opportunities always come in handy. No one does friendship better than entrepreneurs, and no one knows the growing pains of fluctuating friendships better than the military community. Tough, tenacious, and driven, military entrepreneurs are friendship masters.


Adult friendships are difficult to forge, and even harder to sustain, because like everything in the real world, it takes work. Working on the relationships in your life with the same mindset as landing the next interview is exactly the tactics this community needs to forge together and keep connections strong.

Here are your top lessons to be learned and how to make friends like an entrepreneur.

6 tips to solo parenting success

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They maintain their contacts

Entrepreneurs see the untapped potential in all of us. They weave a network consisting of both an inner and outer circle. The inner circle, where core friendships and frequent interactions occur is reserved for just a few. The outer circle, where acquaintances and underdeveloped relationships live, is far more alive than most of our own contact lists.

In business, it is abundantly clear when a line of contact dries up. Keeping the relationship open, with reciprocal attention makes the difference in using someone and tapping in. No matter what circle you’re in, you’re more likely to feel better maintained by an entrepreneur than anyone else.

 They get the ups and downs

Businesses all experience highs and lows, much like friendships. Entrepreneurial friends are more likely to understand the six-month gap since your last coffee together because they too have been busy hustling. No attachment issues here, only professionals who understand the dynamics of scheduling.

 They know the value of their, and your contributions

Relationships are all about give and take, yet the currency exchanged is not always equal. Becoming aware of the amount you’re giving to a person, versus the takeaway for personal gain is key. Mentoring a friend or soldier through processes or progressions they are facing is like investing stock into a growing company. When and if it’s needed, asking for a favor becomes much more comfortable than if no prior investment was made.

Are the feelings mutual to trade babysitting for a lesson on web design? Understanding how time, effort, and wisdom are valued makes it a whole lot easier to avoid running the friendship into the ground with frustration. Entrepreneurs are successful because they know how, when, and what to ask to succeed.

6 tips to solo parenting success

They lean on each other

It’s already been established that it is about who you know. One major plus within the military is how expansive each of our networks is. Chances are, your friends know all the best places, people, and things to do in the area. Leaning in can not only land you in the right mom group but into the good graces of the Major who heard nothing but great news about you.

They’re always learning

If you’ve ever attended a conference, where good conversation is the make or break entrance ticket into a potential business relationship, you get the value of learning something new. Gaining professional insight, perspective, or a sweet party trick to entertain all play a vital role in successfully adapting to new environments. The same goes for friendship, the more tricks, and skills you have, the more interesting you become. Having multidimensional, talented friends makes your world a brighter, more upbeat place. Tap your entrepreneurial friends, putting new skills into your back pocket.

Take the time to review your circles and relationships. Evaluate who within the deck seems to deploy these or other skillful tactics in and out of the office. Invest in what you have and seek out new contacts with an entrepreneurial mindset. Growing your military call deck into a strong and mighty networking force to be reckoned with is the definition of resilience.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

8 ways to turn your PCS into holiday art

Moving and finding a new home is part of military life. While one year you were in a cold and frigid climate for the holidays, the next might have come with tropical and warm afternoons. (Mimosas by the beach anyone?!) That’s part of moving from base to base — sprinkled in years where you are traveling or spending time back home with family and friends. No holiday season looks the same.

But that doesn’t mean you’re missing out on any family favorites. Traditions travel right along with you, and adapt to all climates — deployed days included.

But that also means taking memories as you go, and finding new ways to call upon previous duty stations. Photos and small momentos help you and your family call back upon old addresses, and all of the fond memories that were made at each location. 

From the year you saw Santa at a luau, to the time you were snowed in with hot cocoa, to the year everyone was quarantined at home, take a look at these creative ideas to turn your PCSs into memorable holiday art. 

  1. Box tag art 
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What better way to keep your holiday moves in check than with a single, tag-filled ball — each of which reminds you of the worst parts of moving. Best of all? It’s all behind you, and now you can look back and laugh at those pesky little tags. 

  1. A holiday card

Ready to announce your next PCS? Recently moved and letting folks know about your new address? Use your holiday card as the perfect announcement to send out to the masses. You can use a posed photo, or a mix of funny images where everyone is scrambling to get it all done. Take your pic of the narrative, then send out your cards to those you love!

  1. Address momentos

There are hundreds of ways that folks can commemorate each duty station and/or home. Just check out Pinterest for some examples of address boards, stat cut-outs, or insignia from each unit. Find a look that compliments your style and craft your way to a holiday or year-round shrine to each of your many homes. 

Not feeling the crafty spirit? Order something and just hang! 

  1. Holiday art party

Leaving around the holidays? Throw a party wherein our closest friends gather together to create a piece of art. Schedule a paint night, make wreaths, whatever your heart desires. While you’re at it, you can sign momentos for one another to seal in your memoires, long after the move. 

Note: Make your “party” COVID friendly with virtual meetings and dropping items on the porch. 

  1. A PCS tree
holiday art
(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Erick Requadt)

Earlier we talked about making ornaments, but why not kick it up a notch and devote an entire tree to PCS decor?! You can make ornaments out of maps, keys to old houses, and more. This is also a great way to get kids involved and help them with the transition process of moving somewhere new. 

  1. Shadow boxes with momentos

As you move, hang onto key memories with souvenirs. Things like ticket stubs, photos, menus, or small trinkets can help remind you of some of your favorite days from the past. Keep a shadow box for each duty station, then dress them up with holiday flare like ribbons or lights to make moving extra special through the holidays. 

  1. Themed gifts

When sending gifts to loved ones far away, your new spot can be something fun to incorporate. Create a heartfelt card and include something that’s special about where you are. Perhaps a photo, a recipe for a local dish, or some handmade goods that’s original to the area. This will be fun to explore your new town, while being able to share a creative gift with those you love. 

  1. A memory jar

Create a “memory jar” by compiling favorite memories and putting them into one place. With your family you can sit around and talk about some of your favorite holiday moments, and where you were at the time. Best of all, you can keep this jar with your holiday decor, adding to it each year. It will be so special to look back upon handwritten notes and what was special to each member as you moved. 

This is a new holiday tradition that can embrace moves and draw upon past memories all at once.

MIGHTY CULTURE

This 9-11 memorial hosts a unique survivor

On September 11, 2001, America was attacked. Thousands of innocent people lost their lives at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the field in Somerset County, Pennsylvania. From the ashes of that horrible day rose a wave of patriotism that unified a nation to say in one voice, “We will never forget.”


Across the country, and especially in the state of New York, monuments and memorials to the people we lost that September day stand in keeping that promise. Of course, the most prominent of these is the 9/11 Memorial & Museum in Manhattan which is located at the World Trade Center. The memorial fountains bear the names of the people that perished there nearly two decades ago and the museum houses incredible artifacts and stories collected from that day. However, remnants of that day can be found elsewhere too.

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One of the reflecting pools (9/11 Memorial Museum)

Roughly 190 miles north of the World Trade Center lies the city of Saratoga Springs, NY. Just over 30 miles north of the state capital of Albany, Saratoga Springs is a hub for thoroughbred horse racing as the home to the Saratoga Race Course as well as the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fame. The city is also in close proximity to the Saratoga National Park which preserves the Revolutionary War site of the Battles of Saratoga. Nestled among some of the town’s famous natural mineral springs stands a sculpted metal structure paying tribute to the tragedies that took place on 9/11.

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Tempered By Memory (Author)

Crafted from World Trade Center steel, Tempered By Memory serves as the focal point of the town’s 9/11 Memorial Monument. A plaque at the memorial explains to visitors that the Saratoga Springs community lost residents in the attack and how first responders, ironworkers, and humanitarians from the area assisted with response and recovery efforts in the aftermath. In 2002, Saratoga Springs residents and businesses created a respite program which granted retreats to 178 NYC firefighters, policemen, and their families.

In 2010, the Saratoga Arts Center Council, Saratoga Springs City Council, and the Saratoga Springs Naval Support Unit entered into a collaboration to bring steel artifacts from the World Trade Center to the community. After a year of work by local sculptors and a volunteer team of ironworkers, crane operators, and community-wide support, Tempered By Memory was completed in 2011. On the eleventh anniversary of the attack, the sculpture was donated by Saratoga Arts to the City of Saratoga Springs. Reinforced by the healing and restorative properties of the natural mineral springs that surround it, Tempered By Memory invites visitors to quietly reflect on the history of the site and transcend the tragedy.

However, if the sculpture brings more pain than healing and a visitor finds themself in need of further inspiration of hope, they need only look off to the side. Planted a few yards away from the center of the memorial is a rather unassuming tree. Compared to the large and lush trees in the park, this diminutive Callery Pear Tree appears to be out of place.

In fact, the tree is called the Survivor Tree and was grown from a seedling of the last standing Callery Pear Tree that once stood on the site of the original World Trade Center. The attack on 9/11 nearly destroyed the original tree which now stands at the 9/11 Memorial Museum. Since its return to the site in 2010, the original Survivor Tree has spawned seedlings which have been gifted to communities that have endured tragedy. In addition to Saratoga Springs, recipients of Survivor Tree seedlings include Las Vegas, Parkland, Boston, Manchester, and Paris. The trees serve as a reminder of hope, strength, and unity through adversity.

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Saratoga Springs Survivor Tree (Author)

Though memorial events for the 19th anniversary of the 9/11 attack will look different compared to previous years as a result of COVID, tributes like Tempered By Memory and Survivor Trees across the country and around the world stand as monuments to the memory of the people lost on that terrible day and the loved ones that they left behind.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

64 scavenger hunt clues to keep kids busy in quarantine

Our unwelcome nationwide experiment has confirmed our suspicions: Working full-time from home while keeping young kids educated and entertained is impossible. Toddlers and preschool-age kids aren’t developmentally ready for extended solo playtime, and even if you’re not opposed to parking them in front of screens, they’ll eventually get bored. What you need is a safe, reasonably educational, and time-consuming activity that requires only half-distracted parental assistance. Believe it or not, such a thing exists: the scavenger hunt.

A form of good clean fun, the scavenger hunt, like hide-and-seek, is as old as time; scavenger hunt clues give parents a chance to be creative, and the hunt helps kids see their everyday surroundings in a new light while developing problem-solving skills. Scavenger hunts are, most importantly, something kids can do mostly on their own, buying parents some time to do what they need to do. For younger kids, a simple list of pictures can serve as the type of scavenger hunt where kids just need to find one of each item. To up the ante, lend them your phone and let them take photos, or adapt it for the backyard. To really up the stakes, turn off the lights in a room and have kids search for items with a flashlight.


Indoor Scavenger Hunt Clues

  • A picture of you as a baby
  • Something soft
  • Something you can wear
  • An eraser
  • Something that smells good
  • Something spiky
  • A paperclip
  • A crayon with a funny color name
  • Something heart-shaped
  • A miniature toy version of something adults use (a toy truck, play food, doll clothes, etc.)
  • One of your drawings
  • A pair of shoes that don’t fit
  • Something shiny
  • Something with legs
  • Something small enough to fit inside a lunchbox
  • Something hairy
  • A game
  • A key
  • Something you can spread
  • Something that’s your favorite color
  • Something that could help clean up a spill
  • Something that helps you sleep
  • A type of food you don’t like
  • Something that turns on and off
  • Something you can see through
  • Something you can’t see through
  • Something that makes a sound
  • Something that moves on its own (e.g. a slinky, a pet, or a marble)
  • Some sort of box
  • A ball
  • Something that’s used to carry other things

Category Scavenger Hunts for Kids

  • Something from each color of the rainbow: an object that’s red, one that’s orange, and so on… yellow, green, blue, and purple.
  • An object (book, paper, shirt) that has the letter A. Then find an object with the letter B. Continue for the rest of the alphabet.
  • Something you can feel, something you can smell, something you can taste, and something you see.
  • Something soft, something rough, something squishy, something hard, and something liquid.
  • As many things as you can find for every shape: circle, square, triangle, rectangle.
  • As many things as you can find with flowers on them.
  • As many question marks as you can find.
  • Things that could fit inside an envelope.
  • Things that start with the same letter as your name.
  • A collection of all of your favorite things: something that’s your favorite color, smell, thing to cuddle, shirt, shoes, favorite snack, best gift, and favorite book.
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Outdoor Scavenger Hunt Clues

For those with access to a backyard, an outdoor scavenger hunt is as simple as compiling a list of things for your child to find. Kids can either collect each item or take a photo of it.

  • A flower
  • A worm
  • A three-leaf clover
  • A leaf with four points
  • A stick
  • A spiderweb
  • A bug
  • An acorn
  • A pebble
  • A feather
  • A piece of moss
  • A pine needle
  • A gardening tool
  • A puddle
  • A cloud
  • Dew
  • Pollen
  • A seed
  • A flower that hasn’t bloomed yet
  • A flower petal
  • A flower stem
  • A bird
  • A squirrel

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

Active duty women are being denied birth control while deployed

Military leaders say that General Order 1, which limits alcohol consumption and cohabitation for troops deployed to war zones, reinforces good order and discipline. Advocates and troops say it’s an antiquated “ban on sex” — and may in reality be harming women’s health.

Women troops said in some cases that their doctors cited this controversial order to deny them access to birth control while deployed, a fact that was revealed in a survey conducted by the Service Women’s Action Network advocacy group.


In their survey of nearly 800 women serving or who have served in the US military, SWAN found that 26% of active-duty women do not have access to birth control while deployed. That number jumps even higher for other communities: 41% of women veterans reported limited access during their time in uniform.

While several reasons were provided to account for these numbers, including the inability to refill prescriptions far enough in advance, advocates were shocked to find that a limitation on sexual activity would be used to deny access to birth control.

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A U.S. Army Pvt. pulls her way to the top of the slide to victory obstacle during the confidence course phase of basic combat training at Fort Jackson.

(U.S. Army photo)

“Isn’t that ridiculous,” Ellen Haring, chief executive of SWAN, told Business Insider. “It astounds me that people would be denied for that reason.”

It’s astounding, Haring said, because birth control is not just used as a contraceptive. One of the survey’s respondents said she was dismayed when she could not get enough refills to last through her deployments because she primarily used birth control to regulate, and even skip, her menstrual cycle.

Along with safely skipping a period, Planned Parenthood lists a range of medical benefits to using birth control — from reduction of acne to prevention of endometrial or ovarian cancers.

These benefits are not being ignored by the Department of Defense, which said it would be a violation of service members’ privacy if their commander denied them access to birth control.

“Birth control … is not just indicated for pregnancy prevention, it is also indicated for menstrual regulation, including menstrual suppression,” Jessica Maxwell, spokeswoman for the Defense Department, said in an emailed statement to Business Insider.

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U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Twila Stone readies her weapon during a Memorial Day ceremony.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Jonathan Stefanko)

It would be a privacy violation for a commander to deny birth control, Maxwell wrote, because taking birth control would not limit a woman’s ability to perform her duties. But she could not publicly comment whether a doctor’s refusal to prescribe the medication would trigger a violation of any military regulation or whether the Pentagon was investigating any reports of this occurring.

Her statement emphasized that emergency contraception, which can be obtained over-the-counter, is readily available even for service members in deployed locations.

But emergency contraceptives are singular in their purpose; these remedies do not satisfy the host of alternate uses filled by prescription birth control.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

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