The Space Marines of Warhammer 40,000 are the most beloved, fictionalized version of our beloved, real-life Marine Corps. Whether it’s the hyper-masculinity or the gratuitous violence dispensed against the Chaos-worshipping heretics, WH40K’s Space Marines are a logical place to start when imagining how our Marines might fare some 37,982 years from now.
That being said, it’s easy to see the bright side of dropping onto a planet bringing nothing but a Storm Bolter and unbridled fury against the enemies of mankind. No one ever imagines all of the bullsh*t details that would inevitably happen in the Adeptus Astartes. So here are 5 problems the Space Marines would still likely have to deal with.
1. Physical Training
(Games Workshop)
Maintaining your Emperor-like physique in peak condition requires considerable effort. After all, that 350-plus pounds of armor isn’t going to carry itself.
It’s kind of understood that Space Marines undergo rigorous training before they earn their futuristic equivalent of The Eagle, Globe, and Anchor — which is just an organ from one of the Emperor’s clones. As much of an edge as that would give a Space Marine over their purely human counterparts, they still need to do an insane amount of sustainment training. We’re not sure how many pull-ups that would mean for them.
2. Safety Briefs
(Games Workshop)
Space Marines are also supposedly hyper-intelligent warriors who are also bred for battle. It can be assumed they wouldn’t be grilled on the exact means of how they’re going to fight. But thankfully, they wouldn’t deal with “pre-drop” safety briefs.
What they would deal with is countless classes on why they shouldn’t desert or turn to chaos. Even if they’re the most devout Chaplain, they’d have to hear the same PowerPoint slide on why heresy is bad before every single weekend liberty, which is something I assume these warriors would get.
3. Alcohol-Related Incidents
(Games Workshop)
Remember those Emperor-cloned organs we mentioned? Apparently, one is implanted to purify any toxins from the Space Marines’ system. For it to work, a Space Marine must manually activate their liver. This would come in handy because, apparently, the alcohol in the Warhammer Universe is insanely strong.
One could only imagine the parties that are thrown in a Space Marine barracks after a glorious battle.
4. Weapons Maintenance
(Games Workshop)
No matter what kind of future tech you’re using, if you’re constantly training with weapons, you’re going to have to clean them.
No matter how much the Space Marine cleanses, purges, and kills with their weapon, they still run the risk of hurting themselves (a one-in-six chance, to be precise) if they don’t keep things clean.
5. Morale based entirely on a unit’s leader
(Games Workshop)
It doesn’t matter how devout a Space Marine is, how many battles they’ve fought, or how many comrades they lost, Space Marines still run the chance of defecting every turn fight because of low morale.
The only way to counter this is to have a good leader. But, since Space Marines leaders have never heard the term “sniper check,” it’s easy to pick them off and ruin a squad.
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