Every civilian has misconceptions about military life. When I joined the military, I didn’t have a lot of time for things like “background research” or “making an informed decision about doing something that might affect the rest of my life.” I didn’t even look into which branch I should join. I just walked up to the door at the recruiters’ offices. Like a drunk stumbling through the streets late at night on the hunt for food, I went with whatever was open at the moment I got there.
The list of things I didn’t know is a mile long. Life in the military was like a big black hole of awareness to me. Like most civilians (maybe), I assumed that what I saw on television and in movies was more than a little exaggerated. So, what it was really like to live that military life was as foreign to me as the Great Wall of China.
This doesn’t mean basic things like being able to tell military time or how to fire an M-16. Experiencing real military life was an absolute culture shock that I should probably be embarrassed about. Maybe you can sympathize with some of the military misconceptions I had.
1. Sailors wear crackerjacks all the time.
Joining the Navy was never really an option for me. For all my embarrassing military misconceptions, I thought (and still think) that being a strong swimmer was a prerequisite for naval service. But judging by movies like “Crimson Tide,”those Navy whites looked pretty sick. What I never understood is why some sailors wore the old-timey crackerjack-looking uniforms.
When I actually got in the military, I realized that questioning why the branches choose their uniforms is pointless. Since I came in at a time when every branch was getting its own camouflage, it became apparent that they didn’t know either. Still, I’m pretty sure the Navy wanted everyone to think that sailors wore white crackerjacks 24/7 as a marketing gimmick. By 2001, when I was at Fort Meade, I didn’t know who the hell those people in the dungarees were.
2. We were all “Soldiers.”
Yeah, I didn’t know any better, and I still don’t blame civilians for not knowing that only Army troops are called “soldiers.” I also don’t blame them for not knowing the difference between Navy airmen and Air Force airmen. Or why the hell the Space Force are called “guardians.”
I learned I would never be called “soldier” when I got to Air Force basic training. And after my bullsh*t six-week Air Force basic training graduation, I learned what soldiers have to do to be called “soldiers,” and I came to terms with my choice pretty quickly.
3. Enlisting is the only way to join.
There’s a difference between officers and enlisted people. The former attends school on the front end and repays the military for their education through years of service and, for most officers, leadership. The former sign a few pieces of paper, and then go to technical training to earn the college benefits the television commercials always promised us. Our education can come after we’re in the military. Also, those who simply enlist are the lowest of the low and are treated as such until they prove they can be trusted by the officers who went to college first.
That’s a no-brainer to me now, but back then, I seriously thought signing up with a recruiter was the only way in. I knew the military paid for college, but I thought enlisting was the only avenue toward getting that benefit. My description makes it sound like enlisting is a terrible life, but that’s not the point. If it were so bad, no one would ever reenlist. The trauma bonding that comes with military service is a unique experience that I will cherish forever. I just wish I had known my options beforehand.
4. Enlisting is a non-stop adventure.
If an airman’s additional duties count as “adventure,” then sign me up for the next squadron burger burn! I’m not saying there’s no adventure involved with enlisting in the military. That would be a lie, just ask any sailor who ever got libo for a port call. But for anyone expecting to run through the woods or jungle with their friends or explore foreign lands all the time, you might want to manage your expectations.
It turns out the military is a job. One you have to show up every day for, and wake up early to get to. There are squadron training days, which mean you have to get up even earlier and still go to work afterward. There are also “volunteer opportunities” that aren’t actually volunteer work, which you have to do in addition to your regular duties. Additional duties (also on top of your regular duties) include lawn care, cleaning (so much cleaning), and you might even have to watch strangers from your base pee into a cup. I’m not kidding.
So yeah, there’s adventure. It’s just not non-stop.
5. Everyone wearing camo could end up in the infantry.
I didn’t know that every new recruit goes to technical training. Regardless of the branch you join, you’re more than just a generic troop. You have a military job that you have to be trained to do every day. Yes, I am aware that sounds stupid (did you read the title of this article?). Being in the actual infantry is one of those technical specialties, and if you aren’t trained to do that job, the infantry absolutely does not want you there (unless things have gone really, really wrong).
When you join the military, it’s far more likely that you’ll end up in a technical field than in the dirt. The Air Force has combat roles, but infantry isn’t one of them. If the stuff hits the fan and the actual infantry starts pulling airmen for combat, the airmen wearing the berets are ones the infantry will want first.
6. All airmen fly planes. That’s what we do.
You can’t really blame civilians for this one. C’mon, it’s in our name, for crying out loud: air-man. If I were going to be on the ground the whole time, wouldn’t they call me Earthman or “ground troops?” You’d think there would be a better name. After all, they don’t call Marines watermen. Despite being in the Air Force and the new title of “Airman” I just earned, I would never, ever be taught to fly a plane. In reality, the closest I ever got to the controls of any aircraft was taking video of the cockpit.
