You can spend your entire military career drowning in rules. Which uniform, which salute, which formation, which parking spot, which kind of “good morning” is acceptable at 0600.
And then you run into the stuff that somehow never made it into a regulation, but still happens anyway. The unofficial rites. The “everybody knows” traditions. Some are harmless, some are funny, and some are hazing with better PR.
Related: The inside joke names soldiers have for different unit patches
Here are eight of the weirder off-the-books traditions that keep on marching.
1. Flight crews get hosed down after their last flight.
Soon after aviators arrive at a new unit, they go through an unofficial ceremony to receive their callsigns, which are usually not very flattering.
On the flip side is the “fini-flight.” When a pilot or aircrew member finishes their last flight with a unit, the sendoff is not subtle. Teammates will line up to soak them, sometimes with water and sometimes with something much more celebratory. Think locker-room victory, but on a flight line, with people who have access to hoses and questionable judgment.
2. A newlywed bride might get a sword-tap to her booty.
At a military wedding with a sword detail, the wife gets a sword-tap to her booty to “welcome her” to the family. Nothing like a little tradition that allows some dude to tap your brand new wife on the butt. When a service member wants to go through the pageantry of having a “military wedding” — wearing their uniform at the altar and bringing along a sword detail—they can expect that at the end of it all, some random dude will be sexually harassing his wife for the sake of tradition.
It goes like this: On the way out, right after the ceremony, the couple passes over an arch of swords on both sides. They go through, kiss, go through, kiss, then they get to the last one. Once they reach the final two and pass, one of the detail will lower their sword, tap the bride, and say “welcome to the Army (or Marine Corps, etc)!”
Here’s the Navy version:
Navy Wedding Arch of Swords – Nick & Melanie Sword Arch
3. “Crossing the Line” crosses a line.
The Crossing the Line ceremony goes far back to the days of wooden ships. According to this Navy public affairs story, sailors were put through this hazing ritual designed to test whether they could endure their first time out at sea.
These days, sailors crossing the line for the first time are called “Pollywogs” (or “Wogs” for short) and can expect an initiation into the club of those who have done it before, referred to as “Shellbacks.” During the two-day event, the “Court of Neptune” inducts the Wogs into “the mysteries of the deep” with activities like having men dress up as women, drink stuff like a wonderful mix of hot sauce and aftershave, or make them crawl on their hands and knees in deference to King Neptune. I swear I’m not making any of this up.
In the modern military that is decidedly against hazing rituals, the events have toned down quite a bit. In 1972 a sailor may have expected to be kissing the “Royal Baby’s belly button,” which again, is totally a real thing.
Nowadays, however, there’s much less of that sort of thing, and the Navy stresses that it’s all completely voluntary (ask any sailor, however, and they’ll probably tell you it’s “voluntary” with big air quotes).
4. Marine infantrymen who never deployed shave their heads.
Don’t ask me where this unwritten rule came from or why—other than to distinguish who the total boots in the platoon were—but Marine grunts who have never done a deployment are often told to shave their heads before they move out.
Again, this is one of those “voluntary” you-don’t-have-to-do-this-if-you-don’t-want-to kind of things, but three guys in my platoon decided to keep their hair before deploying to Okinawa in 2003. Interestingly enough, they were put on plenty of cleanup details and other not-so-fun jobs as a result.
5. Blood Wings.
It used to be that soldiers who had completed five successful jumps at Airborne School could expect to receive “blood wings,” but that practice has declined in recent years as it became known to the general public. After a superior pinned their wings on, a soldier would get their new badge slammed into their chest, which often draws blood.
This kind of thing is frowned upon (and prohibited under military regulations), but it still sometimes happens. In some cases, it’s considered a rite of passage and kind of an honor. I personally endured pinning ceremonies that I volunteered for when I picked up the ranks of lance corporal and corporal.
Volunteer or not, it’s a ritual that the brass has endured plenty of bad press over, so they tend to discipline anyone involved whenever it happens.
6. Mustache-Growing Contests.
The military regulations on facial hair offer little in the way of good-looking when it comes to shaves. Most men are not allowed to grow beards (except for some special operators), and although they are allowed, mustaches are generally frowned upon. Why they are frowned upon usually comes down to how terrible they often look.
Don’t expect any mustache greatness ala Rollie Fingers; troops usually have to keep the mustache neatly trimmed within the corners of their mouth. Those regulations give way to the terribleness derived from the “CAX ‘stache,” which is what Marines refer to as the weird-looking Hitler-like mustache they’ll grow out while training at 29 Palms.
These contests sometimes extend overseas, especially when junior troops are away from the watchful eyes of their senior enlisted leaders. But whenever the sergeant major is around, you might want to police that “moostache.”
Generation Kill – Moustache Hair
7. West Point’s Giant Pillow Fight.
Before they become the gun-toting leaders of men within the United States Army, first-year cadets are beating the crap out of each other with pillows in the school’s main courtyard. The annual event is organized by students and has been held since at least 1897, according to the New York Times.
While it’s supposed to be a light-hearted event featuring fluffy pillows filled with things that are, you know, soft, some [blue falcon] cadets have decided to turn the event bloody in recent years. One first-year cadet told The Times in September: “The goal was to have fun, and it ended up some guys just chose to hurt people.”
That quote came from a story that broke months ago after the “fun” pillow fight ended with at least 30 cadets requiring medical attention, 24 of which were concussions.
Annual West point Pillow Fight Gone Wild – Fight, Weapons, Blood – 4 September 2015
8. Naval Academy Midshipmen climb a lard-covered monument for a hat.
Around the same time that first-year West Point cadets are beating each other and causing concussions, 1,000 screaming Navy midshipmen are charging toward a 21-foot monument covered in lard with a hat on top. The goal: Retrieve the first-year “plebe” hat and replace it with an upperclassman’s hat, a task that signifies their transition to their next year at the Academy.
Beforehand, upperclassmen hook up the plebes with about 200 pounds of greasy lard slapped on the sides of the Herndon Monument, making their task a bit more difficult. They need to use teamwork and dedication to climb their way to the top, which can take anywhere from minutes to over four hours (Class of 1995 has the longest time: four hours, five minutes).
According to the Academy’s website, the tradition is that the first guy to make it to the top will likely rise to the rank of admiral first. That is, if he or she doesn’t get themselves fired first.
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