Humor

8 reasons Marines hate on the Army

The Marine Corps was founded on Nov. 10, 1775, and on Nov. 11, the rivalry between Army soldiers and Marines began. Over the next couple of centuries, the inter-branch, verbal slap-boxing evolved into the passionate, "all in good fun" fight we know today.


The munitions for these verbal attacks are often exaggerated, sometimes malicious, but always spawn from some truth. Whether it's your living standards or your vernacular, one thing is for certain, Marines will let you know what they think of you — and in the case of the U.S. Army, we will be heard.

8. Soldiers insist on saying we are the same.

Every Marine has the experience of going home on leave and finding themselves in a bar (probably with some friends from high school) when suddenly, it happens: The sound of a young soldier detailing the trials and tribulations of his day-to-day in the Army, culminating in the statement, "Army, Marines; it's all the same shit."

The violation of 242 years of exponentially growing ego and pride saturates his thoughts like the cranberry juice in that soldier's vodka. The same? We may seem similar (and we are), but we are not the same. The Army is the same as Marines in the way dogs are the same as wolves. The way turkeys are the same as Eagles. The way dolphins are the same as killer whales.

Yup! Huge difference.

7. Only a small portion of the Army is combat-oriented.

Ever heard of a Marine veterinarian? No? Would you like to know why? Because that isn't a thing — but it is in the Army. The Army has such a huge budget that they have room for completely non-combat and support specialties that seem to have no place in the military.

Every Marine Corps MOS is either infantry or in direct support of infantry. Shout-out to the cooks, supply, administration, and all those responsible for the bullets, beans, and Band-Aids needed to win America's wars! The Marines don't even have medical or religious personnel; they borrow from the Navy. Meanwhile, the Army is busy training entomologists, dietitians, and shower/laundry and clothing repair specialists.

6. The Army gets high-speed, low-drag gear while Marines are rocking hand-me-downs from Desert Storm.

I started my career with an M16 A2, carried an M16 A4 for many years, and I remember the pride I experienced the day I was finally issued an M4. I was a sergeant with five years logged. It was so light and compact, I felt like a kid on Christmas. Meanwhile, big Army is issuing one of those elite Veterinary Specialist Privates an M4 on day one.

My NVGs were either non-existent on night patrols or so old that all I could see was green.  The Army is rolling deep with brand-new, up-armored vehicles, each outfitted with a handy-dandy Blue Force Tracker. Meanwhile, Marines are riding dirty in a soft-top, high-back HMMWV that's been spray-painted green.

Site: The hater's guide to the US Army

5. They say 'Sarge!'

The rank is 'sergeant.' It has never been, nor will it ever be, 'sarge.' Also, staff sergeant, sergeant first class, 1st sergeant, and sergeant major are all different ranks from sergeant. When you call everyone sergeant, nothing makes sense.

Also, why in the yut do you call a 1st Sergeant 'Top?' There are over ten ranks that outrank him. It's not even the top enlisted rank. Why are you doing this?

4. Lower standards.

This one isn't even up for debate. Fact: Male Army Physical Fitness Tests (APFT) require a 2-mile run at a 6:30 pace, 82 sit-ups, and 50 push-ups. This is the most demanding standard the Army has and they reserve it for the 27 to 31-year-old men (since I guess those are the only four years you are expected to be this fit).

In the Corps, Marines are expected to run 3 miles in 18 minutes (6-minute pace), do 100 sit-ups in two minutes, and 20 dead-hang pull-ups for a maximum score of 300, regardless of age.

Doesn't sound the same does it?

How about marksmanship? In official Army qualification courses, one must shoot targets (single and pop-up) from three firing positions: supported prone, unsupported prone, and foxhole (replaced the kneeling position). In order to qualify, one must hit at least 23 out of 40 pop-up targets at ranges varying from 50 meters to 300 meters (approximately 80 to 327 yards).

In order to qualify as an "Expert" shooter on the rifle range for the Marine Corps, you must score a combined score of 305 or greater. "Marksmen" is the lowest score obtained, a scoring range of 250-279, with "Sharpshooter" placing second, a combined score falling between 280-304. The target distances are 200, 300, and 500 meters and the targets are engaged in a variety of firing positions, from the prone, sitting, kneeling, and standing. None of which are supported by anything other than the Marine's strength and skill – and that's not an opinion, it's science.

Shots fired.

3. Marines are a little jealous of very particular things.

Not knowing what it is to field day and not having to have a fresh haircut every seven days must be nice, but no one in the Marine Corps will know because these are just parts of life in the Corps.

2. They can wear their utility uniform anywhere.

This one most likely belongs with the jealousy paragraph, but with a slight difference: Marines don't want to wear the dirt suit anywhere outside of base anyway.

Seeing a bunch of soldiers getting bumped up to first class because they are peddling their uniform to the public can be a little irksome. It's not that the Marines are any less noticeable — the farmer's tan and ridiculous haircuts help them stand out just fine. Jarheads just don't get the upgrades and comps that a uniformed soldier does and, in turn, there is a deep rage that grows with every priority-boarded soldier that saunters by a devil dog.

These soldiers get celeb treatment at their local Twin Peaks restaurant. (Source: Twin Peaks)

1. The Army has literally tried to eliminate the USMC on several occasions.

Following almost every American war, there was a proposal to either disband or absorb the Marine Corps into the other services. Then-Army Chief of Staff Dwight D. Eisenhower championed the strongest attempt after WWII to President Truman.

In the end, the rivalry between the Army and Marines akin to a sibling rivalry and any outside threat that decides to take their chances with any branch will find out real quick how strong the bond between branches really is.

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