The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY CULTURE

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Hope you guys enjoyed your block leave. It’s always nice to go back home, relax, grow that pathetic excuse of a two-week beard, and not have to think about anything military-related until that inevitable flight back to your installation.

Hope nothing big happened in those two weeks… Oh… F*ck… Nevermind… Literally everything went to sh*t while you were trying to hook up with your old high school fling because it’s time to get your packing list in order.

Now would be a good time for you to smoke one if you got one because the sh*t hit the fan big time. Unless you’re under 21. We can’t have law-breaking juveniles in our ranks while we’re about to head into another major conflict.


And this entire vacation, I was just waiting to make a joke about the Space Force finally being a thing but noooOOOooo. Anyways, here are some memes.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Infantry Follow Me)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via 1st Civ Div)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via The Salty Soldier)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via US Army WTF Moments Memes)

Real talk: If we go to Iran, it would be a separate conflict from the GWOT as it’s nation vs nation instead of fighting terrorism. So that would mean we’d realistically get to add a star to our CIBs/CABs/CMBs, right?

That may weigh heavily on my decision to reenlist…

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Call for Fire)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Team Non-Rec)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Not CID)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Hooah My Ass Off)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Coast Guard Memes)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Lost in the Sauce)

There’s building character and then there’s risking your troop’s health and lively to appease an antiquated version of what the “military was like back in your day.” 

Don’t let anyone fool you. The sweatpants we wore with our PTs back in the BDU era were the comfiest things ever.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Disgruntled Vets)

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

popular

These 13 Chesty Puller quotes show why Marines will love and respect him forever

Lt. Gen. Lewis “Chesty” Puller, is a Marine Corps icon who’s known for his quotable quotes nearly as much as his battlefield accomplishments.


Here are 17 of the lines that show why Puller is beloved to this day:

1.

 

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Original photo: US Marine Corps

2. “Don’t forget that you’re First Marines! Not all the Communists in hell can overrun you!”

3. “You don’t hurt ’em if you don’t hit ’em.”

4.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Original photo: US Marine Corps

5. “Hit hard, hit fast, hit often.”

6. “Where the Hell do you put the bayonet?”

(He said this while at a flamethrower demonstration. Apparently, Puller wanted to be ready to stab the men he set on fire.)

7.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Original photo: US Marine Corps Staff Sergeant M. Shutak

8. “Great. Now we can shoot at those bastards from every direction.”

9.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Original photo: US Marine Corps

10.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Original photo: US Marine Corps

(Puller said the gem above after being asked to comment on the 22 Chinese divisions surrounding his First Marine division. The First Marines successfully broke through Chinese lines and advanced south, destroying seven of the Chinese divisions in the process.)

11. “There are not enough chinamen in the world to stop a fully armed Marine regiment from going where ever they want to go.”

12. “We make generals today on the basis of their ability to write a damned letter. Those kinds of men can’t get us ready for war.”

13. “Son, when the Marine Corps wants you to have a wife, you will be issued one.”

(This was Puller’s response to a young Marine who was asking permission to be married.)

MIGHTY HISTORY

This is how the Roman economy funded military expansion

In the early days of Rome, the city collected its own taxes. They would assess an individual’s wealth, impose a 1% tax, and then place them into a property class. The higher your wealth class, the more you paid in taxes, which were then used to buy equipment for the military. In the event of an emergency, taxes were raised to 3%.

Later, the Empire relied more on trade and conquest for taxes than passing the expenses onto the individual. As new provinces were added to the Empire, new tax opportunities came with them. By 167 B.C., it was no longer necessary to impose a Wealth Tax on Italian mainland citizens — they still had to pay all the other taxes, though. The Romans engineered a civilization that was able to collect and distribute taxes without a central bank.

As is the case with every great force, the Roman legions needed supplies and payment. Here’s how the Empire was able to raise and move the funds needed to continue conquering.


The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

My taxes paid for that horn!

(Matthew Jose Fisher)

Taxes

A Roman sesterce, an ancient Roman coin, had the buying power of about id=”listicle-2625004137″.50 USD when adjusted for inflation. Keep this rough approximation in mind when evaluating the following breakdown of Roman taxation.

The government’s spending per year was an estimated 20 billion HS (sesterces). This large sum, mostly, went to supporting the standing army of 300,000 men, which accounted for 30 legions across the Empire.

The Romans exported millions sesterces, precious metals, and goods to Arabia, India, and China. Hundreds of merchant ships sailed across international waters to provide a return on investment worthy of Imperial Rome. The government imposed an import tax on these goods, netting enough return on investment to keep the troops on the war path. Towards the end of the empire, taxes on imports could be as high as 1/8th of the value of the cargo being transported.

International trade routes generated large, taxable income but any drastic change in foreign powers made these trade alliances vulnerable, and in turn, the Empire itself vulnerable. For example, when the Han dynasty fell in China, it caused irrevocable damage to trade routes to East Asia. The loss of trade partners due to foreign instability caused further strain on the ability to pay Rome’s armies.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Do you accept payment in war trophies?

(Caliga10)

Conquering provinces to increase taxable territories

Conquering provinces was so lucrative that a general would go bankrupt raising an army in hopes that his invasion would pay his debts with interest, which it usually did.

Soldiers were divided into squad-like elements, called contubernium, that consisted of 8 legionaries. Each contubernium had a baggage train of one or two mules to carry heavy equipment and two slaves. A legion would have 4,000 contuberniums that would consume 8,000lbs of food and 12,000 gallons of water per day.

Troops would routinely forage for fodder, firewood, and water, but would be vulnerable to ambushes when doing so. To reduce the risks of foraging and ease the burden of paying for supplies, generals would order troops to pillage towns or population centers while awaiting resupply.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

4 sesterces = 1 denarius

(hadrianswallcountry.co.uk)

Supply trains traveled to pay and feed the troops

Strategic bases, usually with access to the sea, is where the payment (from taxes) and supplies flowed in from the capital and were injected into the Roman war machine.

Supply trains would go through a strategic base, through operational bases, and finally, arrive at tactical bases. Operational bases were re-purposed tactical bases that were left behind with a garrison. The new purpose of these bases was to provide security for future supply trains after the army pushed forward on a campaign. The tactical base is the end of the line, where salaries and supplies met soldiers.

Veterans of O.I.F. and O.E.F. will recognize the similarities to our logistics regarding Forward Operating Bases, Patrol Bases, and everything in between.

popular

How adrenaline gives you strength during combat

We’ve all read stories online about its potency and we’ve seen the Hollywood renditions of scientists synthesizing it to great effect. In the stories and movies, people experience unbelievable spurts of strength during crazy times because of this epic excretion. We’re talking about adrenaline.


During exposure to extreme pressure, the human body can produce the valuable hormone, also called “epinephrine,” via the adrenal glands. which are located above the kidneys.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

These bouts of hysterical strength all start when your body initiates robust activity. The glands release adrenaline into the bloodstream, causing muscles to surge with oxygen. This massive influx of oxygen sparks the human body with incredible energy and near super-human endurance.

This strength has been known to enable humans to lift several hundred pounds at a moment’s notice. After oxygen-enriched blood fills the flexing muscles, the blood must return to the lungs to become re-oxygenated — which causes us to breathe faster.

Although we have this stored energy just waiting to escape, our bodies protect us from using it until an extreme event presents itself. This way, we avoid tearing muscle fibers and sustaining other physical injuries caused by intense physicality.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Lance Cpl. Alex Rowan, a combat engineer with 4th Marine Division, runs to take cover before the Anti-Personnel Obstacle Breaching System detonates during the SAPPER Leaders Course aboard Camp Lejeune, N.C. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Krista James)

Now, during these massive rushes of adrenaline, the release of endorphins desensitizes our pain receptors. This makes sense of all those stories we’ve heard about soldiers who have been shot and don’t recognize the initial threat.

The University of Tokyo studied the effects of how strong one person could become as the adrenaline secretions pump through their veins. As a grip strength test began, university scientists fired a pistol in the sky. After the sound echoed, the strength of people being tested increased by roughly 10 percent — that’s a lot of strength gained in a short time.

It’s not comic-book-superhuman strong, but it’s pretty amazing.

Check out Buzz Feed Blue‘s video below to get a complete scientific breakdown and in-depth look at how adrenaline makes us stronger.

MIGHTY TRENDING

Coronavirus: The 17 US states where you must wear a face mask if you want to mix with other people

As coronavirus cases continue to climb across the country, more state officials have made the use of masks or face coverings mandatory in public.

Currently, 46 out of 50 states have some form of face mask guidelines in place, but some are more lenient than others.


The most strict mask requirements exist in a total of 17 states, where residents are required to wear a mask outside at all times when social distancing isn’t possible, and also face penalties if they don’t abide by the rules.

It differs from the more lenient states that, for example, only make people wear masks in certain businesses. Four states — Iowa, Montana, Wisconsin, South Dakota — have no mask requirements at all.

The official guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suggest that everyone should be wearing face coverings in “public settings where other social distancing measures are difficult to maintain.”

A recent study found that the use of face masks has been the most effective way to reduce person-to-person spread of the virus.

The US has seen one of its worst weeks since the start of the outbreak, recording more than 2.5 million cases and 125,539 deaths to date, according to a tracker by Johns Hopkins University.

Scroll down to see which 17 states have mandated the use of face coverings in public.

1. California

Gov. Gavin Newsom issues the order to make mask-wearing mandatory in most public places on June 19.

Under the new law, all Californians must wear some type of face coverings in public, including while shopping, taking public transport, or seeking medical care, according to the Los Angeles Times.

The same applies to public outdoor spaces where social distancing is not an option.

“Simply put, we are seeing too many people with faces uncovered — putting at risk the real progress we have made in fighting the disease,” Newsom said in a statement.

“California’s strategy to restart the economy and get people back to work will only be successful if people act safely and follow health recommendations.”

There were no more details about how the order will be enforced or if violators will face any punishments, CNN reported.

2. Connecticut

Any Connecticut resident over the age of 2 must wear a face mask in a public space where social distancing isn’t possible, according to an executive order signed by Gov. Ned Lamont that came into effect on April 10.

This also includes public transport.

The only people exempt from this order are those with a medical condition, NBC Connecticut reported.

However if anyone refuses to wear a face covering, they aren’t required to provide proof that they’re medically exempt.

3. Delaware

Delawareans are required to wear face coverings in public places including in grocery stores, pharmacies, doctor’s offices, and on any form of public transportation, according to a statement issued by Gov. John Carney on April 20.

Only children under the age of 12 are exempted from this rule, due to the risk of suffocation.

“Wearing a face covering in public settings is important to prevent transmission of this disease. But wearing a face-covering is not permission to go out in public more often,” the statement said.

4. District of Columbia

While initially, there was some confusion around face masks rules in the district, DC Mayor Muriel Bowser ordered the use of face coverings when conducting essential business or travel and social distancing isn’t possible.

Masks or other face coverings are required in grocery stores, pharmacies, and takeout restaurants. On public transportation, face coverings are required if individuals are unable to be six feet apart. Children between the ages of 2 and 9 are advised to wear masks.

4. Hawaii

A state emergency order issued by Gov. David Ige on April 20 requires customers as well as employees at essential businesses to wear face coverings, according to local media.

However, masks are not required in banks or at ATM’s. Furthermore, those with pre-existing health conditions, first responders, and children under the age of five are exempt from this rule.

If anyone violates these rules, they could face a fine of up to ,000 or up to a year in prison, according to the order.

5. Illinois

Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker ordered the use of face masks for anyone stepping outside their house as of May 1, local media reported.

This includes everything from shopping at essential businesses, picking up food, or visiting the doctor. It is also implemented in any public space where people cannot maintain 6 feet of physical distance.

6. Kentucky

Even though Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear signed an order requiring all state residents to wear a mask in public as of May 11, the governor also said that those who are caught not wearing one, won’t be fined or arrested.

However, the order does give businesses the right to turn away anyone who does not wear a mask and if law enforcement officers see unmasked people, they will ask them to don a mask.

Not everyone in the state has been following the order.

“It’s a concern,” Judge-Executive Mason Barnes of Simpson County — which has one of the highest infection rates in the state — told USA Today. “I’d say 70% to 80% of the people are not wearing masks when they’re out and about.”

7. Maine

Maine residents are required to wear face-coverings anytime they step foot into a supermarket, retail store, pharmacy, or doctor’s office, according to an order issued by Gov. Janet Mills which went into effect on May 1.

8. Maryland

Anyone taking public transport is required to wear face coverings, according to Gov. Larry Hogan’s order that came into effect on April 18.

Other places where this is mandatory include grocery stores, pharmacies, liquor stores, laundromats, and hardware stores, according to USA Today.

Employees of essential businesses and customers over the age of 9 must also wear them.

9. Massachusetts

In Massachusetts, residents are not only required to wear face masks in public while indoors, but also need to wear them in outdoor spaces where social distancing isn’t possible.

The order, issued by Gov. Charlie Baker, went into effect on May 6.

10. Michigan

According to Michigan state law, “any individual able to medically tolerate a face covering must wear a covering over his or her nose and mouth.”

This also applies to business owners, who must provide their workers with “gloves, goggles, face shields, and face masks as appropriate for the activity being performed.”

Businesses are also allowed to deny entry to anyone who refuses to wear a mask.

11. Nevada

Nevada was one of the most recent states to implement a mandatory mask order which went into effect on June 25.

Face coverings must be worn in public, but also in private businesses. Those who are exempted from the order include people with a medical condition that prevents them from wearing a mask, homeless people, and children between 2 and 9 years old, according to The Independent.

During his announcement last week, Nevada Gov. Steve Sisolak said: “Wearing mask coverings saves lives, period. End of story. We owe it to each other to accept the fact that wearing face mask coverings saves lives.”

12. New Jersey

New Jersey was the very first state to make customers and workers wear face coverings at essential business sites.

Wearing a mask is also mandatory on public transit, and if anyone is seen without a mask, they could be denied entry, according to CNN.

13. New Mexico

Face masks are mandatory in New Mexico in all public settings, except while eating, drinking, exercising, or for medical reasons.

The mandate came into effect on May 15.

Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham said during a news conference: “As the state opens up and our risk increases, the only way we save lives and keep the gating criteria where it is is if we’re all wearing face coverings,”

“It’s not a guarantee against the virus, but it really helps slow the spread, and that’s why we’re mandating it,” Grisham added, according to Las Cruces Sun News.

twitter.com

14. New York

New York, which was one of the worst-affected states at the peak of the coronavirus pandemic, made it mandatory for everyone over the age of 2 to wear a face mask in public on April 17.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has been very vocal about wearing face coverings while out, regularly reminding residents on Twitter.

15. Pennsylvania

Essential businesses must give their employees masks and are allowed to deny customers entry for those not wearing one, according to an order from Pennsylvania’s Department of Health which went into effect on May 8.

The rule on mask-wearing also applies to people on public transport, according to Pennlive.

16. Rhode Island

Rhode Island residents are required to wear face masks in all public settings, whether these are indoors or outdoors.

Gov. Gina Raimondo told news reporters on May 5: “You don’t leave your house without your car keys or your phone or your wallet, so don’t leave your house without your face mask,” NECN reported.

“We’re trying to strike a balance between compliance… but we don’t want to be overly heavy-handed,” she added.

A few days later, the mayor of Providence, Rhode Island encouraged state residents to “socially shame” people not wearing masks, according to USA Today.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

MIGHTY HISTORY

The Navy’s F11F was so fast it could shoot itself down – and did

By the 1950s, the Cold War was in full swing, and the Soviets appeared to have an edge in fighter plane technology. The USSR debuted a new plane, the MiG-15. This new fighter had a design that no one had yet seen flying. Its swept-back wingspan allowed it to achieve speeds approaching the speed of sound. It was also incredibly effective against all the fighters of that age. The Navy needed to figure out how to beat it to protect its carrier.

They turned to defense contractor Grumman, who soon turned its designs inside-out and trying to take the new MiG down.


And they started with the F9F Cougar.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Looks cool on a carrier, looks worse getting shot down by MiGs.

(U.S. Navy)

What came of the project was the F11F Tiger, which incorporated the latest and greatest in naval aviation technology and tactics into the basic designs of the carrier-based F9F Cougar. The Cougar has a windswept wing design of its own, as the MiG-15 had completely outclassed straight-wing fighters in the skies over Korea. The Navy wanted some fighters who could protect its ships in aerial combat. Grumman began its effort with the F9F Cougar but went back to the drawing board and came out with the Tiger, a supersonic fighter that could be launched from a carrier and bring the fight to the MiGs.

Unfortunately, its high top speed is how the F11F Tiger became the first fighter to shoot itself down.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

The F11F

(U.S. Navy)

On Sept. 21, 1956, test pilot Tom Attridge began a shallow dive in his F11F. As he did, he fired two short bursts from the aircraft’s four 20mm cannons, and thought nothing of it – until he got to the end of his dive, and the bursts began to shoot up his aircraft. He started at 20,000 feet and then went into a Mach 1 dive as he fired. He accelerated with afterburner and at 13,000 feet, fired to empty. He continued his dive. but at 7,000 feet, something struck his canopy glass and one of his engine intake lips. The aircraft began to lose power, and Attridge headed back to base to land it.

But in order to make it back without shattering the canopy, he had to slow down his Tiger to a crawl, and the engine would only produce 78 percent of its normal power. He wouldn’t make it back to base at that rate. Two miles away from the runway, the engine went out completely.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(U.S. Navy)

Attridge didn’t bail out – test pilots are crazy – in the slowed aircraft, he settled into some trees. Despite some injuries, he exited the plane once on the ground and was picked up by a rescue helicopter. The plane, as it turned out, was hit in the windshield, the right intake, and the nose cone by its own rounds. The low pitch of the plane and its trajectory, combined with the trajectory of the bullets and the speed of the Tiger’s descent at half the speed of sound right into the guns’ target area, meant that the plane would easily catch up with its own burst of 20mm fire.

The pilot shot himself down in about 11 seconds.

Articles

Trump’s federal hiring freeze could impact veterans who’ve already been offered a job

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
President Donald J. Trump arrives at the Inaugural Parade during the 58th Presidential Inauguration in Washington, D.C. Jan. 20, 2017.


In a moved that shook the federal workforce, President Trump ordered a freeze in the hiring process of all executive branch departments, effective at noon on January 22, 2017.

A report from the Office of Personnel Management estimates that veterans made up about 44 percent of new hires in the executive branch during fiscal year 2015. The total number of veterans employed was 623,755, or roughly 31 percent of the entire executive branch.

So what does this mean for veterans now in the process of seeking employment with the government? Unfortunately, even federal employees currently working in the executive branch aren’t sure.

We Are the Mighty consulted with a Division Director at one of the federal departments, who asked to remain anonymous due to the department being ordered to cease all public communications.

“We just don’t have many answers,” the source told WATM. “This is a very different political environment and we don’t know what to expect.”

We Are the Mighty obtained the “Memorandum for Heads of Executive Departments and Agencies,” signed by acting director of Office of Management and Budget Mark Sandy.

Sent to the heads of the departments, the memorandum read, in part, “An individual who has received a job offer/appointment prior to January 22, 2017, and who has received documentation from the agency that specifies a confirmed start date on or before February 22, 2017, should report to work on that start date.”

Individuals who were offered a position before Jan. 22 but do not have a start date (or a date after February 22) may find that employment offer rescinded. According to the Memorandum for Heads of Executive Departments and Agencies, those positions offered will be under review.

Agencies will be tasked with considering “merit system principles, essential mission priorities, and current agency resources and funding levels” when it comes to determining whether job offers should be rescinded.

At this time, the hiring freeze applies to every executive department except for the Department of Defense, and even then, it only allows for recruiting into active duty.

The leadership in any given executive department may grant an exemption to the freeze if he or she believes it to be in the best interest of national security or public safety, according to the press release from the White House.

This public safety exemption rule could be what helps the Department of Veterans Affairs continue to attempt to fill what it might deem necessary positions among the 3,473 jobs listed on its website — though it is unclear exactly how many of those positions could be considered in the interest of national security or public safety.

That same argument can be made for a large number of positions available at the Department of Defense. As DoD employees are directly related to national security, the department seems to have wide latitude over how it will respond to the hiring freeze.

The President has given the Office of Management and Budget 90 days to present a “long-term plan to reduce the size of the Federal Government’s workforce through attrition.” Upon implementation of that plan, the executive order will expire.

This hiring freeze is part of one of the many campaign promises President Trump made last year to drastically shrink the federal government.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

MIGHTY CULTURE

WWII ‘Hero of Cologne’ receives medal during surprise ceremony

One of the most celebrated World War II tank gunners received the bronze star during a surprise award ceremony 74-years in the making.

Clarence Smoyer, 96-year-old former 3rd Armored Division tank gunner, never bragged about the five tanks he destroyed in the war, including an infamous Nazi tank he leveled during a dramatic duel in war-torn Cologne, Germany.

He didn’t ask for anything, either. To Smoyer, he was just doing his job to protect the men he considers family.


The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Pictured left) Clarence Smoyer, former 3rd Armored Division tank gunner, and Joe Caserta, World War II veteran of Omaha Beach, Normandy and the Battle of the Bulge, attend a Bronze Star award ceremony, with Smoyer as the guest of honor, Sept. 18, 2019, at the World War II Memorial in Washington, D.C. Smoyer was nicknamed the “Hero of Cologne” for his efforts destroying a German tank during the battle.

(Thomas Brading, Army News Service)

Duel at the cathedral

It was March 6, 1945, and WWII was winding down, much of Germany was left in ruins.

Cologne, one of the country’s largest cities, was no exception. Once a bustling metropolis, Cologne had been reduced to rubble, with only a few identifiable buildings remaining — including its cathedral.

As the Americans entered Cologne, Smoyer recalls the now-infamous words of his lieutenant, Bill Stillman, who said, “Gentlemen, I give you Cologne, let’s knock the hell out of it.”

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Clarence Smoyer (top middle) was a 21-year-old Pennsylvania native when he, and his fellow tank crew members, were photographed in Cologne, Germany, in 1945. This photo, courtesy of the National Archives, was taken moments after the battle of Cologne, Germany, and Smoyer delivered the fatal shots that destroyed a German tank.

“So… we obliged,” Smoyer joked, thinking back to that day.

American forces, before making their way east toward Berlin, had to conquer Cologne first. Their goal was to secure a bridge over the Rhine River, but a nearby Nazi tank had other plans.

“Attacking such a large city gave the enemy plenty of places to hide,” Smoyer said. “Not just in the horizontal plane, but from the basements to the tops of five-story buildings — Cologne put us to the test.”

“We were chosen as the first tank(s) into the city,” he added. “Everyone else followed us in. So, for us, it was constant firing. You fired at anything that moved. That’s when a gunner’s instinct kicked in.”

One street over from Smoyer, the Panther tank, used by the Nazis, took out an American Sherman tank, killing three soldiers inside, including Karl Kellner. The Wisconsin native, and Silver Star recipient, had received a battlefield commission to lieutenant just two weeks prior.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

(Pictured left) Clarence Smoyer, receives his long-awaited Bronze Star Sept. 18, 2019, during a ceremony at the World War II Memorial in Washington, D.C. Smoyer was recognized for his heroic efforts during the battle of Cologne, Germany, where as a tank gunner, he delivered the fatal blows to a German Panther tank and was nicknamed “The Hero of Cologne.”

(Thomas Brading, Army News Service)

After being hit, Kellner’s leg was amputated at the knee. He jumped from the tank and landed on his remaining leg. Smoke lifted from his stump like a ghost fading into the air, witnessed remembered.

Nearby, Stars and Stripes reporter, Sgt. Andy Rooney — the future acclaimed television journalist — along with another man sprinted toward Kellner. He was lying near the destroyed American tank. They moved him to onto a jumble of debris, safely out of the way, and attempted to stop the blood as it flowed from Kellner’s severed limb.

Rooney, the future 60 Minutes newsman, held Kellner in his arms as he died. Later, Rooney would say it was the first time he witnessed death. The other two tankers, both killed by the Germans, never escaped the Sherman tank. Meanwhile, Smoyer and his crew were slowly approaching the battle.

The Panther tank idled quietly in the street, as the Americans approached.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Veterans Clarence Smoyer and Joe Caserta stand near a Pershing tank, similar to the ones they were both crewmembers of during World War II, Sept. 18, 2019, near the National World War II Memorial in Washington. Both men were present in their respective tanks in Cologne, Germany, March 6, 1945, when Smoyer’s tank crew “Eagle 7,” took out a German tank.

(Photo by C. Todd Lopez, DOD)

“Experience taught me it’s impossible to knock out a German tank in one shot,” he said. “So, I worked a plan with our driver. He was to edge into the intersection, I’d shoot, and then he’d back up — fast! When we roared into the intersection to shoot, everything went out the window.”

Instead of “seeing the flank of the Panther in the periscope,” like he planned, Smoyer looked at the Panther’s super velocity muzzle pointed at street level, right at him, he said.

Smoyer added “his heart stopped.” The driver, also staring down the barrel of the German’s muzzle, panicked and “floored the gas.”

“We were totally vulnerable,” Smoyer said. “I snapped off a quick shot and hit him first. I kept yelling for (armor-piercing) rounds and kept hitting him until he caught fire. I could hardly breathe as we backed out of there.”

Smoyer’s finger squeezed the trigger of his tank, and he fired 90mm rounds into the side of the Panther tank, garnishing three direct hits.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

World War II veterans Clarence Smoyer, Joe Caserta and Buck Marsh stand for the chaplain’s invocation during a Bronze Star award ceremony at the National World War II Memorial in Washington, Sept. 18, 2019.

(Photo by James K. Lee, DOD)

“People always ask why I fired three times,” Smoyer said. “Some say I was butchering that German crew by not giving them a chance to flee the tank. Any crewman still alive in that Panther could have pulled the trigger and with that powerful of a gun still pointing at us, we’d all be dead.”

But, that wasn’t the case. The Americans won, and Smoyer, the thin, 21-year-old curly blonde haired corporal, earned the nickname “the hero of Cologne.”

Footage of the battle, captured by Tech. Sgt. Jim Bates, a combat cameraman attached to the 165th Photo Signal Company, made its way into movie newsreels worldwide, including back home in Pennsylvania, where Smoyer called home.

“That’s Hon!” Smoyer’s sister-in-law yelled during an airing of the newsreel, Hon was Smoyer’s family nickname.

She later convinced the theater owners to replay the reel, so Smoyer’s parents, who had never been to a movie theater, could see their son was still alive.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Author Adam Makos and World War II veteran Clarence Smoyer walk to a Bronze Star award ceremony at the National World War II Memorial in Washington, Sept. 18, 2019.

(Photo by James K. Lee)

History in the making

For his actions that day, Smoyer was notified he earned the Bronze Star. However, this was short-lived after Smoyer talked to German children, who were begging the soldier for bubble gum. This small act of charity cost him the medal.

“They wanted bubble gum and I was still searching my pockets when a jeep full of (military police) turned the corner,” Smoyer said. “Fraternization was a no-no.”

Smoyer added, he felt bad for the kids, who had been on the frontlines of war longer than him. The MPs took his name, tank, serial number, and indirectly, his Bronze Star.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Army Maj. Peter Semanoff salutes World War II veteran Clarence Smoyer after awarding him the Bronze Star during a ceremony at the National World War II Memorial in Washington, Sept. 18, 2019.

(Photo by James K. Lee, DOD)

“I could have avoided all that if I just had a stick of gum!” He joked.

But, it was never about the medals and glory. As decades passed, the war ended, and Smoyer returned to civilian life. His neighbors in Allentown, Pennsylvania, never knew they lived by a war hero.

That all changed after an author, Adam Makos, who wrote a book on Smoyer’s story, happened upon information that changed everything.

“Smoyer’s tank commander and an Army combat cameraman both received Bronze Stars for their actions that day — yet, Smoyer got nothing,” Makos said.

This inspired the author to change that. He used witnesses to Smoyer’s actions, evidence he collected, including Bates combat camera footage, and contacted the Army.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

World War II veterans Joe Caserta and Clarence Smoyer embrace during a Bronze Star award ceremony at the National World War II Memorial in Washington, Sept. 18, 2019.

(Photo by James K. Lee, DOD)

In the end, a military review board agreed with Makos, and Smoyer was awarded the Bronze Star. Three additional Bronze Stars were also awarded to the rest of the tank crew, making Smoyer’s tank crew “one of the most celebrated in Army history,” according to Makos.

To keep the surprise, Smoyer’s loved ones convinced him he was visiting the WWII Memorial as a tourist. The monument was filled with soldiers, fellow WWII veterans, news crews, and onlookers. Then, overwhelmed with emotion, he received the long overdue medal.

With the Bronze Star pinned to his chest, Smoyer promised to, “Wear the medal to remember the ones who lost their lives” that day, nearly 75 years ago.

This article originally appeared on United States Army. Follow @USArmy on Twitter.

Lists

Here is every weapon the US Army issues its soldiers

It goes without saying that the US Army is continuously testing and adding new weapons to its arsenal.

For example, the Army recently began to replace the M9 and M11 pistols with the M17 and M18, but has only delivered them to soldiers in the 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell in Kentucky. Therefore, the pistols are not yet standard issue.


While the Army continues to stay ahead of the game, it undoubtedly has a multitude of weapons for its soldiers.

And we compiled a list of all these standard issue weapons operable by individual soldiers below, meaning that we didn’t include, for example, the Javelin anti-tank missile system because it takes more than one person to operate, nor did we include nonstandard issue weapons.

Check them out:

M1911 pistol

M1911 pistol

The M1911 is a .45 caliber sidearm that the Army has used since World War I, and has even begun phasing out.

M9 pistol

M9 pistol

The Army started replacing the M1911 with the 9mm M9 in the mid-1980s.

M11 pistol

M11 pistol

The M11 is another 9mm pistol that replaced the M1911, and is itself being replaced by the M17 and M18 pistols.

M500 shotgun

M500 shotgun

The M500 is a 12-gauge shotgun that usually comes with a five-round capacity tube. The Army began issuing shotguns to soldiers during World War I to help clear trenches, and has been issuing the M500 since the 1980s.

M590 shotgun

M590 shotgun

The 12-gauge M590 is very similar to the M500 — both of which are made by Mossberg — except for little specifications, such as triggers, barrel length and so forth.

M26 modular shotgun accessory

M26 modular shotgun accessory

The M26 is “basically a secondary weapon slung underneath an M4 to allow the operator to switch between 5.56 and 12-gauge rounds quickly without taking his eyes off the target or his hands off of his rifle,” according to the US Army.

M14 enhanced battle rifle

M14 enhanced battle rifle

The M14, which shoots a 7.62mm round, has been heavily criticized, and the Army is currently phasing it out. Read more about that here.

M4 carbine

M4 carbine

The M4 shoots 5.56mm rounds and is a shortened version of the M16A2.

M16A2 rifle

M16A2 rifle

The M16A2 shoots the same round and has a similar muzzle velocity as the M4. One of the main differences, though, is that it has a longer barrel length.

M16 rifle with M203 grenade launcher

M16 rifle with M203 grenade launcher

The M203 shoots 40mm grenades and can be fitted under the M4 and M16, but the Army is currently phasing it out for the M320.

M249 squad automatic weapon

M249 squad automatic weapon

The SAW shoots a 5.56mm round like the M4 and M16, but it’s heavier and has a greater muzzle velocity and firing range.

M240B medium machine gun.

M240B medium machine gun.

The M240B is a belt-fed machine gun that shoots 7.62mm rounds, but is even heavier and has a greater max range than the SAW.

There are multiple versions of the M240, and two more of those versions are Army standard issue.

M240L medium machine gun

M240L medium machine gun

The M240L is a much lighter version of the M240B, weighing 22.3 pounds, versus the 240B’s 27.1 pounds.

M240H medium machine gun

M240H medium machine gun

The M240H is an upgraded version of the M240D, which can be mounted on vehicles and aircraft.

M110 semi-automatic sniper system

M110 semi-automatic sniper system

The M110 shoots a 7.62x51mm round with an effective firing range of more than 2,600 feet. But the Army is currently phasing it out for the Heckler & Koch G28.

M2010 enhanced sniper rifle

M2010 enhanced sniper rifle

The M2010 shoots a .30 caliber, or 7.62x67mm round with an even greater effective firing range than the M110 at nearly 4,000 feet.

M107 long-range sniper rifle

M107 long-range sniper rifle

The M107 shoots an incredibly large 12.7x99mm round with an equally incredibly large effective firing range of more than 6,500 feet.

M2 machine gun

M2 machine gun

The M2 shoots .50 caliber rounds with an effective firing range of more than 22,000 feet. It’s also very heavy, weighing 84 pounds.

M320 grenade launcher (stand-alone)

M320 grenade launcher (stand-alone)

The M320 is the Army’s new 40mm grenade launcher, which can be fitted under a rifle or used as a stand-alone launcher. The M203 could too, but rarely was.

The M320 reportedly is more accurate and has niftier features, like side-loading mechanisms and better grips.

MK19 grenade machine gun

MK19 grenade machine gun

The MK19 is a 40mm automatic grenade launcher that can mount on tripods and armored vehicles. It has an effective firing range of more than 7,000 feet, compared to the M320‘s 1,100 feet.

M3 Carl Gustaf (MAAWS)

M3 Carl Gustaf (MAAWS)

The M3 Carl Gustaf is an 84mm recoilless rifle system that can shoot a variety of high-explosive rounds at a variety of targets, including armored vehicles.

And this graphic, updated in February 2018, and which the Army gave to Business Insider, shows all the current and future standard issue weapons.

And this graphic, updated in February 2018, and which the Army gave to Business Insider, shows all the current and future standard issue weapons.

All images featured in this article are courtesy of the Department of Defense.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

popular

5 cocktails with military origins

The terms “Happy Hour Club,” “Happy Hour Social Club,” and similar names, had been in use as the names of social club since at least the early 1880s. By June 1913, the crew of the USS Arkansas had started referring to their social gatherings as “Happy Hours.” The “Happy Hours” included entertainment, boxing and wrestling matches, music, dancing, and movies. By the end of World War I, the practice of holding “Happy Hours” had spread throughout the entire Navy.


 

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Unfortunately, on June 1, 1914, the Secretary of the Navy issued General Order 99 prohibiting the use or introduction of alcohol on any ship or station. It was a good run for the Navy, but it wasn’t the only alcohol-related item inspired by the military. Happy Hour requires drinks, and here are some such drinks inspired by armed forces the world over.

Watch more on our YouTube channel!

1. Gin & Tonic

This legendary drink was introduced to the army of the British East India Company at the height of the British Empire. Malaria, a constant problem with officers and troops in India, was treated at the time with quinine, which tastes bitter and terrible. So the officers started mixing theirs with sugar, lime, and gin to make the stuff drinkable. Today’s tonic water is much sweeter, contains less quinine, and is much less bitter as a result.

Recipe

1-1/2 ounces Gin

1/2 ounce Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

Tonic Water

Lime Wheel or Wedge Garnish (I prefer cucumber, especially with Hendrick’s Gin)

Fill highball glass with ice. Add Gin. Top with tonic water. Stir. Garnish if desired. Repeat. Keep Uber up-to-date.

2. Cuba Libre (aka Rum & Coke)

Cuba Libre was the battle cry for the Cuba Liberation Army during the war of independence from Spain at the turn of the 20th century. Coca-Cola first came to Cuba in the bags of U.S. troops who invaded the island as part of the Spanish-American War in 1898. In 1900, the cola started being exported to Cuba. According to Charles A. Coulombe, author of Rum: The Epic Story of the Drink That Conquered the World, a bartender in Havana named Fausto Rodriguez first served the drink to a U.S. troop named “Barrio” who frequented his bar. Yes, this is a rum & coke, but it’s so much more.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Recipe

1 ounce Bacardi Gold Rum

3 ounces Coca-Cola

Build in a tall glass over fresh ice. Lime wedge garnish.

3. Gunfire

A much less popular drink, this concoction was served to the lower ranking members of the British Army in the 1890’s to give them a bump of courage before a morning attack. More recently, British troops in the Korean War would give it out to U.S. military policemen after recovery missions. Some UK troops still consume Gunfire on special occasions, especially Christmas when officers serve it to their troops.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Recipe

1 cup of hot, black tea

1 shot of rum

4. Sidecar

Legend has it the Sidecar was created when a WWI Army Captain couldn’t beat a cold. At his favorite bar in Paris, the bartender made this libation and named it after the motorcycle sidecar in which he was usually chauffeured.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd

Recipe

1-3/4 ounces Cognac

3/4 ounce Cointreau

1/2 ounce Fresh Lemon Juice

Orange Twist Garnish

Combine liquids in cocktail shaker with ice. Shake to blend and chill. Strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with orange twist.

5. French 75

World War I fighter pilot Raoul Lufbery was of French and American descent, flying with the Lafayette Escadrille, American aviators who wanted to fight against Germany, even though the United States had not yet entered the war. For French pilots, champagne was the drink of choice. For Lufbery’s American side, that wasn’t enough – so he spiked his champagne with cognac, a mix he said made him feel like he was hit by a French 75mm howitzer.

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
(Wikimedia Commons: Museé d l’Armeé)

Recipe:

1-1/4 ounce Hennessy Cognac

3/4 ounce Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice

1/2 ounce Simple Syrup (or a tad less)

Brut Champagne

Lemon Twist for Garnish

Combine Hennessy, lemon juice, and bar syrup in a cocktail shaker filled one third full of ice. Shake thoroughly for ten to fifteen seconds. Strain into a chilled champagne flute. Top off with champagne. Garnish with lemon twist. Note :If using Courvoisier rather than Hennessy, up the amount to 1-1/2 ounces of cognac to achieve the balance of flavor.

NOW SEE: 7 Times Drunks Decided the Course of a Battle

Articles

7 reasons ‘Enlisted Service Member’ is actually the worst job

A bunch of data crunchers at CareerCast have released their list of the Worst Jobs of 2017 and enlisted military service member was ranked number 4, causing a few headlines.


But seriously, when did the 3 worse jobs (newspaper reporter, broadcaster, and logger) ever have to stir their buddies’ MRE dumps into a diesel mixture and then mix it while it burns?

Here are 7 things CareerCast failed to mention about why being an enlisted service member is actually the worst:

1. The aforementioned MRE dumps

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
This is an airman preparing to change out the crappers on his base in Iraq. Yeah, even airmen have to take dumps with their thighs touching sometimes. (Photo: U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Chris Stagner)

Look, CareerCast looked at a lot of factors, but they don’t once mention diet and food choices in their methodology. Pretty sure newspaper reporters and broadcasters aren’t stuck eating 5-yr-old brisket and then trying to crap it out after it turns into a brick in their intestines.

2. Multi-year contracts guaranteed by prison time

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Holding a ceremony at the bottom of the ocean makes exactly as much sense as signing away the next four years, so why not do both at once? (Photo: U.S. Department of Defense)

They did look at “degree of confinement” as one of the “physical factors” of their measurements, but not as an emotional factor. Remember the last time a logger got tired of their job, walked off, and spent the next few years in prison?

No, you don’t. Because the only way that happens is if they set some machinery on fire or crap into someone else’s boots on their way out. But troops can’t quit, and there ain’t no discharge on the ground.

3. Long ruck marches, range days, and multi-day field operations

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Having to patrol 20 miles while wearing 65 pounds of gear is worth a maximum of five points but having tough competition for promotion is worth up to 15 points. (Photo: National Guard Sgt. Harley Jelis)

The list’s method discounts physical factors compared to emotional factors (“stamina” and “necessary energy” both top out at 5 points while facing strong competition for job placement and promotion is worth 15 points on its own).

Ummmm, anyone actually think waiting an extra year or two for promotion is harder than brigade runs every payday, 12.4-mile ruck marches every few months, and having to unload and re-load connexes whenever a lieutenant loses their radio? All so you can go face a nine-man board when you want to get promoted?

4. The barracks

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Who wouldn’t want to live here? (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps)

Drunken parties spill into the hallways just an hour before sergeant major drags everyone out to pick up cigarette butts whether they smoke or not. Idiots knock on your door because they don’t know where their buddy lives, which sucks for you since you have duty in the morning.

But hey, at least your boss’s boss’s boss is going to walk through the building this Friday and critique every detail of how you live. That sounds like something that happens to reporters. Sure.

5. Beards

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
Half the reason to go Special Forces is to be able to grow a beard when deployed. (Photo: U.S. Army)

Look, loggers are famous for their beards. And most people in the news and broadcast businesses can grow beards as long as they aren’t on camera.

Enlisted folks, meanwhile, have their faces checked for stubble at 6:30 most mornings.

6. PT Formation

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Matthew Senna, assigned to Joint Multinational Training Command, performs push-ups during the Army Physical Fitness Test at U.S. Army Europe’s Best Warrior Competition in Grafenwoehr, Germany, July 30, 2012. (Photo: U.S. Army)

Speaking of which, that 6:30 formation where they’ll get destroyed for having a beard is the physical training formation, the one where they have to spread out and do a lot of pushups and situps in the cold and dark while wearing t-shirts and shorts because first sergeants have some perverse hatred of winter PTs.

All of that without a beard. It’s tragic.

7. All those extra laws

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
(Photo: U.S. Navy Lt. Ayana Pitterson)

The Uniform Code of Military Justice is a major part of maintaining unit discipline, but man is it annoying to have your own set of laws on top of everyone else’s. And, some of those UCMJ articles basically just say that you have to follow all rules and regulations, which are a couple hundred extra ways to do something illegal.

A sailor who smokes or eats while walking is in violation of NAVPERS 15665I, which is backed up by articles of the UCMJ and federal law Title, U.S. Code 10. Think chowing down on a donut while walking into the office is illegal for loggers, broadcasters, or reporters?

Articles

The 5 biggest stories around the military right now (July 28 edition)

Here are the things you need to know about right now to be the “smart one” in your unit:


Now: Here’s what would happen if every US state declared war on each other

Articles

China’s airpower may overtake the US Air Force by 2030

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of January 3rd
China’s J-20 stealth fighter | YouTube


In a stark assessment, the US Air Force chief-of-staff warned that China’s People’s Liberation Army Air Force (PLAAF) will be poised to overtake the US Air Force by 2030.

On March 2, General Mark Welsh told the House Appropriations Committee’s defense subcommittee that currently it is estimated that the US has a “couple thousand more aircraft” than China, The National Interest reports.

The PLAAF is larger than the US Air Force in terms of personnel, and that size will be represented by the number of aircraft China has in the coming years.

“At the rate they’re building, the models they’re fielding, by 2030 they will have fielded—they will have made up that 2,000 aircraft gap and they will be at least as big—if not bigger—than our air forces,” Welsh told the subcommittee.

More importantly than just the number of aircraft and personnel in the PLAAF, though, is Beijing’s trend of acquiring and successfully fielding more and more advanced weapons systems. This drive by the PLAAF will also shrink the commanding technological advantage that the US currently holds over China.

“We are not keeping up with that kind of technology development,” Welsh said. “We are still in a position of—we will have the best technology in the battlespace especially if we can continue with our current big three modernization programs.”

Welsh also went on to warn that China “will have a lot of technology that’s better than the stuff we’ve had before.”

China is currently constructing prototypes for two different fifth-generation fighters that are specifically tailored to different mission sets. It’s J-20 is thought to be making quick development progress, while it’s J-31 is believed to be the equal of the F-35 due to espionage and Chinese theft of trade secrets.

Additionally, China is also developing a stealth drone as well as seeking to buy Russia’s highly capable Su-35S fighter aircraft.

All these measures taken together will cumulatively make China a significantly more capable military force that could project its will against US protest across East Asia.

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