The worst things about every Army rank - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY CULTURE

The worst things about every Army rank

Do you need an introduction to this? I mean, really? You all know what the Army is, and that all the ranks have their virtues and their vices. Lot’s of vices. That’s why it’s easy to hate all of them.


(Disclaimer: It’s all in fun. If you might be offended by a few jokes about your rank, please just close the page before you spit your coffee all over your screen and write letters to my editor.)

The worst things about every Army rank

An Army private first class watches out the window for enemy targets, probably while imagining his next kill streak on Fortnite because, seriously, these guys can not focus.

(U.S. Army Spc. William Dickinson)

Junior Enlisted

Privates and Privates Second Class

Basically the same rank. They’re either a “Pubic Patch Private” with no rank to Velcro on or a Mosquito-Wing Private with rank that’s barely worth Velcroing on. Either way, they almost certainly need their hands held to be able to differentiate their fourth point of contact and a hole in the ground.

Even if they’re just left sweeping a room, chances are they’ll end up with two STDs and a warrant for their arrest before you get a chance to check on them again.

Privates First Class

Finally, you can look away for three seconds without them getting into trouble. But they still probably have no initiative, unless it’s grabbing more fatty cakes from the chow line.

Fatty cakes that you have to run off of them mile after grueling mile. If they would just eat some lean chicken, instead, maybe you could finally do a little physical training in the gym or at the pull-up bars, for once. But nope. Time to run the carbs off the privates for the third time this week.

Specialists and Corporals

Just smart enough to know how to shirk their duties, too dumb to realize they should do them anyway. The specialists will spend days setting up elaborate networks to get out of hours worth of work.

And the corporals, ah the corporals. They’re eager enough to show a little initiative and get an extra stripe, but few of them can actually assert their authority without having to whine about military customs and courtesies. It takes more work for the others NCOs to back up the corporal than they would have to do if the corporal just became a specialist again.

The worst things about every Army rank

“See how your shots are barely on the paper? That’s because you don’t know how to shoot.”

(U.S. Army Spc. Tynisha L. Daniel)

Noncommissioned Officers

Sergeants

Finally, a rank that can get stuff done without hand-holding or tons of guidance. Too bad this is when they start diddling subordinates, racking up unpaid alimony, and dying of caffeine and nicotine overdoses.

Seriously, buck sergeants, if you don’t have a staff sergeant or platoon sergeant’s tolerance for stimulants, stick to the Fun Dips like the other children.

Staff Sergeants

The E-6 ranks are filled with both hard-chargers and the laziest of the careerists, you can never tell if a staff sergeant is going to be capable or slowly counting down to retirement until you meet them in person and see whether they’re more likely to bust out some pull-ups on the nearest door sill or bust tape on the next PT test.

But at least they don’t have control of a whole platoon, yet.

Sergeants First Class

Out there in front of a whole platoon, the good ones will inspire heroics and, even better, diligence in all the soldiers they lead. The others will just provide their preferred customer discount numbers at strip clubs and the tobacco counter.

But hey, at least they take themselves too seriously and will lose their tempers at literally anything.

Master Sergeants and First Sergeants

Half of them need to retire, the other half basically already have. Counting time until they get to give the Army the old double deuce with the middle fingers on either hand, these E-8s are probably so crabby because you can’t spend this much of your life using communal Army toilets and not literally catch crabs.

Sergeants Major

The staff sergeants major are supposedly just there to make sure section OICs don’t forget to take their meds and actually run every once in a while. But they actually run the show in most staff sections and absolutely will not let you forget it. And command sergeants major act like they’re the second-in-command like no one knows what a deputy commanding officer or executive officer is.

And no matter what you’re complaining about, be sure they will let you know how much worse it was before you were born. Doesn’t even matter if they took part in the war they’re complaining about. Fifty-year-old sergeants major will tell you how much worse they had it in the Korean War than you do now.

The worst things about every Army rank

Absolute subject matter expert. Will not tell you what you’re doing wrong until he gets a good laugh about it.

(U.S. Army Sgt. M. Austin Parker)

Warrant Officers

Warrant Officers 1

All the training in the world couldn’t prepare warrant officers to be true subject matter experts on every aspect of their domain, and luckily for warrant officers 1, they’re not burdened by all that much training. Seriously, hope these guys learned some stuff before they went warrant, ’cause otherwise, they’re less useful than a user’s manual and even harder to find.

Chief Warrant Officers 2-4

Finally, a little expertise, but mostly in how to disappear before formations. They’ll always have a coffee cup in their hand, but there’s still a 15 percent chance they will feign falling asleep while talking to you. They’ll actually fall asleep while briefing the commander.

Chief Warrant Officer 5

Literal unicorns, but they hide their horns and hoofs wherever it is that they hide the rest of themselves, probably an entire office building that fell off the books three years ago, and only they know about. They know literally everything about their job area but will only tell you anything under duress or after they’ve gotten a few laughs at your ignorance.

The worst things about every Army rank

An Army captain crawls through the dirt, sleeves rolled like he’s ready to adorn a movie poster.

(U.S. Army Capt. Daniel Parker)

Officers

Second and First Lieutenants

These men and women are children. Please, do not let them use anything as dangerous as a microwave without supervision. They will ask questions that brand new recruits are supposed to know before basic training, and then make the subject matter expert stand at attention while answering.

Captains

Give a guy a chance at company command, and they will puff up like newly born demigods. They always have the most self-satisfied smiles on their face, which is ironic since chances are they haven’t satisfied anyone personally or professionally in years.

Majors

Will only communicate with non-majors under duress. Seriously, these folks either hate the Army for existing or else hate it for not promoting them sooner. Maybe that’s because they always get stuck in battalion XO and other staff positions. Must suck to spend eight years climbing from company XO just to be the XO one level up.

Also, when you see one, there’s a 90 percent chance they’ll be standing and watching something happen. Not speaking, not guiding, just watching. It’s creepy.

Army lieutenant colonels will absolutely watch the Army pee on you while swearing it’s rain.

(U.S. Army Claudia LaMantia)

Lieutenant Colonels

Somehow, all lieutenant colonels are majors but, half of them got their optimism back, and the other half hate you because they’re still in the Army. Half will lie to you and tell you that everything’s peachy, the other half will tell you dark truths even if they don’t apply to you.

Colonels

Believe so much in the mission that they will sacrifice their very lives to get it done, but they’d much prefer to sacrifice someone else’s. Yours might be alright. They will write a real nice letter to your family afterward, though. So that and your life insurance policy will pay off the house, at least.

Brigadier and Major Generals

This marks the transition from where senior officers are generally in charge of managing downwards and become mostly tasked with managing up to the other generals and politicians, and boy do they ever forget what sense they had. General Officer Bright Idea is a commonly understood term for the total nonsense that these folks come up with.

That’s not an endorsement of their ideas.

The worst things about every Army rank

Generals are some of the most accomplished ground combatants in history. Also, they will absolutely send you into a sacrificial cult if they think it will advance their mission one iota.

(U.S. Army Sgt. Jonathan Fernandez)

Lieutenant Generals and Generals

Ugh, almost no one can tell these folks no anymore, and it shows. Their GOBIs are usually turned into multi-million dollar programs that require thousands of junior soldiers to jump through all sorts of hoops. Half the time, it turns out these ideas could’ve been shot down from the outset by a competent warrant officer or noncom.

They give real inspiring speeches, though, usually by emailing them out to everyone in their command, even though a solid half of the recipients are in forward bases with no internet access. Thanks, boss!

MIGHTY TRENDING

Meet Chester, US Army ‘Bulldog Brigade’ mascot

Care for military working dogs and government-owned animals is not taken lightly in the military; and there are many quality control measures in place to ensure these service animals are getting the care they deserve to accomplish their mission.

Spc. Tank Chester, English bulldog and mascot for 3rd Armored Brigade Combat Team “Bulldog,” 1st Armored Division (Rotational) had surgery to fix a condition called entropion, which occurs when the eyelids roll in, irritating the eye, at Camp Humphreys, Republic of Korea, Feb. 20, 2019.


“Certain breeds will get this condition (entropion) due to having excess skin on their face, so when the eyelids roll in, the hair on their eyelids is irritating the eyelid or actually the eyeball and they tear up a lot,” said Capt. Sean Curry, a native of Wooster, OH, veterinarian with the 106th Veterinary Detachment, 65th Medical Brigade. “In Chester’s case, he’s got extra skin folds, so he has water eyes, the water gets down in the skin folds, and it creates a moist environment, which results in bacterial and fungal infections.”

The worst things about every Army rank

Spc. Naquan Stokes, a native of Ocala, FL, veterinary technician with the 106th Veterinary Detachment, preps Spc. Tank Chester.

(Photo by Sgt. Alon Humphrey)

U.S. Army dog handlers and animal control officers spend a lot of time working with veterinarians and veterinary technicians to coordinate care for military service animals like Chester due to the diverse operational requirements placed on these animals.

The worst things about every Army rank

Capt. Sean Curry, a native of Wooster, OH, veterinarian with the 106th Veterinary Detachment, gives two-thumbs up signifying a successful entropion correction procedure for Spc. Tank Chester.

(Photo by Sgt. Alon Humphrey)

“Taking care of Chester is a lot like having your own dog, except for there’s more time invested in him because that’s my purpose, just like if he was one of my soldiers,” said Cpl. Mitchell Duncan, a native of New York, animal control officer with 3rd Armored Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division. “It’s my job to make sure that he’s taken care of and since he’s a government-owned animal there are certain procedures we must follow. He’s required to have monthly visits to the vet, and he’s required to maintain a certain weight and health standard. Prior to becoming his handler, I received training from the veterinary technicians which covered everything from emergency care to daily standard maintenance.”

The worst things about every Army rank

Capt. Sean Curry, a native of Wooster, OH, veterinarian with the 106th Veterinary Detachment, conducts an entropion correction procedure for Spc. Tank Chester.

(Photo by Sgt. Alon Humphrey)

Chester’s entropion surgery was a success and it is the second one he’s endured since he and the Bulldog Brigade arrived to the Republic of Korea in the fall of 2018. Fortunately for Chester, his health and welfare are not only important to Duncan and the Bulldog Brigade, but also one of the biggest reasons why Curry has chosen to serve.

The worst things about every Army rank

Spc. Tank Chester, English bulldog and mascot for 3rd Armored Brigade Combat Team “Bulldog,” 1st Armored Division, is sedated in preparation for an entropion correction surgery.

(Photo by Sgt. Alon Humphrey)

“Dogs like Chester and the working dogs are why I do what I do,” he said. They’re just unique animals. They represent the unit, and if I can spend the day helping Chester feel better, or helping a working dog complete his job and save soldiers’ lives, then that’s a great day for me.”

MIGHTY CULTURE

How do fighter pilots pee while flying?

As a fighter pilot, one of the most common questions I get is: How do you go to the bathroom in an F-16 or F-35? Let me start off by describing the cockpit.

A cockpit in a modern fighter is an engineering masterpiece. An incredible amount of effort goes into allowing us to interface with the aircraft. In fact, as pilots, we don’t say we’re climbing into the jet; rather, we call it strapping the jet on our back, because it feels like you and the aircraft become one entity. All the buttons and controls surround your body, allowing you to quickly react to an adversary.

The worst things about every Army rank
Maj. Joseph T. Bachmann prepares to fly the F-35 Lightning II on March 19 at Lockheed Martin. (Marine Corps Photo)

Related: FIGHTER PILOTS HAVE TO CONSERVE MENTAL ENERGY LIKE JET FUEL. HERE’S HOW

Data is displayed throughout our field-of-view starting in the helmet with true augmented reality, then extending to screens in front of us, and finally to an instrument console between our legs. We have an unprecedented amount of situational awareness, however, the tradeoff is there’s no room for a bathroom.

Now, typically in training, our flights are less than an hour and a half. As long as you don’t drink too much coffee before a flight, it’s generally not a problem. However, in combat, I’ve flown missions as long as 8 hours; crossing the Atlantic, I was airborne for over 10 hours. For these missions, I used what we as pilots affectionately call, piddle-packs.

The worst things about every Army rank
Piddle Packs are small bags male fighter pilots use to pee while in flight.

Piddle-packs are the ultimate long road trip solution. They are specially shaped bags with absorbent beads in them. If we have to relieve ourselves, we’ll unzip the flight suit—which is designed to unzip from the top as well as the bottom—unroll the piddle pack, and then pee into it. Once done, we’ll seal the top, while the absorbent beads turn it into a gel that won’t leak during hard maneuvering.

While the concept is simple, it takes time to become proficient at it. Imagine driving a car while unwrapping a bag and peeing into it while staying in your lane and avoiding traffic. Now take that and amplify it in a 3-dimensional world while flying just under the speed of sound with an enemy that’s potentially trying to shoot you down. 

The worst things about every Army rank
One of these fighter pilots could be taking a pee.
(U.S. Air Force photo/Senior Airman Christine Groening)

Related: TAKING THE BLAME: WHY FIGHTER PILOTS HAVE TO OWN THEIR MISTAKES

The key is to anticipate times when you’ll have a few minutes of straight and level flight. While in Afghanistan, I would typically use the time it took to travel to the tanker. This allowed me to finish up before I got to the tanker, refuel, and then gather situational awareness while I was returning to the fight. 

Because it’s a task-saturating event and difficult to maintain formation or answer radio calls, we’ll use the brevity term “racehorse” to let our wingmen know we’re busy for the next few minutes. This allows them to pick up the slack and minimize extraneous talking until we’re done.

The worst things about every Army rank
Timing is everything.
(U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Alexander Cook)

Since I’ve been in the Air Force, a number of devices have been developed to make the process easier—particularly for women. I’ve never flown with any of them, but they usually involve an undergarment with a jockstrap that is attached to a vacuum. When the pilot needs to pee, they turn on the vacuum and relieve themselves without having to unzip. While the process is simpler, for me, the upfront preparation, along with the added weight and complexity of a vacuum, have made the cost greater than the benefit. 

As for your follow-up question, how do you go number 2? The answer is, you don’t.

The worst things about every Army rank

Make sure to check out Justin “Hasard” Lee’s podcast, The Professionals Playbook!

popular

The America-themed Disney park that almost was

Under the leadership of CEO Michael Eisner and president Frank Wells, the Walt Disney Company declared the 1990s to be the “Disney Decade”. While Disney feature films went through a renaissance period with modern classics like The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and The Lion King, the company’s theme park division sought to do the same. With the successful opening of the third Walt Disney World park, MGM Studios, in 1989, Disney looked to expand its presence further north near the nation’s capitol.

Disney’s America was conceptualized in the late 1980s after a trip by Eisner and other Disney executives to Colonial Williamsburg. The idea of a park that celebrated America’s rich culture and history was in keeping with Walt Disney’s own vision for the company. The plans for the new park followed a similar formula as EPCOT Center in Disney World. Through “edutainment,” guests would learn about periods of American history while being actively engaged and having fun. The park was projected to sit on 125-185 acres of land about five miles west of the Manassas National Battlefield Park and was segmented into nine distinctly themed lands.

The worst things about every Army rank
The park was an ambitious project to capture as much history as possible (Disney)

Guests would enter under an 1840s train trestle into Crossroads, USA. This Antebellum village was meant to serve as the park’s hub. It also hosted the main station for the park’s steam trains that would carry guests around the park like the famous Disneyland Railroad. From there, guests could travel further back in time to Presidents’ Square. Based on the late 18th century, the land celebrated the birth of democracy and commemorated those who fought to preserve it during America’s first few decades. It would have also featured The Hall of Presidents attraction from Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. Taking guests even further back in time was Native America. Set between 1600 and 1810, this land was a recreation of a Native American village based on tribes that were known in that part of the country. Attractions would have included experiences, exhibits, and arts and crafts based on Native American culture as well as a whitewater raft ride based on Lewis and Clark’s expedition.

Moving forward in time from Crossroads, USA were the lands called Enterprise and We The People. Both set from 1870-1930, the lands focused on America’s evolution at the turn of the century. Enterprise was a mock factory town that featured a roller coaster ride called Industrial Revolution. The coaster would whisk guests through a 19th century landscape of heavy industry, furnaces, and vats of molten steel. We The People was a replica of the famous Ellis Island building. Celebrating the immigrants that entered America through the real Ellis Island, the land featured the music and food that these people brought with them to bring authenticity to the park.

The worst things about every Army rank
A concept drawing of Civil War Fort (Disney)

The park’s lands would have been built around a man-made lake called Freedom Bay. On the opposite side of the lake from We The People sat Civil War Fort. Here, guests would have been transported back in time with Civil War re-enactments and be able to experience a reconstruction of a Union fort. Freedom Bay would have also featured the “thrilling nighttime spectacular” of a naval battle between the Civil War ironclads Merrimack and Monitor.

The last three lands were all set betweem 1930-1945. Family Farm was a recreation of an authentic American farm where guests would have experienced different types of industries related to food production. State Fair was based on the Midwest and featured a live baseball show and carnival rides including a 60-foot Ferris wheel and a classic wooden roller coaster. The last land would have been the main attraction of Disney’s America.

The worst things about every Army rank
A concept drawing of Victory Field (Disney)

Called Victory Field, the land would have transported guests back to WWII to experience the fight for worldwide freedom. Resembling a WWII airfield, Victory Field’s attractions were mostly housed in aircraft hangars. Using virtual reality, guests would be able to drive tanks, crew bombers, and parachute from troop transports. The airfield would have also featured static displays of WWII vehicles including the famed B-17 Flying Fortress and M4 Sherman. The park also aimed to have the world’s first dueling roller coaster called Dogfighter. Utilizing two tracks, a German and American fighter plane-themed train would launch at the same time. Their tracks would feature inversions, rolls, and corkscrews, as well as several near misses.

Despite having the support of the Virginia governor and Commission on Population Growth and Density, and projecting to bring thousands of jobs and millions of dollars of tax revenue to the area, Disney’s America was met with stark opposition. Civil War historian James McPherson opposed the park’s location near the Manassas National Battlefield Park saying that it “would desecrate the ground over which men fought and died.” Other opponents objected to the potential commercialization and down-playing of serious historical events like war and slavery. Issue was also taken with the park’s name and implied ownership of the country’s history by the company.

Disney responded by revamping the park’s concept to a more education-based one and renaming it to Disney’s American Celebration. However, with such heavy opposition and financial stress from the company’s struggling Euro Disney park, Disney’s America was abandoned in September 1994. Still, the park’s concept art and the idea of experiencing Disney-quality WWII simulators are enough to make any WWII history enthusiast wonder what might have been.

The worst things about every Army rank
(Disney)
MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

4 steps you need in your battle plan for marriage resiliency

If you’re not walking forward into your military marriage with the tactical proficiency of any well-planned operation, it’s time to revisit the field guide.

It’s been one helluva make or break year so far with thousands stranded in PCS limbo and plenty of others facing even longer deployments. The recent Blue Star Families survey noted both family stability and time away from family as the two of the top issues, so there’s nothing like making hard things even harder.


While we’re no experts, we’re guessing talks between you and “Household six” might need a full set of EOD gear to survive the unforeseen schedule bombs without casualties. Luckily for you, there’s plenty of similarities between navigating marriage and planning a flawless mission. Here is your field guide to military marriage.

1. Understand your mission 

Troop leading procedures (TLP) requires the receipt and understanding of a mission. The mission for marriage is to accomplish your mutual goals with as few friendly fire incidents as possible. Unlike the military where a single commander dictates the plans, the role in marriage is shared. Creating operation orders with both points of view is how successful couples see the entire picture and arrive at the many battles in life fully prepared.

Each move, each deployment or change in life requires a new look at the mission.

2. WARNO

The WARNO issues a set of parameters, expectations and what is minimally acceptable. Applied to marriage, clearly outlining your own WARNO for situations like the grocery shop, the family vacation or simply a Saturday full of to-do lists.

“Go to this grocery store, not the other where the selection is not up to standard. You are to secure the following list of items. Should the brand names (listed in detail) not be available, you have clearance to initiate the following protocol. If the children become hostile, employ this tactic. If you reach this status with said children, abort the primary mission and begin digital reinforcements. It is unacceptable to return to base without the minimum requirements as stated below. Good luck.”

In theory, if a service member is used to working within the left and right barriers, a clearly defined home front mission should be successful.

3.  Identify obstacles

A good leader identifies the existing and potential threats to his troops to ensure the success of the mission. If you find yourself walking into contact daily, you clearly need to revisit this point. No one would walk into any mission without this step, so why not do the same for your marriage? Ask yourself the following.

“How will obstacles affect the success and forward movement of my marriage?”

“How can I use weapons within my arsenal to force the enemy where I want him and disrupt his movement?”

What is all too often forgotten in marriage is that your spouse is your battle buddy. Your spouse is and always will be on the same team for the same mission. If a snake is wrapped around the leg of your battle, you wouldn’t attack the man, you’d attack the snake. The same goes for your spouse in marriage.

If there is an enemy, attack it. If you foresee obstacles, plan for them. If you encounter them, work together not against each other.

4. Call for support if necessary

Your marriage team is in danger of being overrun. To call in support and save yourselves you need to know the following- where you are, where (or what) the enemy is, and what type of support you’re calling for.

Every marriage occasionally walks into battles that despite plans or preparation, can become too much to handle. Your options are to walk away or call in support. Unfortunately, in marriage, people often refuse support out of pride or stubbornness resulting in the complete failure of the mission and dissolution of the team. No good leader would let his team go down without deploying every single option available, so don’t do the same to your marriage.

Marriage in the military is one of the longest and toughest battles service members and their spouses will fight. It takes consistent training, plenty of planning and the unwavering dedication to the team to succeed. Luckily for all of us out there, the military has provided these skills, we all just need to deploy them.

MIGHTY CULTURE

10 memes that sum up everyone’s reaction to canceled plans

These days, it’s just so easy to cancel plans. You can call, text, email or DM a person letting them know your excuse. Whether or not it’s true (or believable), it can be done in an instant. Gone are the days when you had to show up because others were expecting you. With all this tech, you can cancel in 10 different mediums. 

Canceling plans is a favorite for some … and a dreaded event for others. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, these memes can help sort out your feelings. 

  1. When you didn’t want to go to anything anyway and the universe provided the best excuse
The worst things about every Army rank

Thanks, universe. 

  1. Forgetting you made plans in the first place
The worst things about every Army rank

Re: OTW 

  1. The time you were all hyped up but changed your mind.
The worst things about every Army rank

Ughhhhhhhh. 

  1. When you have something *better* to do.
The worst things about every Army rank

#sorrynotsorry

  1. When you were secretly hoping your friend would back out … and they did. 

All the perks, none of the guilt. 

  1. But when you secretly want to still hype up your Insta feed.
The worst things about every Army rank

Who’s guilty?! 

  1. The times you REALLY wanted to do the thing

You could feel it crumbling for days. 

  1. And someone cancels on you this time around
The worst things about every Army rank

This time the grass is … browner.

  1. Still wanting to get invited, even when you never show up
The worst things about every Army rank

It’s the thought that counts, right?

  1. FInally giving up on trying to offer excuses
The worst things about every Army rank

Honesty feels so freeing.

MIGHTY CULTURE

5 ways law enforcement and the military are cousins-in-arms

It takes a different kind of individual that voluntarily chooses to put on a uniform and do the toughest jobs necessary to protect the United States. Most career assignments aren’t glamorous or exciting but they are necessary to prevent the free reign of criminals and terror. Everyone has their own reasons why they joined but service becomes about the welfare of your team and your mission.

Law enforcement and the military have separate mission statements yet run parallel in the grand scheme of things. Through experiences, foreign and domestic, each branch and department forge a bond within their units that last a life time. As much as civilians try to understand us, they’ll never fully ‘get it’ but it’s nice to share a drink a with someone who does — a kindred spirit, your cousin-in-arms.


NYPD Cadets Graduate At Madison Square Garden

youtu.be

They both swore an oath to serve

At the start of every career of public service, an oath is sworn to protect the Constitution of the United States. Criminals and terrorists don’t care about what color your uniform is; your gender, religion, race, or creed; or if you’re behind a desk. In the eyes of the wicked, all are a threat to their ambitions of power and wealth. Veterans can also be found within their ranks.

Here’s why the NYPD is the most badass police department in the country

youtu.be

Both have elite counter-terrorism units

The War on Terror started on our soil and the first ones to respond were police and fire departments. Our rights as Americans to live free of tyranny are constantly under assault by religious radicals. Cities where our people are most free are prime targets for those who seek to destroy our way of life. Police departments train officers to prevent and respond to these threats and are not alone in the defense of the Nation.

Toward the Sounds of Chaos: Operation Moshtarak – Hearts and Minds

youtu.be

They have struggled to win the hearts of the people

Politics aside, there are good men and women who do the right thing day-in and day-out. Some things are easier said than done and defeating an aggressive media campaign against those in uniform is one of them. Earning the trust of the community we patrol differs in difficulty contingent on the actions of our predecessors. Both uniforms know what it’s like to have the public turn on you for something someone else did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84JwvKq57DA
American Takedown: Intercepting Drug Traffickers (Season 1, Episode 1) | A&E

youtu.be

They have similar missions

Traffickers will smuggle anything into the U.S. to make a profit: drugs, contraband, even people. They are a mounting problem for the Department of Defense and joint operations are necessary to secure our borders. Coast Guardsmen are usually the butt of the joke when other branches sit at the Thanksgiving table but it’s all in good fun. We know they kick ass at hunting down traffickers, hurricane relief, and rescues out at sea.

Our law enforcement shares this mission, sometimes working alongside the military to keep the U.S. safe.

The worst things about every Army rank

“So there I was about to end my shift when suddenly…”

Quinn Dombrowski

Both have crazy stories we can’t share with civilians

Everyone has a wild story or two that can’t be told to civilians because they won’t understand the humor in it. The kinds of stories that made you turn to your buddy and give a ‘you seeing this sh*t?’ kind of look. Rest assured, both military and police have these and they’re great to share over drink.

MIGHTY TRENDING

Awesome photos of Air Force working dogs at water park

From vigorous barking to dashing through water-based obstacles, military working dogs and handlers with the 6th Security Forces Squadron participated in water aggression training to maintain full spectrum readiness at Adventure Island amusement park in Tampa, Florida, Oct. 29, 2018.

“We have 7.2 miles of coastline around MacDill and we always have to be ready to patrol it,” said Tech. Sgt. Matthew McElyea, a military dog trainer assigned to the 6th SFS. “We never stop training and it’s our job to keep our dogs engaged and excited about the job we accomplish together.”


Additionally, eight Tampa law enforcement agencies unleashed their own K9s during the joint training exercise.

“We do this training annually,” said Eddie Durkin, Tampa Police Department public information officer. “Some dogs don’t get enough exposure to water-based scenarios and this type of training gets them more confident and comfortable in the water.”

The worst things about every Army rank

U.S. Air Force Senior Airman Damion Morris, a military dog handler assigned to the 6th Security Forces Squadron, tests the water with his military working dog, Lleonard, at Adventure Island, Tampa, Fla. Oct. 29, 2018.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Scott Warner)

MacDill’s military working dogs, Lord, Zeno, and Lleonard, participated in a wave of training scenarios involving suspect apprehension and deterrence in an unfamiliar environment.

“We are always looking for new ways to evolve our training and be ready for any contingency situation,” McElyea said.

The event simulated three water-based scenarios, from an obstacle course to waves and large depths of water. The training fully encompassed what a military working dog might experience in the field.

The worst things about every Army rank

U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Jeffrey Greene, a military dog trainer assigned to the 6th Security Forces Squadron, practices water aggression training with 6th SFS military working dog, Lleonard, at Adventure Island, Tampa, Fla. Oct. 29, 2018.

(U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Scott Warner)

“Lord was outstanding in every water-based evaluation, and Zeno and Lleonard made significant progress throughout the day,” McElyea said. “This situational training is invaluable when our dogs need to be ready to respond to anything.”

Whether it’s inside of the base or at a point of entry, MacDill’s working dog handlers and their partners continuously practice detection, bite drills, obeying commands and apprehending suspects.

“We are the best at narcotic and bomb detection and deterrence,” McElyea said. “But our local law enforcement agencies are experts in patrol, so collectively these joint training exercises are mutually beneficial since we can learn so much from one another.”

This article originally appeared on the United States Air Force. Follow @usairforce on Twitter.

MIGHTY TRENDING

This World War II vet finally got his commission after 76 years

There’s an old U.S. Marine adage: “The only color that matters in the Corps is green.” That saying got its start in the 1970s under the guidance of Gen. Leonard Chapman, Jr. In the 20th Century, the U.S. military was far ahead of the rest of the country in terms of race relations.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its shameful moments.

There are so many stories of American troops overcoming racial bias in World War II because Chapman is right: the only color that mattered was (and still is) green. It would be years before these stories became widespread. It would take even longer for the stories of racial bias without happy endings to come to light.


One such story is that Cpl. John E. James, Jr. James, an African-American drafted in 1941, attended officer training school at Fort Benning, Georgia, in 1942. But instead of graduating with the deserved rank of second lieutenant, he was given corporal’s stripes and shipped overseas with an all-black unit.

The U.S. Army rectified that error in judgment on June 29, 2018, according to the New York Times. James was promoted to the rank of second lieutenant at age 98.

“It’s unbelievable,” James, who comes from a military family dating all the way back to the Revolution, told the New York Times. “I thought it would never happen.”

James’ daughter spent three years fighting the Army Review Board to get her father his promotion. It was originally denied because his OCS records were lost in a fire – but they resurfaced in the National Archives. His daughter even had a photo of his graduating class as proof.

The worst things about every Army rank
James at Benning in 1942.
(Museum of the American Revolution)

When James was told he wasn’t going to be an officer, he did his duty like any U.S. troop might have during World War II. He took the racial injustice and became a typist in a quartermaster battalion. When he got home after the war, he didn’t even tell his wife.

But 76 years later, with the support of his family and his senator, he found himself reciting the officer’s oath to retired Air Force General and former Chief of Staff John P. Jumper at the Museum of the American Revolution.

There is no word on his date of rank and if it comes with back pay.

MIGHTY SPORTS

Navy SEAL shares how to get faster with ‘goal-pace’ running

When you see running workouts, you may see terms like “sprints,” “easy jog,” “fartleks,” “intervals,” “gassers,” and even “goal-pace running.” They all are references to different types of pace workouts, and they are all different — some more different than others.

It is easy to get confused as to how you should train for timed runs, especially if you are new to running, have recently lost weight, still have weight to lose, or need to pass a fitness test.

Here is an email from a young man who has made tremendous progress with both running and weight loss:


Stew, I need to pass a 1.5-mile fitness test run and get my time below 12 minutes (11:58 is the slowest I can go). I am currently at 13 minutes but have dropped from 16 minutes as well as 25 lbs at the same time. I still have some weight to lose but within the standard. Any recommendations? Still trying.
The worst things about every Army rank

(Photo by Jenny Hill)

Great job with dropping mile pace and weight! Those are great accomplishments and show you have been really working hard. The good news is you do not need to change much of your current effort, but you do need to start training to run at a faster pace in order to achieve the next set of goals. And maybe you can lose some more weight too (which will make you faster).

Here is how I would do it:

Evaluate how much you are running per week now, and keep it at that mileage, but do it at a faster pace. You can run every other day with non-impact cardio activities like bike, swim, elliptical in place of running if you feel your joints, shins and feet need a break from the impact. But if you are feeling fine, try the following:

Your new goal pace is to be able to run a quarter mile in less than 2 minutes. You do not need to run it in 1:30 or even 1:45; instead, learn how to run each lap of the following workout at 1:55-1:58. This will give you a few seconds of “gravy time” in case you slow down on the last few laps, but is not so fast that you blow all of your energy out in the first lap as many people do. You have to think GOAL PACE strategy.

Here is the workout:

Run 1/4 mile warmup — any pace/stretch

Repeat 8-10 times:

  • Run 1/4 mile at goal mile pace (1:55)
  • Walk 100m

Optional: Rest with another quick exercise for 1 minute (situps, pushups, squats, lunges) Alternate above “rest exercises” every other set if needed, or skip altogether.

The worst things about every Army rank

(Photo by Gesina Kunkel)

I recommend the above workout 3 days a week, every other day. On the days in between, you can opt to do more running or non-impact cardio. However, the goal is different. Push yourself on these shorter/faster runs to help build your overall cardiovascular conditioning and speed. Mix in sprints, intervals, shuttle runs and fast/slow fartleks however you prefer. If you run, limit the distance to maybe a mile but you do a series of 50m, 100m, 200m and 300m, and 400m sprints.

For instance:

Warm up with a fast 400m or 2-minute bike/light stretch.

Increase speed each set and avoid full sprints if you are getting older, have had some issues with tight hamstrings/calves, or previously had pulled hamstrings. But you can still run faster than your goal pace above. That is the goal of the days in-between. Get winded each set and rest by walking back to the starting line.

Repeat 5 times

  • 50m fast runs — build up to full speed by set 4 or 5 (close to full speed)
  • Walk back to starting line

Repeat 4 times

  • 100m fast runs — build up to full speed (after a few sets)
  • Walk back to starting line

Repeat 3 times

  • 200m fast runs — fast — much faster than 1 minute (half lap)
  • Rest with 200m walk

Repeat 2 times

  • 300m fast runs — fast as you can
  • Rest with 1 minute walk
  • Grand finale — 400m fast as you can.
  • Stretch/cool-down jog or bike.

If you prefer non-impact activity, try bike pyramids, Tabata intervals, and fast/slow intervals on the bike, elliptical, or rowing machine. If you are intoswimming — push hard with the swim and work at 15-20 minute workouts in the pool.

This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @militarydotcom on Twitter.

popular

What happens when a submarine runs into an undersea mountain

Just after noon on Jan. 8, 2005, the USS San Francisco, U.S. Navy nuclear-powered Los Angeles-class submarine collided with an undersea mountain while moving at maximum speed. The crew, most of them injured, one of them killed, fought for their lives to get the ship afloat. Someone messed up big time.


The ship was moving at its top submerged speed, anywhere from 20-25 miles per hour. While this may not seem like much, it was more than 6,000 tons of nuclear-powered ship ramming into a mountain, enough to cause significant structural damage, ground the boat, and heavily damage its ballast tanks and sonar dome.

The worst things about every Army rank
The USS San Francisco in drydock after the collision. (U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Mark Allen Leonesio)

 

To say that the collision injured 98 people and killed one is somewhat misleading. That is what happened. With a complement of 118 and 12 officers, the ship had 98 injured, 80 of whom were seriously injured and/or bleeding significantly. One sailor, 24-year-old Machinist’s Mate Second Class Joseph Allen Ashley was killed by his injuries. The sailor who was able to pull the “chicken switches” (handles that force the submarine to immediately surface – an “emergency blow”) did it with two broken arms.

Once the switches are pulled, the submarine’s ballast tanks are supposed to fill with high-pressure air, making the sub positively buoyant (up to two million pounds lighter) and pop above the surface of the water.

The worst things about every Army rank
You’ve definitely seen this before.

 

But the San Fransisco didn’t immediately pop up. For a full 60 seconds, she waited before moving to the surface. That may not seem like a lot of time, but it probably felt like forever while waiting to see if your boat was also going to be your underwater tomb. But she did surface. Later, the boat’s engineers were able to rig the auxiliary diesel engine to use the exhaust to keep the damaged ballast tanks full, and after making temporary repairs in Guam, she was able to move to Pearl Harbor.

A Navy investigation found the ships crew were not using the most up-to-date charts to plot their course. The charts it did use, however, noted the presence of “discolored water,” which was indicative of a seamount. The latest charts did indicate the mountain, though, and the commander should have had the latest charts. Further, when operating in stealth, Navy submarines don’t use active sonar, and the sub was going too fast for the passive sonar to be effective.

The worst things about every Army rank
The Los Angeles-class submarine USS San Francisco shown in dry dock is having repairs made on its damaged bow. A new large steel dome about 20 feet high and 20 feet in diameter was put in the place of the damaged bow. (U.S. Navy)

 

The ship was still salvageable. After being moved to Puget Sound, her bow was replaced with that of the USS Honolulu, which was being retired later that same year. The San Francisco is now a training ship for the Navy nuclear engineering school in Charleston, South Carolina. The captain, Cmdr. Kevin Mooney was relieved of his command following the collision, and six other sailors were reprimanded with him, receiving reductions in rank.

For the rest of the crew, their quick response to accidentally ramming a mountain at sea and saving the ship along with their own lives while heavily injured, earned them medals from on high.

MIGHTY CULTURE

8 perfect memes about the Area 51 invasion

So…there are 1.5 million people on Facebook who are going to “Storm Area 51” to “see them aliens.” ?

The Air Force has already responded to the viral event, so I’m not going to. Instead, I’m just going to share the best memes out there surrounding this monstrosity plan. Because if we can’t laugh, then we have nothing left.

Grab your tinfoil hats and enjoy, my fellow Terrans!


The worst things about every Army rank

Wait! Does this mean there’s a future for the human race? Come back, Traveler! Why are you walking awa–

The worst things about every Army rank

…and it will sound like Coachella.

2. You just know there will be music…

Also read: 9 hilarious memes that actually teach military history

The worst things about every Army rank

You deserve whatever happens to you.

The worst things about every Army rank

This isn’t even plausible. It’s way too dusty in Nevada.

The worst things about every Army rank

Summer of 2020 will be full of Area 51 baby births. Eywa help us all.

5. We thought dating apps couldn’t get any worse:

Related: 7 tips for getting away with fraternization

The worst things about every Army rank

Maybe *Florida* is actually full of extraterrestrial life???

The worst things about every Army rank

Reach for the moon; even if you miss, you’ll have a new brunch buddy.

The worst things about every Army rank

What does your heart tell you? Mine says we good here.

So who has RSVP’d? Tell the truth.

Articles

This Chinese province may be filled with the descendants of a lost Roman legion

Around 36 BCE, Chinese forces from the Han Dynasty fought a group of rebels called Xiongnu at a fortress in what is now Kazakhstan.


During the battle, the Chinese noticed their enemy employed a strange but distinctive formation. One historian at the battle recalled a unit that formed a unique “fish-scale“-style of protection using their shields.

Some modern historians think that “fish scale” was a Roman phalanx.

The worst things about every Army rank

 

The battle took place in a city that was once known as Liqian, now a part of Gansu province in Northern China. And strangely, people living where the old city once stood are known to have interesting genetic traits unlike people in the rest of the country.

Aqualine noses, green eyes, and fair skin are just a few of the features found among the villagers of Zhelaizhai, where the ancient city once stood.

Some historians believe the people of Zhelaizhai are descended from the Roman Legionaries who fought with the Han Chinese.

Just 17 years before the battle in Kazakhstan, Parthians fighting the Romans at the Battle of Carrhae (in modern-day Turkey) delivered one of Rome’s most crushing defeats. They captured 10,000 legionnaires and sent the powerful Roman General Marcus Licinius Crassus packing (parts of him, anyway).

Parthians were known to use captured soldiers as border guards and sent their POWs to the Far East, where escape was all but impossible. That Far East outpost is thought by some to be the ancient area of Liqian.

Nowadays, the Gobi Desert border regions are full of ethnically Chinese people whose DNA tested 58% Caucasian.

The theory does have naysayers. Some believe the DNA could be the result of contact from Silk Road trading between Rome and the Far East. Others say Caucasian Huns and warriors with other racial backgrounds fought through this area of Asia at the time.

At least one expert believes there just isn’t enough physical evidence to say these Chinese are descended from Roman legionaries.

“For it to be indisputable, one would need to find items such as Roman money or weapons that were typical of Roman legionaries,” Maurizio Bettini, an anthropologist from Siena University, told La Repubblica. “Without proof of this kind, the story of the lost legions is just a legend.”

Do Not Sell My Personal Information