11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman - We Are The Mighty
Humor

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Every day, Hospital Corpsman encounter challenges and surprises they just can’t predict. Whether they’re stationed with the Marines, working sick call in a hospital, or sitting behind a desk handling necessary paperwork — it can get hard out there for a Doc.


But one thing that never changes is their comedic outlook and perspective on how they see the world around them.

Related: 6 things Corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

So check out these 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman.

1. Directions are hard

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

2. Because that’s the only military story they have

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

3. We don’t like that

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

4. Because a Doc takes care of his Marines

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

5. So true!

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

6. Since there’s no time to study because you’re always in the field, just passing the advancement test is a blessing

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

7. The silver bullet also has a healing ability

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Also read: 4 unusual tasks Corpsmen do that their recruiters left out

8. They will totally laugh in your face

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

9. It’s called “patient poaching” and it’s not cool

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

10. We have a big job to do and not a lot to do it with

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

11. Fun fact: Marines love their Corpsmen … if they’re not sh*t bags

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

6 tips we learned from ‘Ferris Bueller’ on how to ‘skate’ in the military

Ferris Bueller is the ultimate skater.


Skating is an art form which most people will never fully learn — until now. In 1986, Paramount pictures released “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” which taught countless teens how to play sick and get out of school.

Written and directed by the legendary John Hughes, the film focuses on a teenager who embarks on an incredible journey throughout Chicago while being unknowingly stalked by his high school principal.

While taking the day off, Bueller and his two friends learn more about themselves in a day than they would ever expect.

Related: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

So check out our list of how Bueller taught us the art of the skate.

1. Be convincing

First, come up with an epic excuse why you’re unable to partake in a military activity (like going to work), and make sure you sell that sh*t like Bueller sold being sick to his parents.

Getting a “Sick in Quarters” slip is the goal if you’re in the military.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
I hope I look sick enough. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

2. Use your assets properly

Unfortunately, Bueller doesn’t have a car to drive himself around. So once he officially earns his day off via his parents, it’s time to get on the phone and find someone to pick you up.

Skating should be a team effort, but make sure you repay the favor and help someone else skate on another day.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Come over to the barracks and pick me up. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

3. Know the loopholes

Here, Bueller hacks the school’s computer absence program and changes how many days he has been absent. You probably won’t have this ability unless you have a special security clearance, but the moral of this story is to understand your limits.

For instance, if your boss isn’t going to be around — you’re not going to be around. Get it? Good.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Knowing the loopholes will get you far in life. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

4. Have an epic backstory

During roll call, Bueller’s name is called out several times before this hot girl (Kristy Swanson) gives the teacher a bullsh*t reason why he isn’t in school. It works well during military roll call when the service member calling out names just wants to get on with the day and not hear any excuses — another loophole.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
How could you not trust this face? (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

5. Play the role

In the event you get an unknown phone call or run into someone outside your skating circle, divert into the sick mode ASAP.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Remember act sick. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Also Read: 11 hiding spots for an E-4 to sham

6. Make it a team effort

Ferris uses his best buddy Cameron to impersonate his girlfriend’s dad to get her out of school. Now, you probably won’t have to do all that, but it’s awesome to have military friends who are willing to skate alongside you that you trust.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Our favorite hypochondriac, Cameron Frye. (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

Humor

6 of this year’s April Fools’ pranks around the military

April Fools’ Day has come a long way from the silly pranks we pulled in our youth. These days, pranks are much more sophisticated, landing on our news feeds from official sources who are allowed to let loose for a single day of the year. Everyone gets in on the fun — and the military and veteran community is no exception.


Here are some of the highlights from April Fools’ Day 2018:

Marlow White Uniforms

Marlow White Uniforms has been the official manufacturer of Army, Navy, and First Responder dress uniforms since 1879. That’s right, these are the guys responsible for the Army’s “throwback” to Pinks and Greens.

Chances are the people that got hyped by this video are the same people waiting on the sequel to Star Wars: Rogue One.

Ranger Up Military and MMA Apparel

Ranger Up stuck with an oldie-but-a-goodie.

Plenty of folks in the comment section caught on before it was too late. Others now have one of the catchiest 80s songs stuck in their head.

Terminal Lance

Terminal Lance has been setting up this joke for a while now. Previously, they ran a poll on whether the titular character, LCpl. Abe, should re-enlist. Overwhelmingly, fans didn’t want the comics to turn into a story about being a veteran.

Then, Uriarte published some comics about talking to a prior-service recruiter on Mar. 31 — followed by a few posts that said he was talking to a prior-service recruiter.

The joke actually has multiple layers considering it’s been a yearly tradition to give other ranks, branches, and even British Marines their time in the spotlight. Many expected Max to follow suite this year. Nope. April Fools’ Day doesn’t work like that (sorry to all of you still waiting on Terminal Airman comics).

Disgrunted Vets

There’s always been a healthy dose of confusion between Dysfunctional Veterans and Disgruntled Vets. The same thing happens on Reddit when people mix up Terminal_Lance and TLCplMax (Hint: the term isn’t exclusive to the webcomic).

Disgruntled Vets masterfully added to this confusion.

10th Combat Aviation Brigade

The U.S. Army has command over every realm of fighting — except one: underground.

They thought we wouldn’t notice if they took a still from a ShutterStock animation, but we did. Well played, 10th CAB. Well played.

Official Twitter of the U.S. Marine Corps

And the winner of this year’s April Fools’ Day, hands down, goes to the official Twitter of the United States Marine Corps.

While everyone was busy putting an immense amount of time into their pranks, all the Marine Corps social media team needed to do was say they were going to do just one thing like the Army and everyone lost their collective sh*t. Lucky for us, nobody ever actually reads articles on April Fools’ Day before heading to the comment section.

Whoever made this tweet is a credit to the Corps and everything it stands for. BZ.

popular

6 ways you can tell a troop isn’t an infantryman

Walk onto any American military base in the world, and you’re going to encounter some pretty disciplined men and women. Continue walking and you’ll also notice all the hard work each troop puts into their day.


But you may also wonder which one of them deploys and fights in combat versus those who ship off to support the war effort.

Well, we’ve got you covered.

Related: 3 key differences between Recon Marines and Marine Raiders

Here are six simple ways you can tell a troop isn’t an infantryman:

1. There are no dog tag in their boot laces.

Infantrymen wear a dog tag around their necks and another looped in their left boot — it’s tradition (and practical for identification in the worst case scenario).

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
(Public Domain)

A dog tag inserted into the left boot — your motivated left boot.

2. When a troop can count how many MREs they’ve eaten.

MREs — or Meals Ready to Eat — are a staple food for any grunt. The classic meal plan is the troop’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner for as long as you’re in the field or outside the wire. If a troop only had a few during boot camp…they’re probably not a grunt.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Yum! Spaghetti and meat sauce. (Public Domain)

3. They remember and brag about their ASVAB score.

It doesn’t take a high ASVAB to become an infantryman. Grunts mostly brag about their shooting scores and how big their egos are versus what they got on their ASVAB.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
No crayons = POG. (DoD photo)

4. They actually have morale — and you can see it in their eyes.

Read the photo caption — it’s epic.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
The Airmen responded to U.S. Air Force Gen. Mark Welsh III when he challenged the Air Force to a mustache competition. Mustache March continues to be a method of raising morale for the Airmen. (U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Kyle Gese)

5. When you sport a “serious face” for a photo, but you’re stationed on a beautiful military installation.

Look how happy they are!

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Two Airmen stand with too much pride in front of Andersen Air Force Base. (Source: DoD)

Also Read: 6 questions you asked yourself after your first firefight

6. When they say the words “Well, I’m basically an infantryman.”

No, you’re not — but good job convincing yourself.

Unless your MOS starts or used to start with “11” (Army) or “03” (Marines), you’re not an infantryman.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
(DoD photo)

Two Army infantrymen keep their eyes on a wadi in Andar, Afghanistan. The area is known as a Taliban stronghold and commonly receives small arms fire from the location.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

This Air Force crew just spoofed that viral BBC interview

If you somehow are on the internet and haven’t seen the viral BBC interview of an expert on South Korea being interrupted during a BBC interview by his children, then you can see it here.


The dad is impressively collected as his wife rushes in to grab the children and pull them out, but the internet had a field day with the interview.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
(Photo: YouTube/Jon Millman)

Now, a U.S. Air Force crew has created a spoof video where a pilot is attempting to read her takeoff clearance back when the crew starts stumbling in. Another airman, probably the chief, has to rush in and grab the other crewmen out of the cabin.

The results are pretty great. You can check the video out below:

Humor

5 ways to ethically ‘bribe’ the training room clerk

The commander is the head of every unit — there’s no question about that. But sometimes, you just need the ‘neck’ of the unit to turn just slightly towards your paperwork to get it expedited. That ‘neck’ is the training room clerk.


Now, flat-out bribery is a UCMJ offense, but you don’t need to be all “Fat Leonard” to get things done the way that you want. Maybe you’ve got a school you really want to get to, an award packet that’s been sitting in the inbox for too long, or you’re kinda hoping that your leave packet gets approved. If the clerk is on your side, things will definitely be more pleasant.

These are 5 ways you can persuade that clerk. Remember, you’re not ‘buying’ your way through the training room — it’s their job, they should do it anyways — you’re just making friends.

5. Befriend them off duty

Training room staff usually are stuck in a vacuum. While most of the unit bonds over shared suffering, they’re often handling hand receipts or training calendars.

Invite them out for a drink and you’ve got yourself a friend on the inside.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
This might explain why every training room clerk I’ve met is a beer pong champ. (Image via Flickr)

4. Bring them stuff from the shopette

Once again, flat-out bribery is punishable under UCMJ. But is it still bribery if you’re just saying, “hey, training room clerk, I’m making a quick trip to the gas station. Want anything?”

Technically, yes, it’s bribery if your intent is obviously to get the paperwork done. It isn’t bribery, however, if one troop is just being nice to another.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Donuts are a lot cheaper than actual bribery anyways. (U.S. Air Force photo by Airman 1st Class Kayla Newman)

3. Scratch their back first

There’s an old military saying about having four friends. You want to befriend “the cook, the medic, supply, and (insert whoever is saying the phrase).” It may sound trite, but it really does apply to everyone in every unit.

Of course, support MOS’s have more lucrative tokens with which to barter, but that doesn’t mean the combat arms guys can’t help the training room clerk be less of a POG.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Oh? You want more bacon? That’s funny, because I want to take leave… (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Jesús Rodríguez)

2. Welcome them in doing “non-training room” things

Everyone joins the military for different reasons. That’s over two million people with over two million unique goals in life. One common thread, however, is that many enlist to satisfy a sense of adventure and for a chance to do cool sh*t. They probably didn’t join the military so they can skulk around an office all day.

This is what the combat arms guys bring to the table. Bring the training room guy along to the fun exercises and let them play soldier for a few hours. That way, they can get back to processing your boring paperwork feeling a bit more accomplished.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
At least let them feel like they actually joined the military. (U.S. Marine Corps Photo by Pfc. Heather Atherton)

1. Don’t be a dick

Simply put, raising your voice at them won’t work. It may feel like you’re accomplishing something when you watch a private wet themselves, but it probably won’t make them shuffle your paperwork to the top.

Yes, they should move at the military’s pace and not their own. If there’s a real problem, address it in a professional manner. If the kid is left alone with stacks of paperwork, cut them some slack and at least pretend like you empathize with them.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
A little kindness goes a long way. (Photo by Sgt. Justin Naylor)

Articles

9 things you should know before becoming a Marine infantry officer

We’ve all seen Marine officer recruiting videos either on TV, on our mobile devices, or posted on a billboard next to the highway. For many, the video’s imagery, music, and testimonials cause young minds to consider joining the Corps — for one reason or another.


The video states what you’re going to learn and what awesome prospects lay ahead. Those who attend and complete the training can move on and serve in the Marine Infantry if that’s the path the individual has set for himself.

But what the training book doesn’t teach you is the role outside of the technical. Life in the Marines as an officer is a proud one, but it’s also stressful.

We sat down with our resident Marine infantry officer Chase Millsap and discussed what you should know before taking on the vital leadership role.

1. Your primary weapon is the field radio

It’s your job as a leader to organize your Marines while taking contact. Knowing how to use your radio to instruct your Marines and coordinate supporting arms is paramount.

Not that type of radio Jean-Claude. (Image via Giphy)

2. You will always eat last

In the Marines, enlisted Leathernecks get to eat their chow before anyone else, which means officers are always at the end of the line.

It’s tradition. (Images via Giphy)

3. You will almost always be the least experienced person starting day one

Everyone has to start out somewhere (unless you’re prior enlisted). Listen and learn as quickly as you can.

No doubt you’ll be motivated the first day though. (Images via Giphy)

4. Physical fitness isn’t optional

The minimum PT score is 300 — just saying. And you’d better never, ever let that squad leader beat you on a unit run.

None of those count, sir. (Images via Giphy)

5. Pony up the big bucks to take care of your grunts

We’re not suggesting you buy everyone in your platoon houses — that’s crazy talk. We mean forking out cash for cigarettes, rip its and dip. It will boost your unit’s morale.

Goodbye hard earned cash. (Images via Giphy)

6. You don’t have to be nice.

But you do need to be fair.

That’s hilarious but it’s so mean. (Images via Giphy)

7. You better know why you’re giving those orders

Having the power to give a Marine an order is a big deal. So you need to be sure that it’s well thought out ahead of time.

Sounds serious. (Images via Giphy)

8. Read these three books

Attacks” by Erwin Rommel, “Fields of fire” by Jim Webb, and “One Bullet Away” by Nate Fick. That is all.

Highlight everything. (Images via Giphy)

9. Most importantly: it’s not about you

It’s about taking care of your Marines.

That look you give when you’re told something you don’t want to hear. (Images via Giphy)

Humor

9 struggles infantrymen know all too well about mail drops

Being deployed on a FOB in the military means you don’t have much interaction with the outside world. Although news travels fast here in the states, it can roll in at a snail’s pace while you’re manning your area of observance.


During this time, regular mail becomes a very precious commodity.

But once that beautiful armored mail truck comes rolling on in, your emotions can roller coaster as you realize you just don’t know what you’re going to be opening up in those care packages or letters. #jodiisreal

Related: 12 images that perfectly recall checking into your unit for the first time

So check out how important mail drops to those serving in the military.

1. After weeks of not getting any care packages or letters from home, a rumor spreads throughout the FOB that the mail truck is finally inbound.

We hope it’s true. (Images via Giphy)

2. Then a miracle occurs. Everyone in the FOB hears the roaring of the truck’s diesel engines entering the vehicle control point. The rumors must be true.

Do you see it? (Images via Giphy)

3. The mail truck pulls up and starts unloading all the packages and letters from its cargo bay. The platoon’s corporals yell out the names addressed on them one-by-one — you’re just waiting.

Any second now. (Images via Giphy)

4. Your name finally gets called! But you don’t want to look too happy because some of your boys haven’t gotten sh*t yet.

Hold the happiness back just a little longer. (Images via Giphy)

5. They continue to call your name over and over again. Somebody back home must love you.

Thanks, grandma. (Images via Giphy)

6. You find a quiet little corner, rip open your packages, and conduct a detailed inventory of your new stuff.

Yes! Cigarettes, Redbull, and dip! (Images via Giphy)

7. While you’re so excited to have all these new goodies, you noticed one of your buddies didn’t get sh*t this time around.

What a dilemma. (Images via Giphy)

8. You know what you must now do. First, you quietly pocket the stuff you want to keep, then dump the rest into a community bin for your platoon to share.

Your heroic slow clap. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 17 images that perfectly show the misery of returning your gear

9. You look over to your platoon sergeant and he gives you his seal of approval.

What were your mail drops like? Comment below.

popular

7 tips for getting away with fraternization

So, you’ve got a fever and the only cure is a consensual adult relationship that violates the Uniform Code of Military Justice? It happens.


And by the way, it can happen among friends, but for this article, we’re going to talk about sexual or romantic relationships.

Related video:

 

Paraphrasing here from the
Manual for Courts Martial: Fraternization in the military is a personal relationship between an officer and an enlisted member that violates the customary bounds of acceptable behavior and jeopardizes good order and discipline.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

That’s a mouthful, but it boils down to the intent of guidelines for any relationship among professionals: The appearance of favoritism hurts the group, and, with the military in particular, could actually get someone killed.

Also read: 13 Hilarious Meme Replies To Our Article About Dating On Navy Ships

But we’re only human, right? It’s natural to fall for someone you work with, so here are a couple of tips that can help keep you out of Leavenworth:

1. Don’t do it

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Seriously. Cut it off when you first start to feel the butterflies-slash-burning-in-your-loins. Flirting is a rush and it’s fun and
NO.

Hit the gym. Take a break.
Swipe right on Tinder. Do whatever you have to do to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.

2. Be discreet

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

Okay, fine, you’re going for it anyway. We’ve all been there (nervous laughter…).

People are more intuitive than you think. Don’t give them any reason to suspect you and your illicit goings-on. Be completely professional at work. Don’t flirt in the office. Don’t send sweet nothings over government e-mail (yes, it is being monitored).

3. Keep it off-base

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

Don’t be stupid, okay? Get away from the watchful eyes all the people around you who live and breathe military regulations.

4. Square away

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

The thing about military punishment is that you are usually judged by your commander first. If you do get caught, you want people to really regret the idea of punishing you.

Be amazing at your job — better yet, be the best at your job. Be irreplaceable. Be a leader and a team player and a bad ass. Set the example with your physical fitness and your marksmanship and your ability to destroy terrorism.

Be beloved by all and you just might get away with a slap on the wrist…

5. Plausible deniability

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

I would never tell you to lie because integrity and honor are all totes important and stuff, but…

If lawyers can’t prove beyond reasonable doubt that you were actually engaged in criminal activity, you could be spared from a conviction.

Maybe it was just a coincidence that you both
happened to be volunteering at the same time. It was for the orphans…

How could you have known that you both like to spend Christmas in Hawaii?

It’s not your fault Sgt. Hottie wanted to attend a concert in the same town where your parents live, right?

6. Talk it out

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

 

If you can’t have a mature conversation with this person about how to conduct yourselves in the workplace or how you’d each face the consequences of being discovered, you really shouldn’t be getting it on.

You are both risking your careers and livelihoods because of this relationship — don’t take it lightly.

And whatever you do, treat each other with honesty and respect — you’re all you have right now.

7. Don’t go to the danger zone

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

I know you know this, but here’s the thing: REALLY DON’T DO IT (PUN INTENDED) WHILE IN A COMBAT ZONE.

This is life and death. Remind yourself why you chose to serve your country. Pay attention to the men and women around you who trust you and rely on you to protect them.

LOCK IT UP. You’re a warrior and you have discipline.

Did we leave anything out? Leave a comment and let us know.

Humor

11 hilarious Marine memes that are freaking spot on

Marine humor is super dark and most people outside of our community will never understand it.


But it’s all good — so long as we’ve got these memes, we know we’re not alone.

Related: 9 military photos that will make you do a double take

1. Maybe this is why Marines are so obsessed with pull-ups (via Marine Corps Memes).

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
And faster than a speeding bullet.

2. They must have been a 0311 Marine. But still saltier than a staff sergeant…

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
And still gets more respect than any POG… ever.

3. When you’re so excited that you forget how to speak proper English.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Yeah, what he said.

4. The main difference between a Marine and an Airman (via Pop Smoke).

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Killers vs. paper pushers.

Don’t Forget About: 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

5. I can no longer see these rhyming pairs without hearing Taylor Swift… (via Military Memes).

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
It’s all fun and games until gunny finds you skating this hard.

6. It’s the one injury prevention tip that isn’t endorsed by the safety NCO (via Military Memes).

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
But hey, as long as that PFC lifts with his legs, he’ll probably be fine.

7. Becoming a Marine means you change forever.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
F*ck yeah, the change is forever! Semper Fi!

8. The Marine Corps Fashion show is very hit or miss.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
But you know you still want to bang one of them.

Also Read: 12 intense photos of the Army’s grueling sniper school

9. Don’t complain, boot.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
It’s better than using your toothbrush.

10. The legend has finally been proven.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
We never doubted it. We swear we didn’t.

11. Sgt. Pennywise was just named recruiter of the year. True story.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Even his nameplate says Pennywise. That’s freakin’ classic!

popular

6 ways to make the most of your urinalysis

One of the most uncomfortable things for everyone involved is a urinalysis. Unfortunately, it’s an integral part of how the military tracks the health and welfare of its troops and ensures that no illicit substances damage unit integrity.

Take it from us, the only way to make peeing in a cup while your NCO watches less uncomfortable for you is to actively make them more uncomfortable. Now, this shouldn’t be too hard because nobody wants to be there in the first place, but we’ve got some pro-tips for you.


Some advice, though: If you’re a guy, don’t make size jokes. You’re just setting yourself for a slam like the one in Jarhead.

Eat nothing but beets and asparagus

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
This one only works if you have time to prepare. (Liz West via Flickr)
 

Fun fact: Eating a bunch of beets turns your pee a bright red color. You’ll probably fool someone into thinking you’ve got medical issues with this trick. Also, asparagus makes your piss smell nasty and unpleasant if you’re looking to make things that much worse.

If you know a urinalysis test is in your future, like after block leave, try it.

Ask for some soothing music

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Seriously, the observer doesn’t have any desire to be there either, so they’ll do whatever is necessary to speed up the process. Usually, they’ll turn on a faucet to help get you going. Soothing music wouldn’t seem like an unreasonable request.

That’s when you say, “now I’m in the mood! Let’s do this!”

If they aren’t paying attention, mess with them.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

The observer’s job is to ensure that the urine leaves the body. If they’re giving you privacy, they’re doing it wrong.

Keep them on their toes and say, “You wanted a stool sample, right?” Or the classic, “I can’t do this without any magazines…”

Don’t break eye contact

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

A steady stream of eye contact is sure to make everyone involved very uncomfortable.

Get butt-naked to pee

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Technically, the observer is supposed to make sure you’re not using a prosthetic. Yep, that’s right, because that’s a thing that dumb-f*cks have tried to get away with.

So, be extra helpful and make sure there’s no possibility that you’re using a fake by stripping all the way down.

“Stumble” while holding the filled cup in your hand

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Just because you’ve finished the act doesn’t mean you have to stop messing with others.

If you pretend like you’re about to trip, everyone’s eyes will jolt open out of fear. You should be clumsier than infomercial people.

Humor

5 of the top excuses MPs hear during traffic stops

As a member of Security Forces, the Air Force’s version of military police, I’ve heard and witnessed many an interesting tale while patrolling our nation’s bases. Very few of those, however, even begin to approach some of the outlandish “excuses” we’ve heard during traffic stops.


These reasons range from funny and practical to downright dubious.

Related: 6 signs that you might be a veteran

Here are the five top excuses we constantly hear during traffic stops:

5. “I’m running late!”

This is a simple enough reason, one that everyone who has ever had any type of life has experienced. Often, being this blatantly honest with an MP would result in a warning and not a citation.

The causes vary from sleeping through an alarm clock to juggling entirely too much at one time to just not giving a f*ck. Regardless, “Sir, I’m just running late,” is one of the most used excuses for speeding, bad/reckless driving, and general traffic violations.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Honesty is the best policy. (Image courtesy of Warner Bros)

4. “Do you know who my husband is?”

Yes! Yes, this has literally been uttered to us and countless other Law Enforcement Officers. Inevitably, you’ll pull over some vehicle operated by some higher-up’s wife and they, in turn, attempt to flex the rank they think that they inherited when they tied the knot.

This can be really uncomfortable because, in some cases, that traffic stop can be much more trouble than it’s worth. This statement is also sometimes thrown at the LEO when you pull over a kid who thinks they deserve the salute their parent(s) earned.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
You do know who I am, right? (Image courtesy of Paramount)

3. “I wasn’t speeding!”

Unbeknownst to us, the military issues some of us an internal calibration system that physically prohibits you from speeding upon swearing in. As an additional perk, this system also notifies you of your exact speed at all times, apparently.

We couldn’t count how many times we’ve heard this. Often times the offender would ask to see the speed-measuring device and ask about its calibration. If you’re wondering, this whole spiel only heightened the likelihood of leaving the encounter with a citation.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Radar Internal Calibration

2. “I outrank you.”

When we were young troops, it wasn’t uncommon to stop individuals who outranked us. For the most part, they were fair and didn’t cause much trouble. There were also plenty of times when we pulled over someone and as soon as they saw the lack of rank, they would try to intimidate us.

In some cases, I’d have to call a “bigger, badder” LEO to assist because the offender just wasn’t respecting my position. You’d think that in a military culture, one would be used to the difference between rank and authority…you would be utterly wrong.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
#TBT — MPs trying to issue a citation in the early days. (Image courtesy of South Park Digital Studios)

Also Read: 6 crazy things MPs have found during vehicle inspections

1. “I wasn’t drinking.”

This really could be an entire subject by itself, as this is the first thing many offenders say. Then something like this happens (in fact, this actually happened): the vehicle is encountered, normally doing something out of the ordinary like sitting at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green.

The LEO approaches the vehicle, being greeting by the distinct smell of dark liquor mixed with three Altoids and four squirts of cologne. The LEO makes an introduction and asks for pertinent vehicle documents. The offender gives their debit card and Restricted Area Badge.

The LEO tries to gauge the level of intoxication using a pre-exit screening. The offender tries their best not to look, act, and/or be drunk. The LEO asks the offender to exit the vehicle and runs the Standardized Field Sobriety Tests. The offender sweats profusely as they, literally, stumble through them.

They weren’t drinking though, remember?

Humor

7 reasons why active duty hate on reservists

The military is divided into two groups: The hardcore, active-duty troops and the weekend warriors we’ve come to know as reservists.


We’re all on the same team, but the rivalry between active duty and reservists can be just as intense as inter-branch rivalries. Working together can be freakin’ tough.

(238DarthNinja | YouTube)The struggle is real, people!

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

Check out these seven reasons why active duty hate on reservists

7. They expect the same respect when you run into one of them.

Not every command has a reservist unit attached, so running into one is rare. But when you do, it’s jarring. Since we wear the same uniform, they expect to be treated like any other trooper.

Except they only train drill work show up two days a month and want to be seen as if they’re the tip of the spear.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Please, don’t let me deploy.

6. Your office always looks like sh*t on Monday mornings.

Reservist use your office space when they finally make it into work. It becomes theirs and there’s nothing you can do about it.

5. It feels like a stranger is living in your house one weekend per month.

They sit at your desk, use your computer, eat at your table, and you’ll never get to know them.

4. Most of them are out of shape.

That is all.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
Well, active duty does.

3. They’re their own storytellers.

Reservists always want you to know they were once on active duty… every single time they see you.

2. Weekend warriors always think they’re tactical.

They buy their own tact gear, but don’t know how to use it — or if they even need it.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
You sure are, pal.

Also Read: 4 things you immediately learn after treating a Taliban fighter

1. You’re not allowed to touch the “reservist stuff” in your own office space. WTF?

They leave their belongings for their next time they train drill work decide show up and you have to sit with it all month long.

Bonus: Some even try to give you notes on how they think you should run your unit.

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman
#thestruggleisreal

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

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