11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton - We Are The Mighty
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11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

Gen. George S. Patton was a complicated military figure, but there can be little debate over whether he was quotable.


Perhaps most famous for his commanding of the 7th Army during World War II, Old “Blood and Guts” often gave rousing speeches to motivate, inspire, and educate his soldiers. We collected up 11 of his most famous quotes (courtesy of his estate’s official website) that show how larger-than-life he really was.

1. “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.”

Soldiers are not good on the battlefield without training hard beforehand. Whether it’s a soldier, a civilian wanting to run a marathon, or a CEO running a company, being successful at what you do requires focus, effort, and learning.

For soldiers especially, working extra hard in training can save their lives later.

2. “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.”

Known for his brilliance on the battlefield, Patton often had to make decisions based on limited information and time. But he knew to avoid “paralysis by analysis” and make a decision and execute it the best he could. Otherwise, the enemy might be able to maneuver faster and beat him.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Patton (second from left) with other American generals, 1945.

3. “Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way. “

Perhaps one of the most famous quotes that people don’t realize originated with Patton, this mantra summed up his style.

4. “Do everything you ask of those you command.”

Patton led his soldiers by example. While he’s best known for commanding troops during World War II and perfecting the art of tank warfare, his troops knew he was more than willing to personally get into the fight. During World War I for example, Patton was shot in the leg while directing tanks, after he repeatedly exposed himself to enemy fire.

5. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”

Patton didn’t mince words. Shortly after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, he began giving his now-famous “blood and guts” speeches at Fort Benning. They were often profane, but direct.

“This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit,” he told troops on June 5, 1944, before D-Day. “The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about f–king!”

6. “Many soldiers are led to faulty ideas of war by knowing too much about too little.”

The general didn’t sugarcoat what combat would be like for his soldiers. While movies and books tend to glorify war, Patton gave speeches to his men where he explained exactly what they faced:

“You are not all going to die. Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Yes, every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he’s not, he’s a liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared.”

7. “Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”

People hate to be micromanaged. A good leader, as Patton knew, tells his or her subordinates what is expected, or what the overall goal is. They don’t need to give a step-by-step explanation. It’s a waste of a leader’s time and worse, most people resent it.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

8. “If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”

Good leaders don’t want to hear from “yes men.” They encourage healthy debate, talking over strategy, and planning out different options. Patton may have been a brilliant tactician on the battlefield, but he was also human. If one of his subordinates noticed something wasn’t working or had a better idea, according to this quote, he’d be interested to hear what it was.

9. “Do more than is required of you.”

The bare minimum amount of work didn’t cut it for Patton. “An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse sh–,” he said.

He wanted his men to think about what more they could do for the greater good of the unit, instead of only thinking about themselves. This quote can certainly apply to organizations outside of the military.

10. “Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men.”

Good leaders encourage their subordinates to always act with integrity. Even when it’s not the most popular thing to do. Moral courage is all about doing the right thing, even if that decision may result in adverse consequences. Patton understood the value in this — along with the reason why most people didn’t have it.

11. “I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.”

Having served the U.S. Army for 36 years, Patton was a career soldier who served as an example for his troops. He believed in his country, his mission, and winning the battles he was tasked with. He also knew very well how to motivate his troops to fight with him:

“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living Goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”

DON’T MISS: The 16 best military movies of all time

Lists

5 worst details for a deployed enlisted to get stuck on

What the folks back home think troops do while deployed is just a fraction of what actually happens downrange. In many ways, the average Joe is doing the same busy work that they’d be doing back stateside — this time, with the added “benefit” of doing it in full battle rattle with a weapon slung across their back.


Sometimes, Private Snuffy deserves to be put on the detail, but most times, he probably doesn’t. The fact of the matter is that things just need to get done. Having to sweep the motor pool back in the States may suck, but sweeping the motor pool while you’re deployed in the middle of the desert is futile. Details suck, but these tasks particularly suck when you’re deployed.

 

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Your tax dollars at work! (U.S. Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Matt Hecht)

 

1. Sandbag Building

Even with the concertina wire, Hecso barriers, and giant-ass concrete walls, the military still seems to think that the only thing separating troops from certain death is having the Joes fill sandbags and use them to haphazardly barricade everything.

This isn’t to discredit the 30lbs of sand stuffed into an acrylic or burlap bag — they probably work. The problem is that they’re a pain in the friggin’ ass to fill, carry, and painstakingly stack.

 

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
I mean, unless you’re this Airman… (Image via Reddit)

 

2. Guard Duty

At first, it sounds like fun. This is what you signed up for and you’re going to do your part to save freedom, one field of fire at a time. Then, the heart-crushing reality sets in. You’re stuck in the same guard tower for 12 hours with someone who smells like they haven’t showered in 12 days. There you are, just watching sand. Occasionally, you get lucky and there’s a farmer out in the distance or a camel herder to break the monotony.

On the bright side, the cultural barrier between you and the ANA (Afghan National Army) guy you’re stuck with can lead to some hilarious conversations.

 

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

3. TOC/COC Duty

In a near tie with guard duty, being in the command center for 12 hours blows just a little bit worse. In the guard tower, you have some sort of autonomy. In the TOC, you’re stuck with higher-ups breathing down your neck.

To add insult to injury if you’re a grunt, you’re listening to all of your buddies do the real sh*t while you’re stuck on the bench. You’re just listening to them do all the things you enlisted for while you’re biting your lip. If you’re a POG, I guess watching the same AFN commercial 96 times over sucks, too.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Yep. Just holding the hand mic for 12 hours, pretending you’re awake. (U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Chris Willis)

 

4. Connex Cleaning

Replacing containers, prepping for redeployment back stateside, grabbing that one thing that your Lieutenant swore was in there — whatever the reason, anything to do with the pain-in-the-ass that is heavy lifting inside a Connex that’s been baking in 110 degree heat is just unbearable.

No matter what the lieutenant was looking for, it’s not there. It’s never going to stay clean. Everything inside is going to get shuffled around, regardless of how much effort you put into it.

 

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Nope. Nope. All of my f*cking nope. (Photo by U.S. Army Sgt. Michael K. Selvage, 10th Sustainment Brigade Public Affairs NCO)

 

5. Burn Pit

Whether you’re opting for the quick and easy solution to getting rid of classified intel, destroying old gear left behind, or burning human waste, nothing about burn pit duty is enjoyable.

Big military said that they’ve done away with burn pits and that everything is peachy keen now — too bad that’s not even close to true. Whether being exposed to the pits by KBR facilities or command directed, anything dealing with burn pits is a serious concern for your health. No matter how hard it gets denied in court, veterans are still dying from the “quick and easy way.”

If you believe you might have been affected by burn pits, register with the VA here. It’s a very serious health concern and the more veterans that stand up, the more seriously the issue will be taken.

 

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
The CDC says five cigarettes is a health concern, but 12 months of breathing in literal burning sh*t is just fine. This needs to end. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Teddy Wade)

Lists

These are the 11 Russian military aircraft in Syria right now

Israeli satellites on Feb.24, 2018 revealed two Russian Su-57s at its Hmeimim air base in Syria.


A Russian official said the Su-57s were deployed to the war-torn country as a deterrent “for aircraft from neighboring states, which periodically fly into Syrian airspace uninvited.”

Additional satellite images from July 2017 also showed 10 other kinds of Russian jets and planes, 33 aircraft altogether, stationed at its air base in Latakia.

There’s probably, however, more than 33, as some jets and aircraft could have been conducting sorties or flying elsewhere when the images were taken.

Also read: Russia’s new Su-57 ‘stealth’ fighter hasn’t even been delivered yet — and it’s already a disappointment

Moscow first sent fighter jets to Syria in 2015 to help the Assad government, which is a large purchaser of Russian arms. In the first few months of 218, Russia and the Syrian regime have increased bombing runs in Idlib and Eastern Ghouta, killing, injuring and displacing thousands of civilians.

Here are the 11 kinds of military jets and planes Russia has in Syria now:

1. Su-57

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(United Aircraft Corporation)

The Israeli satellite images showed two Su-57s at Hmeimim air base.

The Su-57 is Russia’s first fifth-generation stealth jet, but they are only fitted with the AL-41F1 engines, the same engine on the Su-35, and not the Izdelie-30 engine, which is still undergoing testing.

2. Su-24

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A Su-24 taking off from Hmeimim air base in 2015. (Russian Ministry of Defense)

The satellite images from July showed 11 Su-24 Fencers, but that number might now be 10, since one Fencer crashed in October, killing both pilots.

The Su-24 is one of Russia’s older aircraft and will eventually be replaced by the Su-34, but it can still carry air-to-air and air-to-surface missiles, as well as laser-guided bombs.

3. Su-25

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A Su-25 taking off from Hmeimim air base in Syria in 2015. (Russian Ministry of Defense)

The July satellite images showed three Su-25 Frogfoots.

The Frogfoot is another of Russia’s older attack aircraft. It’s designed to make low-flying attack runs and is comparable to the US’s legendary A-10 Warthog.

Su-25s had flown more than 1,600 sorties and dropped more than 6,000 bombs by March 2016, just six months after their arrival in Syria.

One Su-25 was also shot down by Syrian rebels and shot the pilot before he blew himself up with a grenade in early February 2017.

This photo, taken near the Hmeimim air base in 2015, shows an Su-25 carrying OFAB-250s, which are high-explosive fragmentation bombs.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

This shows a Russian airmen fixing a RBK-500 cluster bomb to an Su-25 in Syria in 2015.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

4. Su-27SM3

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

The satellite images from July showed three Su-27SM3 Flankers, which were first sent to Syria in November 2015.

The upgraded Flankers, which are versatile multirole fighters, were deployed to the war-torn country to provide escort for its other attack aircraft, among other tasks.

Related: This is who would win a dogfight between an F-15 Eagle and Su-27 Flanker

5. MiG-29SMT

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

Moscow sent an unknown number of MiG-29SMT Fulcrums to Syria for the first time in September, so they were not seen in the satellite images from July.

The upgraded Fulcrum is able to carry a variety of air-to-air and air-to-surface missiles as well as laser-guided bombs.

The video below shows the MiG-29SMTs in Syria for the first time.

(WELT | YouTube)

6. Su-30SM

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A Su-30SM at Hmeimim air base in Syria in 2015. (Russian Ministry of Defense)

The satellite images from July 2017 showed four Su-30SMs.

The Su-30SM, a versatile multirole fighter that’s based off the Su-27, carries a variety of air-to-air and air-to-surface missiles and laser-guided bombs.

7. Su-34

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

The July 2017 satellite images showed six Su-34 Fullbacks.

The Fullback, which first deployed to Syria in September 2015, was Russia’s most advanced fighter in the war-torn country for over a year.

It carries short-range R-73 and long-range radar-guided R-77 air-to-air missiles. It also carries Kh-59ME, Kh-31A, Kh-31P, Kh-29T, Kh-29L, and S-25LD air-to-ground missiles.

The picture shows a Russian airman checking a KAB-1500 cluster bomb on a Su-34 in Syria in 2015.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

This shows Russian airmen installing precision-guided KAB-500s at the Hmeimim air base. One airman is removing the red cap that protects the sensor during storage and installation. The white ordnance is an air-to-air missile.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

The video below shows a Fullback dropping one of its KAB-500s in Syria in 2015:

(Russian Ministry of Defense | YouTube)

More: Watch this Russian Su-35 fighter make what seem like impossible aerial moves

8. Su-35S

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

The July 2017 satellite images showed six Su-35S Flanker-E fighters.

The Flanker first deployed to Syria in January 2016 and is one of Russia’s most advanced fighters, able to hit targets on the ground and in the air without any air support.

9. A-50U

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Russian Ministry of Defense)

The July 2017 satellite images showed one A-50U Mainstay.

The A-50U is basically a “giant flying data-processing center” used to detect and track “a number of aerial (fighter jets, bombers, ballistic and cruise missiles), ground (tank columns) and surface (above-water vessels) targets,” according to Sputnik, a Russian state-owned media outlet.

10. IL-20 “Coot”

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

The Coot “is equipped with a wide array of antennas, IR (Infrared) and Optical sensors, a SLAR (Side-Looking Airborne Radar) and satellite communication equipment for real-time data sharing,” according to The Aviationist.

It’s one of Russia’s most sophisticated spy planes.

11. An-24 “Coke”

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

The An-24 Coke is an older military cargo plane.

Below is one of the July 2017 satellite images, showing many of Russia’s fighters lined up.

 

Since 2015, Russian airstrikes in Syria have taken out many ISIS fighters — although their numbers are often exaggerated — but they have also killed thousands of civilians.

The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights reported that between September 2015 and March 2016 alone, Russian airstrikes had killed about 5,800 civilians.

Russia and the Syrian regime have increased bombing runs in Idlib and Eastern Ghouta, killing 290 civilians in one 48-hour period late February 2018.

“No words will do justice to the children killed, their mothers, their fathers and their loved ones,” the UN recently said in a statement. “Do those inflicting the suffering still have words to justify their barbaric acts?”

A number of monitoring groups have also accused Russia of deliberately targeting hospitals and civilians, but Moscow barely acknowledges the civilian deaths and often denies it.

Articles

The US military took these incredible photos this week

The military has very talented photographers in its ranks, and they constantly attempt to capture what life as a service member is like during training and at war. This is the best of what they shot this week:


MARINE CORPS:

Lithuanian soldiers and U.S. Marines from the Black Sea Rotational Force engaged opposition forces in a partnered attack during Exercise Saber Strike at the Pabrade Training Area, Lithuania.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Sgt. Paul Peterson/USMC

Cpl. Tyler R. Garretson, a crew chief assigned to Marine Medium Tiltrotor Squadron 263, monitors the flight line out of the rear of a MV-22B Osprey after completing fast-rope and rappelling training with Marine Corps Special Operations Command, near Marine Corps Air Station New River, North Carolina.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Sgt. Orlando Perez/USMC

ARMY:

A Green Beret, assigned to 3rd Special Forces Group-Airborne, conducts free-fall training in a wind tunnel while a civilian sky dive instructor observes in Eloy, Arizona.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Spc. David Welker/US Army

A U.S. Army Reserve Soldier, assigned to 926th Engineer Brigade, 412th Theater Engineer Command, conducts security operations during a route clearance mission at their annual Combat Support Training Exercise at Fort McCoy, Wisconsin.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Sgt. 1st Class Brian Hamilton/US Army

NAVY:

Sailors participate in a low light small arms training exercise aboard the guided-missile destroyer USS Ross (DDG 71). Ross is conducting naval operations in the U.S. 6th Fleet area of operations in support of U.S. national security interests in Europe.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Robert S. Price/USN

Aviation Boatswain’s Mate (Equipment) 2nd Class Kyle Cawein, from Lake Isabella, Calif., stands by to prepare an aircraft to be launched from the aircraft carrier USS John C. Stennis (CVN 74).

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Ignacio Perez

COAST GUARD:

Rescue swimmers and aircrewmen from Coast Guard Air Station Cape Cod, Mass., conduct hoist training evolutions.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Petty Officer 3rd Class Ross Ruddell/USCG

Rescue swimmers and aircrewmen from Coast Guard Air Station Cape Cod, Mass., conduct hoist training evolutions.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Petty Officer 3rd Class Ross Ruddell/USN

AIR FORCE:

Team Special Operations Command (SOCOM) Air Force Tech. Sgt. Isreal Del Toro braves the 110 degree heat index during track and field competition for the 2015 Department of Defense Warrior Games on Marine Corps Base Quantico.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: AW2 Staff Sgt. Tracy J. Smith/USAF

U.S. Air Force Senior Airmen Krystalane Laird (front) and Helena Palazio, weapons loaders with the 169th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron at McEntire Joint National Guard Base, South Carolina Air National Guard, download munitions from an F-16 fighter jet that was just landed after a monthlong deployment to Łask Air Base, Poland.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Tech. Sgt. Caycee Watson/Released/USAF

NOW: More incredible military photos

OR: Watch 6 most badass US military test pilots:

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22 photos inside ‘Dustoff’ — the Army’s life-saving medevac crews

Army soldiers count on the elite medics assigned to air ambulance crews to pull them out of combat when they are wounded. These crews, called, “Dustoff,” fly unarmed choppers into combat and provide medical care to patients en route to US field hospitals. This air medical evacuation saves lives and bolsters the confidence of soldiers in the field.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army Sgt. Travis Zielinski


When the terrain is too rough for even a helicopter to land, hoists are used to lower medics or raise patients.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Air Force Staff Sgt. Rasheen A. Douglas

US Army Dustoff crews typically consist of a pilot, copilot, flight medic, and crew chief. Some teams, especially those on the newer UH-72A aircraft, will have a firefighter/paramedic in place of the crew chief unless a hoist operation is expected.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

Flight medics will train other soldiers on how to properly transfer patients to a medevac helicopter.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army Staff Sgt. Ashley Moreno

When possible, the crew chief or flight medic will leave the bird to approach the patient, taking over care and supervising the move to the chopper.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Air Force Staff Sgt. Ashley Reed

This training is sometimes done with foreign militaries to ensure that, should the need arise in combat, the US and other militaries will be able to move patients together. Here, Republic of Korea soldiers train with US medics.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Lou Rosales

Medics going down on a hoist are supported by the crew chief, an aviation soldier who maintains the aircraft and specializes in the equipment on the bird.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army National Guard Sgt. Harley Jelis

Of course, not all injuries happen during calm weather in sunny climes. Medevac soldiers train to perform their job in harsh weather.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: U.S. Army

The crews also train to rescue wounded soldiers at any hour, day or night.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

Some medevac pilots even train to land on ships for when that is the closest or best equipped hospital to treat a patient.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

Dustoff crews also care for service members who aren’t human. The most common of these patients are the military working dogs.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army

The Dustoff helicopters are launched when a “nine line” is called. When this specially formatted radio call goes out, medevac crews sprint to ready the choppers and take off.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Marine Corps

The medevac is eagerly awaited by the troops on the ground who request it.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Navy HMC Josh Ives

The flight medics can provide a lot of care even as they move a casualty in the air. Most patients will get a saline lock or an intravenous drip to replace fluids.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Marine Corps Cpl. Paul Peterson

Flight medics have to deal with turbulence, loud noises, and possible attacks from the ground while they treat their patients.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army

Another challenge flight medics often face is providing treatment in low light or no light conditions.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

No light conditions require the use of NVGs, or night vision goggles.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Army Sgt. Duncan Brennan

Medical evacuation helicopters also face challenges while picking up their patients. The tactical situation can be dangerous where these birds operate.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

Ground soldiers have to secure the landing zone.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: US Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Justin M. Mason

When the medevac bird returns to the base, the casualty is rushed into the hospital so they can be treated.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: U.S. Army Sgt. Michael J. MacLeod

If a soldier’s injuries are severe enough, they’ll be stabilized and prepped again for transport to hospitals outside of the deployment zone.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Department of Defense

The mission of those under the Dustoff call sign can be challenging, but it provides great comfort to the troops on the ground.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: Georgian Army National Guard Maj. Will Cox

 

Articles

9 Movies Every Airman Needs To Watch

The invention of moving pictures was roughly coincident with the invention of powered flight, and over the years as Hollywood searched for plot lines they found plenty of material around Air Force life.


On the surface the appeal is and always has been obvious: airplanes. Duh. But movie studios understand that machines alone won’t get audiences into theaters (or these days onto Netflix).

Those who’ve served in the Air Force know all too well that life around the Wild Blue Yonder is about more than the hardware. It’s about the people and the things they overcome – like soul-crushing bureaucracies – to get the job done.

But it’s also about the action.

Here’s WATM’s list of nine movies every airman should watch, which is to say movies that every airman should know well enough to riff on among the buds in the lounge in the barracks or at the bar just outside the main gate. (And can you say “fire rearward missiles” in Russian?):

Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Plot: Base commander loses it and decides to order the wing’s bombers to attack Russia with nuclear weapons. President of the United States gathers his cabinet and other advisers in the War Room to try and figure out how to avoid Armageddon.

Reason to watch: Stanley Kubrick’s biting satire is hilarious, but more than that it nails the personalities of those at the top of the food chain and the dynamic between them. This one was years ahead of its time. And it also has some great B-52 crew coordination scenes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdJS1iatxmY

Iron Eagle (1986)

Plot: Teenage kid’s Air Force pilot dad gets shot down and taken hostage in the Middle East, and the United States government won’t help get dad out because he had trolled into enemy airspace. Kid enlists the help of a retired Air Force pilot (and friend of his father), and the two of them grab some F-16s and proceed to raise hell.

Reason to watch: Any military movie with Lou Gossett, Jr. playing a determined S.O.B. is money. “Iron Eagle” has a lot of cool visuals (never mind technical accuracy) and good action. Plus the lesson it teaches is important: You can get away with anything if punishing you would embarrass those in charge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3npr0RKBucc

Twelve O’clock High (1949)

Plot: Likable CO of a hard-luck B-17 squadron is relieved after a disastrous mission. New skipper’s hard-ass leadership style threatens to tear the ready room apart. Ultimately both sides chill out and get the job done.

Reason to watch: Great World War II bomber action, and the leadership lessons are definitive in that they show the net effect on a command of a leader being too nice or too much of an asshole. And while this may not be a ringing endorsement, it should be noted that “Twelve O’ clock High” is taught at commands throughout the Department of Defense.

The Hunters (1958)

Plot: Restless officer is tired of being in the rear with the gear and, through happenstance and a series of networking coincidences, finds himself in an F-86 squadron at the height of the air war over Korea.

Reason to watch: Based on James Salter’s beautiful novel, “The Hunters” was Hollywood first attempt to portray Air Force life in the jet age. “The Hunters” has it all: burned out CO, confused chain of command, cocky junior officers, and significant others complaining about being ignored for the glory of air combat.

Fail Safe (1964)

Plot: Bogus threat triggers the launch of six Vindicator supersonic bombers (fictional aircraft portrayed in the movie by B-58 Hustlers). Launch codes are accidently transmitted to the aircraft, which sends them on an attack profile to Moscow. A series of missteps and bad logic prevents either side from calling the whole thing off.

Reason to watch: Plot resembles that of “Dr. Strangelove” but played straight. “Fail Safe” was the first major motion picture to tee up the idea that the system wasn’t perfect and things in the nuke weps world could go a smidge wrong from time to time. Also presents the cold reality that nuclear warfare has pretty serious consequences, something those who’ve signed up to participate in should have a sense of.

A Gathering of Eagles (1963)

Plot: This nuclear-age version of “Twelve O’ clock High” deals with the goings-on around a SAC unit that has just had the CO fired because of a failed inspection. New CO is career-minded and a hard-ass and that rubs the men under his charge the wrong way. Another inspection crisis with huge career implications leads all parties to figure it out in a good way.

Reason to watch: “A Gathering of Eagles” was made with the assistance of General Curtis LeMay to counter the perception created by “Fail Safe” and “Dr. Stangelove” that SAC was hosed up to the degree they could accidentally start a nuclear war. The Air Force in this one has its shit together, for the most part. Plus if you believe the best leadership lessons are discussed among men in towels ( a la “Top Gun”) you’re in for a treat.

Firefox (1982)

Plot: The U.S. and U.K. hatch a plot to steal a new Soviet airplane that can do Mach 6 and is controlled by the pilot’s mind.

Reason to watch: Clint Eastwood at his action-packed best. Plus, what initially came off as campy in terms of technical detail of the film seems viable today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0S7uE7l_oA

Catch-22 (1970)

Plot: B-25 navigator stationed in North Africa during World War II wrestles with the tragedy, irony, and hypocrisy that surrounds him as the minimum mission requirement continues to rise.

Reason to watch: Early SNL alum Buck Henry adapted Joseph Heller’s classic WW2 novel for an American public that was at odds over the Vietnam War, evidence that it took nearly a decade and a half for the themes to resonate. In spite of the fact that parts of the story are over-the-top, the movie (and even more so the book) are prescriptive. Anyone who’s ever spent any time around the Air Force will recognize the personalities: Careerist buffoons, obtuse general officers, opportunistic (albeit very entrepreneurial) junior officers as well as the folks who are just trying to get the job done without going crazy are all here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G41SJUIawVo

Battle of Britain (1969)

Plot: A nation turns to its air force to hold back the Nazi hordes.

Reason to watch: Winston Churchill said it best when referring to the pilots and maintainers of the RAF: “Never have so many owed so much to so few.” “Battle of Britain” captures both the action of dogfights between Spitfires and Messerschmitts and the details of life in war-torn England. If you ever need to be reminded why an air force matters in modern times, watch this.

Got some movies you think should be on this list? Tell us on our Facebook page.

Lists

6 of the best Army recruiting videos ranked

Army recruiters love to talk a good game to get young adults to sign military contracts, but some people need more than just a couple motivating words to get them to join.


For the young prospects out there that need a visual, the Army filmed inspiring, yet powerful commercials to better entice you.

We’ve all seen the posters of soldiers standing tall and, yes, the idea of becoming a Green Beret is pretty badass, but it’s the epic commercials that often put the final touches on someone’s ultimate decision to make the commitment.

Related: 6 ‘Toys for Tots’ commercials we swear didn’t make us cry

So, check out six of the best Army recruiting commercials, ranked based on how freaking motivating they are.

6. “They lead.”

From our nation’s founding fathers to the heroes that lead the way in World Wars, the U.S. Army takes absolute pride in the amazing officers that have taken the title of “soldier” to another level.

(USArmyMediaCenter | YouTube)

5. “Amphibious assault”

When we think about modern amphibious warfare, we tend to think about Navy SEALs, but the Army wants you to know that they can land on a beachhead just as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHndb4Wss54
(GoArmy.com | YouTube)

4. “I became a soldier.”

Every person who joins the Army does so for their own reasons. We do it to serve and be a part of an elite team that will go above and beyond to fulfill the mission.

(USA Military Archives | YouTube)

3. “I will never.”

As Americans, we pride ourselves on our ability to work through near-impossible tasks and come out on top. As a soldier, you’ll learn about your inner-strength in ways you never knew existed.

(USArmyMediaCenter | YouTube)

2. “The narrative.”

Our nation’s foundation wouldn’t have been possible without the outstanding men and women that make up the U.S. Army.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovYhA26jK4Q
(GoArmy.com | YouTube)

Also Read: 8 of the top federal agencies ranked by Americans

1. Special Forces recruitment video

Are you ready to be on the ultimate team? Earning the title of Green Beret comes with massive a sense of pride, responsibilities, and the ideology that quitting is never an option.

(MH6M | YouTube)

Bonus: Family Guy’s version

Experiences may vary. Enjoy!

(Anthony Elliott | YouTube)
Articles

6 reasons why the guys from ‘The Hangover’ are like an Army unit

The internet has previously noticed that the guys from “The Hangover” bear certain similarities to a military unit, but these guys function a lot more like an Army unit than drunk civilians have any right to. Here are six reasons why “The Hangover” is really about bad soldier stereotypes.


11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

1. The lieutenant is only there because the commanding officer said he should be and he screws everything up.

For the eight of you who haven’t seen the movie, “The Hangover” centers around a group of guys who lost their friend, Doug (labeled “The CO” in the meme), and have to find him before his wedding.

How did they lose their friend? Alan, “The lieutenant,” roofied them. Alan is the brother of the bride and so Doug said he should be allowed to come. Two other characters tell Doug he should leave Alan behind, but the Doug insists on bringing him. Alan repays this kindness by attempting a blood pact and then drugging the group.

2. The senior enlisted is obsessed with the paperwork and is always on his phone.

Stu, the “Senior Enlisted,” wants to keep everything under the radar and so he is obsessed with the paper trail. He wants to use cash rather than credit cards, needs to get his marriage annulled and out of the public record, and is always on his phone lying to his girlfriend.

Extra bonus: Stu fits the worst enlisted stereotypes in a few additional ways. He eloped with a stripper/escort at a chapel with military discounts and he constantly tries to sound more important than he is (calling himself a doctor when everyone insists he go by dentist).

3. The CO thinks everyone will follow the rules despite all evidence pointing to the contrary.

Doug picks up the rest of the pack in a Mercedes his future father-in-law loaned him. On the way to the hotel, he seems to honestly believe that everyone will act like responsible adults. He even gives some ground rules for the car even though it’s clear his friends can’t be trusted.

At this point, Alan has revealed he can’t go within 200 feet of a school or Chuck E. Cheese. Phil, “The Enlisted,” has screamed profanities in a neighborhood and is currently drinking in the car. Stu, “The Senior Enlisted,” has asked the team for their help lying to his girlfriend so she won’t know they went to Vegas. Doug goes right on trusting them, even after Alan discusses a plan to count cards and Phil tricks Stu into paying for a villa on the strip.

4. The junior enlisted causes a lot of the chaos but takes none of the responsibility.

As the meme noted, the enlisted guy does all the work. But he shouldn’t really complain since he caused most of the chaos after they woke up in the hotel. When the group finds out they stole a cop car, he drives it onto a curb, turns the lights on, and uses the speakers to hit on women. After the cops catch up with them, he gets the group shocked with stun guns. While visiting a chapel, he leaves a baby in a hot car, telling the others, “It’s fine. I cracked the window.”

5. The lieutenant won’t stop asking dumb questions and saying stupid things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEXyeWPfZZ4

Alan just can’t find his way in the world, much like a new lieutenant. He asks the hotel receptionist if the hotel is “pager-friendly.” He gives an awkward, prepared speech before he roofies the group. When he learns Stu accidentally gave away his grandmother’s “Holocaust ring,” Alan tells the group he “didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

6. CO can’t solve problems without help from the unit.

Doug, like a bad commander stereotype, can’t get stuff done without his unit. For most of the first movie, he is trapped on the roof of a hotel. It’s revealed that he tried to get help by throwing his mattress off the roof. That’s a good start, but he was up there for more than 24 hours. He was fully clothed with a sheet but didn’t yell for help, turn the sheet into a flag, or use the sheet to prevent his serious sunburn. He could’ve gotten attention by cutting an air conditioning hose, or at least tried to get back inside through the access door.

NOW: The 16 best military movies of all time

AND: 69 painful mistakes in ‘Basic’ –the worst Army movie ever

Lists

5 reasons why Jodie is the soldier’s worst nightmare

Jodie is a piece of military folklore that everyone loves to hate. He’s the guy or girl who takes advantage of military deployments by going after the spouses at home. Here are five of the reasons that troops absolutely hate Jodie.


1. Jodie is a player.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

Jodie is most famous for stealing away the spouses, girlfriends, and boyfriends of service members. While troops are fighting the good fight against America’s enemies, this smooth criminal is keeping their beds very, very warm.

2. He could be anyone.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

It would be great to believe there is only one, but the truth is that Jodie is everyone with low enough morals to swoop in while the troops are deployed or in training. Guys in every bar, girls on the street, even friends and family of service members can hear the Jodie call and start acting terribly.

3. He’s doing way more than just hooking up with lonely spouses.

While Jodie may be most famous for slipping into vacant beds, that’s not all he’s doing. He takes Cadillacs, girlfriends, sisters, food, and pretty much anything else not nailed down at home.

He’d probably take the homes as well if he could figure out how to do it.

4. Jodie has been pulling this sh-t for generations.

Jodie was called out in World War II cadences, so he’s been slipping through military base windows for at least that long. He’s still going strong today and will likely be a problem for every recruit who ever joins.

5. He comes back, deployment after deployment.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

Unlike those who fought in World War II, modern service members rotate in and out of deployment zones. But, they don’t get home enough to keep Jodie at bay. He may run away when troops get home, but he slips back in every time they leave for another rotation.

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes of the week

Sure, everyone wants to get off for the weekend so they can celebrate the big win by Delta and raise a toast to the operator we lost this week. Here are 13 memes to keep you chuckling until release formation:


1. When airmen aim a little too high:

(via Air Force Memes and Humor)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
I don’t know what he was thinking. That was clearly a naval aviation mission.

2. Looks more like a barracks haircut to me (via NavyMemes.com).

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Either way, gunny will not be impressed.

SEE ALSO: 12 signs you may be ‘motarded’

3. Great drill and ceremony, but can you fight with it (via Coast Guard Memes)?

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Everyone knows the iguana qualification tables are a pain in the a-s.

4. Payday activities are no fun.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

5. Someone is going to have a bad night …

(via Coast Guard Memes)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
… or maybe a bad morning. Depends on when the booze wears off.

6. Marines are ready to step in and assist.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
And, they’ll do it with helmet bands and rifles from the Vietnam era.

7. Air power!

(via Air Force Memes and Humor)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

8. This is a true master-at-arms (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
The point man needs his knifehand to protect himself in case of ambush.

9. Shoulder-fired, panting-cooled, autonomous weapons system.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Bowl-fed and bad-ss!

10. For a stealthy bomber, the B-1 is pretty loud.

(via Air Force Memes and Humor)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Not as loud as its bombs, but loud. 

11. Finding the flag can be challenging on a new post (via Team Non-Rec).

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Meh, probably back there somewhere.

 12. When soldiers are finally told they can do something fun …

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
… but have to do it in full battle rattle.

13. That sudden drop in your stomach when you hear it.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

NOW: The 8 most painful nonlethal weapons

OR: Ex-President Jimmy Carter perfectly trolls Russians fighting in Syria

Articles

15 quotes from Gen. Mad Dog’ Mattis, slayer of bodies

Marine Corps Gen. James “Mad Dog” Mattis is known for his aggressive tactics and his even more aggressive quotes.


While he embraced counter-insurgency tactics with the rest of the military, his quotes put a decidedly lethal spin on “low-intensity combat.” Check out these 15 great Mattis quotes — but be warned… they’ll make you want to charge into hordes of America’s enemies with nothing but a Ka-Bar:

1. “The first time you blow someone away is not an insignificant event. That said, there are some a-sholes in the world that just need to be shot.” (America and Iraq: Policy-making, Intervention and Regional Politics)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Photo: U.S. Marine Corps

2. “I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f-ck with me, I’ll kill you all.” (Slate)

3. “I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.”

4. “Fight with a happy heart and strong spirit … Demonstrate to the world there is no better friend, no worse enemy than a U.S. Marine.” (Letter from Mattis to his troops just before the Iraq invasion)

5. “I don’t get intelligence off a satellite. Iraqis tell me who the enemy is.” (Press conference in Iraq via National Review)

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Photo: U.S. Department of Defense Erin A. Kirk)

6. “Find the enemy that wants to end this experiment (in American democracy) and kill every one of them until they’re so sick of the killing that they leave us and our freedoms intact.”

7. “Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”

8. “Be the hunter, not the hunted: never allow your unit to be caught with its guard down.” (Letter from Mattis to his troops just before the Iraq invasion)

9. “The most important six inches on the battlefield is between your ears.”

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Photo: U.S. Navy Chief Mass Communication Specialist Eric A. Clement)

10. “You are part of the world’s most feared and trusted force. Engage your brain before you engage your weapon.” (Letter from Mattis to his troops just before the Iraq invasion)

11. “There are hunters and there are victims. By your discipline, cunning, obedience and alertness, you will decide if you are a hunter or a victim.” (Told to troops at Al Asad, Iraq)

12. “No war is over until the enemy says it’s over. We may think it over, we may declare it over, but in fact, the enemy gets a vote.”

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
(Photo: U.S. Navy Chief Mass Communications Specialist Shawn P. Eklund)

13. “There is nothing better than getting shot at and missed. It’s really great.”

14. “You cannot allow any of your people to avoid the brutal facts. If they start living in a dream world, it’s going to be bad.”

15. “You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn’t wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually it’s quite fun to fight them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up there with you. I like brawling.” (Said during a panel discussion in San Diego, via CNN)

Articles

Someone wrote a list of 65 ways civilians can simulate military life and it’s hilarious

Almost everyone gets email forwards from their family. In the days before social media, people emailed the jokes, memes, and urban legends that populate Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest today. These days, it’s mostly older people that stick to forwarding emails instead of sharing via social media.


Loved ones forward things to veterans wanting to know if something about the military or life in the military is true.

This one has been circulating around the internet for a while. Its origins are hard to trace, but the authors — whomever they may be — pinpointed some of the more bizarre aspects of military life by trying to find a civilian equivalent. It’s funny to look back at things military personnel and veterans accept as a part of life, no matter how strange it may seem from the outside looking in.

65 ways civilians can simulate military life:

1. Dig a big hole in your back yard and live in it for 30 days straight.

2. Go inside only to clean the house. On weekends, you can eat in the house, but you can’t talk.

3. Pour 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your hole, then shovel it out, stack sandbags around it and cover it with a sheet of old plywood.

4. Fill a backpack with 50 pounds of kitty litter. Never take it off outdoors. Jog everywhere you go.

5. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

6. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

7. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn the water pressure in your shower down to a trickle, then on Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn it up so hard it peels skin. On Saturdays and Sundays, declare to your entire family that they can’t use the shower in order to keep it clean for inspection.

8. Go inside and make your bed every morning. Have your wife tear the blankets off at random during the day. Re-make the bed each time until it is time to go back outside and sleep in your hole.

9. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Get up! Get up! You are moving too slow! Get down and do push-ups!”

10. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.

11. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the bathroom door that says, “Unserviceable.”

12. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it’s ok for you to leave your house before 5pm.

13. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over. Have them all dig holes in your yard to live in. After 30 days, fill in the holes and wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home as you set out for a 25 mile walk and After-Action-Review.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

14. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

15. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

16. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes. Write down on a piece of paper everything you want the shop to fix the next time you bring the car in. Give your wife the list to throw away.

17. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours with the windows down before going anywhere. Tune the radio to static and monitor it while letting the car run. If it is cold outside, don’t run the heat. Sleep on the hood or roof of your car.

18. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.

19. Repaint your entire house once a month. Paint white rings around all the trees in your neighborhood. Paint all curbs yellow. Paint all rocks red.

20. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.

21. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
That government coffee.

22. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

23. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel when you are inside to eat. Tune the tint on the TV to green.

24. Avoid watching your green tinted TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

25. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
The barracks barber or the Exchange barber? Roll the dice.

26. Sew big pockets to the legs of your pants. Don’t use them.

27. Spend 2 weeks sleeping in holes in your neighbor’s lawns and call it a deployment.

28. Spend a year sleeping in holes in your local area and call it world travel.

29. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald’s and NOT get promoted.

30. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.

31. Blast heavy metal music on your stereo and conduct Ranger PT, grass drills, and sprints on your front lawn after your neighbors have gone to bed.

32. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their fighting positions. Don’t let them eat or sleep again for two days.

33. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.

34. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don’t pay attention to the menu anymore so they just ask for hot dogs.

35. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

36. In the middle of January, place a gate at the end of your street. Have your family stand watches at the gate, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

37. Make your family live with you in your hole for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you’re going to take them to Disneyland for “block leave.” When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Individual Skill Certification, and that it will be another week before they can go back into the house.

38. In your hole (refer to #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friends (see para. 13), get the flu.

39. Sleep in a thicket of blackberries or rose bushes. Tie a string to your foot that runs to the house. Have your wife yank on the string about 3 hours after you go to sleep. Crawl out of the bushes and go to the house to see what she wants. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, “Just making sure you’re okay.”

40. Do not sleep from 1:00 a.m. Monday mornings until 3 p.m. Wednesday afternoons. Tie a branch around your neck and chew on sand to stay awake.

41. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, dig a trench into your hole so that it fills up with water. During the worst part of the storm, get out of your hole and go for a 12 mile walk.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
How you feel after that hike.

42. Don’t change your socks for a week. After they disintegrate off with pieces of your feet, put on an unbroken pair of new boots and go for a 12-mile walk.

43. For mechanized infantry or armor types: leave the lawn mower running next to your hole 24 hours a day. When you get an opportunity to sleep in your house, put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

44. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

45. Set up a port-a-potty in the corner of your yard. Once a week, have the service truck back into your yard and pump it out. Make sure the wind carries the smell into your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.

46. Every other month pull every single possession you own out of your house and line everything up on your lawn from smallest to largest, front to back. Count everything and write it down to file with your insurance company. Give your wife the list to throw away.

47. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

48. Buy a trash can, but don’t use it. Store the garbage in your hole.

49. Get up every night around midnight and stroll around your yard to “check the perimeter.”

50. Run the garden hose to your hole and turn it on. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. Jump up and get dressed as fast as you can. Run out into the backyard and get in your hole.

51. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home and put them back together again.

52. Build a scale model of your yard. Make your children draw sketches of it including little arrows indicating what they are going to do when they go out to play. Post these sketches on a bulletin board for reference.

53. Remove the insulation and widen the frames of your front and back doors so that no matter how tight you shut the door, the weather will still get inside.

54. Every so often, throw the cat in front of your hole and shout “Enemy in the wire! Fire Claymores!” Then run into the house cut off the circuit breaker. Yell at the wife and kids for violating security and not maintaining good noise and light discipline.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
You’ll never be squad leader with that attitude, Billy.

55. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go sit in your car. Say to no one in particular “Lost-One, this is Lost-Three, are you lost too, over?” Sit there for three or four hours with the engine running. Say again to no one in particular “Negative contact, Lost-Three out.” Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.

56. Cook a gourmet meal then eat it in the middle of a McDonald’s play place.

57. Receive 500 gallons of purified water. Only eat snow.

58. Find out your house was built on an erosion point. Burn your house down. Build new one 3 feet away.

59. Buy 10 pairs of sunglasses for your neighbors to steal.

60. When you catch above mentioned neighbors, only blame the neighbors that just moved in.

61. Dig a new hole in your front yard for a bathroom next to your original hole. Only piss in Powerade bottles.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Home is where you dig it. (U.S. Marine Corps photo)

62. When above-mentioned hole is washed away, dig a new bathroom hole 6 inches from your fresh water supply.

63. Every 2 or 3 days take your closest not-so-close friends camping across the street.

64. Shower semi-annually.

65. Have your parents take away your allowance on weekends that were a part of your vacation.

Articles

17 photos that show how great-grandpa got ready for WWI

Basic training sucks, but it follows a predictable pattern. A bunch of kids show up, someone shaves their heads, and they learn to shoot rifles.


But it turns out that training can be so, so much better than that. In World War I, it included mascots, tarantulas, and snowmen.

Check out these 18 photos to learn about what it was like to prepare for war 100 years ago:

1. If the old photos in the National Archives are any indication, almost no one made it to a training camp without a train ride.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
New York recruits heading to training write messages on the sides of their train. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

2. Inprocessing and uniform issue would look about the same as in the modern military. Everyone learns to wear the uniform properly and how to shave well enough to satisfy the cadre.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

3. Training camps were often tent cities or rushed construction, so pests and sanitation problems were constant.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A U.S. Marine at Marine Corps Training Activity San Juan, Cuba, shows off the tarantula he found. Tarantulas commonly crawled into the Marines’ boots at night. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

4. Unsurprisingly, training camps included a lot of trench warfare. America was a late entrant to the war and knew the kind of combat it would face.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers make their way through training trenches in Camp Fuston at Fort Riley, Kansas. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

5. Somehow, even training units had mascots in the Great War. This small monkey was commonly fed from a bottle.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A World War I soldier plays with the unit mascot at Camp Wadsworth near Spartansburg, South Carolina. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

6. Seriously. Unit mascots were everywhere. One training company even boasted three mascots including a bear and a monkey.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A World War I soldier lets the regimental mascot climb on him. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

7. Troops in camp built a snowman of the German kaiser in New York.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Troops at Camp Upton on Long Island, New York, pose with their snowman of the kaiser. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

8. A lot of things were named for the enemy in the camps, including these bayonet targets.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton

9. This grave is for another dummy named kaiser. He was interred after the unit dug trenches in training.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers in a training camp at Plattsburg, New York, show off the grave they created for a dummy of the German kaiser during training on trench construction. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

10. World War I saw a deluge of new technologies that affected warfare. These shavers were preparing for a class in aerial photography.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers training at the U.S. Army School of Aerial Photography in New York shave before their class. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

11. Uniform maintenance was often up to the individual soldier, so learning to mend shirts was as important as learning to shoot photos from planes.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers from the 56th Infantry Regiment mend their own clothes at Camp McArthur near Waco, Texas. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

12. Local organizations showed their support for the troops through donations and morale events.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers training at Camp Lewis, Washington, grab apples from the Seattle Auto-Mobile Club of Seattle. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

13. Some were better than others. Free apples are fine, but free tobacco is divine.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A thirty-car train carrying 11 million sacks of tobacco leaves Durham, North Carolina, en route to France where it will be rationed to troops. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

14. Nothing is better than payday, even if the pay is a couple of dollars.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Troops are paid at Camp Devens, Massachusetts. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

15. Someone get these men some smart phones or something. Three-person newspaper reading is not suitable entertainment for our troops.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
A father, son, and uncle share a newspaper on a visitor’s day during training camp. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

16. Once the troops were properly trained, they were shipped off to England and France. Their bags, on the other hand, were shipped home.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Soldiers finished with stateside training pose next to the large pile of luggage destined for their homes as they ship overseas. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

17. Again, trains everywhere back then. Everywhere.

11 quotes that show the awesomeness of Gen. George Patton
Engineers ready to ship out write motivational messages on the side of their train car just before they leave the Atlanta, Georgia, area for France. (Photo: National Archives and Records Administration)

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