Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY MOVIES

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

To give some perspective, The Simpsons is older than Operation Desert Storm. Troops who enlisted when the show started are able to retire from the armed forces now. After 27 seasons, a show known for its originality is bound to have some characters join the military, develop veteran characters, or otherwise live out some military-related mayhem.


Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

The Simpsons hometown of Springfield is located near a historic battlefield site, where (apparently) during the Civil War, Fort Springfield saw a bit of the action.

But when the government closed Fort Springfield in the modern day, it forced a lot of local businesspeople to pack up their trades and services and move to places where their services would be more popular.

The military was central to many more episodes and it started in the first season with Bart the General. Since then, Homer and his friends have joined the Navy, Grandpa recalled his WWII exploits, Bart was an unwitting recruiting tool for the Navy, Lisa visited a “Dodgers of Foreign Wars” office in Canada, Maggie was shown to be an expert marksman, and Principal Skinner hinted at dark periods in Vietnam.

Bart the General – Season 1, Episode 5

After Bart defends Lisa from bully Nelson Muntz at school, Bart takes her place as Nelson’s favorite target. When Bart becomes sick of getting beaten up every day, he enlists the help of Grandpa Simpson and an unbalanced military antique store owner named Herman Hermann.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

Bart organizes the kids of the schoolyard to fight Nelson and his bully friends (who are not Jimbo, Dolph, or Kearny) with a massive, nonstop barrage of water balloons. Nelson surrenders to Bart’s forces and signs a treaty ending hostilities between them.

Best Line – Abe Simpson: “Bart, you can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send them off to die on some God-forsaken rock, but for some reason, you can’t slap them.

Bart vs. Australia – Season 6, Episode 16

Bart makes prank calls to Australia and is forced to go there in person to apologize. While there, they stay at the American embassy.

Best Line: Bruno Dundridge: “Hey, you’re just some punk kid, aren’t you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with, mate!

Bart: “I don’t think so. You’re all the way over in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.

Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming – Season 7, Episode 9

Bart’s nemesis Sideshow Bob escapes from a prison work detail on a local Air Force Base. While the base is being cleaned for an air show, Bob dresses up like the base commander and sneaks into a top secret area to steal a 10-megaton nuclear weapon.

Bob demands Springfield give up television completely or face a nuclear explosion. The town complies until Krusty the Clown finds a Civil Defense shed and uses the transmitter to gain 100% of the audience. Bob’ detonates the bomb, but it’s a dud, so he steals the Wright Brothers’ original plane an launches a kamikaze attack on Bob’s shed, keeping Bart as a hostage. The attack is also a dud and Bob is arrested again.

Best Line – Abe Simpson: “You’re ignorant! That’s the Wright Brothers’ plane! At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the civil war, it did!”

Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in ‘The Curse of the Flying Hellfish’ – Season 7, Episode 22

In this episode we learn about Grandpa Simpson’s World War II service. His unit, the Flying Hellfish, included Mr. Burns and a few other guys from Springfield. They found some valuable paintings in Germany, locked them away, and established a tontine. The last person alive from their unit would inherit the riches.

Mr. Burns and Abe Simpson are the only two left, and Mr. Burns keeps trying to kill Grandpa. With Homer’s help, they resolve to get the treasure before Burns does. Bart retrieves the treasure from its undersea hiding place, but is intercepted by Burns. They chase Burns to shore only to be caught by the police and the paintings returned to their rightful owner.

Best Line –

Homer: “Maybe it’s time we put Grandpa in a home.

Lisa: “You already put him in a home.

Bart: “Maybe it’s time we put him in one where he can’t get out.

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson – Season 8, Episode 25

In response to Bart’s latest prank, Marge and Homer trick him into the car by telling him they’re going to Disneyland. Instead, he’s shipped off to military school. Lisa decides to go against the academy tradition and attend alongside Bart. She likes the structure and tough curriculum of the Rommelwood Military School, but is immediately rejected by the all-male cadre of students as the first female attendee.

Bart is a “born soldier” but Lisa struggles with the physical aspects of the training. The last test of the academy is a challenge called “The Eliminator,” which Lisa dreads but must finish. Bart helps train her in secret. When Lisa almost falls off during the test, Bart is the only one who encourages her and she finished second grade. She passes and Marge and Homer tell them they’re going to Disneyland, they get in the car to find out they’re just going to the dentist.

Best Line – Range Instructor [to Bart]: “Since you’ve already attended public school, we’re assuming you’ve already had experience with small arms. So we’re gonna give you something a little more advanced.

The Principal and the Pauper – Season 9, Episode 2

Widely regarded as one of the worst episodes ever made and later completely ignored by the canon of the show, this episode features war movie legend Martin Sheen as the real Principal Skinner, and the man we know as Principal Skinner named Armin Tamzarian who assumed Skinner’s identity after Vietnam when he couldn’t break the news to his mother that Skinner died.

Armin is convinced to return to Springfield after every one in town realizes they don’t care for the real Sgt. Skinner, whom the residents tie to a chair and put on a train out of town. The local judge orders the fake Skinner to resume his identity theft and order everyone never to talk about it again.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

Best Line – Homer [In his mind, after Skinner says he’s a fraud]: “Keep looking shocked… and move slowly towards the cake.

Simpson Tide – Season 9, Episode 19

After causing a meltdown trying to mutate a doughnut into a giant doughnut in the plant’s reactor core, Homer decides to enlist in the Navy Reserve after seeing a recruiting ad on TV.  Moe, Barney, and Apu join him. They soon graduate from the Naval academy and are placed aboard a nuclear submarine in a war games exercise, under the command of Captain Tenille.

The captain likes Homer and leaves him in command when he goes to check a torpedo hatch. Another sub fires on Homer’s and Homer accidentally fires Captain Tenille back at them. Homer accidentally leads the sub to Russian waters and the U.S. interprets this as a mutiny with intent to defect. The Russian government reveals they’ve secretly been the Soviet Union the whole time and the sub incident almost leads to nuclear war. After the incident Homer receives a dishonorable discharge.

Best Line – Homer: “You can’t spell ‘dishonorable’ without ‘honorable.‘”

New Kids on the Blecch – Season 12, Episode 14

A music producer discovers Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, and Ralph Wiggum’s musical abilities and sets them up as the next hot boy band, Party Posse. Their first single is called Drop Da Bomb. The song has a strange lyric as the hook: Yvan Eht Nioj.

Lisa discovers the video contains subliminal messages to get people to join the Navy, which is just Yvan Eht Nioj backwardThe band is a Navy recruiting operation, Project Boy Band. N’Sync guest stars in the episode and explains how the Navy protects people every day. They then give JC Chasez to the Navy as an enlistee.

This is the episode that either made people believe The Simpsons predicted the Arab Spring uprising in Syria OR that the show and the Syrian Civil War is part of a larger, Western, anti-Muslim conspiracy. The reason is because a flag shown on the side of a vehicle in one of Party Posse’s music videos looks a lot like the Free Syrian Army flag.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

Best Line – Homer: “It doesn’t mean anything, it’s like ‘Rama Lama Ding Dong’ or ‘Give Peace a Chance.’

The Bart of War – Season 14, Episode 21

Because of some of Bart’s badder behavior, Marge establishes a teen group called Pre-Teen Braves, based on Native American culture. The group includes Bart, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson, and Database. Homer starts out as leader, but Marge soon takes over because of Homer’s leadership failures. With the help of a Mohican man, they are inspired to clean up a field, but find another group, called the Cavalry Kids have already done it. The Cavalry Kids are led by Kirk van Houten, and include Milhouse, Martin Prince and Jimbo Jones.

This inspires a race to see who can do the most community service work, and when the Braves keep the Cavalry from getting to Springfield Isotopes Stadium on time to be bat boys for the team, the Braves take their place, and a battle ensues over singing the national anthem. The Sea Captain suggests they stop fighting and sing a nation anthem of peace, so the crowd sings “O Canada.”

Best Line – “War is not the answer, except to all of America’s problems.”

The Wettest Stories Ever Told – Season 17, Episode 18

This episode is three short stories depicting the citizens of Springfield in three classic ocean-going tales. The second of these is a retelling of the Mutiny on the Bounty, featuring Principal Skinner as the Bounty’s Captain Bligh, and Bart as Master’s Mate and chief mutineer Fletcher Christian.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
They don’t miss a chance to point out Britain’s famed naval hero, Lord Nelson.

Like the old story goes, the crew was given treatment much different from what they expected and so they mutiny, going instead to an island of natives and marrying into the tribe while setting Captain Bligh and his bosun adrift.

Best Line – Captain Bligh: “First of all, in an effort to save water, you will no longer be given any water. And because of a drawing of myself having a romantic congress with a merman… (the crew laughs)… I am dumping all your mail out to sea.

G.I. D’oh- Season 18, Episode 5

Army recruiters try to recruit Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney but they realize that the teenagers of Springfield are too smart to want to join the Army, so they go to Springfield Elementary School to trick kids into signing Delayed Entry Program so when they are old enough, they will automatically be enlisted. Marge is horrified and she sends Homer  to the recruiter. Homer forces them to tear up Bart’s pre-enlistment contract, but they convince him to join instead.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

Homer’s Colonel hates him and assigns him to the opposing forces team during an upcoming war game. OPFOR is filled with undesirable recruits and the Army uses actual ammo instead of blanks with the intent to kill the OPFOR. Homer and his forces escape to Springfield during the exercise and the Army orders an invasion of the town, declaring martial law.

The Colonel starts detaining all men who are “Fat, or bald, or have ever been amused by the antics of Homer Simpson.” Marge leads an insurgency against the occupiers. She spikes the town reservoir with alcohol, resulting an a hangover which makes the Colonel surrender.

Best Line(s) – 

Marge: “Homer, our son joined the army!

Homer: “Yeah, big deal. By the time Bart is 18, we’re gonna control the world… We’re China, right?

Principal Skinner: “I’d do anything for my beloved Army.

Army Recruiter: “How about re-enlisting?

Principal Skinner: “How about you bite me?

MIGHTY MOVIES

Jason Momoa had some very strong opinions about the ‘Game of Thrones’ finale

It’s no secret that fans have strong opinions about the finale of Game of Thrones, with over a million disgruntled viewers saying they want HBO to remake the divisive last season. But it turns out, even some of the actors from the show have mixed feelings about its ending, as Jason Momoa expressed his complicated emotions while watching season 8, episode 6, ‘The Iron Throne.’

Momoa, who played Daenerys’ first husband Khal Drogo, live-streamed his viewing experience on Instagram and made it immediately clear that he was team Dany all the way, as he gave a shoutout to Emilia Clarke, who portrayed his former on-screen spouse.


“Khaleesi, I love you,” Momoa said. “Emilia, I love you. So sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

During the aftermath of Dany’s destruction of King’s Landing, Momoa remained loyal to his quick, declaring, “Get ’em! Kill them all!” He even apologized to his Queen for not being there for her.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

(HBO)

However, things quickly took a bad turn for Dany, as she was killed by Jon Snow and, unsurprisingly, Momoa was not happy.

“Fuck you,” Momoa said to the Queenslayer. “Fuck you, punk!”

He also expressed frustration with Bran being elected King of Westeros, declaring “who gives a fuck?” in response to Tyrion arguing on Bran’s behalf.

But none of his previous anger compared to when Jon’s punishment for murdering Dany was being sent to the Night’s Watch, as it seems he would have preferred Grey Worm’s plan to execute him.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
(HBO)

“Let me get this straight,” Momoa said. “You’re going back to what the fuck you did in the first place and you killed Khaleesi? Oh my god!”

Once it was all over, he seemed to share the same confusion and anger as most viewers.

“I feel lost,” Momoa said despondently. “I’m lost. What the fuck! Drogon should’ve fucking melted his ass! Ugh, and the goddamn bar is closed.”

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

MIGHTY MOVIES

The ‘most Russian movie possible’ has a machine gun toting bear

What makes a movie “the most Russian movie possible?” In this case, it isn’t the long takes and subtle camera movement that trademarked films of the late Soviet Union. It instead features modern-day Soviet-level superheroes drawn together from all corners of the former USSR in order to fight an evil super villain who destroys Moscow and wants to take on the whole of Russia.

One of them is a military-trained, literal Russian Bear who mows down robotic drones with a minigun.


In the Russian action flick “Zaschitniki” (which translates to “Guardians“), the bear and other Russian superheroes are formed as an Guardians of the Galaxy-meets-Suicide Squad super unit who must take down a force of robots and henchmen who threaten all of Russia after they destroy the Russian Army and burn Moscow to the ground. The Guardians are superheroes formed through science during the Cold War, intended to protect the USSR from invaders.

Xenia has the power of invisibility and can change her body into water, Lernik can control Earth and rocks with his mind. Temirkhan has super speed and kills people with curved swords, and Arseniy turns into a giant bear-man who wields an equally giant machine gun. The creator of a subsequent superhero creation program flees the Soviet government and hides in Siberia, continuing his experiments and turning himself into a cyborg and creating clones of himself.

All of the heroes hide for decades after the fall of the USSR, emerging only because the Russian government wants to restart the program.

You see where this is going.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

To shots like this.

The Guardians are quickly captured by the evil cyborg doctor. While he’s off controlling an army of robots and tanks to gain control of all the Russian satellites in orbit so he can control all the technology in the world. Somehow, a Russian officer frees the Guardians. She trains them to fight and gives them special suits and weapons. An all-out Avengers-level brawl takes place in Moscow with the Guardians just murdering the other side.

Eventually they have to come together to defeat the villain. They touch each other and release a blast of energy, which the Russian officer forgets to tell them while they’re training for this big battle.

Listen, what you need to know is that Guardians isn’t a great movie, even by international action flick standards. What it does have is an awesome werebear and some other cool action scenes, which is all we ever really wanted. It also has a setup for a sequel which will be the worst movie I ever watch from start to finish.

Articles

7 reasons why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military

Everybody wants to be liked in one way or another — we all want to fit in.


In the military, if you’re not liked by your fellow service members (especially your chain of command), you’re going to have a harder time getting promoted.

If you show respect to everyone, that should help you maneuver your way through a successful military career. But there is a fine line between being too nice and showing others respect.

Okay, we will. (Image via Giphy)

Related: 7 military regs service members violate every day

So check out our list of why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military.

1. Your fellow brothers and sisters will end up venting to you on a daily basis.

If you’re that sweet guy or gal who is nice enough to listen to everybody’s problems — stand by for handing out free therapy sessions.

Best news ever! (Image via Giphy)

2. You just might get put into someone’s friend zone.

You know that hot guy or girl who works down at supply?

Because you haven’t shown signs of having a backbone — instead of going out with them on Saturday night — you’re going to be watching them leave the barracks with your co-worker who has a backbone.

They’re not coming back anytime soon. (Image via Giphy)

3. People will ask for favors — a lot of favors.

You know how you’re bad at saying no because you’re too nice?  Well, have fun standing somebody else’s duty Saturday night while they’re off having an excellent time at the bar.

FML. (Image via Giphy)

4. If you get even a little upset, everyone will think the “nice guy” is going crazy.

You listen to everyone’s problems 24/7, but when you decide to emote at all — everyone now thinks you’re the crazy one.

It’s okay for everyone else, but just not the nice guy or gal. (Image via Giphy)

5. You could get pushed to the side.

People have crazy schedules this day and age. So when they need to make space in their lives for something important, they might reschedule a meeting with you — the accommodating one — to make room.

Son-of-a-b*tch! (Image via Giphy)

6. Your chain of command could assign you extra duty.

Many times a bad assignment will come down the pipeline, and your chain of command needs to assign someone to work an outside event. If you’re that person who rarely gives anyone sh*t, you may be the one they ask to come on in on Saturday because you never say no.

Yeah. So, we’re going to need you to come in on Saturday. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 ways to prove your spouse a spy

7. People ask you for help all the freakin’ time.

That is all.

Being too nice can be painful. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

By now, we should all understand the life of Ian Fleming’s signature British spy is nothing like the real world of clandestine international espionage agents. The Silver Screen Bond is less clandestine, more clandestish. Even so, there are probably a million reasons any guy would want to be James Bond, and most of those reasons are why he’s a terrible spy.


1. He uses his real name

Secrecy is the most necessary element in the world of spies, so it’s a bad idea to use a real name. Even if James Bond is a cover name, he still uses the same cover name every time. Which is pretty much the same thing and seems like terrible espionage. Knowing how great Bond is with disguises, if he had to make up his own cover name every time, it would probably be just as useless.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
Bond is supposed to be Japanese here. No that’s not a joke.

He’s much better at thinking of bad puns after killing people. No wonder he needs so much help on every mission. Helping Bond can be hazardous to your health. For instance, a guy named Quarrel helps Bond throughout Dr. No and 007 lets Quarrel get torched by an armored flamethrower. Valentin Zukovsy saves Bond, his missions, and the world banking system in two films and Bond lets him get shot to death. And then, like a uniquely British STD, there’s the slew of women who die after a night with him.

2. He cares more about bedding women than any mission

That 007 cares more about sleeping with women than completing (or starting) a mission comes up more than once. In fact, in the first few movies, he doesn’t start his super-important missions until after sleeping with some woman he just met.

That those women usually don’t make it to the end credits is more evidence that James Bond should not be the clandestine agent Great Britain depends on for its security. It’s almost as if these women had to sleep with James Bond.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
That’s the actual line from the movie.

If Bond cared about them, they would probably have a higher survival rate. The only woman Bond ever saved without banging was M, and he couldn’t get away fast enough. It literally took 5 seconds. This also probably why she survives to be in other movies.

If Bond doesn’t care about them, he sure takes it personally every time one of them dies or betrays him — another terrible trait for a spy. Natalya Simonova was one the best Bond girls, but driving a tank around St. Petersberg trying to save her is a great way to blow your cover. Speaking of which…

3. He blows his cover on every mission

In Dr. No, Bond spends half the movie trying to convince an islander to help him infiltrate Dr. No’s radioactive island. He finally does and they sneak on in the middle of the night, only for Bond to give them away first thing the next morning when he sees a woman in a bikini.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

In Goldfinger, he’s supposed to monitor Goldfinger, but instead of that, he immediately breaks into Goldfinger’s suite, introduces himself to Goldfinger’s employee, taunts him via radio, forces him to lose thousands of dollars, then bangs his employee! Is anyone surprised when Goldfinger knocks Bond out in his own kitchen? In my opinion, Jill got dipped in gold paint because she makes poor life choices.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
At least she’s wearing clean underwear.

That was Goldfinger’s employee. In Thunderball, 007 sleeps with his mark’s girlfriend.

4. He drinks like it’s his job

The drinking. All the drinking. The guy is clearly an alcoholic. In the U.S., you can’t even get a top secret security clearance with that much alcohol use, let alone be the top field agent. How does Bond not die in alcohol-related incidents? Or of cirrhosis?

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
One thing at a time, man!

He needs booze to do anything. Sure, we can give him a pass for having a drink while gambling. That helps maintain an effective cover. But how many does he need for that purpose? This is the guy who keeps a bottle of chilled champagne in his tricked-out Aston-Martin just in case he has a lady in need of an emergency picnic. And he pops the compartment open in a move that would make Glenn Quagmire proud.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

With the exception of Timothy Dalton’s chronically misdressed Bond (he wears a shabby wool suit to work and a tuxedo to the carnival), 007 always looks impeccable. How does Bond always manage to look so suave and clean? With as much as he drinks and spends all night every night shagging some new girl, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be tired, unshaven, and smelling like liquor.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
ARCHER IS A DOCUMENTARY

 5. He gets captured all the time

Dr. No captures Bond and serves him breakfast. Bond immediately allows himself to be drugged by drinking the coffee like it was life-giving vodka. When he’s trying to turn a Russian general’s girlfriend in The Living Daylights, he CHUGS the martini she gives him. Drugged again. It’s a miracle he ever escapes anything alive. Poisoned vodka should have been enough to kill 007 in 1965 but then again, alcohol poisoning should have done him in a dozen times.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
This should have been the end of every movie.

Alec Trevelyan captures him twice. In Afghanistan, he escapes capture from the Soviets, only to be immediately captured by the Muhajeddin. Elecktra King doesn’t have any special powers or weapons and she captures 007 AND M. Goldfinger captured 007 and carted him around the world for at least a week. James Bond drove up to Harlem in the 1970s, tailing a gangster, then walked right into his nightclub. He was captured and held at gunpoint in about thirty seconds. Later in the same movie (Live and Let Die) he does it again.

6. He never notices the mole in MI6

Every time he travels, every where he goes, the enemy always knows his exact schedule. It doesn’t matter if it’s Eastern Europe, Turkey, or Jamaica, enemy agents always know when his flight arrives and what the world’s top secret superspy looks like. It also doesn’t matter who the enemy is, SPECTRE, Russia, or Dr. No.  Ignoring M16’s mole entirely, Bond spends a lot of tim in Dr. No trying to interrogate his people. When he finally subdues a geology professor who tires to kill him, 007 just shoots him instead of asking him anything.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

In Casino Royale, he doesn’t even bother to check what bank account Vesper Lynd transfers the money to. That could have been a great clue into what was really going on.

7. He rarely searches his hotel rooms for thugs, bugs, or anything

In Goldfinger, Bond blows up a drug lab and then walk right to the bar (surprise) to bang a dancer (big surprise). He walks into her room and starts undressing, missing the thug waiting to kill him. He only notices in the reflection on her eyeball. As the attacker drops the blow, he spins around and lets the lady take it.

In From Russia With Love, after not being in his hotel for two days, he just waltzes in, disrobes and orders breakfast. He doesn’t search for bugs or bombs or anything. THERE’S SOMEONE IN HIS BED and he doesn’t even notice. When he finds out its a woman, He even allows himself to be filmed having sex with her, his Russian informant, who is double crossing him.

It’s a good thing SPECTRE is as incompetent as he is. Even Blofeld, the most epic of all his nemeses, met an ignominious end when Bond dropped his WHEELCHAIR down a smokestack.

8. He hangs out with the supervillains he’s supposed to take out

In Live and Let Die, 007 disarms and captures a woman by burning the assailant’s drawn gun hand with a cigar while breaking into his hotel room. She says she’s CIA… and that’s good enough for James Bond, even though she can’t do any actual spy stuff or shoot a weapon. He sleeps with her anyway, then spends the next day fishing with her.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but fishing maybe?

Bond spends DAYS with Pussy Galore and Goldfinger without trying to escape even once. He drinks with Emilio Largo, vacations with Electra King, and bangs media baron Elliot Carver’s wife while staying at his house in Hamburg.

9. He’s a huge drain on the taxpayer

And doesn’t James Bond live a really lavish lifestyle for spy? Tuxedos, Aston-Martins, Gambling in the Riviera, not to mention all these other exotic locales? Why doesn’t SPECTRE set up shop in places that are little more out of reach for the West, like Sudan or North Korea? The Bahamas seems like a terrible place to start an evil plan or terrorist group. Bond’s life is one of tuxedos, luxury cars, and champagne.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

Cost Benefit analysis: how much does it cost for James Bond to stop these villains vs. What the villains actually want. How much was that invisible car? How many people died to get Bond in Space? At some point we have to wonder if it wouldn’t be cheaper just to let the bad guys win one. But be advised: When he doesn’t get his way, he rebels and becomes an enemy of the state.

10. He destroys everything

He destroys national monuments, kills local cops, and troops who are only doing their job, even when Russia isn’t the bad guy. It’s not like the cops know who he is, they’re just trying to protect the innocent. Someone let James Bond know Blue Lives Matter. And he can’t just kill someone. It takes four cars, two helicopters, and a train to get to the bad guy. Even when he’s assigned to get one guy, 007 blows up half an african embassy to do it (and gets caught on camera in the process).

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
Even if Bond is a cover name used by many agents, he just blew his cover (see reason #3).

On that note, who is the bad guy here? Isn’t M16 supposed to be supporting justice and peace? Instead their main guy is blowing up dams and trashing cities. He drove a tank through an apartment in St. Petersburg.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
Because f*ck you and everything you love.

If he pulled this stuff in the U.S. it would be on Fox News in heartbeat, and there goes his cover. He ruins weddings, birthdays, and lives.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons
And especially vacations. Rue Brittania.

BONUS: Q Branch isn’t that great either.

Pen grenade? Awesome. Magnet and/or laser watch? Perfect. Crocodile suit? Are you kidding me, Q?

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

 

MIGHTY MOVIES

A surprise ‘Die Hard’ sequel gives 2020 a much-needed jump start

Whether or not you agree with the popular theory that the 1988 action picture “Die Hard” is really a Christmas movie, you’ll have to admit that NYPD detective John McClane is Bruce Willis’ greatest role.

There have been four sequels of varying quality over the past decades, but it had been seven years since Willis had played the part. That changed over the weekend when a new “Die Hard” movie showed up on YouTube.


DIEHARD IS BACK | 2:00 Film

www.youtube.com

“Die Hard” 2020 is actually a commercial for DieHard, the iconic battery brand formerly owned by Sears and now sold by Advance Auto Parts. The spot brings back a pair of iconic characters from the original movie.

McClane’s car won’t start and he heads to an auto parts store for a new battery. He runs into the original movie’s computer hacker Theo (Clarence Gilyard Jr.), who’s still out for revenge 32 years later.

Theo sends a posse of musclebound thugs to finish off the detective, who crashes through the store window to buy his new battery. After escaping through the ventilation system, he runs into limousine driver Argyle (De’voreaux White), who’s finally paid off the same car he was driving in the first movie.

As they try to get back to McClane’s broken-down muscle car, Theo runs them down and crashes into the limo. The DieHard battery takes a bullet but still works when installed and they crank up the car for an escape.

Will Theo get his revenge or will McClane escape again with a few more scars but still in one piece? You’ll have to watch for the result.

If you’re shocked that Bruce was willing to play John McClane in a commercial, he’s got some thoughts for you.

“I’ve never done any sort of commercial with the John McClane character, but Advance Auto Parts brought an idea to integrate DieHard the battery into the ‘Die Hard’ story through a short film that’s authentic to McClane and both brands,” Willis said in a press release.

“Advance approached this like a motion picture — the script is clever, the production intense and the spot is entertaining,” he continued.” This is what ‘Die Hard’ fans expect. I think they will dig the DieHard –‘Die Hard’ mashup.”

Back in the day before its release, the movie title was a clever play on an iconic brand name. Over the years, the movie became a brand that’s probably bigger than the battery ever was. And now we’ve come full circle: A battery looks to get a boost from a movie that once got a boost from the battery.

Enjoy the spot and don’t get your back up. Bruce’s movie career got jump started by DieHard back in the day and now he’s returning the favor.

Here’s the classic DieHard battery commercial that the movie title was supposed to evoke for audiences back in 1988.

Diehard Battery Ad – Sears Roebuck Auto Center (1976)

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This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @militarydotcom on Twitter.


MIGHTY MOVIES

5 of the worst errors the living made at the Battle of Winterfell

If you haven’t yet seen the third episode of the final season of Game of Thrones, then stop reading this, go watch it, then come back and finish reading this. If you have, and you were reasonably frustrated for most of the episode, then this posting is for you. Be sure and comment about the tactical and strategic decisions you would have made. They can’t be much worse than the brain trust running Winterfell right now.


Strategically, their premise was flawed. They hinged their success on killing the Night King, something they could only do if he revealed himself, if they could kill him at all. Everyone else was expected to just fall back to a series of positions, expecting to be overrun. This plan fell apart immediately, except for the plan to fall back expecting to die – that part went just as they all thought it would.

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“Now you guys will at least see what is about to kill you.”

They deployed their maneuver forces first.

Not only did they send the Dothraki horde against the undead, the Dothraki were sent charging in head-strong against an enemy they couldn’t even see. The Dothraki have zero experience fighting in the dark, in the cold, or against an army that isn’t already afraid of them by the time they arrive. There was no reason to send them into the fighting first or to rely on them to do much damage to an overwhelming undead wave.

Reliance on maneuvering troops in an overly surrounded stronghold is what ended the French Army in Indochina, and it almost ended the army of the living.

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Why are you not using this superweapon? You know the Night King will.

They made little use of air superiority.

Everyone talks about these dragons as if they’re going to level the playing field or give Daenerys Targaryen the perpetual upper hand. And if I were a ground troop at Winterfell, I would have felt pretty good about the dragonfire death from above we had at our disposal. So what were Daenerys and Jon Snow waiting for? Dany was the least disciplined person on their side anyway, so once the plan went out the window, the dragons should have been playing tic-tac-toe all over the undead horde.

The enemy dragon didn’t show up until halfway through the battle and was using undead dragonfire like it was the key to beating the living because it was.

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If only they had some source of unlimited fire that not only killed the enemy but also lit the battlefield…

They had no eyes on the battlefield.

Every time the dragons lit up part of the enemy, it not only took enemy soldiers off the battlefield but it gave them living targets for their artillery and archers. A huge chunk of Winterfell’s defenders were barely used because they couldn’t see the incoming enemy. The Dothraki rode straight into the swarm, quickly overrun by a force they couldn’t fight because they couldn’t see them.

The only time the living army had any kind of chance or was able to use their natural abilities to their advantage was when they could see the enemy to shoot at them. Ask Theon Greyjoy and the crew from the Iron Islands as they stood around defending the group project’s least productive partner. They made every arrow count. If Arya Stark hadn’t actually killed the Night King, then Melisandre would have to be Winterfell’s MVP – she actually gave the defenders light to see.

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Another Tarley being recruited by the Night King.

They failed to plan for the enemy’s reserves.

All the Night King had to do was raise his arms by 90 degrees to bring in an entirely new wave of fresh troops to finish off whoever was left standing among the living. No fewer than 10 of the Winterfell defenders knew this, but failed to relay that message. Would it be so hard to take a swing at a corpse with your dragonglass just to make sure you don’t have to fight your friend later on?

Still, everyone was surprised and overwhelmed when the Night King raised the dead. Especially those who decided to hide out in a crypt.

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You know things are going badly when the Air Force has to pick up weapons.

The living still somehow managed to underestimate their enemy.

As Jon Snow ran up behind the Night King, the enemy leader stopped, turned, and raised another army of the dead. Jon Snow seemed very surprised by this. Why wasn’t the Night King giving him the one-on-one duel of honor Jon Snow knows he deserved? Because the Night King doesn’t care about things like that. All he does is win. He has no problems with winning a lopsided fight, even if he never has to fight it himself.

Jon and Daenerys thought they could just swoop down and kill the night king with dragonfire, despite there being a huge lack of evidence that he could be killed at all, let alone with fire. Then they assumed he would just reveal himself and allow himself to get splattered with fire. In their plan, every minute they didn’t know where the Night King was hiding or flying, there were hundreds of troops fighting for their lives and souls. Every minute their dragons weren’t spewing fire on anything else, the Night King was heavily recruiting for the White Walker Army Reserve.

Thank the old gods and the new for Arya Stark. Somewhere, CIA agents from the 1960s are nodding their heads in approval.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Even the GOT actors know their defense of Winterfell was stupid

Heading into Sunday’s Battle of Winterfell “Game of Thrones” episode, fans had their sights on the crypts of Winterfell and were prepared for horror to be unleashed inside. But, strangely, none of the characters on the HBO show seemed concerned about hiding out among decaying bodies when their enemy had the ability to raise the dead.

“We’re in a crypt. Nobody thought of that,” Peter Dinklage, who plays Tyrion Lannister, said in an HBO video. “[The Night King is] bringing all the dead people back to life. And they’ve put the women and children in a crypt with all the dead people so … blah.”


Game of Thrones | Season 8 Episode 3 | Game Revealed (HBO)

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Dinklage appears clearly flummoxed by the characters’ lack of foresight when it came to the dangers of the crypts.

“Tyrion is smart, but I guess not that smart,” Dinklage continued.

Ahead of the episode, fans were theorizing the many different ways the fight against the Night King might shake down. The dead Starks buried in the crypts being raised by the Night King and attacking all the people hiding in the “safe” place was among the chief predictions.

Related: 5 of the worst errors the living made at the Battle of Winterfell

Some people, including us, thought this was a terrible guess because surely Jon Snow and the Starks would’ve thought about this possibility? But nope. The dead were raised, and many people were killed. (Though not any of the main characters who were in the crypts.)

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Varys even joked about how the crypts were a good place to die.

(HBO)

We were surprised to see nobody defending the living against the dead inside the crypts, either. Arya had given Sansa a dragonglass dagger, but she hid with Tyrion and didn’t use it.

In the above HBO video, behind-the-scenes footage seems to show Dinklage and Sophie Turner (Sansa) getting in on the action and taking down a pair of wights. But either that wasn’t a real scene they were filming, or that moment never made it into the episode.

And so many lives were sacrificed both inside and out of the crypts of Winterfell. For a full rundown of the major fallen characters, read our list of the dead here.

“Game of Thrones” season eight continues on Sunday at 9 p.m. ET.

This article originally appeared on Insider. Follow @thisisinsider on Twitter.

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MIGHTY MOVIES

Marvel stars respond to Spider-Man leaving the MCU

Spider-Man has officially been booted out of the MCU, and the Marvel stars are just as upset as we are. Earlier this week, it was announced that Sony and Disney were unable to reach a new deal on the new films, so Tom Holland’s Spider-Man would no longer be a part of the Marvel Universe. Fans are heartbroken over the news, and it looks like MCU actors Jeremy Renner and Ryan Reynolds are equally torn up.

Jeremy Renner, who plays Hawkeye in the Avengers franchise, called Sony out in an Instagram post last night. “Hey @sonypictures we want Spider-Man back to @therealstanlee and @marvel please, thank you. #congrats #spidermanrocks#? #please,” the actor wrote alongside a photo of himself as Hawkeye.


Even if Disney is technically to blame for the decision (they wanted a 50/50 co-financing agreement), fans were quick to cheer Renner on. “YES!!! Thank you for speaking up Renner!! #savespidermanfromsony” one user commented.

Deadpool star Ryan Reynolds also chimed in to support Spidey after a fan tweeted at him and Tom Holland: “Can we get a Spiderman Deadpool movie now?” Reynolds responded: “You can. But you can only see it in my heart.”

This was clearly too soon for heartbroken fans, as the replies are full of crying gifs and teary emojis. Some fans are even begging Reynolds to somehow step in and reverse the decision. “RYAN U HAVE MORE POWER THAN ANY OF US PLEASE DO SOMETHING” one Twitter user replied.

It’s likely that even Reynolds’ clout won’t change Spidey’s fate at this point, but as Spider-Man taught us: with great power comes great responsibility.

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

MIGHTY MOVIES

This is what’s in Batman’s utility belt

Over the years, it has become a running joke of sorts that Batman’s glorified fanny pack contains whatever items he needs to fulfill his current mission, regardless of how unlikely a scenario the caped crusader may find himself in. This leads us to the query of the hour- what has Batman’s utility belt been shown to contain?

Up until the release of Detective Comics #29, which formally introduced the idea of Batman having a utility belt, Batman’s costume had, for all intents and purposes, an ordinary belt that stored a single gadget- the bat rope with a grappling hook.


Whats in Batmans Utility Belt & Other Bat Gadgets? – Know Your Universe | Comicstorian

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In Detective Comics #29, writer Gardner Fox decided to expand his tool-set, establishing that the Dark Knight wore a belt with numerous pouches containing various gadgets he may need while fighting crime- the first revealed being small glass pellets that when thrown released a large cloud of obscuring, choking gas.

From there things became a bit more elaborate. For example, among other things the utility belt was shown to include a giant balloon figure of batman that can be inflated remotely (Batman #115), a mini Geiger counter (Batman #117), and even a small disk made of asbestos inexplicably revealing his secret identity (Detective Comics #185).

In the 1958 comic Batman #117, it even shows him carrying shark repellent, for all those times one needs to fend off sharks while fighting crime on the streets of Gotham… If you’re curious, in this case Batman was underwater on an alien planet. Lucky for him, he remembered to pack his shark repellent and used it against an angry alien, reasoning that “if it works on the killers of the deep on Earth” it might just scare away a similar creature on an alien planet. We mention this because it gives the infamous scene in the 1966 Batman film where Adam West fends off a shark in mid-air with some handy Shark Repellent Bat Spray some context. Glorious, 1950s era context with pure West.

Related: The real ‘Batman’ served during World War II

Later comics also establish that Batman has gadgets specifically designed to counter single members of his rogues gallery such as an antidote to the Joker’s Joker toxin, a Bat-heater to combat Mr Freeze, and special gloves that augment his punching power to fight on a more even playing field with the superhumanly strong villain Bane. Not just for enemies, Batman also apparently keeps what’s needed on hand to take out his allies as well, including a little bit of kryptonite, just in case.

It should also be noted here that in his very earliest comic outings, Batman’s utility belt had space for a handgun. Yes, as sacrilege as this would be in modern times, early versions of Batman had no qualms about shooting bad guys dead.

As for more day to day things, Batman’s utility belt further carries: A first aid kit containing basic surgical tools and various anti-toxins, an acetylene torch that can “cut through the hull of a battleship”, a forensic kit for analysing crime scenes, batarangs, a communication device, keys for the Batmobile, a rebreather in case Batman is ever submerged underwater, Batcuffs (special handcuffs designed to restrain even superpowered individuals), a lockpick, a high resolution camera and in some cases and the aforementioned grappling hook. In addition, the belt also contains numerous darts and pellets designed to subdue, incapacitate or otherwise stun criminals non-lethally when thrown. It also is variously shown to have a flamethrower, and EMP, a sonic devastator, remote claw, napalm, explosive gel, a cryptographic sequencer, and grenades of various type.

Bat addiction: The US wanted an army of Batman paratroopers in WW2

Batman’s Utility Belt // Supercut

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Batman’s Utility Belt // Supercut

In the Batman and Robin film, the belt is even shown to contain a bat-credit card, which, if Batman is to be believed when he flashes it, is something he never leaves home without. And, to be honest, while this scene is often made fun of by the masses, it does at least accurately demonstrate a way for Batman to use his greatest super power- being rich.

In any event, as you might be gathering at this point, writers for Batman really do use his utility belt as a deus ex machina of sorts, usually introducing an amazingly specific gadget seemingly perfectly suited to solve whatever problem Batman has at a given time, with that gadget often never being mentioned again in later depictions.

In an effort to explain away their lazy writing in a semi-plausible way, the comic authors established in Batman canon that the hero obsessively plans every encounter to the most minute detail and has safeguards in place for any eventuality. Thus implying that the exact contents of his utility belt at any given time vary considerably from day to day, though even just going with the staple items that are supposedly always there, the storage capacity of this belt would give Hermione Granger’s handbag a run for its money.

Also read: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

Speaking of planning for any eventuality, the belt has numerous inbuilt security systems to prevent unauthorized use including a tracking beacon and an explosive charge so Batman can destroy it as a last resort if he ever loses it. The belt can also only be accessed by Batman and the various compartments and pouches will only open in response to a specific finger pattern.

The belt is also supposed to be constructed from a titanium alloy that makes it near indestructible, except, we guess from whatever explosive he used for its self destruct mode.

Of course, it’s at this point we feel compelled to point out that in the 1960s Batman TV show, early editions of his utility belt can very clearly be shown to be made up of common household kitchen sponges clipped to a yellow belt…

But to sum up, Batman’s superhero fanny pack contains a bafflingly array of equipment to fight crime, from shark repellent to kryptonite, that somehow all fits neatly into his tiny belt thanks to the magic of lazy comic writing.

If you liked this article, you might also enjoy our new popular podcast, The BrainFood Show (iTunes, Spotify, Google Play Music, Feed), as well as:

Bonus Fact:

  • Speaking of Batman’s obsessive planning, the comic JLA: Tower of Babel notes that Batman has plans in place to take out his own teammates, keeping detailed dossiers describing how to best deal with heroes such as Superman, Wonder Woman and the Flash. Batman’s obsession with being prepared for every scenario is such that he even keeps a file detailing how to kill himself should the need arise. For anyone curious, Batman notes that the easiest way to kill him would be to distract him by taking an innocent person hostage then take him out like any other mortal man. Although, given countless villains have used this exact strategy against him with little effect, we’re thinking maybe Batman’s planning abilities may be a little overestimated.

This article originally appeared on Today I Found Out. Follow @TodayIFoundOut on Twitter.

MIGHTY MOVIES

The ancient roots of the film ‘The Warriors’ will surprise you

The Warriors was controversial when it was released in 1979. Some critics panned it for stilted dialogue and lazy writing; President Ronald Reagan enjoyed it so much he had it screened at Camp David. The story of a street gang fighting its way through New York City to make their way home continues to captivate audiences today. But how many people know the book that the movie was based on?

The Warriors is based on the novel of the same name by Sol Yurick. However, Yurick’s work is based on the ancient Greek philosopher Xenophon’s Anabasis. Anabasis is Xenophon’s autobiographical account of the march of the Ten Thousand mercenaries through Asia Minor (modern Turkey).


In 401 BC, the Persian emperor was Artaxerxes II. His brother, Cyrus the Younger, had spent years preparing to seize the throne and was now primed to strike. Cyrus hired Xenophon’s Ten Thousand to march through Asia Minor and meet up with his own army in Mesopotamia so Cyrus could overthrow Artaxerxes.

Fans of the movie can probably guess how Cyrus’s plans turned out. At the Battle of Cunaxa the rebels were defeated and Cyrus was killed, leaving Xenophon and the Ten Thousand stranded in enemy territory with a furious emperor on their heels.

Anabasis (a Greek word meaning “a march up country”) details the experiences of Xenophon and the remaining Ten Thousand during their march north through Mesopotamia. The army was traveling to the Black Sea, where the Greeks could escape to their own coastal cities. Xenophon and his men were forced to fight their way home through hostile forces in one of the Western world’s first nonfiction adventure stories.

The Warriors follows Xenophon’s narrative rather closely. The film begins as Cyrus, a powerful gang leader in New York, calls a meeting of all the city’s gangs to work together and overthrow the police. However, Cyrus is assassinated and the blame falls on the Warriors, another gang which now has to fight its way to their turf of Coney Island through gangs and police alike.

The parallels between the Warriors and the Ten Thousand are striking. The Ten Thousand consisted mostly of hoplites, Greek soldiers who formed an interlocking wall of shields in a rectangular formation called a phalanx. The strength of the phalanx was the strength of the men holding it up; if one man broke formation, then everyone was put in danger. Similarly, the Warriors depend on each other to survive their perilous journey through New York. In both narratives, the soldiers or the gang members cannot survive without one another.

The Anabasis was widely influential throughout ancient Greece. According to some ancients, the Anabasis inspired King Philip of Macedon to conquer Greece. Xenophon’s descriptions of the Persian landscape were so detailed that supposedly, Philip’s son Alexander the Great used the Anabasis to navigate his own invasion of the Persian Empire.

Hundreds of years later, the parallels between Xenophon and Alexander were still being noted by the Greeks. Arrian of Nicomedia titled his histories of Alexander The Anabasis of Alexander and wrote it in seven books, just like Xenophon.

Unfortunately, The Warriors was also an inspiration for violence. The film was popular with street gangs, who would often encounter each other going to or coming back from the movie. There were three killings in the weekend after the release of The Warriors.

The violence did not stop the film from becoming a commercial success. The film made .5 million on a million budget, and in recent years became a cult film that currently holds a 90 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

The Warriors, like the Anabasis, is a classical tale of companionship, survival, and homecoming, that continue to be popular in the modern day. The next time you watch this classic film, remember that there were real people for whom that ending walk on the beach meant home.

MIGHTY MOVIES

How ‘Saving Private Ryan’ could use a sequel, but not in the way Hollywood thinks

There’s no doubt about it. Steven Spielberg’s 1998 war epic, Saving Private Ryan, was a masterpiece in every aspect of filmmaking. It won five of the eleven Academy Awards for which it was nominated. The immense scale of the invasion of Normandy was expertly recreated for film in a way that hasn’t been replicated since — and likely never will be.

Despite the massive war that characterizes the film, the movie’s primary conflict wasn’t between warring nations, but rather between Tom Hanks’ character, Captain Miller, and his duty to return Pfc. Ryan (as played by Matt Damon), who refuses to leave behind the brothers with whom he’d fought so far.


The film, being the masterpiece that it is, wraps the story up nicely, leaving few loose ends, but there’s that ever-burning question in Hollywood — how do you make that special lightning strike twice? How can you create another story surrounding the incomparable D-Day and find just as much success?

The truth is, simply, that you can’t. The story has already been perfectly told by one of the finest filmmakers in Hollywood at just the right moment. But that doesn’t mean that the story has necessarily ended…

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What made this scene so great wasn’t the million put into it — it was Tom Hank’s reaction to everything happening around him.

(DreamWorks Pictures)

As stated by Jack Knight of War History Online, there is serious interest in following-up Saving Private Ryan by continuing the story of the Rangers at D-Day and the mission that occurred at Pointe du Hoc. What made the beach landing scene so spectacular wasn’t the battle itself, but rather how the battle was seen — through Capt. Miller’s eyes.

The audience felt the immense gravity of war in a truly human way. In one moment, we’re listening to a guy joke on the landing craft; one second later, his blood is splattered on Miller’s face. This is the essence of what made Saving Private Ryan so great. World War II was just the backdrop to a more personal story, but the sheer, raw horrors of war were still very much present.

The audience saw the enemy in the distance, but the focus was entirely on the Capt. Miller. Any spiritual successor (or direct sequels) should keep that in mind.

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It’s a grim reality, but it’s comforting in it’s own way.

(Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

Such a sequel, a movie that follows someone’s personal life after a major conflict, has been dreamt up before. One film, known as “the greatest war film never made,” that was to explore this theme was to be called The Way Back.

The 1955 film To Hell and Back was an amazing anomaly. It was the World War II experience of Audie Murphy, based on the autobiography of the same name that was written by Audie Murphy and David McClure, starring Audie Murphy himself. But this wasn’t the only film the war hero wanted to make. Everyone wanted to see his heroic stand on the back of the Sherman, but he never got the finances for the script that told the story of what happened after he was bestowed the Medal of Honor.

He struggled daily with post-traumatic stress. His family life was, to put it lightly, troubled. He turned to drugs and alcohol to cope with the pain. He even famously locked himself in a dirty motel room to kick his morphine addiction. He was lost in a world that wanted “him,” but not the real him. But he knew countless children looked up to him, so he put one foot in front of the other with a forced smile on his face.

This movie, were it ever made, would’ve been a powerful piece. Audie Murphy, arguably the greatest soldier to ever don a uniform, would’ve told everyone that not everything is fine when the war’s over. There’s a pain there that nobody can see, but many of us feel.

Your handy viewing guide to military episodes of The Simpsons

It’s not like there are too many war films out there specifically made for Post 9/11 vets. The bar is set kinda low…

(Summit Entertainment)

War films are a dime a dozen in Hollywood and rarely will they have any impact on the public because they’re just action scenes after action scenes until the credits roll. If Hollywood really wanted a powerful message to send to the world, they could make a grounded story following the life of one of the Rangers after D-Day. Use Saving Private Ryan’s personal approach and make it about one soldier. They could keep the action scenes, but make them a background to the story of just surviving. Then, as Act II rolls around, shift the story to show how a returning soldier survives this world he left behind to fight in D-Day.

Hollywood could have their cake and eat it to while also sending a powerful message to the countless returning veterans of the Post-9/11 wars, telling them that they’re not alone.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Here’s what the GOT creator thinks about the finale

Game of Thrones may have come to an end on HBO Sunday night but the saga continues off-screen, in the yet-unfinished series of books penned by George R.R. Martin which inspired the hit show. On May 20, 2019, the author reacted to the finale and also hinted at what’s to come for fans.

“Let me say this much — last night was an ending, but it was also a beginning,” Martin wrote in a post on his website, Not a Blog. “There are characters who never made it onto the screen at all, and others who died in the show but still live in the books… if nothing else, the readers will learn what happened to Jeyne Poole, Lady Stoneheart, Penny and her pig, Skahaz Shavepate, Arianne Martell, Darkstar, Victarion Greyjoy, Ser Garlan the Gallant, Aegon VI, and a myriad of other characters both great and small that viewers of the show never had the chance to meet.”


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George R. R. Martin speaking at the 2013 San Diego Comic Con International, for “Game of Thrones”, at the San Diego Convention Center in San Diego, California.

(Photo by Gage Skidmore)

The 70-year-old went on to add that he’s still working on the next installment in the series, The Winds of Winter, which was originally supposed to be published in 2015. “Winter is coming, I told you, long ago… and so it is,” he promised. “[The next book] is very late, I know, I know, but it will be done. I won’t say when, I’ve tried that before, only to burn you all and jinx myself… but I will finish it.”

And that won’t even be the last book. Martin said that fans can also expect A Dream of Spring to round out what he thinks will be a total of 3,000 pages between the final two reads.

As for whether the books will end the same way as the show, Martin remained vague, saying, “well… yes. And no. And yes. And no. And yes.”

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.