When the military doesn’t want to kill anyone but really needs to make sure they stay away, they turn to non-lethal weapons. Some of these weapons are painful enough that a gunshot might seem preferable.
1. The non-lethal claymore
Two M5 modular crowd control munitions are mounted on the side of this M-113 armored personnel carrier in Camp Bucca, Iraq, in 2008. Photo: Capt. Jason McCree
The M5 modular crowd control munition is described as a non-lethal claymore. It works about the same as a normal claymore in the sense that a small explosion propels hundreds of small balls. The M5 uses 600 rubber balls instead of steel pellets, and so just hurts like Hell instead of killing people.
The Active Denial System is commonly called a pain laser, but it’s actually a pain ray that uses millimeter waves to heat water under a target’s skin. This gives a sensation of burning, like they’ve opened a blast furnace. The target usually flees immediately and no one lasts more than a few seconds. China has its own version of the weapon.
4. Plasma shield
Flashbangs are already known as a painful and occasionally lethal way to control foes. The Plasma Acoustic Shield System uses lasers to create pockets of plasma in the air and then detonates those pockets with another laser, creating a flashbang effect each time. Currently, the system can only make 10 explosions per second but the Pentagon is aiming for hundreds.
5. Shotgun tasers
Extended Range Electronic Projectiles are shotgun rounds that each contain a mini, self-contained taser. They contain a battery, microprocessor, and 10 electrodes. The rounds fly for up to 100 feet before striking a target and burying four electrodes into its skin. Six more electrodes then deploy and spread the shock over more of the body.
The rubber ball hand grenade is exactly what it sounds like. It’s thrown like a normal grenade and a small charge propels at least 100 rubber pellets at nearby targets, stinging and bruising them. It may not kill anyone, but it hurts like hell and will make anyone deaf for at least a little while.
The Veterans Affairs home loan can be incredibly confusing, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed with all of the information found on the VA website. So we have broken it down into six basic questions for you: who, what, when, where, why, and how?
*As always, when making decisions that impact your personal finances, make sure you’re sitting down with a financial advisor. Most banks have financial advisors on staff who are always willing to work with customers.
The VA home loan program is a benefit for eligible service members and veterans to help them in the process of becoming homeowners by guaranteeing them the ability to acquire a loan through a private lender.
Utilizing the VA home loan, lendees do not make a down payment and are not required to pay monthly mortgage insurance, though they are required to pay a funding fee. This fee varies by lender, depends on the loan amount, and can change depending on the type of loan, your service situation, whether you are a first time or return lendee, and whether you opt to make a down payment.
The fee may be financed through the loan or paid for out of pocket, but must be paid by the close of the sale.
The fee for returning lendees and for National Guard and members of the reserve pay a slightly higher fee.
The fee may also be waived if you are:
a veteran receiving compensation for a service related disability, or
a veteran who would be eligible to receive compensation for a service related disability but does not because you are receiving retirement or active duty pay, or
are the surviving spouse of a veteran who died in service or from a service related disability.
Lendees may utilize the loan program during or after honorable active duty service, or after six years of select reserve or National Guard service.
Veterans Affairs helps service members, veterans and eligible surviving spouses to purchase a home. The VA home loan itself does not come from the VA, but rather through participating lenders, i.e. banks and mortgage companies. With VA guaranteeing the lendee a certain amount for the loan, lenders are able to provide more favorable terms.
Eligible lendees should talk to their lending institution as each institution has its own requirements for how to acquire the loan.
Many of the world’s most famous brands have a military heritage.
Some brands proudly display their backgrounds in their logos, websites and marketing, while others would rather consign their early beginnings to the history books.
Either way, a surprising amount of brands started off by supplying products to the armed forces or discovered the products that made them famous during times of conflict.
1. The original Jeeps went into production in 1941, purpose-built for the military. Willys MB Jeeps became the most commonly-used 4-wheel drive vehicles of the US army during World War II.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
2. Mars invented the recipe for MMs during the Spanish Civil War, when Forrest Mars Sr. saw soldiers eating pieces of chocolate covered in a candy coating, which prevented them from melting in the sun. He was on his visit behind the lines with a member of the Rowntree family, which went on to make Smarties — a candy very similar to MMs — sold outside of the US.
Photo: Wikipedia Commons
3. Vodafone began its life in the 1980s as a subsidiary of Racal Electronics, the UK’s largest military radio technology producer at the time. Racal was also once the third-largest British electronics company. Here’s Vodafone’s first mobile phone, the Mobira Transportable, which weighed 11 pounds.
4. Aquascutum was founded in 1851. British army officers wore its water-repellent grey raincoats during the Crimean War to help withstand the rain and mud in the Russian trenches (the brand’s name is derived from Latin words “aqua,” which means water, and “scutum,” which translates as shield.) And, a few decades later, here’s former Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill wearing one of its classic trench coats.
5. Probably the best-recognized sunglasses in the world, the Ray-Ban Aviator. Bausch Lomb developed the style after being asked by the US Army Air Corps Lieutenant General to create sunglasses that would reduce the nausea and headaches pilots flying at high altitudes were experiencing. The original prototype was created in 1936 and had green lenses, which served as anti-glare without obscuring pilots’ vision.
6. Kotex sanitary pads actually started out as medical gauze to treat soldiers during World War I. Army nurses then adapted the wadding for menstrual purposes. In 1920, Kotex became Kimberly-Clark’s first consumer product.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
7. Super glue was first discovered in 1942 when a team of scientists, who were looking for materials to make clear plastic gun sights for the war, came across a material that stuck to any other material it contacted. American researchers rejected cyanoacrylates (the chemical name for glue) because it was too sticky. But in 1951, they were rediscovered by researchers at Eastman Kodak. Super Glue began being sold as a commercial product in 1958.
Photo: The Original Super Glue
8. Victorinox originated in 1864 from a knife cutler’s workshop Ibach-Schqyz, Switzerland. Founder Karl Elsener I went on to become the first major supplier of soldiers’ knives to the Swiss Army. Here’s one of the original designs.
Photo: Victorinox Swiss Army
9. Silly Putty was an accidental creation. It was invented in the 1940s by an engineer looking to create a synthetic rubber. During World War II, rubber was rationed in the US and the government asked companies to attempt to make an alternative in order to speed up wartime productive efforts. A practical use for the putty was never really found but, after a marketer placed a batch of the putty into little plastic eggs and began selling them for a $1, it became a world-renowned toy.
10. Hugo Boss was a member of the Nazi Party and in 1928 became an official supplier of uniforms organizations within the National Socialist party, including the Hitler Youth, Sturmabteilung (paramilitary), and the SS.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
11. Fanta was first invented due to a trade embargo on importing Coca-Cola syrup into Nazi Germany during World War II. The then-head of Coca-Cola Deutschland decided to create a new drink made up ingredients actually available in the country at the time, such as whey and pomace. The result was Fanta, which comes from the German word “Fantasie.” Coca-Cola relaunched Fanta worldwide in 1955.
12. Banana Republic was founded by husband and wife team Mel and Patricia Ziegler in 1978, who began by re-purposing and selling vintage military surplus clothing and safari wear. The clothing retailer later expended to its own original lines and was acquired by Gap in 1983. Here is the very first Banana Republic in Mill Valley, California.
Photo: Banana Republic
13. Porsche created the Volkswagen Beetle after Adolf Hitler expressed demand for a mass-market, sturdy, but cheap vehicle for Germany’s newly established road network. The first Beetle was manufactured in 1938. Here’s a 1963 Beetle, made famous by the movie “Herbie.”
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
14. Motorola originally started out as a battery-maker called Galvin Manufacturing Corporation. But in 1940 it developed the Handie-Talkie SCR536 portable two-way radio, which became a World War II icon.
15. The founders of Adidas and Puma were two brothers (Adi and Rudolf) who were partners at the Dassler Brothers Sport Shoe company in the 1920s and even supplied shoes to gold medal-winning African-American athlete Jesse Owens during the 1936 Olympics. But a fierce rivalry grew between them, which came to a head during World War II when the Allies bombed Herzogenaurach. Adi is reported to have exclaimed: “The dirty bastards are back again,” as he and his wife climbed into a bomb shelter already occupied by Rudi and his wife. Rudi thought it was directed at him, and as their conflict escalated, the two split the company in 1945. Adi named his new company Adidas, and Rudi called his Puma.
16. Duct Tape was first created by Johnson Johnson during World War II, where soldiers had a need for strong, flexible, waterproof tape that could repair their machinery, equipment, and ammunition. It was nicknamed “Duck Tape” by soldiers, due to its duck cloth backing.
The military has very talented photographers in its ranks, and they constantly attempt to capture what life as a service member is like during training and at war. This is the best of what they shot this week:
The Thunderbirds Delta formation flies by One World Trade Center during a photo chase mission in New York City May 22, 2015.
Capt. Nicholas Eberling, a solo pilot for the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds Air Demonstration Squadron, maneuvers his F-16 Fighting Falcon aircraft to close in on the refueling boom of a KC-135 Stratotanker from McConnell Air Force Base, Kan.
The USS Constitution (America’s oldest warship) may be in drydock for the next few years, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still “virtually” tour her on Google Maps.
An F/A-18E Super Hornet assigned to the Sunliners of Strike Fighter Squadron (VFA) 81 launches from the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson (CVN 70) during an air-power demonstration.
Four containerized delivery system bundles parachute from an United States Air Force C-130 Hercules during a joint humanitarian assistance and disaster relief training mission, in Kosovo.
USS WASP, At sea – Two F-35B Lightning II Joint Strike Fighters complete vertical landings aboard the USS Wasp during the opening day of the first session of operational testing.
Louisburg, N.C – U.S. Marines assigned to Force Reconnaissance Platoon, Maritime Raid Force, 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit , conduct a high altitude low opening jump during category 3 sustainment training in Louisburg, N.C.
Duct tape is quite possibly the greatest thing ever invented. It’s the poor man’s handyman tool. It can fix just about anything (temporarily). So it makes sense in the military would find plenty of use for this magical sticky stuff.
Here are 20 hacks that could make military life a little bit easier.
1. Blisters Ruining Your Patrol?
When you first feel the symptoms of an impending blister (i.e., burning, friction, or irritation), apply duct tape over the irritated spot as smoothly as possible. If a blister has already developed though, protect it from the duct tape’s glue by placing a circle of paper or gauze directly over the blister, and then apply the duct tape on top. Voila: Pain be gone!
2. Cracked or Leaking Windows
Hum-v windshield not lookin’ too good? Wind blasting through a crack in the barracks’ window? Slap piece of the sticky stuff to seal the crack. It’l buy you enough time until you can get it actually fixed of course.
3. Knife Safety
Don’t have the sheath for your favorite K-Bar? A strip of duct tape folded over even the sharpest blade will render it safe for travel or storage.
Bonus Tip: Support the Troops with Duct Tape Ribbons
4. Make an Emergency Bandage
If you’re nowhere near a first-aid kit when someone gets hit, or you just cut yourself chopping some veggies, apply some sterile, absorbent fabric to the wound (a bandana or strip of t-shirt will do in a pinch) and then wrap duct tape around the gash (applying firm, but not constrictive, pressure) to hold the fabric in place.
5. Trap Bugs
No one wants flying insects buzzing around inside. If you’re looking to get a cardio workout out of your bug trapping, wrap a tennis racket in duct tape (sticky side out) and wave it around to trap the little critters.
6. Snack holder
Duct-tape a bowl to the top of a soda can and you have an instant snack platter for your vehicle’s cup holder.
7. Survive a Chemical Attack
With some plastic sheets and the magic tape, seal off any rooms or other areas you need hazard-free.
Need one for a workout overseas? Punch a hole in an old basketball. Fill it with sand or, for less weight, wood pellets. Plug the hole — we suggest epoxy cement — and wrap with duct tape.
10. Tape a Sprained Ankle
Walking it off not an option? You can get by with a simple wrapping job.
11. Secure a Splint
Or if you do manage to make yourself a little sprint, hold it in place with a few strips of the adhesive miracle.
12. Memorial Day
Flak-proof barbecue apron anyone? Joe Wilson details how to fashion a fire-and splash-resistant barbecue apron in his book “Ductigami: The Art of the Tape.”
13. Christmas While Deployed
Found yourself an adequate tree, but no ornaments in your arsenal? Salvage what you can find around base and hang it on up with a little cut strip of duct tape. Who would have thought 5.56’s looked so pretty hanging from pine leaves?
14. Hem Pants
My buddy was once on leave for a family wedding and when he got home to change into his new suit, he realized he had never gotten his pants hemmed. A quick fold on the inside with a couple discreet pieces of tape saved the evening.
15. Patch Gear
From torn fatigues to ripped rucks, slap an iron to your duct-tape patches to heat up the glue for a better bond.
A heavy-duty garbage bag and a roll of duct tape will keep just about anything dry.
17. Patch Helicopter Blades
You heard right! Your helicopter blades take a few rounds or getting eaten by desert sands? No problem, duct tape will get you flying again. Crew chiefs have even been known to use buckshot and duct tape to rebalance out-of-whack rotors in a pinch.
8. @USNavyband: If you want an inside look at the Navy’s best musicians, this is the account to follow. These behind-the-scenes photos show sailors in rehearsal, at ceremonies, and even at national football games.
Unit mottos are usually written in Latin and framed by the core values of the group.
The motto is like a mission statement and a battle cry in one. It also serves to boost morale and in some cases, to initiate fear in the enemy. To some, like Lt. Gen. Norman Seip, a motto is more than just a catchy phrase, it represents a unit’s work. In short, these are the words a unit lives by.
Here’s our list of the seven coolest unit mottos in the Air Force:
Motto: Kiai O Ka Lewa (Hawaiian for “Guardians of the Upper Realm”)
5th Bomb Wing: Stationed at Minot Air Force Base, North Dakota, it’s one of the only two B-52H Stratofortress wings in the Air Force.
Motto: Mors Ab Alto (Latin for “Death from Above”)
7th Bomb Wing: Stationed at Dyess Air Force Base, Texas, it’s one of only two B-1B Lancer bomber wings in the Air Force.
Motto: Aut Vincere Aut Mors (Latin for “Conquer or Die”)
1st Fighter Wing: Stationed at Langley Air Force Base, Virginia, it’s the first operational wing flying the F-22A Raptor.
Motto: Attaquez et Conquerez (Latin for “Attack and Conquer”)
8th Fighter Wing: Stationed at Kunsan Air Base, Republic of Korea, the wing flies the F-16 Fighting Falcon.
Motto: Tutor et Ultor (Latin for “Protector and Defender”)
49th Fighter Wing: Stationed at Holloman Air Force Base, New Mexico, the wing flies the F-22 Raptor.
Motto: “Seek, Attack, Destroy”
52nd Fighter Wing: Stationed at Spangdahlem Air Base, Germany, the unit is flies the F-16 Fighting Falcon.
Motto: “Fire From The Clouds”
33rd Fighter Wing: Stationed at Eglin Air Force Base, Florida, the wing’s mission is to train F-35 pilots and maintainers.
1. That one time the Australian Army fought a bunch of emus … and lost
Australia’s known for being a pretty badass country — a worthy reputation when your nation is populated by a bunch of outlaws on one of the world’s harshest continents. What Australia doesn’t want you to know, however, is that in between all that crocodile-wrangling and kangaroo-eating, it got its butt kicked once by a bunch of flightless birds.
The year was 1932. Australian farmers were struggling to save their wheat crops from a fierce, egg-laying pack of scavengers that had migrated into the area. And we’re not talking a pesky flock of chickens, either. This was a battalion of 20,000 emus.
Being Australian, the farmers figured they could probably take out these birds themselves. That plan quickly failed, since there were simply too many birds to handle, though one does wonder how they attempted to solve the problem in the first place (maybe some vegemite traps?).
Regardless, the crops were failing and it was decided reinforcements were necessary. Enter the Royal Australian Artillery. Major G.P.W. Meredith led two regiments of machine-gun wielding Australian soldiers against the bird infestation, figuring the issue would be taken care of in a few days.
He was wrong.
The emus proved wilier than expected. They dodged bullets with shocking finesse, weaving in and out of troops and scattering into the brush before they could be herded together. Many of the birds that were hit still got away — whether because of their dense feathers or sheer force of will, they would not not bend to the Aussie military.
Meredith decided to up the ante, organizing a surprise ambush near a dam where 1,000 emus were gathered unawares. This failed as well. Ego bruised, Meredith decided that the only way to destroy an army of demon emus is to do it yourself. In what no doubt would have made a soul-stirring slow-motion montage, Meredith climbed in the back of a truck and manned its machine gun, firing at the birds as he sped beside them.
The emus outran the truck, leading it through terrain so uneven and wild that the vehicle ended up crashing through a fence in its pursuit. As the emus disappeared into the sunset, the AA had no choice but to accept defeat.
“On 8 November, it was reported that Major Meredith’s party had used 2,500 rounds of ammunition – twenty-five per cent of the allotted total – to destroy 200 emus,” says Johnson. “When one New South Wales state Labor politician inquired whether ‘a medal was to be struck for those taking part in this war’, his federal counterpart in Western Australia, responded that they should rightly go to the emus who ‘have won every round so far’.”
In the end, less than 1,000 of the 20,000 emus were killed, and the farmers were left to weep over their wheat and gather an army of wallabies to fight back. Totally kidding — the government decided to cut out the middleman and give the farmers the ammunition they needed to finally fry the birds, taking the lives of 57,034 emus and restoring peace once and for all.
2. The time Japan deployed a new battleship and flooded Nagasaki
The saying “bigger is better” is traditionally an American mantra, but the Japanese Navy tried it on for size in 1940, and the results were pretty hilarious.
Not yet at war with the United States, Japan still wanted to assert military dominance. The plan? Build the biggest battleship it had ever commissioned, and call it the Musashi.
Now, Japan understood that an incredibly large battleship would not be impressive unless it was also outfitted with incredibly large weapons. To remedy this, the Japanese Navy decked out the Musashi with the best of the best. Amongst the weapons on board were cannons that could fire 18-inch shells over 26 miles and 9×450 mm guns — stats that were impressive for any military at the time.
What Japan did not take into account, apparently, was how much this thing would weigh. When the Japanese Navy joyously deployed the ship into the sea, the mammoth watercraft displaced so much water (63,000 tons) it caused a four foot high tidal wave, flooding the riverbank homes of Nagasaki and totally killing the mood.
The Musashi‘s wake capsized nearly all of the ships in the surrounding harbor, and did some serious damage to the shops and houses closest to the water’s edge. Frightened citizens rushed into the streets as water poured through their doors, completely bewildered by the source of the flooding.
They were quickly urged back inside their water-sogged homes by the Imperial Navy, which was too embarrassed to tell the people of Nagasaki what had actually gone down. It makes you wonder what they did blame it on…
3. A pilot ejects from his plane and watches it fly itself
Sometimes in life, things go incredibly wrong. And other times, they just go incredibly weird. 1st Lt. Gary Foust was preparing for the first scenario during a test flight in 1970, when his fighter jet began an uncontrollable flat spin. After struggling to regain control of the F-106 interceptor jet for a few moments, he did the smart thing and pressed the eject button 8,000 feet above the ground.
Or … he thought it was the smart thing. Once his chute deployed and buoyed him up in the air, Foust looked down towards the ground, expecting his plane to light up like the Fourth of July upon impact. What he saw instead was his plane cruising along, as if the spin had never happened and it was being piloted by a very casual, aircraft-savvy ghost.
One of Foust’s wingmen, Maj. Jim Lowe reportedly shouted over the radio “Gary, you better get back in it!” But Gary could not get back in. All he could do was watch with wonder as his plane flew itself in a straight line before landing gently in a snow-covered wheat field.
When police arrived on the scene, the F-106’s engine was still running. Wary of whatever had possessed this thing, the Air Force suggest the cops wait until the plane ran out of fuel, rather than attempt shutting it off. It took a while.
When the plane finally breathed its last it was collected and repaired by the Air Force, and eventually returned to active service. Freaky.
Check out the video below to hear Foust recount the events of that day:
4. Helicopter pilots nosedive into Lake Tahoe for a Facebook pic
Back in 2010, two presumably experienced and level-headed pilots from Helicopter Maritime Strike Squadron 41 (HSM-41) were flying MH-6OR helicopters over Lake Tahoe. Everything appeared to be normal, when suddenly one of the aircrafts took a dip in the water, like a pelican trying to nab a fish.
Civilian witnesses caught the whole thing on video, and everyone wondered what the heck was going on. Had the engine failed? Were they trying to practice a mock search and rescue mission? The women in the video below seem to think its some sort of elaborate training exercise:
The answer is no. The pilots had the $33 million chopper surface-hover incredibly low over the water to try and get a cool profile picture for their squad’s Facebook page. And no, we’re not kidding.
The pilots allegedly took their hands off the controls to snap photos of one another flying the choppers. Then one helicopter began to plummet through the air, quickly losing altitude and skimming the water. The pilot was able to regain control and bring the chopper back up out of the water, but the stunt cost a cool half-a-million dollars worth in damages to the electronic flying antenna and other expensive equipment.
When they returned to base, the unnamed pair immediately lost flight status — shocker. Let it be a lesson to us all to not do it for the Vine, or the Facebook profile picture.
So, check these four simple rules that every infantryman ‘in the suck’ should obey.
4. Never lose your weapon — ever
Sounds obvious, right?
Troops periodically lose their weapon when entering into some downtime just by simply setting down their rifle down for a few moments. It makes sense; when you’re stuck holding your weapon for hours on end, you’ll want to take a break eventually. It’s all too easy. A troop gets some downtime, puts their weapon down, starts to decompress, begins an activity, and, in the process, walks away from their rifle.
If you forget it at your “rack,” it’s not the end of the world, but absent-mindedly put it anywhere else and you’re asking for something bad to happen.
3. Know the weight of your rifle from muscle memory
Grunts commonly punish one another for various screw-ups. One of those punishments is removing the bolt assembly from the troop’s rifle.
Some POGs at a FOB may not know their rifle’s weight because they don’t hold it enough. Although the weight only changes by a few ounces when you remove the bolt, your weapon won’t fire without it. You should know, at first touch, when something’s not right.
2. Mount your gear to your flak as needed
Every mission we go on is different. Each mission is unique in some way and requires various pieces of specialized gear.
If you think you’re going to end up in the prone position for extended periods of time, it’s probably not a good idea to stage all of your rounds on the front of your flak jacket. Pack strategically; your lower back will thank you later.
Some military FOBs don’t allow troops to keep their rifles in condition three (magazine inserted) while inside the wire. That’s not a big deal as long as you carry a loaded magazine inside your cargo pocket.
Being inside a FOB is relatively safe, but you never know when the bad guys might start feelin’ froggy and attack.
GI Joe is a national treasure and the doll that has made red-blooded American males tough for decades. But not all GI Joes are created equal once the shooting starts. Here are the 10 most useless among them:
Altitude’s special abilities include making quick sketches while skydiving. It may or may not be relevant that he’s a full-blooded Apache. After the failure of syndicated cartoons, he joined the military. His photographic memory helps his sketches be as accurate as possible. According to his official filecard, he’s the first Joe ever to combine two totally different specialties – Reconnaissance and Combat Artistry.
Once the “baddest, hottest disc jockey in Boston,” Dee-Jay is a Communications expert who can work “complicated sound equipment… and coax strange sounds out of it with an infectious beat.” The only person more useless would be Cobra’s Falconer, but at least he knew how to dodge tax laws.
Metalhead is from the short-lived GI Joe EXTREME series. His specialty is computer communications and playing loud rock music in battle. He also has an “in-your-face attitude” (aka “being an asshole”).
Also, a leather vest and peace symbol necklace aren’t intimidating anyone, least of all Cobra Commander.
GI Joe’s hostage negotiator, Bullhorn is an “intervention specialist… an extremely calm individual, possessing an open and compassionate personality.” He “has the looks of a choirboy and is a good listener!”
5. Colonel Courage
The Colonel whose military specialty is “administrative strategist,” his filecard quotes him as saying “I’ll never surrender when I’m wearing a tie ’cause I can’t be beat when I’m neat!” His skills include organization and an efficient work ethic.
Colonel Courage’s filecard even says he rides a desk. Colonel Courage seems like the kind of Colonel who would deny Gung-Ho a promotion because his mustache was out of regs. Also I can’t take him seriously with a name like that.
6. Ice Cream Soldier
I don’t understand why he’s not just called “Ice Cream.” They don’t call Leatherneck “Leatherneck Marine.” Anyway, this seems like a bet between some Hasbro execs to see if they could just sell anything. Ice Cream Soldier is a Fire Operations Expert and BBQ Chef. His filecard says his name is designed to make Cobra underestimate him, but his filecard quote makes that seem like a dodge: “Eating ice cream without hot fudge is like fighting without ammunition!”
His card specifically states Sci-Fi “lives in a slow-motion world. He takes everything real easy and is never in a hurry to get anywhere or do anything.” It sounds like Sci-Fi is the biggest Blue Falcon in the whole Joe organization. Also, his specialty is shooting a laser. Forget that everyone shoots lasers, Sci-Fi’s laser takes much longer to be effective so he shoots it miles away from the battlefield.
Neon green is obviously the go-to color to wear in any small arms situation.
Chuckles, with maybe the least threatening name of any GI Joe (keeping in mind that Ice Cream Soldier still has the word “soldier” in his name), is a former insurance investigator whose greatest skill is “likeability.” He works criminal investigations, in case any Joes violate the UCMJ. No one is really sure who Chuckles works for, but he shows up every day in his Hawaiian shirt, “grinning, cracking jokes, and punching Cobras in the shoulders.”
An environmental health specialist, Ozone cleans up dangerous chemicals while fixing the holes in Earth’s Ozone layer. “Yo Joe! Ozone is here!” said no Joe ever.
“Hey, Ozone, buddy… we’re gonna need that Napalm back.”
Hardball is a failed minor league baseball player who still dresses like he’s going to play baseball at any moment, as if he just can’t accept the fact that he couldn’t make it to the big leagues and joined the military instead. His specialties include being able to judge distances quickly and his ability to be a team player.
I mean, come on man, let it go. It’s time to move on.
War is fought in some dirty places, like the trenches of World War I, the foxholes of World War II, and the jungles of Vietnam. Many of the injuries medics treat on the battlefield don’t come from bullets or bombs — they’re from unsanitary conditions.
So check out these gross things medics have to look at and be able to treat on a day-to-day basis.
1. Ingrown toenails
Ingrown toenails are the result of poor foot care and bad grooming practices.
A well-executed toenail extraction. (Images via Giphy)
Stands for “Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus” and it’s meaner than your ordinary pimple. On the surface, it doesn’t look too frightening. But below the skin, it’s chewing you up.
See a professional before popping. (Images via Giphy)
3. Mouth ulcers
With a variety of known causes, mouth ulcers are typically related to a viral infection in the body. Pain management is required or everything that touches the sores will hurt.
I told you everything hurt a mouth sore. (Images via Giphy)
Better known as pink eye, the beginning stage isn’t so bad. But left untreated, the condition could lead to losing an eye. What’s nasty about this ailment is that it’s typically produced by poop particles floating in the air and getting in your eyes.
Anyone can get pink eye so wear your eye protection out there, people. (Images via Giphy)What gross non-battle things have you seen on deployment? Comment below.
With Christmas getting ever closer, we’re working our way through the armed services, figuring out what to get them for Christmas. We’ve covered the Navy and the Army so far. Now, we take a look at the United States Air Force. Yeah, if you believe the rumors, they already have it all – “five star hotels and per diem out the ass” as Dos Gringos once put it. Even still, they definitely deserve something under the tree.
8. More C-17s and C-5s
Let’s face it, there are never enough transport aircraft around — especially ones that can carry a lot of cargo. The United States initially produced the C-5 Galaxy transport aircraft during Vietnam, and then restarted production in the 1980s. It’s time to order another batch — and a few more C-17 Globemaster III while we’re at it.
7. Faster procurement of KC-46 tankers
The KC-135s are old — no, make that ancient. The plane first flew during the Eisenhower Administration. Worse, the first effort to field a replacement in 2002 got derailed, thanks to Senator John McCain. An Air Force fact sheet notes there are 407 KC-135s in service. A one-for-one replacement with KC-46s sounds like a good start.
6. New ground-launched cruise missiles
Russia has been cheating on the INF Treaty — the thing is pretty much a dead letter. So, it’s time to get the Air Force back into the ground-launched cruise missile business. Heck, maybe they can re-construct the old Gryphon launchers and equip ’em with new Tomahawks until the new cruise missiles come online.
5. More strategic bombers
Presently, the Air Force only has 76 B-52s, 62 B-1Bs, and 20 B-2s in service. Now, these are capable planes, but they can be spread very thin very easily. Since Russia is cheating on arms control treaties, America ought to make a lot of strategic bombers. A combination of restarting the B-1B production line to build 240 more, upping the B-21 buy to 295 (the same combined total of B-52G and B-52H production), and building a new version of the FB-111 would fit the bill nicely.
4. New versions of JSTARS and RIVET on a younger airframe
The RC-135 and E-8 JSTARS have both done well, but the 707 airframe is older than dirt. Fitting these systems on a new airframe would do wonders for reducing maintenance expenses.
3. More F-22 Raptors
With the growing proliferation of the Su-27/30/33/35 family and fifth-generation fighters developing in Russia and China, the 2009 decision to halt F-22 production at 187 airframes looks more and more like a mistake. To make matters worse, according to an assessment by the Heritage Foundation, a number of F-22s are unavailable due to re-fits.
2. More active fighter squadrons
During Operation Desert Storm, the Air Force had 70 active-duty fighter squadrons. Today, the combined total of active, Air National Guard, and Air Force Reserve fighter squadrons is 55, of which 32 are active-duty. So, more squadrons should be high on the list.
1. More pilots
The Air Force’s pilot shortage gets worse and worse as months go by. The fact is, the Air Force needs pilots. So, here’s hoping the Air Force gets plenty of them for Christmas.
What else would you put under the Air Force’s Christmas Tree? Let us know in the comments.