Why it sucks to report to the 'Good Idea Fairy' - We Are The Mighty
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Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

Air Force Capt. Mark Harper was probably worried about the lack of network connections and other technology in 2007 when he was sent to Djibouti, Africa, to take over a staff section there. Unfortunately, his colonel hadn’t gotten the message about Djibouti’s limited network access and ordered Harper and his crew to start making weather podcasts for Djibouti.


A podcast. In 2007. For a group of people with limited internet access. The “Good Idea Fairy” had struck again.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Air Force Capt. Mark Harper and his crew record their weather podcast for the people of Djibouti. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

Shocker, it had a limited listenership and the crew wasn’t happy while making it. But since the order came from a colonel, they would need at least a general to shoot it down.

Unfortunately for them, their attempts to sabotage the program in front of a visiting two-star didn’t exactly go according to plan. Check out the whole story, complete with a colonel falling asleep on a grateful captain, in the video embedded above.

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

A Ranger describes what being a ‘towed jumper’ is actually like

That time Linda Hamilton asked a Marine to the ball

This is a perfect example of how ridiculous boot camp is

WATCH

This company rolled out some awesome new kit at this year’s SHOT Show

WATM’s own Weston Scott traveled to Las Vegas late in January to attend the 2016 SHOT Show exhibition. Gerber, famous for their knives carried by deployed soldiers, rolled out some awesome new equipment for the convention.


Army vet and Gerber Marketing Communications Manager Andrew Gritzbaugh took some time to showcase their stellar equipment with Weston.

 

Music by: D Sirrom – Go Deep – JP
Humor

9 entertaining ways to discipline your troops

Whenever a military film comes on and the fictional non-commissioned officer gets heated, it’s always the same routine. “Drop and give me twenty.”


The truth is, that exact phrase isn’t actually used much in the military. Not because push-ups aren’t a thing in the military — they are — but NCOs tend to have more unique and clever punishments in mind — especially if you’ve really pissed them off.

Here are a few examples of “character development” that have been used on us:

#1. Flip the rocks ‘so they can get a sun tan.’

The pain of one Joe who messed up royally can sting far after they ETS.

In front of some company, battalion, or brigade headquarters are a bunch of rocks. Each is painted with a color on one side, and another color on the other. Whoever gets the unfortunate task of painting the rocks gives future disobedient soldiers a lighter punishment: to flip the rocks from one color to the other. The next guy who acts up flips ’em back.

Sound boring and tedious? That’s because it is.

 

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
We don’t have all day! Flip that rock!

#2. Mop the rain off the motorpool.

The idea behind creative corrective actions is to be give them a nearly impossible task to emphasize how badly they screwed up with a dash of hilarity to maximize the point.

Both can be achieved by making their dumb ass mop up the rain or sweep the grass.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
(Image via Imgur)

#3. Carry around an oversized version of what they lost.

Whenever you see some poor schmuck toting a giant pice of cardboard drawn to look like a CAC, you know they left their ID card one day.

Why stop there?

If they lose their weapon, make them carry a stupidly large cardboard “rifle” that they must refer to as their “wife-le”. They lost track of time? Give them one of Flava Flav’s old clocks. The sky is the limit!

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
(Image via Rallypoint)

#4. Carry around a potted plant ‘to replace the oxygen they’re wasting.’

Do you have one of those “just can’t get anything right” soldiers? Are they a waste of space and oxygen?

Make them replace all of that beautiful oxygen they’re hogging with their very own plant to put something back in the air.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Your soldier’s newest battle buddy! (Image via Amazon)

#5. Making the troop on a ‘dead-man’s profile’ blink in cadence.

There’s always that one cocky junior guy that is quick to pull out the “Nuh-uh Sergent! You can’t make me do sh*t!”

Get ’em. Anything done a thousand times in cadence can become a living hell.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Blink faster Private Colbert!(Image via Comedy Central)

#6. Fill sandbags with nothing but a white towel that you expect to come back clean.

This one always catches the smart asses if you leave them unsupervised. Take the typical deployment punishment to the next level by giving them only a white towel to clean off the sandbags when they finish. The bags must stay at one point and the dirt is a yard or so away.

A good Joe will fill the sandbags by hand and save the towel for the end and leave just trace amount of dirt on them. The smart ass will get lazy and use the towel to carry more sand into the bag and try to finish earlier. If they towel is dirty or if the task is done too soon. You caught them.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Filling sandbags has been a time honored tradition going back since Joes started screwing up. (Image via FirstWorldWar)

#7. Cutting Sgt. Major’s grass with sewing-kit scissors.

An oldie, but a goodie.

There’s a perfectly good sidewalk to use. There’s no need to step on the Sgt. Major’s grass. Give them the most useless tool at AAFES to do the most tedious task for the most amount of time.

The grass will grow back to what it was by the time they finish the field.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
This guy got his grass sent in mail to have it on deployment. Step on his and you’re screwed. (Image via Rallypoint)

#8. Greeting of the day is repeating whatever they screwed up on to everyone.

Make them the example to remind others not to follow.

“Good morning, Sergeant. Be sure not to leave your helmet at the range!” over and over again should hopefully embarrass them enough to never do that again.

Extra points if it’s for a dirty barracks room and you have them use their dirty socks as sock puppets. “Good afternoon, specialist… Be sure to clean your barracks room…”

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Extra Extra points if they do it to a General officer. (Image via Defense.gov)

#9. Take away their birthday.

Hands down the most diabolical disciplinary action comes from Redditor Forewarned-Forearmed in a post back in 2014.

“What are they going to do? Bend my dog tags? Take my birthday away? chuckle chuckle”

Yep — apparently a Navy Captain did just that once by deliberately sailing parallel to the International Dateline then slipping across it right at midnight.

Tomorrow suddenly becomes yesterday and no birthday for you this year ya chuckle head.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
No one ever said the Navy wasn’t salty as hell.

Articles

Army chief sees no future for FOBBITs

Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley warned his officer corps they shouldn’t expect the comforting conditions of bases in Iraq and Afghanistan in future conflicts, according to a Thursday speech in Washington, D.C.


Milley emphasized that future wars against enemies with similar technological capabilities won’t have many of the creature comforts of the forward operating bases in the Middle Eastern wars.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Soldiers and contractors wait on a Popeyes line after the grand opening of the South Park food court July 4, 2012 at Kandahar Airfield, Afghanistan. The Army’s hard-charging chief of staff says future wars won’t feature amenities like Burger King, Popeyes, Pizza Hut, and a Village Cuisine. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Gregory Williams)

“There’s an entire generation of officers now that think — their own experience in combat is to fight from Victory base, or Bagram base, or fixed sites, where you have access to a variety of comfort items, if you will. Pizza Huts and Burger Kings and stuff like that,” he stated.

Milley continued that it was unlikely future wars would entail soldiers being on a base for a protracted period of time saying, “The likelihood of massing forces on a base for any length of time certainly means you’re going to be dead. If you’re stationary, you’ll die.”

He added, “we have got to condition ourselves to operate — untether ourselves from this umbilical cord of logistics and supply that American forces have enjoyed for a long time.”

Milley added that a plus side of this new type of combat will grant more autonomy to troops in the field, saying, “A subordinate needs to understand that they have the power and they have the freedom to disobey a specific order, a specified task, in order to accomplish the purpose.”

He explained, “If you knowingly walk over the abyss because you’re following this task and this task and this task, but you don’t achieve the purpose, you’re going to get fired.”

Content created by The Daily Caller News Foundation is available without charge to any eligible news publisher that can provide a large audience. For licensing opportunities of our original content, please contact licensing@dailycallernewsfoundation.org.

Articles

This is what happens when the ‘Mother of Dragons’ channels Mad Dog Mattis

In the latest episode of Game of Thrones, Daenerys Targaryen has finally done it. She’s managed to pull off her version of one of “Mad Dog” Mattis’s signature moments — albeit after some serious military blunders and at least one close call.


Early on in the episode “Eastwatch,” Daenerys gave a speech that boiled down to “I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f#ck with me, I’ll kill you all.”

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
James Mattis, then a Marine general, speaks to Marines in Iraq. (USMC photo)

Well, Randyll Tarly and his son Dickon f#cked with the Mother of Dragons and became crispy critters as a result. The demonstration was effective – in essence, the Breaker of Chains is telling Westeros that they can have “no better friend, no worse enemy” than her.

Not so well-known, though is the fact that Jon Snow is obeying another teaching from “St. Mattis of Quantico.”

In 2010, Mattis famously said:

In this age, I don’t care how tactically or operationally brilliant you are, if you cannot create harmony — even vicious harmony — on the battlefield based on trust across service lines, across coalition and national lines, and across civilian/military lines, you need to go home, because your leadership is obsolete. We have got to have officers who can create harmony across all those lines.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

Jon Snow has demonstrated this multiple times throughout the series. He’s managed to stitch together numerous alliances over six-plus seasons – to the point that he now has a coalition of Northerners, Free Folk, Knights of the Vale, and is now carrying out a special operation with the Westerosi version of the “Dirty Dozen.”

Now, for a case of the stupids.

Arya Stark is falling for an “AF is low on water” gambit being run by “Littlefinger” Baelish. Unless Arya can keep calm and ask why Littlefinger wants her to have that specific document, it looks like the Stark girls are headed for trouble – and we could see a fight between Brienne and Arya that is for real.

MIGHTY MILSPOUSE

These are some of the best non-food freebies this Veterans Day

Companies grateful for the military’s service show their appreciation each year with free or discounted meals. Every Nov. 11, troops and vets map out an itinerary to maximize the best day ever.


The festivities can begin a week in advance and many troops stick with their tried and true classics. Cracker Barrel for breakfast, Red Robin for lunch, Hooter’s for Dinner, Old Chicago for beer and pizza with buddies.

If you really want to maximize your day, throw in a few things to do between meals. Be sure to grab your military or veteran ID and said buddies to share the Saturday of freebies with!

Free Haircuts

You can’t go out looking like a slob and expect civilians to take you seriously. After breakfast, why not grab a free haircut?

There are countless local and chain barbershops this year — too many to name. Everyone from Great Clips and Super Cuts to that place you like down the road (probably) are giving free hair cuts.

Give them a call in advance to verify.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
It also helps to book a time slot. (Image via Defense.mil)

Free Oil Change

If that light has been on for a bit too long on your dashboard, now is the time to get it checked out. You’ll need your car working in the best shape if you plan on driving all over for more deals.

Car care centers are also giving free oil changes including Meineke, Jiffy Lube, and many other local auto shops. Give them a call in advance to make sure.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
They’re like the motor pool for your personal ride. (Image via Trucker)

Free Car Wash

Speaking of car care things people have been pushing off for too long, it’s time to get your car cleaned if you plan on showing up in style.

The organization Grace For Vets is working with over 3,215 car wash locations across the world to offer free car washes for veterans.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
You may be paying 26% interest rate on it, but you’ve got to keep it looking good! (Image via Agency360)

Free Bowling

And to round the night out before the bars start opening up, have everyone meet up at the bowling ally for a game on the house. If you live near a Main Event bowling center, you even get a free entrée and $10 FUNcard to use at that location.

Many locations also offer free bowling Saturday, as with all the other fun deals, be sure to call in advance so you don’t end up being “that guy” who makes a scene about not getting a free round of bowling.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
And who doesn’t want to enjoy one of the only professional sports that allows you to drink? (Image via Military.com)

Free Wedding Dress

If you’ve got that one perfect date set in mind, now is the time to check one more thing off that list if you, or your fiancé, are military or a first responder.

Hands down the most impressive freebie this year is a free wedding dress. Granted, there are many stipulations on this one including: wedding in the next 18 months, you or your fiancé deployed in the last 5 years or about to deploy, and only certain deployed locations count. But submarine, Navy, and Special Ops orders all count. You can also qualify if you’ve had a civil ceremony in the past and are now planning a formal wedding.

To register through Brides Across America, click on this link here.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Saber arch not included (Image via af.mil)

Free Beer

There’s no way to finish a perfect day of freebies than by having a beer on the house.

Places like Mockery Brewing in Denver and Beer Park at Paris Las Vegas is offering up your first beer free while the First Division Museum is giving two “tastings.” Orlando Brewing in Orlando, FL; 38 State Brewing Co in Littleton, CO; and Blackfinn Ameripub in Vienna, VA all have variations on a “buy a vet a beer” program.

Many more exist out there. It all depends on how your local bar is handling it. Chances are, if you’re a regular and they know you’re a vet, the bartender will probably just slide you one on the house.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
And at the end of the day, isn’t a nice cold beer the best way to celebrate?

Articles

Watch the US Navy test its new ship against 10,000 pound bombs

When the US Navy fields a new ship, they don’t just take the engineer’s word for it that it can withstand nearby bombs — they test it out.


The USS Jackson, an Independence-class Littoral Combat Ship (LCS) meant for patrols in shallow water, just passed the first of three scheduled “shock trials.” The shock trials are composed of the ship sailing along as the Navy carefully detonates 10,000 pound bombs on either side of it. The results are then measured.

“The shock trials are designed to demonstrate the ship’s ability to withstand the effects of nearby underwater explosion and retain required capability,” according to a Navy statement.

“This is no kidding, things moving, stuff falling off of bulkheads … Some things are going to break. We have models that predict how electronics are going to move and cabinets are going to move, but some things are going to happen, and we’re going to learn a lot from this test,” US Navy Rear Adm. Brian Antonio told USNI News.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
USS Jackson (LCS 6) successfully completed the first of three scheduled full ship shock trials June 10. | US Navy photo

So far, the Jackson has passed the trials handsomely.

The Independence class, along with the Freedom class LCSs, represent the Navy’s vision of the future of surface warfare. Though both classes have suffered significant engineering difficulties, their modular design promises to revolutionize the way US Navy ships equip, train for, and deploy capabilities.

Humor

6 worst parts about leaving a deployment

All good things must come to an end — including deployments. While getting out-of-country is the only goal, troops have a checklist of tasks that must be completed before they’re finally allowed to reunite with their families back home.


No one likes doing any of these tasks, especially when they’re already checked-out mentally.

6. Training up your replacements.

Meeting the new unit that comes in-country is the first sign that your deployment is almost over.

Getting people who are busy preparing for departure to teach the newbies that are completely lost is never an easy task, but hey, that’s the military.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Yeah, some guys like us and some guys don’t. Good like finding out which is which. We were here 12 months and couldn’t figure it out either. (Official U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Dustin D. March)

5. Cleaning gear

In the Ancient Greek legend of Sisyphus, the protagonist is cursed with the never-ending task of rolling a boulder up a mountain just for it to roll down the hill when he nears the top.

This is much like the never-ending struggle of troops trying to sweep all of the dirt out of the motor pool in the desert. Sweep as you might, it’ll never end. It’ll get just good enough for inspection until it’s time to finally get out of country.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

4. Sending gear back stateside

All of the troubles of selecting what you need and don’t need happens all over again — but in reverse. You’ll be putting gear away that you won’t see for a few months. It’s a fine idea for the extra parts of your sleeping system, but people who bring or buy video game consoles while deployed now have to worry about bringing it back home.

Of course, if you really wanted to make things easier (and you have the money for it), you could always use the postal service to send a tough box or two with your useful stuff.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
All you have is one duffle bag, one assault bag, your weapon, and the clothes on your back. (U.S. Army Photo by Capt. William Brink, Task Force Patriot PAO)

3. Customs

Traveling through customs in the civilian world is a cinch. Flash your passport, fill out a form, and don’t bring anything that’ll set off any alarms.

Did you know that gunpowder residue trips U.S. Customs’ sensors? Damn near every combat arms troop does, too — all of our gear is covered in gunpowder residue. Even though we’re carrying our weapons with us, they’ll still look at you funny for that gunpowder residue.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
And they never let you keep all of your bootleg DVDs either. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Katherine Spessa)

2. The flight

It’s like being a kid on Christmas Eve again. Just a few more hours and you get what you want. You know you should probably catch some sleep on the plane but your blood is pumping too much.

All of the “whatever amount of days and a wake-up” are now in hours. Minutes. Seconds. You watch the GPS tracker on the plane more than the actual in-flight movies. The anxiety builds; landing can’t come soon enough.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
That, and sleeping on a C-130 is only possible for troops who just really don’t care. (U.S. Army Photo by Sgt. Richard Wrigley)

1. That. Last. Formation. Before. Freedom.

Quick show of hands: Out of the countless times commanders have given a passionate speech to the friends and families of returning troops, how many are remembered by the troops?

Those months kind of fly by, but the last speech — you know, the one that starts with, “these fine gentlemen before you…” — goes in one ear and out the other. The only thing troops are focusing on is if they can find their loved ones in the crowd.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

MIGHTY TRENDING

VA asks for more veterans to sign up for Burn Pit Registry

An overall goal of scientific research on groups such as veterans is generalizability — the measure of how well the research findings and conclusions from a sample population can be extended to the larger population.

It is always dependent on studying an ideal number of participants and the “correct” number of individuals representing relevant groups from the larger population such as race, gender or age.

In setting the eligibility criteria for the Airborne Hazards and Open Burn Pit Registry, VA researchers used generalizability as an important consideration.

Simply put, they want as many veterans and active-duty service members who had deployed to specific locations to join the registry. Participants could have been exposed to burn pits or not. They could be experiencing symptoms or not. Or, they could receive care from VA or not.


Helping to improve the care of your fellow veterans

For researchers, everyone eligible to join the registry has a unique experience critical in establishing empirical evidence. By signing up and answering brief questions about their health, veterans and active-duty service members are helping researchers understand the potential effects of exposure to burn pits and ultimately helping improve the care of their fellow veterans.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

It is estimated that 3 million veterans and active-duty service members are eligible to join the registry. However, just over 173,000 have joined as of April 1, 2019, and 10 out of 100 have had the free, medical evaluation, which is important to confirm the self-reported data in the registry.

See what questions are asked

In hopes of encouraging more participation in the registry, VA is sharing a partial list of registry data collected from June 2014 through December 2018. This snapshot will give you a sense of the type of questions on the questionnaire as well as how the data is reported when shared with researchers and VA staff.

As a reminder, the registry is open to active-duty service members and most Veterans who deployed after 1990 to Southwest Asia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti and Africa, among other places.

Check your eligibility and sign up.

This article originally appeared on VAntage Point. Follow @DeptVetAffairs on Twitter.

Articles

The 7 worst air forces in the world

If there’s one thing U.S. Marines and soldiers can depend on from their Air Force, it’s that the USAF isn’t just going to let them get napalmed. The idea of losing air cover never crosses our troops’ minds. The U.S. Air Force is good like that. Other countries…not so much.


Air Forces like the United States’ and Israel’s are just always going to be tops. So don’t expect we’re going to go dumping on Russia just because they have a turboprop bomber from 1956 (the American B-52 is even older).

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

We’re also not here to make fun of countries without an air force. There are 196 countries in the world (seriously — Google it.) and not all of them have air forces…or armed forces at all. Grenada hasn’t had a military since the U.S. invaded in 1983. Can you imagine a world without militaries?

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
*Shudder*

The criteria are simple. We’re talking about the worst air forces among countries who are actually trying to have an air force and failing at it, have a definite rival to compete with and are seriously behind, or are actively fighting a conflict they can’t seem to win.

7. Canada

Oh, Canada. I hate that I have to add you to this list. I hate that you’re on this list. But Canada, you’re probably the only country on this list who’s personnel isn’t one of the primary reasons. This is all about poor decision making in Ottawa.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Canadian Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan meeting Jim Mattis is a start in the right direction.

Canada chose to update its fighter fleet of aging Hornets with…Super Hornets. At a time when the rest of NATO is getting their F-35 on, Canada is buying more of the same – probably for parts, so they can stop stealing parts from museums. The issue is even worse now that Super Hornet pilots know they can actually run out of air at any time.

The good news is first: Canada has room for improvement. Second, they could totally take on any other air force…on this list.

The worst part has to be Canada’s Sea King helicopter fleet and their problem with staying airborne. Just to get them in the air, they require something like 100 maintenance hours for every hour of flight time.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Five Second Rule! (RCAF photo by Cpl. Michael Bastien, Services d’imagerie des FMAR)

To make it all even worse, Canada is having hard time finding anyone interested in joining the RCAF.

6. The Gulf Cooperation Council

More than two full years after Houthi rebels toppled the government in Yemen, the six-state GCC coalition – consisting of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Oman, UAE, Bahrain, and until recently, Qatar – are still unable to dislodge them. The reason why? Probably because much of the senior leadership is based on royal family lineage, not merit.

It’s a good thing their real defense is provided by the United States, because Iran would wipe the floor with these guys.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

When the Yemen conflict first broke out, the Saudis launched a 100-fighter mission called “decisive storm” in an effort to help dislodge the rebels. If by “decisive,” they meant “bombing a wedding that killed and injured almost 700 people and makes the U.S. reconsider the alliance,” then yeah. Decisive.

As of June 2017 the war is still ongoing and has killed at least 7,600 and destroyed much of the infrastructure.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Like this enemy mall. Nice shootin’, Tex. The clothes aren’t even off the racks.

The Royal Saudi Air Force, the largest of the GCC countries’ air forces, is upgrading their Tornado IDS and Typhoon fighters for billions of dollars, while the West sells them our old F-15s so we can all upgrade to the F-35 and they can keep hitting Womp Rats back home.

5. Sudan

Also currently involved in the useless bombing of Yemen, Sudan’s Air Force is predominantly made up of re-hashed Soviet MiG-17s and MiG-21s from the 1960s. It’s a good thing for the Sudanese that they only fight forces that can barely shoot back, because this entire air force could get annihilated by a couple of combat Cessnas.

Related: This Combat Cessna can shoot Hellfire missiles

The Sudanese Air Force is so bad, they hire retirees from the Soviet Air Force to fly in their parades, and even they get shot down by rebels.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Sudan’s third-hand Soviet plane from the 1960s is their biggest weapon. (The Aviationist)

The fun doesn’t stop there. Most of their cargo aircraft and and transports are also Soviets from the 1960s, which was unfortunate for half of Sudan’s senior military leadership, who died in an air force plane crash in 2001. And their most recent and advanced planes are Chinese trainer aircraft from the 1990s.

But wait, you might say that the future of combat aviation is in UAVs. Even then, Sudan’s Air Force is pretty awful. They buy old Iranian prop-driven drones, ones that can be used for reconnaissance or weaponized with a warhead. The only problem is that the drone can’t drop the warhead, it has to ram the target.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
A time-tested tactic.

But even when they’re only used for recon, the damn things just don’t stay in the air.

4. Switzerland

If you ever got annoyed with a USAF Medical Group for having Wednesday off as a training day, or you look with disdain upon the nonners who work banker’s hours, despite being in the military, consider the fact that they still work and are on call 24-7 to work, deploy, or back up Security Forces.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

Related: 32 Terms only airmen will understand

If you want to make fun of a corporate Air Force, look no further than Switzerland, who doesn’t operate during non-business hours, 0800-1800 daily. During their off-hours, Swiss airspace is defended by Italy and France.

It reached the height of ridiculousness when the Swiss wouldn’t respond to a hijacked plane in 2014 and the other countries had to scramble fighters.

3. Pakistan

Pakistan has had air superiority approximately never. In the 1965 Indo-Pakistani War, India used British-made Folland Gnat trainer aircraft that were armed for combat against U.S.-provided Pakistani Air Force F-86 Sabres. And India won. It wasn’t even close.

So for the next war, the Pakistanis called in as a ringer to train their air force.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
He’s still proud of them.

In the 1971 war with India, India achieved immediate air superiority over Bangladesh (then called East Pakistan), which is admittedly pretty far from the bulk of Pakistan’s air space. But surprise! Pakistan was still forced to surrender some 90,000 troops and Bangladesh was created from the ashes.

Pakistan sparked another war with India in 1999 but this time, they negated the need for air superiority by fighting most of the conflict at high mountain altitudes. The altitude limited the Indian Air Force’s ability to support its ground troops.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Kudos on your female pilots, Pakistan. But great PR isn’t going to win wars.

These days, the PAF has no Air Superiority Fighters and no Airborne Early Warning and Control planes — India does. India’s transport and fighter fleet are also more advanced, newer, and carry better weapons.

2. Syria

Syrian airspace can belong to anyone who wants it. Anyone at all. Especially if they come at night, because the Syrian Air Force doesn’t have the ability to fly at night. By 2013 they became more effective, but the start of the Civil War, almost half of the SAF’s ground attack aircraft couldn’t even fly.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
They also have trouble flying when it rains Tomahawks.

That’s only recently. During the 1948 Israeli War, the young Israeli Air Force was able to hit Damascus with impunity, despite being comprised of a bunch of WWII veterans who happened to have old German airplanes.

In the 1967 war with Israel (who also had to fight Egypt, Jordan, Iraq, and Lebanon, not to mention the money and materiel coming from every other Arab country), two-thirds of Syria’s Air Force was destroyed on the ground. On the first day. The rest of the SAF sat out that war.

In 1973, the Syrians were actually able to hit Israeli positions, but that’s only because the IDF’s air forces were busy either in Egypt or napalming entire Syrian armored columns while their air cover was away.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Do you want to lose the Golan Heights? Because that’s how you lose the Golan Heights.

The biggest loss against Israel came in the 1982 Lebanon War, where 150 aircraft from Syria and Israel fought for six days straight. Israel shot down 24 Syrian MiG-23s – without losing a single plane. The battle became known as the “Bekaa Valley Turkey Shoot.”

1. North Korea

Big surprise here. Military experts straight up say the Korean People’s Army Air Force is the “least threatening branch” of the North Korean military.

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’
Pictured here are two reasons why North Korea’s air force is awful, and neither of them are female.

That’s a big deal, considering their Navy is also a mess and that the only reason anyone fears a war with North Korea is because they have a thousand rockets and artillery shells pointed at Seoul. It says a lot about you when the only reason you haven’t been destroyed is because we care more about one city on the other side of the border than your entire shit country.

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Marshal Kim Jong Un inspecting ground targets worth 50 points to American pilots in this undated photo. (KCNA)

Historically, the North’s airborne successes came because of their patron in the Soviet Union. That was a long time ago.

North Korean pilots get something like 20 flight hours a year. If you think about it, I almost tied them and I didn’t even train. And when they do train, fuel reserves for actual flying are so scarce that their primary simulator is their imagination.

Their aircraft are so old, a few of them could have actually fought in the Korean War. Against their main enemy (the U.S.), the best this air force could do is create a target-rich environment. Even with a fleet of 1,300 planes, the only credible air defense the North can muster is from ground-based anti-aircraft and SAM sites.

Finally, there is a lot of talk about North Korean nukes but right now, if the DPRK wanted to nuke someone in a war, they’d have to sneak the nuke in on horseback. If there’s a horse they didn’t eat already.

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This wounded “Harlem Hellfighter” held off a dozen Germans almost single-handedly

Sgt. Henry Johnson received the Medal of Honor for his actions taken on May 15, 1918, when he beat off a German attack with grenades, his rifle, a knife and, finally, his bare hands to protect a fellow soldier and his unit, the “Harlem Hellfighters.”


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Photo: US Army

The Harlem Hellfighters were a “colored unit” attached to French forces because segregationist policies at the time discouraged allowing black and white U.S. forces to serve side by side. Pvt. Henry Johnson was assigned to sentry duty on the night of Feb. 12 with his fellow soldier, Pvt. Needham Roberts. The pair were attacked by a raiding party of at least 12 Germans. The attackers quickly gained the upper hand against the two soldiers.

This directly threatened not only Johnson and his friend but the Harlem Hellfighters and the French soldiers they were with.

Johnson fought bitterly to protect himself and his friends even after he and Roberts were wounded. Roberts fed Johnson hand grenades as Johnson made it rain on the enemy fighters. Johnson also used his rifle to hold the enemy off until he ran out of both grenades and rifle rounds.

The Germans even tried to abduct Roberts and Johnson protected him with just a knife and personal grit. Johnson was eventually wounded 21 times in the fight but still managed to bring down a few Germans and stab one of them through the head with a bolo knife.

Yeah, even severely wounded he had the strength to shove a knife through a man’s head.

While Johnson soon received the French Croix de Guerre and was eventually promoted to sergeant, he wouldn’t receive an American medal while he was alive. He received a Purple Heart in 1996, a Distinguished Service Cross in 2002, and a Medal of Honor in 2015.

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Still, his actions were a big deal when they happened. Johnson’s deeds inspired a lithograph depicting his bravery and Gen. John “Black Jack” Pershing, the head of the American Expeditionary Force and one of America’s highest-ranked generals, personally praised him and Roberts:

Pte. Henry Johnson and Pte. Roberts, while on sentry duty at some distance from one another, were attacked by a German raiding party estimated at twenty men who advanced in two groups, attacking at once from flank and rear.

Both men fought bravely in hand-to-hand encounters, one resorting to the use of a bolo knife after his rifle jammed and further fighting with bayonet and butt became impossible.

President Theodore Roosevelt was a fan of Johnson as well, calling him “one of the five bravest American soldiers in the war.”

After the war, the Winston-Salem, North Carolina native returned to New York where he had been living since his teens. He lived there until his death in Jul. 1929 and is buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

Author’s note: This story originally stated that Henry Johnson’s valorous actions took place on Feb. 12, 1919. Johnson actually saved his unit on May 15, 1918. He received France’s highest valor award, the French Croix de Guerre, on Feb. 12, 1919. We regret the error.

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The awesome A-10 video the Air Force doesn’t want you to see

The A-10 Warthog is the only aircraft built for a close air support (CAS) mission. It was literally designed around its distinctive 30mm gatling gun. The gun is more than 19 feet long and weighs more than 4,000 pounds. The distinctive sound made by the weapon (aka the BRRRRRRRRRT – created as rounds fire faster than the speed of sound), is music to the ears of the troops on the ground, so much so, the plane sometimes called “the grunt in the air.” A-10 pilots often find themselves providing support at Danger Close distances.


“They love this airplane,” says one Air Force A-10 pilot, referring to units on the ground. “They trust us. For them to trust to do that is very gratifying.”

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Recently, the John Q. Public blog, run by retired Air Force officer Tony Carr, came across a video he suspects was produced by the Air Force’s Combat Camera units, lauding the A-10, its crews, its pilots, and the capabilities of its support for ground troops.

“ComCam is perhaps alone in its possession of the unique combination of access and capability to create something this close to the mission with such superior production values,” Carr writes. “A ComCam airman risked mortal danger to make this film and tell this story, getting immersed in a firefight along the way (you’ll see him drop his camera and hear him discharge his weapon in the video).”

Combining ground combat footage with access to the aircrews who run and fly the Warthogs, Carr believes the video has “unmistakeable importance,” but wonders if the video is being suppressed by senior Air Force leaders for political reasons.

The controversy stems from the Air Force’s repeated attempts to retire this relatively young fleet of aircraft. The A-10 first appeared in the Air Force arsenal in 1972 and was used with great effect in Operation Desert Storm. Comparatively, the Air Force’s B-52 fleet was first introduced in 1955 and is still in service.

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“It’s not a political statement,” says a pilot in the theater. “I’m not saying air interdiction isn’t important … but the benefits [of close air support] are right there.”

The Air Force aims to replace the A-10 with the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, a trillion-dollar weapons system that is the most expensive in history, which is extremely over-budget and experiencing an uncanny number of development setbacks. While retiring the A-10 would save many billions of dollars annually, that money would likely go to further developing the F-35. Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Welsh III says the F-35 is designed “for the whole battle space” and would replace the A-10’s CAS capabilities.

But politicos and ground troops are not buying it.

“When you’re talking to a 19-year-old man with a rifle, who’s scared on the other end of a radio,” another Air Force A-10 pilot says in the video. “You know he doesn’t care about fiscal constraints, ‘big picture’ Air Force policy, the next fancy weapons system coming down the pipeline. He cares about being saved right then and there.”

The heartfelt, informative A-10 video is below, and is worth a watch for anyone with an interest in the importance of close air support.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L_TjXXx7eQ

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6 things that 330 Marines can do on their own

Russia recently announced that a nuclear strike was on the table after Norway allowed 330 U.S. Marines into the country.


Not 330 Marine divisions. Not 330 tanks and their crews. But 330 Marines with their personal gear.

You know, enough Marines to firmly hold a small town, but about 380,000 fewer troops than the U.S. used to invade Iraq.

But Russia has freaked out like this is a huge military force staged on their border instead of a couple of hundred troops 600 miles away. Frants Klintsevitsj, the deputy chairman of Russia’s defense and security committee, even went on national TV and said that Norway had been added to Russia’s target list for nuclear weapons.

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It turns out that most people have been underestimating Marines since 330 of them are apparently such a strategic threat that it necessitates a nuclear deterrent. In light of this new information, here are six things that 330 Marines could do on their own:

1. Conquer Russia, obviously

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Photo: US Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Nicholas Lienemann

Clearly. Russia has basically admitted it.

2. Kill Xerxes and use his bones to beat the rest of the Persian Army to death

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(Photo: Flickr/Guillaume Cattiaux)

The famed 300 Spartans at Thermopylae did a good job holding back the Persian forces, but they’re not a nuclear-equivalent force like the Marines are. And, the Marines enjoy a 10 percent size advantage against the Spartans. Expect the Marines to quickly cut their way through to Xerxes’ private traveling palace, dismantle the god-king, and use his bones as cudgels against the rest of the Persian army.

3. Install Gen. James Mattis as the Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas

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(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps)

Since Idi Amin died in 2003, the Earth has gone without a Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas. While Amin was seen as a lackluster Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas, this was mainly because he was more interested in being a tyrant of humans than anything else.

But, 330 Marines could easily quash the lions or any other animal who tries to claim dominion over our planet’s living creatures. This would allow them to install their favorite candidate for anything ever, Gen. James “Mad Dog” Mattis.

Also read: 15 quotes from Gen. Mad Dog’ Mattis, slayer of bodies

4. Stop the invasion of Mars currently being conducted by the legions of Hell

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(Video capture: WATM Logan Nye)

Since the traitor Olivia Pierce opened a portal to Hell and allowed legions of demonic forces with jetpacks and arm cannons to invade Mars, America has been cut off from the formerly steady argent energy produced on the red planet. But with only 330 Marines, the world could be cleared in days. It might be done within hours if the Marines can find any more of that power armor and some BFGs.

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5. Conquer all of Westeros and sit on the Iron Throne

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(Photo: Flickr/Pat Loika)

Seriously, it’s been six seasons already. It’s time for the Marines to end the ongoing instability of Westeros and install a strong leader. Mattis would be a great king if he’s not interested in beasts and fishes, but there are certainly other Devil Dogs who could sit on the throne. Rob Riggle might do it.

6. Claim the Arctic circle for America, including the parts that are already property of other countries

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(Photo: YouTube/BBC Newsbeat)

A race for resources has slowly gotten underway in the Arctic, and the 330 Marines in Norway could go ahead and take over the whole area. Since the Arctic circle is only 310 miles north of the Marines training area at Vaernes, Norway, it would actually be easier for them to head to the Arctic than for them to attempt an invasion of Russia.

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