F*ck off, North Korea. We have Harvey and Irma to worry about. Unlike you guys, these hurricanes actually can reach our shores.
#13: Guaranteed to pass your next POV inspection
#12: The line between brave and stupid is subjective.
#11: Hello darkness, my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again.
#10: “But my substandard living allowance!”
#9: To all of my civilian friends who say they want to go backpacking in the woods with me. F*ck you.
#8: Whenever Commo guys say “It’s in the FM.” FM stands for F*cking Magic.
#7: Protip- Buy a used woobie at a surplus store, turn that one in, and keep the one you’ve grown attached to.
#6: Whoever decides “Let’s set the dinner hours to close 30 minutes after close of business and still take out their meal deduction!” is one of the biggest Blue Falcons in the entire military.
#5: Hollywood Marines be like “I only eat free-range, gluten-free, locally sourced crayons.”
#4: I believe in you. All those years of shamming will be experience you’ll need in college.
#3: If it looks stupid but works, it ain’t stupid. If laying fire directly into a hurricane doesn’t work…
#2: Let’s see – 12 pack and about two handles a week, a stupid amount on payday weekends, and almost my entire paycheck on four-days puts me roughly at liver failure by the age of 40.
#1: Frodo and Sam would make great E-4s. An entire fellowship forms to help them and they’re like “Nah, dude. We’re going to do our own thing.”