These 17 hilarious reviews of new MREs from troops in the field will bring back memories

If there’s one thing the DoD can count on soldiers to be bluntly honest about, it’s the food. In 2005, 400 soldiers from Fort Greely, Alaska, were asked to taste test a new menu of Meals, Ready to Eat for anything that might stand out to them.

There were a lot of standouts.

Fort Greely Mine Clearing BOOm

Fort Greely is one of the coldest places in the U.S. military. This is how they warm up. Probably. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Daniel Love)

Fort Greely’s finest filled out the evaluation forms, which were then compiled and sent to the DoD office that manages the procurement of field rations. Grunts don’t pull punches. That’s kinda the whole point of their job.

The main result was that U.S. troops got new MREs. Luckily for us, the Smoking Gun got their hands on the actual reviews and some of the comments are gold.

17. Shakespeare:

“Cheese spread with bread is never a liked mix. Anger is usually the result.”

16. The prophet:

“I noticed this meal # was 666…I will probably die of a massive heart attack thank you for feeding me possessed food.”

Donald Sutherland Invasion of the Body Snatchers

“Eat the MRE. Soon you’ll be one of us.”

15. The skeptic:

“This donut is just a brownie in a circle with crappy “frosting” what are you trying to pull?”

14. The poet:

“I believe it was the dinner meal that caused this (Chicken and Dumplings), but it sounded like a flatulence symphony in my tent all night.”

13. The biographer:

“I have disliked cabbage since childhood.”

Rick and Morty Everybody Out

“Stop everything. This guy has never liked cabbage. Everybody out.”

12. The drama queen:

“Oh my god what were you thinking… don’t give cabbage to a soldier ever again even POWs deserve better.”

11. The fortune teller:

“The entree will only be eaten if you haven’t eaten all day.”

10. The PR Rep:

“Maybe change the name ‘Chicken Loaf,’ [it] scares me.”

9. PFC Gung Ho:

“Put Ranch Dressing on everything! Airborne!”

Airborne Army Combat Paratroopers

“Hidden Valley Ranch! Airborne!” (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Jeffery Harris)

8. The guy who’s wrong about everything:

“F*ck hot sauce [put] gummy bears inside.”

7. Sgt. WTF:

“Tabasco is good in your coffee.”

6. The Obvious Sapper:

“Change the Ranger bar name to ‘Sapper Bar'”

5. The Stream of Consciousness:

“5 Veg ravioli ‘friggin’ sucks. Spiced apple ‘friggin’ rock. Apple cinn. Pound cake taste like cheap perfume. (Friggin). Is chocoletto a foreign Name crap? Pizza anything friggin rocks! Gum is good.”

4. Staff Sgt. TMI:

“This new menu has me using the latrine 3x a day.”

Dave Chappelle Toilet

The Post-MRE Experience we all know.

3. Sgt. Maj. No Chance:

“Please bring back cigarettes.”

2. Pvt. Ungrateful:

“Jerky is very, very good. How many years did it take to figure that out?”

1. Sgt. Missing the Point:

“The name should be fiesta breakfast party. That would be funny.”

“The vanilla pudding is so good I ripped it open, Licked the inside and rolled around on top of it like a dog. I prefer not to eat anything called loaf but in this case I made an exception… thank god I DID.”

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